written for the fanfiction competition for the falcons as keeper. i had to break up remus/sirius with peter, which was an...interesting...challenge, to say the least. ew. anyway, i hope you like it!
"You can't trust him," Peter had told Remus once. "He's too wild. He'll never settle down."
Remus had known Peter was right. He just hadn't expected Peter to be the one Sirius left him for.
It hurt. He wasn't sure what hurt most, though. It could have been the loneliness he felt as he moved, packing his memories into a few small boxes. It could have been the way Sirius glared at him during Order meetings, frightening him, making him feel like he'd done something wrong when he hadn't. It could have been the slight smirk Peter got whenever Remus was around, his sweaty hands clutching Sirius's in a tight grip.
It might have been that way James and Lily looked at him now, her eyes pitying and his eyes confused. Peter wasn't the queer one, James's eyes said. Remus and Sirius were. They were meant for each other, said James's constant awkward glances and forced laughter. Peter was the one who was meant to die alone, not Remus.
Maybe, Remus would think as he walked home from work, Sirius would tire of Peter. Maybe he would ask Remus for forgiveness. Remus would accept it, if not for the way the look in Lily's eyes would change. He could stand pity. He didn't think he'd be able to stand shame.
Days passed. Months. The looks in James and Lily's eyes began to change from pity and confusion to distrust. We know why Sirius broke up with you, those eyes said. Remus seemed to be the only one who didn't.
"What are you doing here?"
Sirius was standing in the door of Remus's apartment. He was drunk. Remus could smell the alcohol on him.
"Why," slurred Sirius. "Why wasn't...I good enough for y-you...why did'ja...do...why'd you go and...I loved you, but Peter says..."
Remus stared at Sirius. He didn't know what to say. Sirius was slumping against the wall now. He was so drunk he could barely stand.
"What are you talking about, Sirius?" asked Remus.
He refused to invite Sirius in. Sirius, even while drunk, did not need to see the depths to which he has fallen.
Sirius wagged a finger at him, and Remus stupidly thought that Sirius looked nice in his leather jacket even when he was drunk.
"You...p'cked sides..." said Sirius slowly. "Peter says...you went to him..."
Remus took a step back in shock. He tried to take a breath but couldn't. His chest hurt.
"You think I'm the spy," said Remus. "You think I betrayed us."
Sirius did not reply. He had regained himself enough to remember that he was only supposed to glare at Remus.
Remus Flooed Peter and told him where Sirius was. Peter thanked him profusely, slicking back his receding hairline as he prepared to enter the fireplace. Peter thought he was the spy. Why did they even talk to him? Why did they even bother?
When Peter came around to collect Sirius, he supported the much taller man on his shoulder, dark locks mixing with greasy blonde ones. He glanced back at Remus as he reentered the Floo and smiled.
Remus cried in bed that night.
Order meetings became the least favorite part of Remus's week. He hated them. He hated the suspicion people cast in his direction. He hated the understanding looks Dumbledore gave him, his reassurances that, when this was all over, people would know that he wasn't the spy.
He hated seeing Dumbledore's smile slip out of the corner of his eye and seeing the same worry in the old man's face that plagued everyone around him.
Remus hated that going home to an empty apartment and going to work at a shady, dangerous warehouse was preferable to the Order of the Phoenix, which claimed to be against prejudice even as it practiced it.
At the end of one Order meeting, Remus felt a sharp tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw Peter looking at him, small eyes watery and afraid. Behind him, Sirius was staring at Remus, frowning.
"I need to talk to you," said Peter. "In private."
"Tell Sirius to leave, then," said Remus dully. "It's not my job."
Peter hurried over to Sirius and whispered something to him. Sirius, pointedly not looking at Remus, grabbed Peter by the chin and kissed him hard and long, until Peter was gasping for breath and had to pull away. Sirius left, shrugging his leather jacket on with faked nonchalance.
"What did you want to talk about?" asked Remus, eyeing the door that Sirius had just blown through.
"More private," said Peter, tugging him on the sleeve like the child he had once been, like the eleven-year old boy he'd befriended in his first days at Hogwarts.
"It's already empty in here," said Remus, unwilling to play along.
Peter looked at him, uncertainty written in every line on his face. Where was the confident thief of Sirius's affections? Remus still dreamed about Peter's smirk as he led Sirius away from him. Where was that man?
"I'm not gay," said Peter suddenly.
Remus couldn't find it in himself to be shocked. He had had too many bad days lately, too many missions, too much heartbreak. He had been the one to find Marlene McKinnon and her family's bodies. Not even the full moon would be able to erase those images from his mind.
"I know," said Remus.
Peter was surprised by this. He was often surprised when people knew things he thought he'd kept secrets. Most people often were.
"I stole Sirius away from you," said Peter quietly. Remus was almost proud of Peter, in a way. It was always hard for Peter to own up to his actions. "I told him things about you that aren't true. I lied to him and told him you were a traitor, but he refused to leave you unless...unless it were to be with me."
Sirius liked ultimatums.
"What are you getting at, Pete?" said Remus, slipping up and using a name from a happier time, from life in a castle that felt impregnable to the Dark Lord's forces, a place where love and magic bested evil and jealously.
"I had a reason," said Peter, fidgeting. He was sweating profusely. It dripped down his forehead in rivulets and stained his robes. "I'm so afraid to tell you though. I'm afraid no one will ever forgive me."
"I'm not in the mood to forgive anyone," said Remus before he could stop himself.
Peter took a step back, his gaze on his shoes. "Remus, listen to me, it's...I'm..."
Remus felt a surge of pity for Peter, who couldn't keep a secret to save his life, not even one of his own. Peter, who's greatest accomplishment thus far in life was stealing someone else's boyfriend. Did Sirius realize? He wasn't a stupid man. Sirius was probably using Peter the same way he'd used Remus.
"I don't want to hear it, Peter," said Remus. "We're not friends anymore."
He turned and left Peter Pettigrew standing alone in the middle of a safe house, opening the door and walking out of his life for thirteen long years.
r and r plz