I looked up at my father, Jimmy, with blue eyes and heard him ask, "Well Claire, are you ready to come home for good?" and he looked at me with expectant eyes and hands held out, ready to lead me home to me new life. And I wondered if I was.
I remembered the night when my dad left my mom and I. My dad had been on medication as of late for something, I didn't remember what but ever since he'd been put on it, it seemed as if the whole house was on edge. One day, when I got dropped of at home from the bus after school, I walked inside and saw my mom and dad yelling at each other. My mom told to me go to my room and not to come down until they told me to. So I went to my room and read, and worked on homework, and read some more. I had been up there for a long while when I realized that the house had gone quiet. I looked out my window and saw my parents in the driveway and my dad had had a suitcase. My dad left every now and then for business trips, but he always said goodbye first. So, in my innocent naïveté, I raced downstairs to say goodbye. I flew out the front door and jumped right into his arms. He held me stiffly at first and looked down at me with tears in his eyes, then pulled me close told me that we would be "better off without him." Straightened up, and left. I was eight, I am now 15.
After just a few months without him, my mother moved us two towns over so we could live with her mother till we, in my mothers words, "Were back on our feet." Just couple of months after moving my mom left to go find her self without my father, even though she said she would come back for me, I never saw her again. I was left in the care of my elderly grandmother who died after three years of me being in her care. So, with being out of options, I was thrust into foster care.
When my dad showed up out of the blue eight months ago with a husband and asked if I would even consider letting him be in my life again, I seriously considered telling him to shove it and that he had made it clear how much he wanted to be part of my life seven years ago. But what I did do was stare at him for a good forty-five seconds then stare at Dean, my dads husband for thirty seconds, then snort and walk off. From what I could tell, my dad was pretty devastated. But Dean ran after me. I've gotten to know him much better now and know that Dean is just sort of gruff and protective of his loved ones, but it was new to me then and thus very intimidating. He ran up to me and said "Look Claire, I doubt you know anything about me, or even knew that your father was gay until like, two minutes ago, but you need to think about how your going to respond to your dad, don't just fly of the handle. Take a couple of days, or even weeks if you have to, but at least think about it. If you don't, I know you'll regret it. You may not know me from freaking Adam, but I know you. I've listened to every single story your dad and my husband has told me and I know he loves you so much and that he regrets leaving you every time he blinks. Its not my story to tell as for why he left you, but, I promise you, he will explain it if you give him a chance." And with that eloquent speech, he stared at me, willing me to decide to give Jimmy a chance. And I did.
I gave my dad a chance to explain himself, which he did. I decided to let him off the hook, because, as I said myself, it was seven years ago. We got to know each other again. I got to know Dean for the first time. I was wary of him at first but was pleasantly surprised with how much we actually seemed to be alike and how he made my dad happier than he had ever been with my mom. I was glad that Dean was there for my dad as they had gotten together a year after he left.
I sat in the chair next to Dean, and toyed with my blonde hair as I thought of an answer to my dads question. And suddenly I knew my answer, my adoption was final and I was ready to let this good thing happen for me. "Yes." I answered. And I stood up and took his hand, and let him lead me home to for good.