I'm not a qualified animal psychologist, but I'm pretty sure my dog Sparky (who passed nearly a year ago) had separation anxiety.
He was left alone a lot, especially when my sister and I moved away for college. When I moved back in to save money/pay off debts there were a lot of changes (like having a new little sister), but nothing in the schedule changed to give Sparky the time and attention a pet deserved. I saw these gaps in the day where he'd be alone if I wasn't there. I couldn't stand to hear him whining as he stared out the window, so I turned into one of those homebody dog-people. I didn't get much done during that time I'll admit it, but that's a sacrifice I was willing to make because Sparky was my dog and I loved him.
Putting so much of myself into being with Sparky left me feeling very isolated and vulnerable when he died. Whenever I focus too much on the memory of his tired body going cold and still in my arms I start crying.
Despite my hate of facebook, I did post something on my wall about Sparky passing, trying to keep the volume of my own feelings from spilling into it. Family members "liked" it in solidarity (which always seemed fucked up to me), but only Butters and Big Gay Al commented. That didn't really surprise me.
What did surprise me was Kyle messaging me. It'll take a fresh entry to cover everything that happened there, but the short version is that I flew to Florida to see him and it was just what I needed to recover from losing Sparky.
At least, that's what I thought.
When I got home, I found out that my mom had adopted a new dog. A puppy. Once all the playing and laughing wore off after a few nights it dawned on me.
What the fuck was my mom thinking getting a new dog? Who's going to take care of her?
Months later, I'm still taking the lion's share of watching Becky, and honestly? It really pisses me off. I'm sick and tired of living with my family. Whenever I try to breach the subject with my mom she gets all defensive and says 'fine let's just get rid of her'.
I don't want to get rid of her, but I didn't want to get her in the first place either!
Kyle's floated the idea of me moving in with him, and my dad has told me not to factor Becky into my plans, but it just feels wrong. I don't want to leave her here alone. I love her too.
Things could be worse if that's the biggest problem I have right now, but it's really eating me up inside because of the experience I had with Sparky, and for some fucked up reason it's fallen on me to make it all better.
So, here's my plan:
my mom how I feel
Becky somewhere she'll be loved and cared for. (Possible somewheres: Big Gay Al's Animal Sanctuary or Butters)
Kyle I want to move in with him.
He lives in housing with other Disney Park employees, but I can crash there as a guest and hopefully get a job with him. That should be sweet, right? Going to work at a Disney theme park?
I feel a little better now, writing that all out, but I better go and let Becky out of her kennel.