The weekend Siwon's life turned a full 360, he was in a cabin in the middle of November at approximately 7500 feet above sea level.
He and several other members of Super Junior (it was a hassle to get all thirteen in the same place at the same time) had been ordered by the label to vacation for a weekend with their dongsaengs SHINee to get them know a little better and possibly bestow upon them the gift of SuJu wisdom and leadership and good behavior.
Frankly, Siwon thought the entire thing was kind of pointless. As much as he wanted to meet and get to konw the new members of the SM family, he wasn't sure if he wanted to spend three days under the same roof as five strangers. What kind of get to know you antics could possibly take place here that couldn't take place at concerts or at SM meetups? His plan was to go on the vacation, be nice to them, and come back and be pleasant whenever they met in the future. In his mind, this was going to be a real low-profile thing of no real consequence.
Siwon had no idea that his entire existence would change with just a question, just six words:
"You ever kiss a boy, hyung?"
It was wintry and snowing outside, cold and stormy. The cabin was silent and it was late, much after everyone else had gone to bed.
Siwon looked up from his book, uncrossing his legs and looking across the room to the source of the question with a perplexed expression on his face, as if he had perhaps heard the question wrong. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish for a moment before coughing nervously and adjusting his glasses.
"What?" He fumbled with his bookmark, closing the book with a snap.
Lee Jinki smiled that ridiculous smile of his, irresistable and happy, sitting on an armchair across the room with his legs tucked underneath him.
"Have you?"
"Well, during concerts... Heechul-ah and I... Kind of..."
"So you have."
Siwon frowned. "Not seriously."
"But you still have."
Siwon frowned harder, putting his book down on the cushion next to him.
"No, I haven't .. Haven't kissed... I haven't done it like I meant it. You know, like if I were to kiss a girl."
Jinki nodded rather dreamily. He was looking up at the ceiling calmly, fidgeting a little, seemingly in deep thought. Siwon, rather confused, shrugged it off and picked his book up again, thinking his dongsaeng's question to be nothing. Suddenly, Jinki got up and walked across the room and boldly sat down with his legs folded underneath him on the couch next to Siwon, his hand resting on the older's leg.
Siwon looked at Jinki, startled, glancing down at the hand on his thigh and back up to Jinki's face.
"What are y--"
Jinki silenced his sunbae by leaning forward and covering Siwon's mouth with his own, moving his hand up to the older's waist and grasping his shirt with skinny fingers. Siwon scrambled backward, trying to get out of Jinki's reach.
"What are you doing?!" Siwon covered his mouth with one hand; he reminded Jinki of a nervous schoolgirl.
Jinki blinked and sat back.
"Kissing you like I mean it," he replied; it was the most natural thing in the world. "You said you'd never done it."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean..." Siwon trailed off. Jinki was smiling that smile again, stopping Siwon's lips with a finger.
"Shh. If you yell like that, you'll wake everyone." He chuckled and sat back again, grinning like a clown. He retracted his finger, looking at Siwon with light interest. "So... Did you like it, hyung?"
Siwon crossed his legs awkwardly, turning away to hide the color on his cheeks.
"I don't know," he replied. I'm not supposed to enjoy it, he thought.
"Oh."
There was a placid quiet as Siwon sat avoiding Jinki's gaze, so silent he felt he could hear the snow fall upon the roof. And then Jinki said, "So I'll try again."
Jinki did again what he had done before, before Siwon could breathe a word of protest. He snaked his hand around the older's waist, brushing his ready lips against Siwon's hesitant ones and before Siwon knew it, Jinki was in his lap, sucking on his bottom lip, pressing every inch of himself against his hyung.
Siwon's fingers trembled as the young leader pulled gently away, leaving just centimeters between their mouths. He felt Jinki breathe out minutely through barely parted lips, and he couldn't help but shiver, Jinki's breath warming his face.
"Was it better that time, hyung?" Jinki whispered. Siwon looked away, embarrassed. He wanted so badly to say what he should say: "No, it wasn't, get off of me immediately."
But he couldn't.
Lying was just as bad as enjoying being kissed by a boy, a Lee Jinki. It could even be worse, especially since the evidence was right there in his jeans.
Jinki laughed lightly and poked the hard bump in the front of Siwon's jeans, provoking an uncharacteristic squeak from the older. Siwon grabbed Jinki's wrist, pulling the hand away from creating any further harm.
"Stop it," Siwon hissed. "You're being innapropriate, Jinki."
"Innapropriate?" Jinki still sat on Siwon's lap, and the corners of his mouth turned down in an absurd sort of pout. "What's so wrong with doing what makes you feel good, hyung?"
"It doesn't... doesn't make me..."
Jinki raised his free hand in response and rubbed the hard bump in Siwon's jeans with the flat of his palm and Siwon, caught off-guard, suppressed a low moan, shutting his eyes for a fraction of a moment. He turned his head sharply and let out a sharp, exasperated breath, feeling powerless.
"... You do like it."
Siwon didn't answer, did not look at Jinki. He released the younger's wrist.
"You can, it's ok."
Silence. It wasn't ok, Siwon knew it. But how could it be, when he was able to feel so light, so real, all because of this boy's touch? This boy's touch? He pressed his lips into a tight line and looked down at Jinki's legs, straddling his.
This was ridiculous.
Ten minutes ago, he hadn't worried about this at all. What made Jinki so different from a girl, anyway? His lips were just as soft, just as warm as any other girl he'd ever kissed.
"Hyung?"
Siwon looked up again and stared at the face in front of his. Jinki's words echoed through his head: "What's wrong with doing what makes you feel good, hyung?"
He considered this very hard, staring Jinki full in the face. How could one boy take away his will so easily...?
Siwon lifted his hand and traced the pink lips in front of him with the tip of his finger. The lips smiled, but softer than before. Slowly, the centimeters between them disappeared and Siwon felt Jinki's lips like petals press against his, felt Jinki's hands on his skin under his shirt. All he could feel, taste, smell, hear was Lee Jinki, and at that moment he wouldn't have changed it for anything.
Jinki's hands found the buttons on Siwon's jeans and undid them with suprising adeptness, reaching carefully in and massaging Siwon gently through his boxers. Siwon made a small noise in his throat and reached up Jinki's shirt to taste his skin with his fingertips. Jinki laughed quietly.
"Relax yourself, hyung...." He said. Siwon smiled against his dongsaeng, stroking the skin stretched over his stomach, and pulled Jinki's shirt off over his head. Jinki shivered as the wintry air engulfed his skin, but he strangely did not feel cold. He tugged on the hem of the Siwon's shirt, prompting the older to pull his shirt off as well. Jinki drank in his skin like it were a delicacy, trailing his fingers down the other's lightly muscled stomach. He brushed his lips against Siwon's collarbone, taking better hold of the other's now more prominent erection and stroking it with two fingers, coaxing, whispering into the older's mouth. Siwon tensed, hunched over and breathless at Jinki's touch.
"Jinki-ah..." He forced out, taking a deep breath after he spoke. "You're..."
"Fantastic elastic?" Jinki grinned, but Siwon could say nothing in response.
He could only voice his agreement with a low cry, burying his face in Jinki's neck to stifle the noise.
They stayed like that for some time, breathing and sweating, impervious to the cold air around them.
"Hyung,"
Jinki's voice at a whisper cut the silence, the sound of the snow falling.
"Hyung, it's really late..."
Siwon lifted his head as if waking from a trance.
"Yeah..." He croaked.
"We should go to bed,"
"Y-Yeah,"
Jinki smiled and gently stood up after zipping Siwon's pants back up.
"I'll go now," He said quietly, and began to walk away, but Siwon caught him by the hand, stopping him.
"No," Siwon stood as well, holding Jinki by the hand. He pulled Jinki into the room that Siwon had been assigned to sleep in. "Come in here."
Jinki obeyed and followed his hyung into the room. Siwon sat down on the bed and Jinki crawled and laid down on his back, still shirtless, still pink from before. The older glanced behind himself and laid down as well, enjoying the closeness that Jinki was allowing him. Jinki kissed him softly and Siwon wasn't quite sure what he was meant to do. He smoothed his hand over Jinki's cheek, examining the pink lips that he had so come to know.
Suddenly, Jinki began to kiss him with more fervor, more activism, and Siwon could not help but give him what he wanted. He pressed back like he meant it, and it felt wonderful. Jinki gasped occasionally, begging Siwon not to stop. Their clothing was shed in a matter of minutes and now it was Siwon's turn to coax and whisper, rocking and thrusting Jinki to a climax, kissing him soundly when it was over and done and all they could do was lay there in a mess of limbs and body heat.
"You're beautiful," Siwon whispered over and over. "You're beautiful."
Jinki settled his head against Siwon's chest, wriggling a little under thin sheets before finally laying still. Siwon listened to him breathe for a long time, until he was certain that Jinki was asleep, wrapped in his arms. As soon as Siwon had begun to nod off, the younger suddenly spoke, obviously not asleep.
"Hyung... The bible doesn't say anything about us, does it."
Siwon was rather startled, being half-asleep. He thought for a moment- Jinki had a knack for asking questions that threw him off-guard.
"No... It doesn't."
He felt Jinki nod against him, and they were silent for a long time.
Siwon was slightly amazed in this silence, Jinki against his chest. No, they were not in the bible, and they weren't anywhere else. No history books, no newspaper articles, no literary fiction or non-fiction. Nothing was documented anywhere about what went on that night, and nothing ever would. Nowhere would the words "and so Lee Jinki changed Choi Siwon forever" ever be written. History would forget this night and it would be trapped in the wooden walls of the cabin, their only witness. Their voices would be lost to the floorboards, their breath to the air, their body heat to the snow. They were going to be forgotten, Siwon realized, and there was nothing they could do about it.
And again, Jinki broke the silence with a small voice.
"Siwon hyung..." He murmured. Siwon thought his name had never sounded better. "Am I going to hell?"
Siwon was soundless. Here was the question that would change him, would make him doubt everything he believed in.
"No," He said finally, firmly, and held Jinki a little tighter. "No, I won't let them take you."
He felt Jinki snuggle ever so slightly closer, and the last thing Siwon remembered before he dropped off to sleep was Jinki shifting to press a kiss against his jawline, soft but oh so sweet.
--
In the morning, Jinki woke up alone.
The winter light poured in through the window, twice as illuminating as it reflected off of the fresh snow. Jinki heard Siwon laugh from the next room, probably joking with Shindong about something absurd. He knew that his hyung often got up early, but it didn't stop Jinki from feeling a little discouraged that he wasn't there when he woke up. He slid out of bed and winced as his bare feet hit the cold wood floor. He glanced toward the door but walked to the window, wanting to to see how much snow had fallen the night before. A smile spread over his face as he looked out; a good six inches had fallen, leaving the world looking like a veritable powdery paradise.
As Jinki watched, Jonghyun and Kibum entered the scene, scrambling around and trying to throw armfuls of snow at each other. Jinki grinned, pressing his forehead against the cold glass, watching them until they moved out of sight. Jinki's eyes shifted downward, and he noticed something strange, something that hadn't been there before. On the windowsill, there sat a sheathed pocketknife and next to it, a message carved into the wood in jagged, uneven letters. Jinki read it and traced every letter with his index finger solemnly, a light smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.
"And so Lee Jinki changed Choi Siwon forever."
He knew that he would never forget, and now he knew that the cabin too would never forget.
Outside, the snow sparkled in the sunlight, pure and unspoiled, just the way it should be.