A Frozen Heart Finally Melted
Hatori was in his office writing up the latest report on Akito's medical condition when he glanced up at the photo of Kana he kept on his shelf amongst his medical books. His heart tugged painfully as he recalled her beautiful smile that had captured his heart. Akito walked in the office. "Hatori." He greeted coldly. "Akito. You should be resting" "I see you still have that picture of her. I don't know why you still have it. You're better off without it to be honest" Akito said not caring how harsh his words sounded to Hatori. "Is there something I can do for you Akito?" Hatori asked, changing the subject. "Do you still love her?" Akito snapped. Hatori stared at the picture for a long time before answering. "Yes. Yes I do" Akito shrugged and walked out "Don't know what you see in her."
Hatori gazed out of the window. Nothing but hurt showed in his eyes. Ayame was wondering the grounds of the Sohma Estate and looked up to see Hatori gazing out "Hatori, he seems kind of off lately" he thought to himself. Hatori had barely noticed Ayame as he gazed out the window before turning away.
Ayame walked in the office and draped a towel over Hatori's head "My, My Hatori. You seem awfully pale as of late" Hatori pulled the towel off and sighed. "So now you have the qualifications of a doctor Ayame?" Ayame chuckled a bit "Even if you are a bit sick, looks like that attitude of yours hasn't changed! It's okay though because I am here to look after you!" he spoke cheerfully as he spun on one leg holding out the fan he was holding. "Settle down Ayame before you break something!" He wasn't in the mood for Ayame's cheerful attitude. Ayame stopped and asked in all seriousness "But you know…She's married now, isn't she?" Hatori gazed at the photo. He heard rumors she was engaged. "Is she? Well…she's in the past now" "Are you strong enough to cope? The incident with Akito, I mean?" Hatori avoided eye contact "I'm fine Ayame" he replied after a moment. "I see….Well then…" he held up a new dress "I have this wonderful new dress to show you! I'm so proud of my brilliance! I made it especially for you Hatori! Oh do try it on. I'm sure you'll look just ravishing in it!" Hatori almost died. He'd admit that the dress was beautiful – for a woman though. There was no way he would try it on for Ayame. "Why don't you get Tohru to try it on? I'm sure it will look better on her…" He studied the dress that Ayame had made. He had a talent and producing clothing and, deep down, Hatori was proud of Ayame and his success. "Oh! What's this? Hatori, you were imagining Tohru in a dress! I knew you always liked her, after all, you did treat her wound for free! Tori, Tori, Tori! You shouldn't hide things from your Papa Ayame! Not very nice, you know!" Hatori groaned in frustration. "I don't know who's got the worse perverted sense of mind; you or Shigure? As for treating Tohru's wound for free, that's because I know that she will make a difference for the better between Kyo and Yuki. She cares for the members of the Sohma family just as much as those members care for her." Ayame laughed "Yes well, Tohru is a little angel in that household but if you insist on her trying the dress that I shall make her my little model. For I too, think she will be a darling lady in this gorgeous dress of mine!" He laughed to himself as he walked out of the office. Hatori sighed. Ayame can be quite a handful at times.
Ayame walked into Shigure's home and cheerfully yelled out "Oh Shigure! I am home! Come see the new dress I made for Tohru!" Ayame heard a soft chuckle as Shigure walked out of his office into the living room "Oh Ayame! It has been too long since our last meeting. There are just not enough days for me to spend time with you!" Shigure spoke allowing his ego to rise. "Oh Shigure I know exactly how you feel! I shall not part from you for another day!" "Oh stop!" Shigure laughed. "A new creation for Tohru then?" "Oh yes! Made from the most finest material in all of Japan. It was imported from England originally. I'm certain that she will look simply divine in it!" Ayame dropped the dress carefully on the table and looked at Shigure with a concern in his eyes. "I saw Hatori earlier this morning" "Oh yes? And how is Ha'ri doing?" "Not so well I'm afraid" "What happened?" Shigure asked, concerned for his best friend. "I'm not too sure. I believe Akito may have said something to upset Hatori. But do you remember that time when Hatori went downhill?" "When he lost Kana?" "Yes. I'm afraid that he's going down that same path again. He looked awfully pale today Shigure" "Try not to worry Ayame. Give him a couple of days and then I'll pay him a visit" Ayame nodded and went into the kitchen and brewed some green tea for the both of them. Ayame and Shigure sat around the table and talked all afternoon.
It had been a day or so and Hatori let himself go into a deep depression. Although he appeared normal and in his usual cold manner on the outside, he was a mess on the inside. He had barely eaten anything in days and he barely slept; when he did he would have painful nightmares of Kana. Perhaps if Akito had of kept his mouth shut that day at the office then Hatori wouldn't be feeling like crap. Who knows? But at the moment, Hatori hardly cared. He shut his eyes for a moment and fell into a restless sleep. He was startled awake from a nightmare an hour later. Gripping his hair, he didn't know what to do. He needed a break to clear his mind. He got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed and drove around to Shigure's house. When he got there he parked the car in front of the house and just sat there. He clenched the steering wheel tightly until his knuckles were white. His breathing was shaky and he looked like death; had barely eaten anything in over a week, pale and the nightmares took a toll on him. He was tired…and hurting.
Shigure heard a car pull up but no other sounds. He went out to investigate and saw the familiar car. "Hmm? Oh Ha'ri's here..." He walked over to the car and tapped on the glass window. Hatori didn't respond for a minute but then he opened the door slowly. Shigure stepped back and held the door open, smiling; he looked down at his friend "Ha'ri!" he greeted happily. Hatori raised his now empty and lost eyes to Shigure; quietly seeking help. Shigure's usual smiling goofy face drooped the moment he noticed Hatori's condition. He knelt down beside the car and looked up at him. "Hatori?" he asked quietly. Hatori didn't say anything nor did he even look at Shigure. Shigure stood up and helped Hatori out of the car and got him inside the house. Hatori just let Shigure lead him inside the house, remaining quiet. Once Shigure had sat him down, he asked quietly. "Hatori, what happened? Did something happen with Akito?" he was seriously worried for his friend. He knew Ayame said that Hatori looked poorly but he didn't realize until now how bad Hatori was. Hatori nodded "Akito…Kana…He said some…things…" Hatori really wasn't in his right mind at all. The things that Akito had said had upset him deeply that caused him to be in such a depression. Shigure sighed softly "That Akito. He really likes putting salt over the wound, doesn't he?" These were the things that Shigure didn't like about Akito. He was always hurting others, always trying to get attention just like a little kid. He looked over at Hatori "You haven't been eating have you Hatori? I'll heat up some leftover stew Tohru made, if you want some?" Hatori shook his head, he leant forward and gripped his hair "It hurts Shigure…It really does hurt" "I know..." Shigure got up and walked over to Hatori, kneeling down beside him. Hatori lowered his voice as it broke "I don't know what to do…I…had nowhere else to go…I'm sorry" Shigure gripped his shoulder and spoke firmly to him "Don't be sorry. You can come here any time you want. Why don't you stay here a couple of days, away from the Estate, away from Akito?" Hatori placed a hand over Shigure's that was on his shoulder and gripped it. "Thank you…" Shigure smiled. "No need to thank me. It's what us friends do. Why don't you have a shower and I'll heat us up a meal that Tohru cooked? She will be home later on tonight sine she's working." Hatori nodded and did what Shigure said. As Shigure walked into the kitchen he thought deeply about his beloved Ha'ri. He knew he held him close to his heart, but seeing Hatori like this was something different. It ached at his heart to see him in such a heartbroken state of mind. Deep down, he loved Hatori more than just a friend.
Hatori walked out into the kitchen once he had his shower, he hair still dripping wet. "Ah! Ha'ri. I'm almost ready here. Why don't you go sit down?" Hatori nodded and walked into the dining room where he sat down. Shigure came out with leftover Leek Stew that wasn't eaten due to Kyo disliking it.
As he sat down he looked over at Hatori. "After this, I want you to go to sleep Hatori" "I can't" "Why not?" "Because I'm too scared to fall asleep." "Nightmares?" Hatori nodded slowly. "I'll sit with you."
After half an hour, Shigure had eaten all his dinner and sweets but Hatori barely touched anything. Shigure got up and touched his shoulder "Let's get you to bed" He led Hatori to the guest room and sat by Hatori's bed. It was a couple of hours before Hatori settled into a restless sleep. He had been tossing and turning from what appeared to be another nightmare. Shigure smiled sadly. It really did hurt him to see Hatori like this.
Just then, Shigure heard the door slide open and shut. He went down to greet the three young ones before they made any noise. As Yuki, Kyo and Tohru came home, the three were sat down by Shigure to have a discussion. "What's this all about? Why is Hatori here?" Kyo asked, not impressed. "Will you shut up and let Shigure talk?" Yuki snapped. Kyo went to snap back but Tohru's tiny voice broke the argument "Shigure…I noticed Hatori's car is here. Is he alright?" Kyo's eyes widened. He didn't even notice the car. Yuki looked at Shigure. "Ah. Well that's why I gathered you all here. Yuki and Kyo, do you remember when you were young and how nasty Akito can be towards you?" Both Yuki and Kyo went pale whilst Tohru looked at them, worried for how scared they looked and for what Shigure had to say about Hatori. The two boys nodded "Well it seems Hatori got a dose of Akito's nastiness too. I don't know the full story but I'm guessing it had something to do with Akito saying some nasty things about Kana"
"They're just words. He shouldn't take them to heart so easily" Kyo spoke up. Yuki looked over at Kyo "Yes, as much as that is true, Akito still has a technique of making others feel vulnerable by probing into the most painful wounds that we carry. This is so he can feel more powerful than the other person. I'm assuming it's because of Akito's illness that makes him look weak and therefore he wants to do anything and everything to become a stronger and feared person"
Tohru and Shigure secretly exchanged smiles as Kyo and Yuki were having a normal conversation and not arguing. "I'd appreciate it if the two of you keep quiet for the next few days"
Yuki and Kyo nodded. They remembered when Hatori went downhill before with the whole Kana situation. He barely ate and he barely slept. They never thought that he would be like that again. "Um…Shigure? How is Hatori?" Tohru asked. "Honestly, he's not in that good of a shape. He's resting for now" Yuki and Kyo nodded. "Has he had something to eat since he got here?" Tohru asked, prepared to cook for him straight away. Shigure smiled "Yes I heated some leftovers for him. Why don't you heat something up for you, Kyo and Yuki and then head off to bed?" "Okay!" Tohru excused herself to cook for herself, Kyo and Yuki. Shigure excused himself too, for it was getting late and he was getting tired.
Kyo, Yuki and Tohru stayed up. They were quiet as they sat around the table. "Do you think he'll be alright?" Yuki asked quietly. "Yeah. He got through it last time, didn't he?" replied Kyo. "Hmm" Yuki rested his chin on his hand as pushed his bowel away. "I didn't see it coming though. He always seemed so in control of everything. He always seemed like the kind of person that doesn't let things get to him. He'd get over and move on" Kyo mused out loud. "Didn't you listen to what I said earlier? Akito likes to reopen old wounds. And once those wounds have been opened, the person carrying the burden of such a memory can fall to pieces quite easily. Hatori had a way of dealing with it all by blocking it out and freezing his heart over. Akito reopened that wound and now all the frost in his heart is melting and turning into a mess" "You sound just like Shigure! All poetic! And I know what you meant!" snapped Kyo. "Actually…" Tohru added "Shigure is a novelist. Not a poet. Although, if he put his mind to it, he probably would make a great poet!" she beamed at the idea. Both Yuki and Kyo face-palmed themselves and groaned at the sheer thought of Shigure sprouting more than the usual amount of poetry he already does. "Oh my! We should get to bed. We have school tomorrow and it's getting rather late" Tohru panicked and quickly cleared the table and did the dishes. The three said goodnight and went to bed.
During the night, Hatori cried out and sat up in bed. Shigure came running out of his room and into the guest room, followed by Yuki, Kyo and Tohru. "Hatori? Hatori it's alright" Hatori was shaking and sweating; Shigure was trying to calm him down. Tohru was almost in tears, she'd never seen anyone in so much emotional pain. Kyo looked at her "It's okay. He'll be okay" Yuki came around to the other side of Hatori and spoke in the same hushed tones as Shigure. "Hatori. It's okay. You're okay" Eventually Yuki and Shigure got him calmed and settled down. "It's so horrible" Tohru whispered. "It's worse than last time Shigure. His nightmares weren't as bad. You have to do something" Yuki said. "Yes. I think once he settles down a bit; I'll take him to the Sohma Family Beach House"
After an hour, everyone finally got some rest.
As the morning sun crept over the grassy hills and the rays entered everyone's bedroom, they started getting ready for school. Tohru was up and early. She wanted to leave some food for Hatori during the day. "You seem to be cooking a lot, Miss Honda" Yuki said sleepily as he was still trying to wake up. "Oh. Well I thought since Hatori isn't quite 100 %, I thought I might make him some food for during the day. I'd hate for him to hungry" Yuki smiled. Tohru had such a kind heart.
Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo ate their breakfast and were greeted by Shigure who joined them for breakfast as well. "How is Hatori doing?" Tohru asked. "Sleeping. Which is exactly what I want him to do. Hopefully I can get him to eat something today" "Oh. Well, I cooked some food for him for today. I hope he likes it" "Oh Tohru. You'll make such a good housewife! I DO envy the man who gets to marry you" Tohru blushed deeply in embarrassment whilst Yuki and Kyo saw red "Have you no shame?" they both asked threateningly. "Not really" Shigure shrugged his shoulders and smiled that goofy smile of his. "Now you three better get going for school. You don't want to be late. And Kyo and Yuki: No fighting!"
Kyo, Yuki and Tohru set off for school as Shigure waved them off. He stood on his front porch enjoying the warm sunshine. "I'm sorry" "Ha'ri?" "About last night" "Don't be. You can't control nightmares. They just happen. As long as you know that you're going to be alright, then that's all that matters" "But am I Shigure? Am I going to be alright? I feel as though I'm no longer in control of anything. My life…My memories….My emotions…." "Hey…" Shigure placed a hand on Hatori's shoulder "Don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't ask for Kana to be taken away. It wasn't your fault." "But it was. I should be the one who was sorry. I was the one who didn't protect her." "Hatori. She couldn't control the way she felt. You can't control the way people feel" "I loved her!" "I know you did Ha'ri. I know you did." Hatori sighed and leant against the post. "Hatori…why don't we go to the Sohma Family Beach House? To get away from everything?" Hatori nodded to the idea.
Hatori slept during most of the day with Shigure checking in on him every hour. Around 3pm, the door slid open and closed, with footsteps announcing the arrival of Yuki, Kyo and Tohru home from school. Shigure came out and greeted them. "Hello everyone. How was school today?" "Fine." they mumbled. "How's Hatori? Did he manage to eat something today? Is he getting the rest he needs?" Shigure smiled at Tohru's never-ending concern. "Yes, Hatori's doing a little bit better. He did eat something and he's been sleeping most of the day. I'll be heading down the beach house with him tomorrow so will you three be alright by yourselves?" "Oh that's good. A beach house? Oh it sounds wonderful! I hope Hatori enjoys himself. Don't you worry about a thing Shigure. We will be fine!" Tohru spoke cheerfully.
"Fine! How can I be fine if I'm stuck with that stupid cat all the time!" Yuki thought to himself.
"Great! Just great! Now I'll have to listen to that damn rat whining about one thing or another!" Kyo thought to himself and then asked "How long will you be gone?" "Oh. Will little kitty Kyo miss me?" "DON'T CALL ME KITTY!" "So you admit you're little then? Finally accepting the truth stupid cat?" "I'M NOT LITTLE! AND DON'T CALL ME STUPID CAT EITHER!" "Shh! You stupid cat! Didn't you hear what Shigure said? 'Hatori's sleeping'!"
Kyo went to snap but bit back his words. "I'm going to my room!" "Just go. It's not like we need to hear every little thing you do!" snapped Yuki quietly. They argued quietly up the flight of stairs.
Tohru prepared dinner for the night and just as everyone sat down they heard a cry. "Hatori!" Shigure got up and ran into the guest bedroom. Hatori was sitting up in bed, shaking. His head hung in shame. "Hatori?" Hatori looked down at Shigure who was kneeling beside the bed but didn't say anything. Yuki quietly walked in followed by Kyo and Tohru. "Hatori. It's okay. It's okay" Yuki murmured softly as he and Shigure laid Hatori back down onto the bed. As Hatori closed his eyes, Yuki looked over at Shigure. "You've got to get Hatori out of here. He needs a break" "I know."
As everyone piled out of the room to leave Hatori to rest, they sat back around the table and just picked at their food. "I'm really worried about him" Tohru said sadly. "He'll be fine Tohru. He just needs a break where he knows that Akito won't be looking over his shoulder" Shigure said. "Since none of us are eating, why don't we spend our time catching up on some sleep?" Everyone nodded and helped clear the table whilst Tohru did the dishes. Everyone said they goodnights and went to bed. Shigure checked on Hatori whom was sleeping soundly.
The next morning, Hatori and Shigure were up early to pack. They left just after Tohru, Yuki and Kyo left for school. "Hatori. Can I ask you a question….about love?" "Love! Sure." Hatori and Shigure were on the road, driving to the Beach House that was three hours away. "If you loved someone, would you tell them?" "I suppose so. Depends if you're sure if the other person feels the same way too" "What if you can't tell?" "Well…you can either take the chance and confess your love to the person and make something of it or you can confess your love, the person rejects it and worst case scenario, you remain friends" "What about same sex love?" "Why all these questions?" "I'm a novelist Hatori. I need professional advice for my new story!" "My professional advice lies within medicinal practices. Not psychology." "But you did a bit of Psychology study in school!" "Yes I did. But why do you need MY advice? Why not ask Tohru…?" "Because I want professional advice!" Shigure whined when he wasn't getting any answers. Hatori sighed "Same sex love is no different to loving someone of the opposite sex. The love is still there. It's still the same love. You'd still lay your life down for the one you love regardless of race, sex, ethnicity etc." "And what do you personally think about same sex love?" "I just gave you my opinion" "That was your professional opinion Ha'ri! Not a personal one" "It also stands as my personal one too. Love has no boundaries. There is no wrong or right way to love someone." "Yes there is. Pedophilia, people who want to marry animals…" "Yes, well now you're just twisting my words" "Oh lighten up Ha'ri! We have another 2 and half hours to go!"
Shigure quietened down after he got his answers. So Hatori was all for homosexual relationships. Well…he agreed that they were acceptable. But was it acceptable between Shigure himself and Hatori? Should Shigure spill his heart to his best friend? But if he did, would that ruin their friendship? Would it destroy Hatori even more? Shigure was starting to stress and get tense but he wouldn't allow it to happen. He had to focus on Hatori. "We're here." Hatori said as he pulled the car into the car park. "Oh goody!" Shigure and Hatori got out of the car and stretched before they unloaded their suitcases and made their way up to the Sohma Family Beach House. "Oh Ha'ri! Isn't the warm breeze just simply wonderful" "Yes it is" As they got inside, they settled down. Hatori got out his latest medical book, laid on the couch and began to read whilst Shigure made himself a cup of tea and wondered how he was going to tell Hatori. After half an hour, Shigure got up and went to the balcony. He looked back and noticed Hatori had fallen asleep reading his book. "I guess you're exhausted huh?" His perfect chest was rising with each even breath he took. Shigure smiled. He carefully took the book off Hatori's chest and gently draped a blanket over him. Shigure sat back and watched Hatori sleep. He was so peaceful when he slept, it made him look cute. Hatori's fingers twitched slightly and he let out a long soft sigh. Shigure smiled and quietly made his way to the balcony. He had brewed another green tea and was sipping it contentedly when he heard Hatori cry out from a nightmare. Shigure rushed inside "Hatori?" "Shigure!" "Come outside and get some fresh air" Shigure led Hatori outside and sat him down. "Another nightmare?" "They just won't go away" "and here I thought, by coming here, you'd be relieved of them" Thinking Shigure was blaming him, he burst into tears. Everything that had happened; everything that he had kept bottled up inside came out. "Hatori! No, I didn't mean it like that! I'm so sorry! Please don't…" he voice trailed off as he wrapped his arms around his best friend for comfort. Hatori clung to Shigure and cried in his neck. His body shaking and racked with sobs. "It's okay…it's okay…" Shigure could feel the hot tears spilling down on his neck, but he didn't mind. "Shh…shh….It's okay…I've got you…It's alright….It's alright…." Shigure murmured as he held onto Hatori who was a complete mess. Hatori pulled away after he calmed down. "You're going to be okay." Shigure firmly reassured Hatori. "Thank you" he said "You don't need to thank me Ha'ri. I'd do anything for you" Hatori smiled at Shigure who smiled back. "Now, enough of this! Let's head down the beach and have some fun!"
Hatori and Shigure got up and went into their bedrooms and got changed from their clothes into their board shorts. Hatori wrapped his towel around his neck whilst Shigure had his towel draped over his shoulder. Shigure whistled "Whoa-ho-ho Hatori! If I had've known what a hot bod you had hidden away, I would have gotten you into your bathing suit much earlier!" Hatori jokingly death-glared at his friend. "Your bod doesn't scrub up too bad itself" he returned the compliment. "Oh stop Ha'ri! You're embarrassing me. Mind you though, this took a lot of effort to get my perfect abs!" "What abs?" "Hey! Use your imagination Hatori!" Both chuckling together as they made their way down to the beach. Hatori and Shigure splayed their towels out on the deserted beach and laid back. Hatori closed his eyes whilst Shigure looked around. "It's so peaceful" "Yeah" "Ha'ri…? Will you rub lotion on my back? I don't want to get burnt!" Shigure whined. Hatori sighed "What's wrong with you doing it?" After hearing the whininess in Shigure's voice he sat up and put some sunscreen on his hands and massaged them into Shigure's shoulders. Shigure closed his eyes, enjoying the long fingertips that massaged lotion into his shoulders. Shigure bit back a moan of pleasure. As Hatori massaged the sunscreen in, he felt some knots in Shigure's shoulders. "Shigure? You have knots in your shoulders. You haven't been straining yourself at work have you?" "Oh …well the deadline is coming up for my next novel so it's been pretty stressful with all the demands" Hatori worked out the knots of Shigure's shoulders. "Shigure…when you asked about loving the people of the same sex….why?" "because I do love someone…who's a male…" "Who?" "You" Shigure almost cringed as he waited for Hatori's response. "Me too" he whispered huskily. Hatori tilted Shigure's chin "Through everything; Losing my eye to Akito, Losing Kana, Akito just now… you've been there. My feelings developed overtime for you" He bent down and kissed Shigure. Shigure reached up and placed a hand behind Hatori's neck and pulled him down. Hatori kissed Shigure hungrily as he laid on top of him. Both uttering little moans in each of their hungry and passionate kisses.
If one person can be hurt by another; then that person can be healed by another.