Author Notes: Weeell..... That was my moment of epifany as I saw the episode. From then on, I'm convinced Bleach can have a base for yaoi too xD I think it's funny if you see the episode as you read the fic, by the 16min or so... or something like that... Well, when Grimmjow appears. My first Bleach story and I was convinced I'd be writing some smutty yaoi for my first time at ths fandom (IshidaxShirosaki or IshidaxShirosakixIchigo, my favs *.* yey threesomes to get starting well /pervface) But then I don't know what happened to me and I wrote this... thing... xD
Oh, and the title can be translated to (as my japanese is poor, I'm not sure): From Deceit to my Broken Heart.
Kara Giman Tame Ore no Shoushin
Grimmjow's head was spinning. Ichigo had beaten him good. He knew it had been like that because Ichigo had to put up a good act for the princess up above. He had beaten him good, but not good enough to make him dead. For him to survive the beating was the purpose, but Grimmjow didn't want that. He didn't need that.
Ichigo's mercy and pity.
It drove him mad that in the end the orange haired shinigami left him for that large chest girl. Ichigo said it was the best for both, so they didn't end up labeled as traitors, but in the end Grimmjow knew it was all for the shinigami's sake. Ichigo was the one who didn't want to give the trouble to fight for them, he didn't want to compromise his place in Soul Society as a hero and didn't want to give up the dream that every man had of a beautiful wife with huge breasts to welcome him home, after a stressful day at work, cooking and cleaning and at night a good time of fucking, well-known as the perfect life.
The small quantity of blood he still had in his body, rushed to his head as he saw Ichigo carrying that girl around. Taking the place she didn't deserve. His place.
He walked lousily, every muscle painfully screaming, though Grimmjow could overcome that, after all he was superior to pain. As he stood, a few drops of blood fell on the sand that was quick to absorb every drop of water in it before staining in red.
His presence was quickly felt, making all of them turn to him surprised. Even Ichigo's surprise was a genuine one. The shinigami thought that Grimmjow would stay down for his sake as they had agreed, though it was quite obvious that the Espada would get up if he had any strength to.
Grimmjow arched his back forward. Panting, his exhausted body calling for a rest, but he wouldn't let it fail him as he looked up to Ichigo's eyes, noting sadly as they were filled with those feelings he hated: mercy, pity, sorrow, and most of all, guilt.
Grimmjow's eyes expressed sadness, betrayal, anger, hurt and a broken heart. He was too tired to hide those emotions away as he looked at the orange haired shinigami with almost pleading eyes.
Don't tell me you are really going away with her.
You're really leaving me here.
Ichigo's eyes widened with what he saw in the Espada's eyes. "Grimmjow…" his name came from Ichigo's mouth as if it was choking him, trapped in his throat.
Grimmjow heavily walked forward, trying to reach him, with the same almost empty expression on his face as he did so.
"Kurosaki-kun." he heard that slutty woman talk to Ichigo as if he was a menace, as if she knew anything at all.
Grimmjow watched Ichigo pull his act up again, drawing his zanpakutou from his side with a determined face, waiting for him to catch them up.
The Espada tried to walk to the little group right ahead of him. His breath was quickened trying to keep air in his lungs as he almost dragged himself along the sliding ground. The wind blew a few grains of sand which infiltrated in his wounds, burning and making the pain more unbearable than it already was. Still Grimmjow walked on.
When he found himself a bit closer, he formed his fake zanpakutou again, impaling the shining silver in the air as a new challenge to the shinigami a few feet away from him. The new effort made a new pool of blood underneath him and he coughed tiredly.
His head was getting heavier by the moment and the Espada now had to make an effort to look up. The sight wasn't as pleasant as he wished, as it could have been. Ichigo's act was hurting him more than ever.
"I don't lose… I… I'll never lose… to someone like you!" Grimmjow shouted positioning his sword for attack and collecting every ounce in him to speed up at Ichigo who did the same towards him. His words weren't meant to Ichigo as it seemed, but to the girl beside him. He wouldn't lose to her, he couldn't. He really, really liked... He didn't knew what "like" or "love" was, but he had learned to say "I love you" with Ichigo. Ichigo had taught him a feeling he had never met, something so intoxicating, he now couldn't give up, that somehow he had to defend, but was failing miserably.
Ichigo blocked his attack easily, disposing his zanpakutou at the same time as he grabbed the Espada's hand which held his own fake zanpakutou. Ichigo wouldn't need his Zangetsu, but Grimmjow needed him to need the blade. It would be humiliating if the shinigami didn't use his zanpakutou. No, it was humiliating already. Grimmjow just didn't need it to be worse.
"Enough, Grimmjow…" Ichigo's nonchalant tone and tolerant voice was killing Grimmjow inside. The freezing cold indifference the boy was using with him. Why?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
His hand shook with rage combined with weakness, but he quickly controlled himself. He felt Ichigo's hand relax the grip on his wrist as a sign he wouldn't even try to fight.
"You have already lost."
As he watched the shinigami's lips form that sentence, his whole world seemed to be breaking apart. He was so sure of winning, he had given almost everything to Ichigo, more than that girl could ever give to him, and now, like it always happened, he was being disposed of. The whole speech that came next didn't matter, because Ichigo's message was in the first sentence. The whole crappy act that followed his rejection was as disposable as he was.
"I don't care if you are a king or not. But if you destroy everyone you don't like and become a king without subordinates… What's the purpose of all of this?"
Really, what was the purpose of everything Grimmjow had done till now?
Ichigo continued, the words going numb into the Espada's head. "If you despise me so much, I'll fight anytime you want. Then, forget everything for a while!" The chocolate orbs finally were revealing some of the feelings that had been kept inside. Finally he saw what he wanted, a little bit of recognition that their lives together had existed.
But how could he forget?
Grimmjow's hands became weak for a moment before speeding up again for a new attack.
"Never!" he shouted back. He simply couldn't accept it. "You are--" Something heavy pushed him violently aside, his weak body letting out a yelp before gladly falling on the floor. He let himself fall freely as he watched Ichigo's mortified look, his limp body finally waking up his old lover to reality, the reality of the loss of him, of what they could have been, of what he could have done. For a while he looked like he cared, so now, for the first time in Grimmjow's life, dying would be fine.