"Whether you are ending a life, beginning a new life, or repenting for the one you are living right now, St. Rockefella's is the place to be." Read the tackey white plastic sign hung in a modern fashion that car dealerships have a good hand upon beneath the tackier still 4 foot stainless steel cross placed upon the top of the remorseful church as if it was thrown up by God his self. The place looked like it was ready to have its own funeral, or at least repent for uniting another couple in unholy matrimony yet again.
A woman about the age of 23 crunched down the isle after the parade of rice (and a few odd rocks…) throwers left to follow the sickening sweet new bride and groom to the reception where, inevitably, people will become unbearably drunk, do horridly stupid things, und end up back to this very same church to use one of its three services that it had to offer the marvelously sinful and obtuse. The woman sighed as she pulled her long corn silk hair into a simple black ribbon, pulled her sleeve to her elbows, and started to sweep up the remnants of the supposed 'happy' time.
"Yes, thank you father, I will be sure to remember. But its for your own good! Mmk. Buh-bye now."
Alice looked up from her cleaning and smiled her school girl smile as her boyfriend of two years walked slowly toward her.
"The priest got drunk from the wine and had sex in the confessional booth with the bridesmaid again?" Alice was rolling her eyes to the heavens as she asked this. How many times had this happened?
"You bet. But this time it was with the best man. I had to take Father's car keys away from him."
"Didn't think the best man swung that way."
"Apparent ally the priest got mistaken for a woman because of his robes."
"Ha! That's what they all say." Alice tucked a loose hair behind her ear, "Well, we better get Mr. Lewis up to the front. We still need to dress him in his knight's garb."
It was a well known that Alice was a chronic overachiever. The only reason that she wasn't totally stressing about the priest going home drunk was because she had planned for it to happen, and hired an extra priest just in case. In fact, the whole wedding went exactly as she planned, which was extraordinary. Alice loved for everything to be organized, and every one of her days were planned exactly out. In her mind she was almost a superwoman! Cue the music, for here she comes to save the day!!! Da Da D-
A soft, sickening thud fell upon the scuffed wooden floors of the church. Crap. She didn't plan for him to do that! Nor did she figure that he would get on one knee and pull out an engagement ring! Well this was certainly a first. Alice giddily said 'yes' to the popped question, she and her now fiancé walked out of the church so that they might have some better time alone, leaving Mr. Lewis sprawled halfway out of his coffin looking like a possum playing dead rather than a valiant knight in shining armor. But who cared about that, anyways? Well, er, besides his wife, young children, and handful of mistresses. But that was beside the point. The point was that Ms. Alice Liddel was now going to be a part of Mr&Mrs Alice and James Hart!
No longer shall be forced to blush when they awkwardly kissed g'night, leaving each other to separate houses. For now, they will be able to sleep in the same house, maybe even the same room! The worries and frets about their hygiene will be gone forever, because they will be able to see each other, dare I say, (but quietly now) naked with out it being called scandalous and them worrying about going to Hell for what they have seen.
Alice slowly stole a look at James as they walked down the path leading to nowhere. He wasn't ugly, or plain even. He was quite handsome, really. Alice's eyes floated down his sensible haircut the color of a bark (a dog's bark, for tree's never do), past his sensitive, knowing pale green eyes. The rolled down his prominent nose, over his sensuous lips, tickled his strong jaw, and teased his lovely collarbone. James leaned down and in to embrace her, his cologne engulphing her in a cloud of pleasurable europhia, and her mind's eye began to slowly undress him, garment by clumsy garment.
"Stupid Janet in that Examit!"
Damn. They were both down to their underwear, and it was starting to really get hot in Alice's sinful mind, before James had so rudely interrupted. She took a mental breather, came back down to reality (fully dressed) and stared at him dumbly.
"She cheated off my examit! Odd thing to remember at a time like this, though."
A bad time indeed it was! And what the hell was an examit? Alice cocked her head to the right, and though those very same words. It seems almost as if she is not the great wife-to-be that she always showed the public.
"Didn't we meet in that… examit? Who was the teacher, love? I can't for the life of me remember."
Truthfully, she has the memory of an elephant with a vendetta on a couch, but the great wife-to-be appearance she felt had to be kept up, meaning that she should never show her actual mental capacity. At least, not in public. Maybe in the bedroom for something kinky involving a librarian, but I don't believe James was into that kind of thing. But right now it was time for James' ego boost! Here it comes! Don't blink, or you might miss it! And remember folks, please keep all hands, feet, and heads (quit rolling in the gutter) inside at all times when the ride is in motion.
"I believe it was Dr. Wainen." Cue James' chest puffing out.
"Oh! I remember him! He had those abnormally long ears, and that fetish for carrots and queens!"
"Don't forget his obsession with the time! 'Do you have the time? What's the time on that now?' Lord have mercy, did that get on my nerves!"
"…We should go visit him. We did meet in his class."
"That sounds like a gre-"
"I mean, who cares if he did all those things with those mums after school on Wednesdays. I'm sure he's perfectly harmless now."
"He di-"
"But even if he wasn't harmless, the worst that he did to them that he might do to us would be to dress us up as slutty queens and whip up with a bunch of carrots."
"Carrots?"
"Well, I suppose he did impregnate that one unfortunate excuse for a mum. But frankly, that father shouldn't have left her alone for so long. She really was a skank."
"Skank?"
Alice was about to continue on the scandals of Dr. Wainen, but she was startled by several faraway screams of terror.
"Crap, hun. I forgot to put Mr. Liddel in his place. I'll be right back, and we can go take a trip to Dr. Wainen's"
She swiftly ran away as she said this, her blue dress flying shamefully near her knees. A few long moments passed, letting James finally get the balls to say what he wanted to say.
"That was MY mum that he impregnated!"