A/N: What did I just... What did I just write? XD

I don't even know, guys, but this is an entry to Stick and Marvel Maiden's crack pairing competition. May I also state that this story is the only Pai/Masaya story in this fandom? Not that I mind, I hate yaoi, and I don't even know why I wrote this. Another thing: I was dead scared of this going M. XD I barely got away with a T, guys. Barely. I think. It had to be funny more than it was romantic. XD

This was about 1,024 words, too. XD

Ewww, I can't believe I wrote this. XD;;;

I am shamed, guys.

-: Leopard Print :-

Why hadn't Pai screamed?

After everything that had just happened, he should have shattered a couple of windows. The scream was there all right—lurking in the deepest depths of his stomach... It was just waiting to come out and scare all of the people around him. Clumsily, he ran as fast as he could to the nearest alleyway. He wanted to hide there. In fact, if he could, he would had teleported back the ship. No, he couldn't go back to Kisshu and Taruto. Lifting up the top of a dumpster he stood next to, he released his lunch from his stomach. His whole body was in pain.

Bringing his fingers to his head to scratch it, he touched a necklace around his neck and quickly snatched it off. He needed to wipe his mouth, but when he brought his arm up towards his face he stunned himself. The alien looked down at what he was wearing and—in short—he looked like a hooker working for "Big Daddy". He wore a zebra-print jacket, a red crop top, a zebra-print skirt, fishnet stockings and knee-high black boots. What in the world...? Pai tried to remember why he was dressed like that but his stomach would not let him. Apparently he also wore a matching hat. A hat that woefully joined his stomach contents in the dumpster.

The alien tried to stand up and recollect himself. Now, he started running as fast as he could forward. There was no turning back. He had to get out of there now. Pai knocked down everyone that was in his way. He had made it out of the alley and tried to catch his breath. Unfortunately, he just ended up throwing up again. There was a woman and a child standing next to each other, looking at the alien in confusion.

"Mommy, mommy, is it Halloween yet? That man is dressed up, why can't I dress up like that too?"

Pai glared at the woman, who was scowling at him, and then his gaze adverted towards the woman's child. He gritted his teeth at the little girl, who only stared back at him in confusion as her mother dragged her away.

As soon as his stomach stopped forcing foods and liquids out of his mouth, he clumsily took off running again. After running into a parked car, he was determined to make it across the street. He rolled his shoulder off the car—and without any regards for the traffic—ran into the street. Pai, not used to running in heels, fell in the middle of the street and stayed on the ground for a moment. A taxi stopped in front of him, an old man sticking his head out of the window. "Move out of the way, skank!" The alien clumsy got off the ground and tried as hard as he could to keep his coordination.

Suddenly, something similar to lightning shot through his body and he grabbed his backside. Now, he hobbled towards the other side of the street. He was definitely in pain. A lot of pain. The alien ripped his 'double luck earrings' out of his ears, which were of two regal elephants ornately dressed for a parade. On one side, the elephant's trappings were brilliantly enameled in red, orchid, and jade green. On the other, the elephant shined in brilliant marcasite. No normal person could have made those earrings. They were self-made... The couldn't be bought at a store. The craftsmanship was too superb and delicate to be made at a shop.

Who made these things, why was he dressed like a 1970's hooker, why was his butt in a whole lot of pain, and why couldn't he walk straight—despite the fact that he was wearing heels? Being hit in the stomach again by an unknown source, he bent over and threw up in the grass. Now, he didn't care what Taruto and Kisshu thought about him. Pai tried to concentrate all of his energy into teleporting, but he woefully couldn't pull his mind away from everything that was happening to him.

While Pai was on his knees, he heard familiar footsteps. The scream that once was stuck in his stomach wanted to come out, but he was too busy throwing up. He stood up, grabbed his rear, groaned at the pain in his backside and wiped his mouth. He wasn't hallucinating now, was he? He glanced up at the sky and it only seemed to spin around him.

And then it happened.

One of the clouds morphed into the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. It hovered over his head, the small, leopard-printed thong. It even came equipped with a loincloth. The thong's loincloth looked like it was waving around too. It was practically screaming that it was made out of nylon, spandex...

Machine wash, Pai! Machine wash!

"Get out of my head!" Pai hissed, covering his eyes.

Remember, remember!

Against his will, the memories started flashing back to back inside of this head. That was it. He was never going to drink again as long as he lived.

Something emerged out of the darkness. A brunette... something. Fear overcame Pai; he even started gagging on the air he was breathing. He didn't know whether he wanted to blame his gagging on the fear inside of him or the liquor swimming in his body. The first thing he was drawn to? The brunette's penguin purse he wore across his shoulder. Pai stood there, his mouth open wide at the sight of the brunette's black, vinyl garter belt that barely covered his legs at all. His pink satin corset with iridescent beaded trim matched his hot pink, seven-inch boots. The man's face was covered in an assortment of bright colors. His lips were red, his eyes were covered with thick eyeliner...

Pai had to get away. He told his body to run but he was immobilized with fear.

"Pai," Masaya said, first rubbing his belly and then cupping the alien's face with both of his cold, delicate hands. Pai's eyes widened when he saw the tears in Masaya's eyes.

"We're pregnant."