Author's Note- I don't own resident evil or the song, the song is Love is… By Bo Burnham. This is a little different. The idea wouldn't leave me alone. I made this for my older brother since my last attempt at writing a parody flopped into something serious. This is not intended to be offensive just funny.

Claire Redfield and Chris Redfield walk into the park near their house. Out of no where Wesker comes and grabs Claire's hand. He pushes her onto a bench.

"Wesker what the hell are you doing with my sister?"

"Shut up Chris, I want to sing a song about how I want your sister."

"What?" Claire asked. Wesker started playing a piano.

"And where did you get that that PIANO?" Chris asked with a shocked expression. Instead of answering Wesker began to sing.

"I love you like kings love queens

Like a gay geneticist loves designer genes

I need you like New Orleans needs a drought

Like Hitler's Father needed to learn to pull out." Claire covered her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing. Chris was just looking pissed off. Wesker, who really had a beautiful singing, continued.

"And I want you

Yeah, like a Lawyer/Mathematician wants some kind of proof

And I want you

Yeah, like JFK wanted a car with a roof." Claire couldn't help but giggle.

"Claire." Chris said sternly.

"Because love is taking that dive

Then, getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool

And love is a real life porn

Minus all the stuff that makes porn cool." Chris looked like he was going to be sick.

"And love is a homeless guy

Searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and

Finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate and

Even though he's heart broken, he can't complain 'cause he was hungry in the first place." Claire smiled and kept her laughter to herself so Chris wouldn't scold her.

"Because I love you like Dora loves maps

Like the pope's toilet loves holy craps... (that's a little one)

I need you like a voyeur needs a branch

Like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland Ranch." Claire started laughing uncontrollably. Wesker smiled and waited until she had stopped laughing. Chris just shook his head. Wesker sang on.

"And I want you

Yeah, like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same, never want to conform

And I want you like Anne Frank wanted nobody to read her FUCKING diary

'Cause a diary is a collection of secret things that no one's supposed to read, that's the

whole point of a diary. Millions of people have breached this little girls privacy after she

was chased by Nazis... kick her while she's down." Claire started laughing and even Chris sniggered.

"And if we met in 10,000 BC

I was your caveman, you's my cavelady

If we got hot, we'd start rubbing

If we got hungry, we'd go clubbing

There's willy mammoths, but I will protect us

You're making me devolve to a homo erectus, mothafucker." Chris started laughing louder.

"And if we met in 1780

I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned

servant lady... slave

Whenever I could get away from the Miss'

I go to your shed, and then I'd steal you kisses

But let's be serious, I'd still work you full-time as a slave, there's a difference between

romantic language and complete disregard for social economic trends." Though her laughter she managed to say

"Wait I can't breathe." He stopped just long enough for her to catch her breath.

"And if we met in 1941

I was a Nazi, yous a Gypsy on the run (that's a little redundant)

That... probably wouldn't have worked out…"

"Because...

Love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner

And love is the Holocaust, if you don't die quick, and you don't get thinner

And love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles

And even though you started with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape

Now, you don't want to reduce it at all cause if the rape rate declines, you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales

Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles?" Claire laughed and Chris just looked pissed again.

"Yeahhhh, love is all about... Whistles. Thank you." Wesker sang as he ended the song. Claire clapped her hands and ducked as Chris when to smack the back of her head.

"I want to make one thing perfectly clear. You are not going to rape my sister." Chris said firmly.

"How do you know that I haven't already?" Chris looked from Claire to Wesker then fainted.

End Note- REVIEW…. Please?