Disclaimer: I do not own the Magic School Bus.
Summary: I really have no idea what sparked this. The guys are doing guy things when Wanda shows up unwelcomed, so they have to bluff their way out of it. Some implied C/DA and R/K; joking references to Arnold/Friz, Tim/Friz, Ralphie/Friz, and Carlos/Friz.
A Night With the Guys, or: Wanda Doesn't Know Her Place
"Hey! The life of the party has arrived! You can all relax now!"
Tim, Arnold and Ralphie all shook their heads, looking up from where they were setting things up. Tim had the cards and the poker chips set out on the table, Arnold had the food (i.e. chips and the like), and Ralphie was getting the chairs. Carlos frowned, his arms weighted down with the two soda boxes. He was very disappointed that his only response was a few shrugs and noncommitical grunts, instead of the pomp and fanfare he'd been expecting.
"Well fine, if that's how you guys are going to be, then I'll take my illegally purchased drinks back home with me." Ralphie stood up from the seat he'd sat in only milliseconds before, patted the latino teen on the back, and took one of the boxes from him.
"Carlos, you've just re-earned my respect."
The now-seventeen Ralphie ripped open the box and grabbed one of the shiny cans of beer. He tossed one to Arnold and one to Tim before pulling out one for himself.
Arnold nodded in Carlos' direction, holding his can up in salute. "I give you credit, man. I didn't think you could do it, but you managed to get around my mom with these."
Carlos chuckled and sat at the table; in actuality, it was an old pool table of the Perlsteins' that Arnold's dad happened to fix up into a makeshift card table. Arnold sat in one of the collapseable camping chairs, Carlos and Ralphie took two old wicker chairs across the table from him, and Tim took a seat on an old, moth-eaten couch. They sat the cans next to their poker chips, and Carlos scooped up the deck.
"So which is it? Seven card, five card, Texas Hold-em..." He shuffled, looking around the room. He played around with the cards, using several fancy tricks that he'd learned from clown camp two summers ago.
"The usual, Carlos, and stop messing around with the cards."
"Yea yea, I here ya." He took his seat once he'd dealt the cards. He took a few pieces of cheese from the platter Mrs. Perlstein had sent down. His eyes finally settled upon Tim, and he snickered.
"Dude, that turtleneck makes you look fruitier than Phoebe's old teacher did in his stupid sweater." Tim looked down from his hand, seeing nothing wrong with the olive-green sweater he was wearing. He looked up at Carlos as he tossed a few chips into the pot. "So? at least I have good taste."
Arnold placed a few of his own chips in. "So how are things going between you and Dorothy Ann? Last thing we knew you two broke up for the millionth time in the row."
Carlos shrugged. "Yea, she gets on my nerves when she argues, but man, she looks so hot at the same time."
"Don't tell me you purposely make her mad just so you can ogle her?"
"Hey, at least I'm not as bad as Weatherman and his girl, Keesha the Weatherwoman Wonder." A few poker chips struck Carlos in the side of his face; he recoiled and sent a dirty look Ralphie's way. "I'll teach you--"
The next several minutes, Tim and Arnold looked on as the other two teens wrestled each other to the floor. The card game remained forgotten when the two finally did return to their seats. Ralphie fixed his hat, while carlos ran his fingers through his shiny black hair, both grumbling about how the other had ruined perfection. The game finally picked up speed; hands were folded and bluffs were fallen for. The discussion moved from sports, their girlfriends, and Tim's questionable sexuality, much to Tim's annoyance.
"Hey, speaking of teachers from the past, if you could date one of our past teachers, with no strings attached and everyone but you would forget afterwards, who would it be?"
The other three groaned at Ralphie's question; Carlos uttered several colorful expressions. "What the hell, Ralphie?"
Ralphie shrugged. "Hey, I looked at Arnold and remebered how much he "liked" Ms. Frizzle back in the third grade." Actually, Ralphie was just trying to create an opening during which he could steal half of the pot's contents without anyone noticing.
Arnold recoiled, his cards flying over the table. "What--I think you've been drinking way too much. The Friz is probably one of my distant relatives or something; that's like incest or something!" Ralphie's goal had succeeded, and he managed to take a total of twenty-five dollars out of the pot.
The sound of approaching footsteps echoed up above; someone was approaching the door to the basement. There was a mad scramble as the teenaged boys hid their cans. They resumed their card game as the footsteps clambered down the stairs. Wanda's face took on an unnatural pale glow in the basement lights, and she slid off her sweatshirt to reveal her black tank top.
"Hi guys. Arnold, your mom said it would be alright with you if I joined in on your game." She took the empty seat beside tim on the couch, sitting next to Carlos. "So deal me in. We're playing Texas Hold-em, right? I love that game!"
The guys exchanged looks. They had no problem hanging out with girls; after all, they still hung out together with Phoebe, Keesha, Dorothy Ann and Wanda. But this was their "guy night", where they could tease and banter all to their heart's content and drink beer behind Arnold's parents' backs. They really didn't want to make it a "guys' night plus Wanda".
They had to make Wanda leave, but they'd have to do it in a way that wouldn't bite them in the ass later.
They let Wanda into the game, thinking of some way to get her to change her mind about staying here. Then Ralphie finally smiled, and raised his head.
"So back to what I was saying earlier, if you could date one of our teachers, who would it be?"
Carlos, Tim and Arnold looked at Ralphie like he was crazy; Ralphie wiggled his eyebrows as he gulped down some more of his drink. One by one the other guys caught on, exchanging discreet smirks. Then Arnold leaned casually back in his chair. He cleared his throat, ignoring Wanda's questioning stare, and gave a final look at his cards before he answered the question.
"Ms. Frizzle." Arnold almost laughed out loud as Wanda's eyes widened at his statement. The other three whooped.
"Dude, that's just what i was going to say!" Carlos fibbed, but sold the lie flawlessly. Tim shook his head, smiling as well.
"I know, right? It must be something about her," Tim began, not missing the look on the only girl's face, "She's like one big mix of Wanda and Dorothy Ann, with a bit of Phoebe and Keesha thrown in."
Wanda's opened mouth expressed her unspoken question of shock.
"Well, she's is adventurous and crazy like our dear Wanda here," Arnold begain, smirking a bit, "then there's the part of her that's smart enough to point out the facts in a situation."
"Don't forget that she's got Phoebelike nurturing skills, and also the way she toys with us verbally like Keesha sort of does." Tim finished.
One by one the guys had all displayed their cards, both verbal and literal ones. The question was, would Wanda take the bait and leave them alone?
The dark-haired girl coughed discreetly, looking at her hand one last time and considered her options. Then she slowly revealed her hand to the rest of the guys, in the meantime standing up to leave. The guys were floored by the royal flush that Wanda had produced.
"You guys are lucky we weren't playing for keeps." Wanda declared, pulling the sweatshirt back on. She approached the stairway carefully, then paused and looked the guys' way.
"I have to agree with you. if I were a guy I would totally dig the Friz too. I'll make sure to let Dorothy Ann know about your little "crush", Carlos." she smiled deviously, then walked almost catlike up the remaining steps. The guys remained frozen; Tim shook his head in bewilderment, Ralphie grabbed his face at the mental images, Arnold continued to stare into space in the direction Wanda had gone, and Carlos's face slowly morphed from frozen shock to complete horror. Then the dark-haired guy lept to his feet and ran to the stairs.
"Oh no, i have to go call DA and tell her that whatever Wanda says is a lie!"
Well, you could never win them all.
(FIN)