Title: Sing Me to Sleep
Author: xascasfellx
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: After 8x23
Word Count: 3,433
Songs Used: Angeles-Jensen Ackles and Hey Jude-The Beatles
Castiel's head hit the softness of the pillow again. He'd been doing that all night. The nightmares just wouldn't stay away no matter how hard he tried to cast them aside. No matter what he tried nothing worked. He'd found himself shooting forward, drenched in sweat, most the times calling out to Metatron. Sometimes he found himself calling out to Dean or to Sam, possibly to one of his brothers or sisters.
Tonight he called out to God.
An ache started to build up in his chest along with a lump in his throat. His eyes began to burn as he starred above him at the celling. At that moment he listened to the silence of the bunker to make sure he didn't wake anyone up. No footsteps were heard throughout the concrete walls. He should be happy about that; since he no longer was being a burden to anyone, but at the same time he felt lonely and isolated like never before.
Why had he called out to his absent Father? He'd given up on that search long ago. Before the Angel's fell. Before he tried to become God himself. Even though someone brought him back more times than he deserved, he still didn't believe in him anymore. It was a punishment, being brought back. It was a lesson he needed to learn, and never seemed to grasp throughout his revivals. Even if it had been God, then the fact that he kept bringing him back as punishment showed he no longer cared. Or perhaps he didn't care about Castiel anymore. He'd learned his lesson. Or so he thought he did. He wasn't any good. Everything he did was bad. Anything he would ever do would be bad. He was the opposite of King Midas. Everything Castiel touched turned to dust. It was as though he could be around no one without turning their lives upside down. He knew that know. So he no longer needed to be brought back to learn that lesson.
The ache in his stomach increased as the lump in is throat grew in size. The first tear that fell scared him a little. That single droplet made a path from his eyes down to his neck, making it itch in the process. Cas moved his hand to cover his face. Crying was useless. Crying wasn't going to fix his problems.
Castiel felt so helpless and useless all the time now. With Sam in the hospital and his brothers and sisters out for his head he truly felt like a baby in a trench coat. Hell, he couldn't even help make things easier on Dean anymore. With Sam dying Dean was slowly washing away along with him. Kevin was long gone by now. All he seemed to have left was the King of Hell in their dungeon.
Despite the circumstance Castiel laughed a little at that. Who would have thought? The King of Hell, trapped, in the Winchester's dungeon. It was quite funny to be honest.
The smile he had formed was short lived.
Everything was short lived in this time. Cas was very worried about both the Winchesters.
Sam's condition kept getting worse every day now. He wouldn't wake up. He couldn't breathe on his own anymore. The doctors had told Dean that his life was in God's hands now. Castiel wished he could be there at the time to drag Dean away from the situation. Even though he hadn't seen him at the time, Cas knew the look on Dean's face when he heard that remark. He was probably an inch away from killing the doctor.
Dean wasn't sleeping now either. He wasn't eating. And ever since Castiel came back to them, he hadn't heard him speak after their first night back together. Sure he was happy at the time, but soon after he was back to this zombie state of being.
If he still believed in praying, Cas would be doing just that for everyone he knew. If he believed anyone would still be listening he would spend every day and every night doing just that.
But that was just the times they were living in.
Cas sat up again from the comfort of his pillow. The spare bedroom was dark. Even with his eyes adjusted as best they could be, he still wasn't able to see much of anything.
Like any other night such as this one Cas was going to do what he always did to calm himself. He was going to take a walk, and look up to the Heaven's; or what was left of them anyway. Even before he fell, even before he had taken a vessel Castiel loved looking at the stars. They were magical to him, or as magical as something could be to an Angel. He took value in even the smallest of things anymore. If that meant relying on something as useless as a ball of gas billions of miles away from Earth, then so be it. They always calmed him down when he had a nightmare. Not to mention this time of night, the air was going to be refreshing.
Castiel slipped out of bed, making his way sightless through the darkened room towards his door. He pushed past the door and into the much more lit hallway. Dean's room was right beside his so he snuck past his closed door. Even though there were no lights on under it, Cas knew Dean wasn't sleeping. He never slept anymore. He was up all night looking for some way to help Sam, or just lying on his bed, starring off into nothing like he was stuck in a trance or something. Cas made the mistake of walking in on Dean like that one night. He didn't even notice Cas was in there. He felt personally responsible for the state Dean was in.
He walked through the bunker to the back door that led out to a garden that has well hidden by trees from anywhere in front of them. He was right. The night air was very refreshing. Being that it was near the end of fall, heading into the wake of winter the air was chilling and crisp. He could almost smell the leaves on the trees, the frost in the air, and the on come of a heavy snow. The dead grass crunched under his boots as he walked towards the area where a small bench stood half broken from the years of nonuse. As he walked, Cas casted his head upward to look at the stars. It was a quarter moon out tonight. It shown bright down on him, lighting a path towards his destination. Along the way he could pinpoint some of the constellations he had memorized over the years. At that time of night some weren't able to be seen, but most were. Most likely with his newly human eyes he wouldn't be able to see half the things he has as an angel. The thought should have saddened him, but it didn't. Not now anyway. Before it would have. But now, he only felt peace. He'd had a lot of time to himself, to think about his situation. Now he would be content with being mortal. He'd come to terms with that on his journey to find himself before he had the courage to make his way back to the Winchesters. He had made peace with the things around him. Now only if they would make peace with him as well.
Just as he was about to reach the bench Castiel stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him. He had half a mind to turn back, to not be seen, to go back to his room and forget what he'd stumbled upon. Because he knew if he continued he would say something that would make the situation even more miserable than it had already been.
Before he could turn back around to retreat to his room, Dean looked up from behind his guitar. He wasn't playing anything when Cas saw him. He was looking at the strings with such sadness, Castiel felt it in his own being. Dean's eyes widened in surprise while he lowered the instrument and begin to sit up straighter. Cas moved forward a little so he could be within hearing rang without over stepping his boundaries.
"Hey Cas…what're you doin' up so late?" He asked in a tired voice. It was low and drained from the stress he'd been under for the past few months. Castiel moved forward a little more. His skin began to chill with the new wind that was picking up. Under his feet a few leaves flew from the ground, danced around his legs before traveling off somewhere new. He envied the leaves then. He missed being able to fly to someplace new. He missed being able to fly period.
"I had another nightmare and thought it wise to get some fresh air. Dean?" He didn't even need to ask. Dean already knew the question in his mind without it being spoken. He averted his eyes back to the guitar Castiel had forgotten that Dean even had. He plucked a few cords in no order before answering.
"Same old same old Cas…" Castiel nodded in a silent agreement not to bring it up again. It obviously brought pain to Dean to think about, so Cas wouldn't speak of it until he was ready. He moved further towards Dean and sat beside him on the bench. As he did Dean picked up a melody to a tune that Cas recognized. He began to hum along with it. "You know the Beatles?" Dean asked in surprise.
"It seems that I do. That tune, it's familiar. What is it?" Dean was quiet as he picked at the strings, finishing out the rest of the song before he turned to face Cas.
"Hey Jude." He blushed. "My Mom, she used to sing it to me and Sam when we were young. I remember," His voice had gotten much softer. "This one night. Sam had gotten sick with something. And after our Dad had fallen asleep she took me into Sam's nursery and together we sang this song to him." He was silent a second to compose himself. "Hey, sorry man, don't mean to get all girly on you." Castiel smiled down at the guitar.
"It's okay Dean…would you play something else for me?" He looked down at Cas for a second before looking at his fingers resting on the strings, unmoving.
"Sure thing Cas…" Their eyes met as Dean's finger began to move gracefully across the neck. The melody was light and free like the wind. He half wanted to close his eyes and be carried away with the song, but Dean's gaze held him in place like a spell.
Then he began to sing. It was better than any other singing Castiel had ever heard. His voice was in perfect pitch with the music he made. Cas was breathless when Dean's face moved closer with every word.
Someone's always coming around here
Trailing some new kill
Says „I've seen your picture on a
Hundred-dollar bill
What's a game of chance to you
Here is one of real skill
So glad to meet you, Angeles
He moved his eyes to Dean's lips to watch as they formed around each word with perfect harmony. With every lyric, every chord played, he felt chills form throughout his body.
Picking up the ticket shows there's
Money to be made
Go on, lose the gamble that's the
History of the trade
Did you add up all the cards left to play
To zero
And sign up with evil, Angeles?
Don't start me trying now
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
‚Cause I'm all over it, Angeles
As awkward as it seemed to be more tears formed in Cas' eyes. He felt the heat of the tears press down his cheeks as the first few fell. Dean sang with such pain that it was hard not to feel. Like his own barrier had broken, Dean's eyes became wet before the closed them tight. Castiel wanted to reach out to him. To do something to soften the burden that he always seemed to be carrying.
I can make you satisfied in
Everything you do
All your secret wishes could right
Now be coming true
And be forever with my poison arms
Around you
No one's gonna fool around with us
No one's gonna fool around with us
So glad to meet'cha, Angeles
As the music drifted out Castiel noticed how incredibly close they had gotten, not once moving their eyes from the other. Dean's lips stayed in a hard straight line as the last chord rang through the night. He placed the guitar to the side and positioned his hands on either side of Cas' face. He pulled him in slowly, still searching his eyes for something, before pressing their lips together. The deep breath that Cas found that he had been holding throughout the whole song was released, and sucked up by Dean's fiery kiss. Castiel pushed his hands through Dean's hair, at the same times pulling his head closer so he could be closer to him. He couldn't stand the space between them. Dean seemed to feel the same way. He moved across the bench till he was almost in Cas' lap. His tongue found Dean's earning a heavily moan to escape from the back of his throat.
His hands moved their way down Dean's body till they were pulling at his hips, inching him even closer to his body. He was no longer cold from the wind. His skin was burning from the heat of their kiss, from Dean's own body heat, from the fire that burned him whenever Dean touched him.
"Cas—" Dean moaned, pushing back till he was looking him in the face. His pupils were blown, even in the darkness of the night, and his cheeks were flushed, not from the nip of the wind. "Let's go back to your room, 'kay?" He mumbled, moving back in for another heated kiss. It took everything in Cas to push Dean away from him. Not even having the energy to speak, he nodded and stood. Dean grabbed his guitar and followed Cas back inside. The heat of the bunker was too much on his already heated skin. They were both eagerly stripping their clothes before they even entered his room. When Dean placed his guitar safely to the side, Cas was lowered onto the bed, Dean straddling his hips. The impact of their lips meeting again was painful. Their teeth collided sharply and one nipped Cas' bottom lip. He thought he could taste a hint of blood, but that didn't stop them. Dean mumbled an apology and Cas accepted it in between their need for contact.
Dean's mouth fell from Cas' lips to his jaw, biting slightly along the line of it, down towards his collarbone. He sucked the skin in between his lips, leaving a huge pink mark there in the process. Cas placed his hands on Dean's hips, pulling them towards his throbbing cock. He hissed when only his stomach brushed up against it. He was painfully in need of even more contact. From the needing look in Dean's eyes it showed he did too.
With one fluid motion, Castiel pinned Dean on his back, and leaned in close to grab Dean's lips in between his. He bit at his bottom lip slightly before pulling away to look him in the eyes. He lowered his hand to Dean's dick, took it and began to rock up and down. It didn't take long for him to find a rhythm that worked for them both. He pumped the base of his cock a few times before sliding down Dean's body. He'd only done this one time before; the night he had returned to Dean. After their first time together Dean seemed to think it was a mistake. Cas silently obliged to that, and no longer brought it up. That's why it was such a shock when Dead had kissed him on that bench. He loved Dean. He always had. He hated the thought that Dean didn't want him anymore. He hated not being close to him for another minute. He'd give Dean what he wanted tonight, even if that meant in the morning he would be thrown away again like another late night mistake.
Dean was already leaking pre-come before Castiel took him in his mouth. He was hot in the small confines of his lips. Dean held his hips firmly against the bed so he didn't buck up and choke Cas. He licked up the vain till only the head was in his mouth, before taking him whole again. He continued to pump in rhythm with his mouth. Dean was making the most obscene noise Castiel had ever heard him make. It was almost enough to send him over the edge before they had even gotten anywhere. Dean was panting his name in seconds as Cas hallowed out his cheeks before releasing his throbbing length with a loud smack. He picked up his speed as he continued to jerk Dean off, watching as he fought to keep his eyes open. Castiel slowed down his pace suddenly as Dean's orgasm washed through him. His hips moved from the bed, as he tried to keep from screaming. Come covered his stomach and Cas' hand in quick spurts. His head fell back to the pillow as his hands reached out to hold on to Cas' shoulder. He smiled as he moved up Dean's body to crash their lips together. He was in desperate need of release himself, but he wasn't going to ruin the moment for Dean. He wasn't going to ask anything else of him anymore. Dean's eyes opened slowly and finally set their sights on him, a faint smile, the first hint of a smile he'd seen on him since he'd gotten back, playing at his swollen lips.
"Holy fuck Cas—" He swallowed Dean's words with another light kiss to his lips.
"I'll clean you up." He whispered. He jumped off the bed to retrieve an unused shirt from somewhere on the floor. He came back to Dean and quickly cleaned up his stomach and his own hand. Tossing the soiled shirt over his side, Castiel fell to Dean's side, to watch him fight to catch his breath. He could hear Dean's heart pounding in his chest, along with his own, over the amount of silence in the room. He watched the rise and fall of his chest, with every breath, almost putting him to sleep in the process. His eyes were slowly drifting off from the peaceful scene in front of him. Before he could drift off, Dean rolled over to face him. His lips fell to Cas' in a lazy exchange of kissing. His hands, wrapping around his waist, pulling him close in what could only be described as a cuddle.
"Thank you." He whispered into the night.
"You have nothing to thank me for Dean." His own whispers mixed into the silence now. "I should be the one thanking you…apologizing actually…for everything."
"Hey, Cas…don't worry about it man. We can get through this. We always do. I don't see why this time would be any different. We're Winchesters after all." Castiel only nodded in agreement and tightened his own grip on Dean's hips. With his head on Dean's chest how calm his breathing and heart had become. Dean's arms tightened around him as sleep almost washed over both of them. Before Dean could start to snore, Castiel began to hum, quietly at first, but soon he picked up the volume. He felt Dean's body tighten up before relaxing back into its sleeping state with the increasing melody. Castiel began to sing in the softest voice he could manage.
Hey jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let him into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.
And anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.
So let it out and let it in, hey jude, begin,
Youre waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey jude, you'll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.
Hey Jude….
Hey—Jude—