A/N: So I wrote this up very quickly last night after the new TVD episode, and it's meant to be set as an alternate ending to season 8 - with Kai bringing Elena back to life from that memorial building in the forest where they kept her coffin. Basically, he brings Elena back and that where this fanfic starts off. It's only a one-shot and it's my sort wish of how I'd wanted Bonkai to realistically leave things off. Hope you enjoy!
After the spell was completed and Damon walked out of the small building with Elena's hand in his once again, Bonnie stepped outside to get some fresh air. She told her friends she would be right with them and just needed a minute to herself. In all honesty, Bonnie was still shocked over the fact that Kai had been alive and standing before her again. It rose up the mix of emotions she had built up during the time she knew him; mostly hatred, fear and annoyance but also those feelings that came after his death. Feelings of guilt and a growing regret for not giving him a chance or ever listening to him. And now he was here again, just like nothing happened. And he didn't seem to hate her, he didnt want to kill her. Hell, she expected him to gut her all over again, to scream at her for all she had done to him. He didn't.
Bonnie took in a breath and closed her eyes, trying to ease her mind but when she opened them again, he was standing right there before her and she jumped.
"Bon-Bon? Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He said quietly and walked over a bit closer to her, swallowing down all the words he'd wanted to splurge out to her since the moment he saw her that day.
"I'm fine." She said. "Uhm.. thanks for uh.. bringing back Elena."
Kai smiled lightly, happy that she wasn't being rude to him, but he pinned it on her stress and tiredness. He knew she probably didn't want to deal with him, or that she didn't care enough to even tell him off anymore. He took a step closer in the dark forest where they stood.
"Guess I owed you one," he joked. "Listen, uhh, Bon... can i.. tell you something? Just... just one thing and then I promise I will leave. For good."
"Tell me what?" Bonnie furrowed her eyebrows and played with a ring on her finger.
"Ah-..I, uhh..." Kai started, but his mouth hung loose just like the many times its happened before. Only with her. He had no idea how to speak anymore, how to even begin to explain what he was feeling or what he even wanted. The loose ring she was fiddling with caught his attention and before even thinking it through, he reached for her hand and held it lightly. She flinched at first and retracted her hand a bit, but only out of reflex. The guilt that had been building up inside her after his death is what made her not flinch at his touch anymore. She felt like maybe she owed him something. So she let him hold her hand for a moment and noticed that look in his eyes again. The same one he gave her in the 1903 prison world.
Kai knew in this moment that he was never going to tell her anything he wanted to. He couldn't tell her how it felt when she looked at him, or whenever her skin accidentally brushed against his. Or the way she tucked her hair behind her ear or bit her lip. He couldn't tell her how any of these things felt to him. Because it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't make a difference. He didn't deserve her and he never would. No matter what he said to her, no matter how much he tried to make it up to her. It would never matter.
So Kai swallowed all his words again and forced out a smile down towards her, even though in his eyes she could clearly see sadness. He let go of her hand after what seemed like an eternity to her and yet a fleeting moment to him. Then he leaned down carefully to her side and placed a gentle kiss on her left cheek, to which her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Kai pulled away slowly, his breath coming out shaky as he looked down on her. There wasn't much to say, if anything. This was as close as he would ever get to Bonnie Bennett. There would never be anything more. There would never be anything more.
He took a step back again, never taking his eyes off of her. He wanted to enjoy the sight of her for as long as he still could.
"I... I hope I'll find you in another life, Bonster."
And he did. He knew full well that nothing good could ever come between them in this life so he prayed to the God that he probably didn't even believe in, he prayed that he would meet her again, under different circumstances, and that it could be better that time.
Bonnie brought her arms back up and crossed them over her chest, listening to Kai and trying to process what just happened and what he was trying to say. She nodded towards him lightly, noticing that his eyes may or may not have been tearing up.
"Goodbye, Bonnie Bennett." he spoke quietly, looking at her for those last few moments and savouring the image of her in front of him. He knew this was the only right thing to do. To leave and never see her again. She would be happiest living a life without him in it. And my God, curse the day he was going to let Bonnie Bennett be unhappy again.
"...bye." Bonnie responded quietly as she watched him leave. Her mind was left in full blown confusion as she began to realize what he had actually wanted to tell her. On some level, she already knew, because there were times where he said or did things that she wouldn't deem characteristic of him. But now she was sure. Kai Parker cared for her. Probably in a way that neither he nor her would ever quite understand.
Bonnie took in a shaky breath once this realization finally hit her, as if she was going to call out after him. She bit her lip before she could say anything and took a step further to go in his direction. But then she stopped herself. Because... what was the point? She knew what she knew and it still wouldn't change anything. Kai was Kai, and she was Bonnie. And it wouldn't matter. It would never mean anything.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Please leave a review if you liked it and let me know if I should write any more Bonkai fics.. They usually hurt me too much which is why I don't write many hahah :) Anyway yeah.. This is what I thought a good ending between Bonnie and Kai would be.. realistically. We all know it's far too down the line of forgiveness and growing closer for them to even be considered becoming canon, and it would always have that impossible note to him. So I gave Kai this knowledge of how he could never have her in this life, so he would look for her in another one.