Someone prompted me to write some Greed/Envy, so here it is. Not much more to say. Warning: A bit of naughty language, and dub-con.
As a general rule, a long forgotten city of ruins, sunken beneath the earth and inhabited only by man's greatest sins, does not often change itself during the centuries it spends down there. The air is stagnant, the streets are empty, and said inhabitants…well. The great thing about sins is that they're pretty unchanging as well, deep down in their glowing red core. Lust will always be Lust, Pride will always be Pride, and Greed and Envy…well, they're the oldest, and therefore the most stubborn by default. They certainly don't change, not in their ways and not in their attitudes towards each other.
This is a good thing, because when something does change, it's usually for the worst.
Or at least, Envy preferred to pretend that this was a decided step backward in his long-standing and willingly mutual loathing for the sin in front of him. He had to, because if he decided that he liked Greed slamming him into a wall hard enough to send a spider web of cracks through the stone (nothing new), and biting at his lips and neck as he rubbed against him (very new), well, that would make things far more complicated than Envy was willing to deal with.
He couldn't even remember how they got into this position, because Greed's teeth were so. Damn. Distracting.
"What--" Greed kissed him far harsher than necessary, and only laughed when Envy bit down on the intruding tongue hard enough to sever it. Envy spat out Greed's blood and tongue in disgust as the sin pulled back, licking his lips with a still regenerating tongue, and damn that was a disturbing sight. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he snapped, his lips and chin stained red, and Greed wouldn't stop looking, as if he had accomplished something great by having his tongue bitten off. Freak.
"Shutting you up," said Greed simply, his grin too wide and too full of teeth. Those were stained too, with Envy's blood. It was a weird sight, Envy supposed, to see so much blood but no wounds. A human would have probably passed out by now. "Beheading you doesn't do it. Insulting your ugly ass---" Envy tensed and kicked out, but Greed only shifted so Envy's leg slung awkwardly around his waist instead. It was removed quickly, with a shudder of disgust. "That doesn't do it either. Dante doesn't give a shit, and Lust thinks it's funny. Compared us to a squabbling couple once. So I thought…"
"Really? You thought? My, my, isn't that a miracle."
"So I thought," Greed continued, a tad more irritable, and Envy had to smirk. "Well, maybe she's on to something, I thought. And hey, if this---" He thrust against Envy hard. Hard enough to hurt, in fact, and Envy briefly wondered if Greed had carbonized his hips and cock to make it so painful. The thought made a laugh interrupt an involuntary gasp that the sudden pressure elicited, turning it into a breathy sound of pleasure that Greed took as encouragement.
"If this doesn't shut you up, well, at least it'll hurt you." He paused, thoughtful. "And I get laid."
"You're such an idiot," Envy hissed, wondering why he didn't just shape shift into a snake, or vapor, or maybe into Dante herself, see how much Greed wanted to fuck him when he saw her face. No, he probably would anyway. Sick bastard.
"Yeah? And what are you?" A tanned hand slipped between Envy's legs, hiking up the skirt and casually shredding the material beneath. "I've been dying to find out…"
He groped. He stopped. And Envy remembered why he was putting up with this, because the look on Greed's face as he felt around between Envy's legs was worth anything the Gate could take away from him.
"Something wrong?" Envy asked, saccharine sweet as Greed's face slipped from confusion to shock to rage. Envy was a beautiful homunculus, a fact the sin was quite proud of, beautiful enough to blur the lines of gender and inspire endless guesses and whispers. No breasts, has to be a male---oh no, but look at the face, hear the voice, the clothes, it's a female all right—an androgynous male---a hermaphrodite--
They were all wrong.
There was nothing between Envy's legs but smooth skin. No genitals whatsoever. Envy had no gender.
He--no--It laughed as Greed's face twisted into a snarl. "So sorry to disappoint you," it said, not sounding sorry at all. "Thanks for playing."
Greed looked at it, and Envy could see its reflection in the round shades of his sunglasses. Greed's grin was more like a grimace, and he slammed Envy around. Fingers that were suddenly sharp and rock hard probed at the one opening Envy did have. It winced as it felt something slice and bleed.
"Oh, we're not done playing yet," growled Greed, unwilling to be made a fool of. The whining sound of a zipper was heard. "You're not the only one who's flexible."
Envy twitched.
On the other side of the city, Dante looked up in alarm as a thunderous explosion shook the streets, sending a billowing cloud of smoke in the air as some buildings groaned and collapsed. For an instant, she thought of an intruder, but then a green leviathan rose above the wreckage, a vaguely familiar blue figure currently being gnashed between its teeth.
Dante sighed, cursed them both for making her old bones tense, and returned to her book.
Sixty-seven years later, Greed lay chained in a deep and hidden room in a place that would one day be called Laboratory Five. The alchemic signals on the wall glowed red and pulsated with life. Somewhere, dusty human remains lurked in the darkness, a chain far stronger than any of the sigils on the walls.
Envy watched from the lip of the hole, grinning as it balanced on its heels on the edge, convinced it wouldn't fall. Greed glared at it, but didn't have the energy for much else.
"Serves you right," Envy said, with no small amount of smugness. Its bony arms rested on equally bony knees, fingers dancing in the air carelessly. "She warned you."
"I'm not her pet, and I'm not her slave," Greed growled. The words slurred together, making Envy laugh.
"Of course not," it simpered. "That would imply you're worth something."
Dante called from far beyond the limits of Greed's sight; her voice sounded much younger now. Envy glanced over its shoulder, then back down into the pit.
"You know, Greed," it said, pulling its arms behind it and resting on its palms. Still in its crouching position, the movement made Greed painfully aware of how Envy's legs were spread wide. The black hole between them seemed to mock him. "If this doesn't shut you up, at least it'll hurt you."
Pushing up from its hands, Envy back flipped out of Greed's sight, laughing.
"Though you still won't get laid!" it sang.
The pit sealed itself shut.