This has been playing around in my mind and I thought I'd jot it down. Not sure where I'm going with this and maybe I'll just leave it at this for now, but anyway, here is chapter 1 for now.

Set post "The Prodigal", the last episode of series 14.

"Shall we go for a stroll in the park?" Nikki asked as Harry switched off the engine of his car. They had just spent a lovely afternoon with Leo at a pub, celebrating his MBE. They had gone around to Leo's house afterwards so they could celebrate a bit with Janet as well who was only just recovering from a nasty pneumonia and hadn't been able to be present. Harry had seen to coffee, Nikki to cake, while Leo had settled Janet on the couch in blankets and they had chatted and laughed until Janet was really too tired and Harry and Nikki left. It was such a happy, warm, lovely day and although it was late in the afternoon Nikki wasn't ready for it to end. It wasn't often she and Leo and Harry could be so carefree and she relished it. Harry especially, seemed more comfortable and happy than he had been in weeks. It almost felt like having Harry back from pre-Hungary days and Nikki wasn't ready to let him go just yet.

Harry took the keys out of the ignition. "Haven't had enough socializing for one day then?" he winked at her. Nikki just beamed at him.

"It's just such a lovely, happy day and I'm not ready to have it end yet."

"Alright, little miss sunshine, let's go then," Harry smiled and they both got out and walked into the park near Nikki's flat.

Of course wearing heels wasn't ideal when walking across a pebbled path and when Nikki almost tripped, Harry gallantly offered his arm.

"You sure you don't want to change into other shoes first?" he asked. "We're just around the corner from your flat."

Nikki just shook her head, took his arm and they strolled off.

"I thought you could do anything on heels!" Harry said, steadying Nikki as she almost twisted her ankle on a pebble.

"I am discovering my limitations here, I must say," Nikki smiled. She then bent down and took off her heels, took them in her hand and, all the while not letting go of Harry, continued the walk.

Harry laughed, "That'll hardly be more comfortable."

"You can always be the perfect gentleman and carry me."

"Or you can always be the practical 21st century woman you are and just get some sensible shoes from your flat. That is, assuming you have any sensible shoes…"

Nikki just stuck out her tongue at Harry, pulled him to the side of the path so that she was walking on the grass while he stuck to the path.

"Ah, pragmatic as ever," Harry grinned.

"Soooo, Dr. Cunningham, when will you be doing something to warrant an MBE?" Nikki asked dryly, changing the subject.

"Is it important to you I have an MBE?" he asked

"Why, of course. Status is everything," she quipped.

"Well, I guess I will never be worthy of you, then, Dr. Alexander," he smiled.

Nikki stole a quick glance at him. He was so worthy of her, like no one else could be! She had finally realized that fully in Budapest but he wasn't ready, he was still preoccupied with Budapest and what had happened with Anna. Maybe this little comment hinted at him thinking more of her? She remembered the glance they had exchanged in the lab a few days back, when she had spoken of him being irreplaceable. He had understood the meaning of her look; she could tell by the way he had reacted. Wonder in the look he had given her and then the awkward smile as he looked away. He knew how she felt about him and it wasn't news to him. His reaction just clearly indicated he wasn't ready to face what there might be between him and herself. And now he was speaking of being worthy, could she take it as anything more than a throw-away comment?

"You've grown awfully quiet," Harry interrupted her thoughts. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Nikki smiled, evasively, "Oh, nothing special" and looked at Harry who in turn was looking at something beyond her.

"Tell you what, I buy you ice cream and you tell me what's up."

"Ice cream?"

"Yes, there's a guy selling ice cream there. Come on, let's go before he moves on," Harry said, dropping her arm and grabbing her hand instead, pulling her along to the ice cream stand. Nikki loved feeling his hand clasp around hers and deliberately slowed the pace just so she could enjoy the sensation a little longer before coming to the ice cream stand. Harry bought her ice cream and they found a park bench to sit on and enjoy it. When they had settled Harry said, "So, tell the doctor what's up?"

Nikki giggled. "Nothing's up, doctor. Besides I'm good at self diagnosis"

"Ah, but there's nothing like a second opinion. Come on!"

Nikki just sighed and then asked, "How seriously did you consider James's offer?"

Harry looked at her and gave her a little smile. "It got me thinking but I never considered it seriously. It made me realize that earning a lot of money isn't everything and that I am happy where I am right now..." Nikki's heart skipped a beat as he looked at her intently for a moment before continuing, "…you know, with Leo and with you at the Lyell Centre. We're family in a way, we work together so excellently as a team, it would be years before I could build something like this up elsewhere."

"Mmmm, I'm glad you're staying," Nikki managed to say softly and looked ahead again, finishing her ice cream.

Harry picked up her free hand and squeezed it and so they sat, hand in hand, in silence for a long time even after the ice cream was gone.

Nikki then turned to study Harry for a moment before breaking the silence and asking, "How are you holding up, Harry? Really?"

Harry gave her a broad smile. "I'm fine, Nikki. Don't worry. Back to work again and cracking cases, I may indeed be on track for an MBE after all!"

"Stop joking, Harry. How are you really? Still having nightmares?"

"Oh, what's a night without a nightmare? I'm fine, really," he said, squeezing her hand once more before letting go and getting up.

"Now, Dr. Alexander," he continued, "I need to get you home as I'm meeting my mum for dinner in town."

"Harry, stop avoiding my questions."

"Am I being ticked off now? I'm not avoiding, just not willing to discuss in detail."

Nikki got up, exasperated, "You can't bottle everything up all the time, Harry, or you'll explode."

"I'm fine," he insisted impatiently, yet still offering her his arm.

She took it and they marched off in an uneasy silence.

"I'm here if you need to talk." Nikki said presently.

"I know that but we've said all we needed to say about Budapest and I hardly think you care to discuss in detail all that happened with Anna, so the less said on that subject the better."

"You can talk to me about Anna if you like…"

"Nikki…" he said tiredly

"Really!" she insisted as she stopped at the park entrance and bent down to slip on her heels again. She then stood up and turned to face him so abruptly that she almost knocked his chin with her head as he stood hovering near her. She was very aware of the fact that her face was close to his now and she could have easily planted a kiss on his lips then and there. She quickly regained herself and stopped staring at his lips, then met his eyes who were studying hers.

"Nikki…" he said again softly.

"How can we ever build anything real if you won't confide in me?" she asked urgently, still so very close to him.

"We have something real here, Nikki. A friendship. Isn't that worth something?" he asked seriously.

"Yes, it is worth everything. But maybe… maybe…maybe…" Nikki started, not finding the words to say what was in her heart.

Harry placed a hand on her lips. "Don't say it, Nikki," he whispered.

Tears sprung to her eyes. "Harry, I thought I had lost you forever only a few weeks ago!"

At that he gently brushed away a strand of her hair and touched her cheek. Nikki, a little distracted, continued, "And… and I know you are grieving over Anna and over a baby you could have had with her, but I can't stay silent forever…"

Harry's hand left her cheek which suddenly felt cold and stepped back. "It's not Anna. Or the baby," he said simply.

Nikki looked at him questioningly, willing him to continue, and he did.

"I hardly knew Anna, really. And she shouldn't have gotten pregnant; she assured me she was using protection. Anna… well, I've given my time with her a place and that's that."

"Then, what is it, Harry?" Nikki asked, "Why… why… can't we…"

"Because we can't," he said matter-of-factly. His voice turned cool and businesslike, "We've become too close, you and I…"

"What better basis…?" Nikki started but was interrupted.

"I can't, Nikki. I can't let you in that close."

"Why not? Isn't that what partners…?" but again she couldn't finish.

"No, Nikki. You don't want to mess with the dark bottomless pit that is Harry Cunningham. I'd destroy you in the end and I can't… I can't do that to you."

"So, now what? You go off with a 25 year old bimbo and have babies without showing her your real self? You want out of bachelorhood and you think that being with someone on a superficial level is the way? It isn't, Harry. If you want to have any hope of happiness with someone you have to be able to share your innermost self."

"I can't do that."

"Yes, you can! You have shown me so much of yourself and you are beautiful human being!" Nikki insisted.

"Nikki Alexander… always so optimistic," he sighed, then continued, "You terrify me! Don't you see that?"

"I… what…?"

"You terrify me with your kindness and feelings for others and your beliefs. I can't give you anything worthwhile in return…"

"Harry…"

"I'm going now." He pulled her into an embrace and whispered in her ear, "I want to be your best friend forever but you can not ask anything more of me…" He then stepped back, looked at her shocked face and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before dashing back to his car.

Nikki just stood there, stunned and numb for a long while after he had left.