Hey guys! This is my third Sword Art Online fic (third one-shot, as well. I can't think of any long stories except this one kinda weird one...). My favorite character from the series (no matter how bad the series has been getting lately) is Sinon/Asada, and when I was listening to some old Taylor Swift music (she's my favorite), I listened to a song called Innocent that I thought described Sinon's situation perfectly, so I wrote a song fic about it! I hope you enjoy!
Note: Listening to the song while reading this might be apt, because it sets a scene. I for one hate reading lyrics and not knowing the tune, but that's just me.
Last Note: This was written in less than half an hour on my phone, so please dismiss any lameness. Just include it in the reviews and I'll try to fix it when I get on my laptop. :3
NOTE: DUE TO VIOLATION OF THE LYRIC COPYRIGHT RULE ON FANFICTION THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN EDITED TO SUIT THE REQUIREMENTS AND HENCE THE SONG LYRICS HAVE BEEN REMOVED. PLEASE PM FOR MORE INFORMATION.
Asada gripped the sheets as she woke up with a startled gasp. The blood, the loud bang of the gun, her own mother's screams…they echoed in her ears like haunted souls drifting around her head as her breathing escalated. She threw the blankets off her of her, nearly tripping on them as she scrambled off the bed, the sweat dripping from her face and making her raven hair stick to the back of her neck and her temples.
Why? Why me? Her mind was in a frenzy, tears clouding her already-imperfect vision as she stumbled into the bathroom. She splashed water on her pale skin to wake herself, to try to wash away the phantom and their screams. Her eyes blinked back at her in the now-wet mirror, clouded and pupils dilated. And then they filled with tears. A familiar tremble overtook the girl's body, making her limbs feel like jelly, her knees sudden too weak to hold her up.
She collapsed to the cool tile of the bathroom floor, hitting her right elbow on the stone counter as she did so. She shuddered, the tears dripping down her face.
She needed someone. Asada was weak. She needed someone to stay with her, to keep her sane. She couldn't live like this! Her entire body felt tired, as if she'd run a marathon, and a headache pounded at her temples. Her stomach churned, knotting, making her sight dizzy.
Even her own mother didn't want her anymore- she was useless, she was nothing, she was crazy. There was no point in her living, no point at all. It felt like there was a hammer pounding at her temples, making the room spin like she was on a roller coaster. Asada clamped her hands over her ears, not being able to bear the sounds of her own ugly sobs.
"No," She screamed. "Stop!" But it was not use. Her ears began to ring, and black spots crowded her vision as she breathed faster and faster. Her stomach flipped. She shot up to her knees, and turned to the toilet, scrunching her eyes shut as she threw up.
Stomach acid burned her tongue, the putrid smell drifting up toward her unprotected nose. Asada clamped a hand over nose and turned away, searching for the flush lever. She hit the porcelain lever with a smack, and gagged as she heard the sound of the flush. She collapsed back into her earlier position, too drained to even cry.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent,
I did nothing wrong, she reminded herself, rocking back and forth as if it was mantra. I'm fine. But her conscience contradicted. If you've done nothing wrong, then why does your guilt hound you like this? Asada had no answer. She stared blankly at the wall in front of her, hearing her new set of tears hit the floor with delicate patters.
Did some things you can't speak of
But at night you live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you had seen what you know now then
Asada looked up slowly. She had no clue how long she'd been sitting there. But she had to try something- she couldn't just be a coward forever. She tried to get up, to no avail. The bespeckled girl just crashed back down, sending a wave of pain up her tailbone.
The girl's pale fingers gripped the white counter, and she pulled herself up, testing her weak knees before limping towards her room. She didn't turn the bathroom lights off. She pulled her glasses out of their case next to her bed and slumped on the now-ruined sheets. Every shadow in the room seemed like the spirit of that bank robber, and every single noise sounded like the bang of the gun. And in the midst of it all, she could almost see her mother's horrified face.
Asada curled up into a fetus position like a child, eyes sealed shut. The tears flowed out anyways. Her chest shook with the quiet sobs. What had she done to deserve this hell? She'd rather just die.
In a fit of sudden rage and strength, Asada grabbed her pillow and pushed her face into it, unleashing an primal scream, as loud as she could fathom. Her voice cracked pathetically at the end of the show of anger, reducing her to a sobbing girl again.
What am I doing? Her tear supply had dried up again, and now Asada lay, glaring at the ceiling. I can be strong. I'm Sinon, right? She raked her hands through her hair, shuddering at her own cold touch. Why can't I be fearless, like Sinon?
She'd done nothing wrong, she didn't deserve this. She'd saved lives. Asada had helped. Then why was she so ashamed? Why was she so weak, so fragile?
Slowly, she arose from the bed. She walked across the room, movements robotic, eyes glassy with terror. Against her best judgement, she pulled open the top drawer. In it, sat a gun. The shiny back metal gleamed back at her, and her heartbeat raced suddenly. She could feel the room start to spin as blood pumped through her system at a faster rate, her headache like someone pounding a gong on her temples.
She reached for the gun, the metal slippery in her clammy, sweaty hands. I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this-
You're still an innocent.
She picked it up. It was cold. Merciless. Lethal.
Asada dropped it with a yelp, the black hunk of metal skittering on the floor as she scooted away. She backed up against her bed, trying to control her breathing.
Steeling herself, Asada- no, Sinon opened her eyes to the weapon on her nightmares on the floor again. I am brave, she thought. I'm strong. Balling her fists, she stood up. I can do this. I can do this. I will do this.
With the mantra in her head, the warrior reached out for the gun once more.
That was kind of open-ended. I know the writing isn't the best (or even my best) and I apologize for that. By the way, the line is '32 and still growing up now,' but since 32 and 16 both fit and Sinon is 16, I used 16. I DO NOT OWN THE SONG, AGAIN.
As I advised, listening to the song on repeat was the best option while reading it. I'm sorry for the extreme lameness of this fic and I hope you can forgive me. :3
Please review, fave, and follow, and if you're not tired of me yet, I have two other SAO fics called 'The Last Day', in which the main crew from SAO finds out that SAO will automatically shut down after five years and they make a bucket list, and one called 'My Floating Castle', a backstory for Akhiko Kayaba. I hope you enjoy, and if you have any request that you'd like me to write, please do tell! Thanks so much, and bye guys!
~Lea