She's done this before, Leliana realises, fallen in love with someone who's doomed to die, to sacrifice themselves for the great good. She really should know better but here she is, sucked into Evelyn's orbit despite her best intentions.
The Inquisitor is beautiful, Leliana can't deny that, and sweet and Leliana wasn't sure what to do with sweet any more. She was a little like Josephine and that brings out her most protective nature but Evelyn Trevelyan does not need protecting. She is sure of that.
At least this time she knows her feelings are reciprocated. Evelyn seeks her out, for advice or just to talk. Evelyn brings her little gifts she finds. Trinkets and tokens.
Even now Leliana can hear her coming up the stairs to the rookery. She knows the sound of everyone but Evelyn most of all, even as she varies the way she makes her way up the tower. If she's in a hurry she'll take two stairs at a time like now.
She has flowers.
She has flowers and a radiant smile on her face that Leliana can't help but match when she sees them.
"I found these in the Hinterlands, near Redcliffe," she says as she approaches.
She stretches out her hand in front of her, presenting a small bouquet of dainty white flowers that Leliana recognises well now. The smell is strong and she wants to snatch them up at first and bury her face in the petals but instead, she smiles.
"Andraste's Grace?" she asks, "For me?"
"I thought you might like them. They smell amazing," Evelyn says.
Leliana finally takes the bouquet, takes a deep breath and a deep sniff. They do smell amazing.
"Thank you, Inquisitor," she says, "I believe I have a small vase around somewhere."
She starts to rummage around, looking for something to put the flowers in when Evelyn speaks again.
"I wish you'd call me Evelyn."
So does Leliana, it would be easy too, she does in her mind, in her heart and Evelyn offers in every conversation. She's worried that as soon as she says the woman's name she'll say too much though.
She doesn't answer, instead filling a small bronze vase from her water jug and arranging the bouquet into it. She places it on her desk and smiles.
"Thank you," she says, and then because Evelyn is so earnest she can't help it "they remind me of my mother."
"Really?" she frowns, "is that good or bad."
"Good, very good," Leliana says, fussing with the flowers. "She died when I was very young but I always remember this scent, she wore it often."
"Oh," Evelyn says at a loss for a moment and Leliana smiles.
"Thank you, Inquisitor."
Evelyn groans.
"What will it take to get you to call me Evelyn?" she asks.
"More than flowers I'm afraid," Leliana replies and Evelyn laughs.
"I take that as a challenge you know."
The spymaster doesn't reply to that but part of her hopes she does. There is something very appealing about getting Evelyn to work for it, in getting Evelyn to court her even. She's pretty much fallen for her already but that doesn't mean it has to be easy.
"Take it as you will Inquisitor," she says finally.
"Good night Leliana."
"Good night Inquisitor."
She watches as Evelyn heads back down the stairs, listens once she's out of sight to the sound of jogging down the stairs, still in a hurry. As Inquisitor, Evelyn usually is in a hurry but Leliana won't be rushed.
She can't risk it.
Xxx
There is a silver necklace on her desk. Wrapped in velvet, tied up with ribbon, she hasn't seen who put it there but she doesn't need to guess. It's a silver sword of mercy, absolutely pristine, absolutely beautiful. Leliana loves it but tries to temper down her reaction in case Evelyn is close by and watching.
Not that the warrior would really be sneaky enough to go unnoticed by the spymaster but Leliana isn't naive enough to think that all her scouts are loyal to her first and the Inquisition second.
It hangs on a delicate silver chain and she picks it up carefully, examining it in the sunlight coming through the rookery windows. It shines, and she holds up to her throat, lets the sword sit in the centre of her clavicle.
It will look exquisite.
Maker.
She has been given many gifts over the years, from friends, would be suitors and lovers alike but none have been this nice, this focused on everything Leliana holds dear and Evelyn knows her. Knows exactly what she wants and likes and she wonders when that happened.
Except they've been spending more and more time together, here in the rookery, even taking the odd meal together. She didn't feel like she revealed too much to Evelyn but perhaps the woman was listening particularly well. Leliana knows she always has her full attention whenever she speaks.
Whenever she's in the room.
Later when she's alone in her quarters, she slips the necklace around her neck, the sword sitting lower than expected and nestling between her breasts.
She doesn't let Evelyn know she's wearing it though.
She doesn't need to. The note that appears the next day, signed Evelyn, hopes that she likes it. It doesn't say anything else and that's fine with Leliana, she doesn't want to think about what it all means. It's fine being in love. She doesn't have to act on it after all.
Xxx
The next gift, of all things, is a harness.
Leliana's not sure what it is at first. It's made of thick strong leather, lined with jewels. Real ones too she realises as she counts the emeralds and sapphires. It's small and it takes her a little while to realise that it would fit a nug. There is even a little loop where a cord or strip of leather can be attached as a lead.
Evelyn has bought Schmooples a harness.
A gorgeous harness.
She smiles and immediately wraps it back up in the paper packaging, trying to think of the best way to wrap it to send it to the person who cares for Schmooples. Until then she composes a little note thanking the Inquisitor. She considers addressing it to Evelyn, even writes her name down to see if it's easier, but she still wants to push a little, still wants Evelyn to work a little harder.
She needs to be sure, be sure Evelyn is serious because she can't risk it if she's not. She cannot and will not have a fling with the Inquisitor. Not when she's already in love with the woman. She's only going to get her heart broken that way and she's not even sure there's that much left of it to break.
Leliana throws the first attempt away and addresses the new note to "Inquisitor Trevelyan," smiling as she does so. She knows it will annoy Evelyn but if she's serious she will keep trying and perhaps Leliana can let go of whatever it is that's holding her back.
She hopes.
Xxx
There is wine on her desk and two glasses. Except it's only mid-morning and she knows Evelyn is still out of Skyhold on a mission. She wonders how long she is expected to leave it there, if at all, or if she's supposed to wait until the Inquisitor has come home.
She's due soon, in the next day or so her scouts have said.
So she's surprised that night when she hears Evelyn's familiar tread heading up the stairs of the tower. She's slow, careful, tired but on her way anyway. She smiles when she sees Leliana, twice as wide when she sees the wine.
"You didn't pour?"
"I wasn't expecting you back for a couple of days, Inquisitor."
"Really? Still."
"Still, Inquisitor," she says with a wry smile. "Come sit and tell me about your sudden appearance."
Evelyn does so, all but collapsing into the chair Leliana pulls out for her. The spymaster pours them both some wine, a dark red of Leliana's favourite vintage. She shifts her chair around a little to sit closer to Evelyn and hands her a glass. In the candlelight, close to her like this, Leliana can see the dark circles around her eyes and the pallor of the dark cheeks.
"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to get some rest Inquisitor?" she asks.
"Not at all Leliana," Evelyn taking a sip of her wine. "I'm fine."
"How come you are home so early? My scouts still had you two days out at least."
"I'm getting sneakier?" She tries with a chuckle. "Also I bribed at least two of your scouts." Leliana frowns then, she was right about the loyalty of some of her scouts. "Don't worry, I said it was so I could surprise you and trust me, they made me pay for it."
She stifles a yawn then, and Leliana drains her wine and stands. She offers Evelyn a hand.
"What?" she asks taking it, her hand wrapping around Leliana's smaller one in a way that thrills her a little too much.
"Come, you need to rest," she tells her. She pulls her to her feet but Evelyn sits down again, yawning again.
"I'm fine."
"You are not fine, you are exhausted Inquisitor," Leliana says pulling her to her feet again. Evelyn stays standing this time but doesn't move to follow the redhead down the stairs. "What will it take to get you to rest?" she asks.
Evelyn smiles then and starts to move towards her and Leliana had not forgotten how much taller the Inquisitor is but then they've never been standing this close before. She's not intimidated but she's definitely feeling that thrill again.
"Call me Evelyn," she says, taking Leliana's hand again.
"Inquisitor,"
"Come on Leliana, you can say it, just once."
"I...can't."
"Why not?"
She doesn't want to tell her, but then Evelyn is leaning down, their lips and breath away but she doesn't come any closer, doesn't kiss her. Leliana wants to whine but manages to hold it back, she will not break.
Except.
"Evelyn," she whispers and leans forward to kiss the other woman.
Evelyn wraps her arms around her and pulls her in closer. She is pressed up against the Inquisitor's hard body and tries to hold on to the moan that she feels in her chest. She runs her hand up into Evelyn's thick black hair, pulling her close to deepen the kiss.
"I shouldn't be doing this," she manages to say when Evelyn pulls back to dot kisses over her jaw. "We shouldn't."
"Why not? Why won't you love me?"
"I do love you," Leliana says, "I just shouldn't."
Evelyn steps back then, just a fraction, arms still around Leliana.
"Why?"
"Because I don't deserve you!"
Evelyn is quiet for a moment, just a moment, before kissing Leliana gently on the lips once more.
"Oh Leliana," she whispers, "that's not how love works."