AN: Finally got something finished. :) Enjoy. *goes back to writing*
"Jesse St. James. Why did it have to be Jesse fucking St. James?" muttered Kurt as he sat in the lounge. Seniors at NYADA had the option of mentoring the incoming freshman, and he was waiting on his to show up for their weekly meeting. The poor girl was rarely on time. He had learned that she often stayed after her lessons to talk to the teachers, and was always late to everything else because of it.
His thoughts wandered back to Rachel and Jesse with a sigh as he propped his head on his fist. He was everywhere, taking her to practice or popping into NYADA to whisk her off for lunch. Word had gotten out that Rachel was dating some director and it had spread like wildfire through the school. Broadway Baby indeed.
Kurt growled softly to himself, banishing the thoughts to the back of his mind. He didn't care. He shouldn't care.
But he did.
And Rachel seemed happy. Why shouldn't she be? Jesse, while still Egg Boy, had grown up. He was kind, seemingly gentle, and Rachel came home bubbly from her dates.
Three weeks. It had been a long damn three weeks.
Screw it, Sienna wasn't showing up. He stood up to go. He had an audition later that afternoon, and he needed to get going. A Chorus Line was opening up again and he really wanted a part in the show. He pulled out his folder of music and started to leave when he spotted a familiar face.
He really, really wasn't in the mood for this.
"Brittany," he said with a sigh. The blonde rushed forward and gave him a hug. He took it, enjoying her closeness for a split second. Even if Brittany sometimes was confusing, she still was one of his closest friends out of the group. But he didn't have time nor the energy to deal with either her trolling or her absolute sunshine.
"Hey," she said. "Santana wanted to know if you wanted to come out with us tonight since you didn't answer your phone. We're celebrating her dad getting a seat on the Lima City Council."
"Really?" said Kurt, surprised.
"Yeah! She thinks it's going to be great. He can do so much for Lima Heights."
"I'm sure he will," said Kurt politely. "But I can't tonight. I have an audition and then I have to go to work."
"Oh okay," said Brittany. "You haven't been hanging out as much lately."
"I've been busy," said Kurt. "Plus with the band... I don't have a lot of free time."
"When is your next show?"
"Thursday," said Kurt.
"We'll have to come see you again," said Brittany, twisting her hair. "Santana and I. It'd be fun."
"It would be," said Kurt with a smile. "You two might even get to see Elliot and I play guitar."
Brittany squealed and bounced up and down while hugging Kurt, making people look at her strange.
"That's awesome! I didn't know you were playing an instrument with your group."
"I haven't been," said Kurt. "But we're going to try it."
"I can't wait to see you," said Brittany. "But I gotta run. Artie wants to put me in one of his mini movies. We're filming something in Coney Island. Bye!"
Kurt waved to Brittany as she left. He still had yet to figure out how they all managed to land in New York. Not that he wasn't grateful, but it was still weird.
Although why Jesse couldn't have landed in Australia. He'd look better holding a koala than Rachel. He smiled a little at the thought of Jesse getting clocked by the large paws of a kangaroo and lingered on that mental image longer than he probably should have.
Rachel was pretty sure the past three weeks had been a whirlwind. Jesse had whisked her off her feet, and she hadn't come down yet. He was her spring, bringing sunshine and whisking open the windows to let the fresh air in.
It had been refreshing, really. He stood with her through practices and rode with her on the trains just to make sure she made it home safe.
While she loved it all... she felt wrong. So so wrong. It was painful to be in his light.
She couldn't help but look at Kurt all the time when he wasn't looking. He said he was fine with everything, even giving a blessing she knew was begrudged.
She sighed. Even when she was with Jesse, she couldn't get Kurt off her mind. What they had done was stupid, wasn't it? They had given in to a short term sexual lust. That was it. While she could easily have given her heart over to him, there was nothing... there had been nothing that had shown her he had deeper feelings for her.
Besides the jealousy, how they had slept together even after sex, admittance of conflicted emotions...
She opened the door to the apartment, and let herself slip off the mask that was now permanently plastered on her skin. All Rachel wanted to do was rip it off and leave herself bare and open to the person she wanted to be with.
Not that she'd ever let herself do it. Too many years of high school heckling had built those walls high. She sat down on the couch and slipped off her shoes, letting her head go back on the couch with a contented sigh. Rachel closed her eyes, grateful to have these few small moments of peace to relax.
She didn't even know she had fallen asleep till she smelled something cheesy. Rachel wrinkled her nose and heard a chuckle.
"Come on, wake up. I ordered pizza because I didn't think either one of us was up to cooking dinner. And someone's gotta help me eat your veggie half."
"What time is it?" she said, rubbing her eyes.
"Later than you want to know," said Kurt.
Rachel sat up with a groan. She rubbed her neck as Kurt went back into the kitchen. He came back with two plates and the pizza box.
"Have a good evening out with Jesse?"
"I was working, not on a date," she said with a frown. "The director believes the show should take on a lighter tone, so they're reworking the story again to make it seem more open and light-hearted."
Kurt nodded and looked down at the pizza on his plate, picking at the pepperoni.
"Thanks for dinner," said Rachel.
Kurt shrugged.
Rachel sighed, slightly defeated. She nibbled at the piece from her half of the pizza.
"I figured it was better than us cooking and having to clean up afterwards."
She wanted to smack him for that. She clenched and flexed her hand around the edge of her plate, really wishing she could. But as usual, she put the blame on herself.
"I'm sorry Kurt."
There was tension in the air tinged with regret as soon as she said it.
"It doesn't matter Rachel. It is what it is."
Now she did want to slap him. Hard. Instead, she slammed down her plate on the coffee table with force and launched herself into his lap. His lips met hers quickly, and she moaned as his hands dipped down past her back.
"Claim me," she said into his ear, her voice deep. He pulled up on her dress and Kurt's hands were on her sides, pulling at her underwear.
"I..."
Rachel's mouth stopped him from finishing the statement and he started pushing her dress up further. Right now, she didn't even care if he said anything. She just wanted to be with him, hoping that he wouldn't stop. But if she stopped him now, she'd have nothing to feel guilty about. And if she didn't stop Kurt, she'd be cheating on Jesse. Even if most of the time, she felt like she was cheating on Kurt with Jesse St. James.
And they weren't stopping, not in the least. Soon dinner was growing cold and completely forgotten, and Rachel didn't think anything about the man she was dating for the rest of the night. Her hours were filled with the one who was kissing his way down her hips. When Kurt's tongue flicked inside her, teasing the walls of her sex, she thought about nothing at all.
It wasn't till the next morning when she woke up naked with Kurt asleep beside her did she even worry about the fact that she had just cheated on Jesse.
It had been a long three weeks.
"Mmhmm," said Adam gently as he sat on the couch in his own apartment. Kurt Hummel was pacing in front of him, obviously agitated. He picked up his cup of tea and took a drink.
"I do believe that is quite a predicament."
"Dani and Elliot need to get here soon," said Kurt, looking at the time on his phone.
"Well, I daresay you needed to have gotten this out before you go to the performance. You are nervous as anything Kurt."
"It was stupid," said Kurt. "I can't believe I let her do that."
"I don't think she was quite alone in her decision making."
"I know that," said Kurt. "I just..."
"Let your dick do the thinking?" smirked Adam, looking very smug. Kurt gave him a look that said he could shut up at any time.
"It's not like this situation doesn't sound familiar," mused Adam. "A little too familiar, wouldn't you say Kurt?"
Kurt's mouth dropped open when he realized what Adam was implying. He wanted to speak, but words were failing him.
"It isn't the same."
"I don't think you couldn't get any closer if you tried."
"Ugh," said Kurt, covering his face as he sat down.
"I can't believe-"
"Kurt," said Adam gently, crossing his legs and holding onto his ankle. "You need to stop thinking about what has happened and worry about it happening again in the future. If Rachel is serious about this... Jesse, then you both need to figure this out and stick to your decisions."
"No, it won't happen again," said Kurt, shaking his head.
"You would have said the same thing two days ago, but it has happened, though I can say that at least you two managed to make it a couple of weeks this time."
"I don't want to be the other person," sighed Kurt. "I guess I have to be strong for the both of us."
Adam pursed his lips, but said nothing to contrast with Kurt's statement. Instead, he nudged the other cup of tea to Kurt, who took it, warming his hands around it.
"Cheating seems to follow you around, doesn't it?" grinned Adam, his blues eyes twinkling in amusement.
"Don't make me waste my good English tea on you," muttered Kurt as he took a sip.
"Please don't," said Adam. "Elliott likes this couch."
"Rachel's avoiding us now that she's with Jesse, isn't she?" said Artie. The Lima friends had all gathered at Mercedes' place for the evening. Most of them were in the living room and looking at Sam's newest head shots. He had to order new sets since he was booking more and more advertisements since the Treasure Trail venture. Kurt had just come out of the kitchen where he had been helping his other best friend cook.
"No, she texted me. They're just running late from practice," said Kurt, wiping his hands on a dish towel.
"They?" said Santana, coming over to the pair next to the kitchen. "Don't tell me she's bringing that loser."
"She... she wants to introduce him again to us... or something like that," shrugged Kurt. "You'll have to ask her. I've forgotten her explanation."
"You two alright?" said Santana, giving Kurt a look. "You both have been acting weird lately. You didn't even look at each other when we all came down to see the band perform Thursday night."
"Just busy," said Kurt quickly. "Not much time to do anything together friend wise really since we're both doing a lot these days." Kurt tried not to think about how "busy" they had been the other night on the couch. Artie headed back to the others as Santana glanced Kurt over. He glared back at her.
"Alright, keep your secrets Hummel. No skin off my nose."
"There are no secrets Santana," he said, rolling his eyes.
She gave him a look that said that he was the biggest liar in all of history. He didn't blame her. He wasn't believing his own words. But it was the weekend, and all he wanted to do was relax with his friends. He headed back to the kitchen and was just happy to be in Mercedes' presence for a while. He could just pretend that there was nothing going on in his life and enjoy her sweetness.
And when Rachel appeared about twenty minutes later Jesse-less, he tried not to appear too pleased when they meet each other's gaze. She had explained that the director had wanted to meet with Jesse to go over some necessary scheduling changes, so he couldn't come and apologized for missing out.
Not that anyone cared too much. They barely acknowledged her statement about him as she sat down between Brittany and Sam to look at his pictures. Kurt knew he should care. Rachel was still his best friend, and she was dating Jesse. He should be supportive. He should.
He went back into the kitchen instead and grabbed a glass of iced tea and Mercedes' green beans to take out to the table. He could gloat inwardly.
"Rachel, we need to talk."
Something about the way Kurt said those words made Rachel want to seize up and shut down. She had barely gotten inside the apartment after dinner at Mercedes. Kurt had come in behind her, shutting the door.
"Yes?" she said, sitting down on the couch and smoothing out her ruffled hair from taking off the beret she had been wearing.
"About the other night..."
"If this is to be some sort of lecture about the sins of cheating, then this is a conversation best left unsaid. Because neither one of us is innocent in any way on that matter."
Kurt sighed, kicking at the floor with his soft leather shoe.
"Believe me, Adam quickly reminded me."
Rachel patted the couch beside her. Kurt looked wary at it first. The brunette gave him a look that he really needed to sit down. He came over to the couch meekly.
"Look, I know..." she said with a sigh. Rachel rubbed her hands together nervously before continuing her words.
"I know it'd be best if we stuck to our plan. But I don't think our plan works."
"Not in the least."
Rachel frowned. "I think... I think I need to tell Jesse about us."
"It would be best to get it out," said Kurt, although he wasn't sure why he was agreeing. "Though he may have a few choice words about it since you ARE DATING."
"Not that I slept with you one time," said Rachel quietly. "That I have been and want to continue sleeping with you."
Kurt was shocked and appalled at the idea. He couldn't even speak at first, his mind still reeling from what Rachel had just said. "You want to tell Jesse that-"
"That we are doing friends with benefits?" interrupted Rachel.
"I'm getting real tired of that statement," Kurt said, rubbing his forehead and temples.
"I don't want to give up us Kurt," Rachel said as she leaned against him.
Kurt sighed. "You really want to tell him this?"
"No... not really," admitted Rachel. "While he hasn't said anything yet, I know he wouldn't mind if we were sleeping together." She paused and frowned. "He even mentioned something earlier this week about me moving in with him."
Kurt looked surprised. "Do you want to?"
Rachel shook her head.
"I don't even know if I want to stay with him or not. I love being romantic with him. It's nice, but-"
Kurt's heart beat a little faster at the admission. Rachel was having second thoughts about Jesse. It wasn't much, but it was enough.
"But-" he said, wanting Rachel to continue what she was saying.
"It's not like I have better dating prospects." She glared at Kurt. He dropped his head.
"Maybe... maybe you should tell him," said Kurt. "At least it'd be out there, and it'd be one less mark on our consciences."
"You mean several?"
"I'm not counting. We tried to stop," Kurt said, giving Rachel a look. She laughed and hugged his shoulders.
"I think I need to start putting notches on my bed."
"Don't you even dare," said Kurt sternly.
"No," said Dani to Kurt, shaking the paper at him. "Nuh-uh. I've already done this twice. We're not going through this again."
Kurt handed her the sheet music, looking amused.
"I know it's been a while. I thought it'd be fun."
She grumbled at him and sat it down beside her.
"Bad day?" asked Kurt as he took a seat in the chair next to her.
"Parents," she said with a sigh. "And sorry, didn't mean to take it out on you. They're coming to...visit."
"They're actually coming to New York?"
Dani nodded, adjusting her ponytail. "They said they've been talking, and that maybe they were too... harsh. They want to talk things out."
"That's great, isn't it?"
"We'll see when they get here," Dani said, crossing her arms. "I hope they bring my little brother with them. I haven't gotten to see him in ages."
"I didn't know you had a brother," said Kurt.
"He's 8," said Dani. "And a mess. His name is Henry."
"Think Elliott is going to react like you did?" asked Kurt with a sigh.
"If you tell him you want to do Broadway Night again, he will. He goes through it enough with Adam singing Hamilton to him at every hour of the day."
"Have you talked to Rachel lately?" asked Kurt, changing the subject. He was already quite familiar with Adam's not so secret desire to play King George.
"Not in the past couple of days," said Dani. "She usually comes to visit me at the diner when she's hungry after class or when she wants to talk."
"Is that the only reason?" said Kurt, looking confused.
Dani laughed. "Usually yes. But I don't mind. It makes the hours pass while I'm at work. And I get to learn cute little secrets about you."
"Oh god," said Kurt. "I'm not even going to ask."
"That you're freckled all over?" teased Dani. "And that the best ones were on your butt."
"I can't believe Rachel told you that," muttered Kurt.
"I think she likes having a girlfriend who's not among your Lima friends," said Dani. "She doesn't see me as a threat to her way of life."
Kurt looked confused at that at first, then frowned.
"Guess some things do die hard."
Dani nodded.
"Besides, she's been helpful. She lent me a couple of hundred a few months ago when my now former roommate skipped out of New York and the rent."
"She did?" said Kurt, surprised. "She hadn't mentioned anything about it."
"She doesn't have to tell you everything, Kurt," said Dani. "It's not like you're her boyfriend."
"Let's not go there," said Kurt. "It's bad enough that Rachel wants to tell Jesse about... us."
Dani's mouth dropped open.
"Did you check and make sure her brain is still functioning? Kurt..."
"It's what she wants," shrugged Kurt. "Who am I to stop her?"
"Ugh, I swear sometimes I wish I didn't know the both of you," said Dani with a large huff. "I'm going to sue you both for physical damage caused by your emotional issues."
"Like we haven't heard about your own escapades," said Kurt, giving her a look.
"Mine are nowhere near as insane as yours," said Dani. "I'm almost about to the point of sticking rings on your fingers and telling you both that you're stuck with each other."
Kurt's eyes widened and he acted like he was going to throw up. Dani punched his shoulder.
"You are not even gagging at that in real life," said Dani. "You want her, even if you're not willing to admit it."
"But marriage?" said Kurt weakly.
"I'm going to go apply for one of those online minister courses and do it myself," said Dani firmly. "Like seriously Kurt, it isn't even funny anymore."
He frowned at that, looking down at the sheet music.
Another group dinner came along about the same time that Rachel was going out on a date with Jesse. She kept saying she was going to talk to him, but Kurt was starting to believe that she just didn't want to talk to him about it. Not that he didn't blame her, she had cheated on him and it was hard to admit to that guilt. When she came over to Santana's after dinner for games, he instantly sought out her eyes. She looked at him sorrowfully and shook her head. Kurt sighed.
"Something the matter, boo?" asked Mercedes, bumping his shoulder. He shook his head.
"Just thinking," he said. "Too much going on." She nodded, letting the subject drop. He watched as Rachel sat down beside Tina, who had come up for a visit. He sort of ached to touch her, to comfort her. But that was Jesse's place, wasn't it? He turned away from Rachel, taking a deep breath and gathering himself to put on a brave face. He felt his phone vibrate, letting him know he was getting a call. He walked into the kitchen of Santana and Brittany's apartment to answer it.
"Kurt Hummel speaking."
"Kurt, this is José Farias, the director's assistant on A Chorus Line. We were impressed with your audition, and Bruce wants you to come back in for a callback. We'd like for you to audition again, this time for the role of Mike."
Kurt stared out the small window above the sink at the brick building beside him.
"You- you're joking right?" he said, laughing nervously. "I-"
"The director thinks you would be a solid choice, but keep in mind, you aren't the only one. So you'd better come to impress," chuckled the assistant. "Auditions are next Thursday."
A week. Kurt had a week to get ready.
"Always," said Kurt. "Thank you. I can't... Mike..."
"The director knows talent when he sees it," said José. "Good night Mr. Hummel."
Kurt heard a squeal as he hung up. Mercedes and Rachel were both standing in the small doorway. Rachel was jumping up and down and holding onto Mercedes' shoulder.
"You got the callback?" the black girl said. Kurt nodded. Rachel squealed loudly and grabbed him in a hug, twirling the both of them around.
"That's wonderful Kurt! And did I hear Mike?"
"They want me to audition for him, yes."
"You're going to be great in the show," said Mercedes. "You two are really showing NYADA that you can get the big roles before graduating."
"We are," smiled Rachel. Kurt returned the smile, knowing that Carmen would probably have a field day they were reviving A Chorus Line and that he might have a large role. He picked Rachel and swung her around carefully, making her laugh. Her face was close to his and he could breathe her in. Just a little closer, and...
"I think you two are acting out your parts already," said Mercedes. "Hopefully they are no sex scenes or you two are going to be making the audience hot and heavy."
"No sex scenes," promised Kurt, putting down Rachel quickly. She turned and faced their friend.
"Come on, let's go tell everyone Kurt's big news while he takes a moment to compose himself." Rachel took Mercedes by the arm and Kurt instantly collapsed against the kitchen cabinet. That- that had been really close. He was going to have to be more careful. No one among their glee club friends knew yet about the change in his and Rachel's friendship and he wanted to keep it that way. It would just be too much for him to have to explain. He bit his lip, straightened his shoulders, and walked out of the kitchen. He got an armload of Brittany who was gushing about the fact that he was going to be playing Mike Chang. Kurt rolled his eyes, but listened to her ramble on anyways.
"So, A Chorus Line then?" Adam said to Rachel over her shoulder as she was standing in a music shop, looking for a particular piece of sheet music. She startled when looked up and saw Kurt's former beau smiling at her.
"Maybe," she said, smiling back. "I think he'll do amazing at his callback."
"Of course," said the blond male. "Although right now I'm more worried about the both of you and your hearts."
Rachel frowned at that.
"I-"
Adam helped up a finger. "I am rather aware Rachel. And I'm not going to argue with what you have done or are going to say. I just wonder as to how you're going to end this once and for all. Though do believe me, I'd rather hear that you've got a ring and planning on proposing in the middle of Times Square."
Rachel was startled by that.
"He would," said Adam. "But that would make things too easy for the rest of us, and neither of you are that ready for that sort of long term commitment when the both of you won't even admit your feelings out in the open."
"You think... you think Kurt would actually marry me?" said Rachel in a small voice, not trying to sound hopeful.
"I think this is a subject I'm not going to get into since I do count the both of you as friends," he said, smiling sadly at her. "But in my mostly humble opinion... if you could get him to break out of his shell somehow, I think you two could quite possibly work."
"I'd like to," said Rachel, crossing her arms. "I'm so afraid Adam that things would just deteriorate. I don't want to lose my best friend. But I want him. I want him so badly it hurts. It's just-"
"He's still trying to figure things out," interjected Adam. "It's hard making those life choices, especially when you're as careful as Kurt is. And from what Elliot has told me, the wanting extends further than the both of you might think it does."
"I don't want to hurt him," said Rachel.
"I think," said the former Adam's Apples head. "That you need to worry about what you plan to do about Jesse and Kurt, because both of these things cannot work together, especially with all three of your hearts."
Rachel sighed and dropped her head, knowing Adam was right. Either way she looked at it, she wasn't being fair to her supposed boyfriend. The Englishman patted her on the shoulder and wished her good day. She leaned forward and hugged him, surprising Adam.
"Thank you," she said. Adam gave her a warm smile and waved as he turned to leave. She was left to her thoughts as she tried to focus on finding what she was looking for.
After his callback, which Kurt was feeling pleased about his interview. It had been easy going and relaxed. He was fairly positive the director had already made up his mind, but he was still going through with the callbacks. Kurt just really hoped it was him. He had already left the building and headed for the subway. He wasn't surprised to see a few of the guys who had been interviewing as well waiting on the train. He stood near them. One of the other men recognized him and nodded a greeting. It was then Kurt realized they were holding a conversation.
"- So you really had sex with the admissions officer? Damn."
"Well, it was after college and we were both drunk in a bar, but yeah."
Kurt wanted to roll his eyes. What was it with his gender and bragging about their sexual escapades? He took out his phone when he got a text, reading the reminder from Mercedes that Quinn was coming to visit. The conversation was still ongoing, so he half-listened while texted her back his schedule so they could set up dinner with everyone.
"Do people even go to bars for hookups anymore? I thought everyone was doing online shit now."
"They do if they want to get drunk and find someone to have sex with. Bars haven't changed just because people are. They're still vestiges for us lonely hearted."
The one man not speaking snorted at that and Kurt couldn't help but chuckle as one of the two guys who were speaking had his arm now slung over the other. He surmised that they must all know each other. If it was one thing that Kurt liked about the theatre community, it was that they were all pretty close, almost like the glee club had been.
"Kurt, right?" said the one guy who hadn't spoken yet. Kurt looked up and recognized him as the one he had spoken to while waiting for his callback. He was pretty sure his name had been Wayland.
"Yeah," said Kurt. "Wayland?"
The guy grinned and shook his Kurt's hand. "Jet, this is the one I was telling you about. The kid who's still at NYADA. José said he was great."
"Still in school, huh?" said Jet.
"Not for much longer," said Kurt. "Only have a couple of semesters left."
"Good luck," said the other man in the group. "This is going to be a tough show to get into."
"You know what's tough to get into," said Jet. "Your boyfriend."
"Damn Jet," said Wayland, slapping his friend on the shoulder. "Give Stephen a break. Jake's a nice guy."
"Just not putting out," said Jet. Stephen sighed.
"He's just... waiting. He's still new to the whole scene. The fact that he can walk down the street and hold my hand is still huge."
Kurt could sympathize with the feeling. He remembered vividly how he felt when Blaine had taken his hand at Prom to dance.
"He's from Mississippi right?" asked Jet. Stephen nodded.
"Rough business," said Wayland.
"Relationships are never easy," commented Kurt. He looked at his phone, wondering if he had time to grab food before he headed into the office. He wanted some tea and dim sum. Steamed shrimp dumplings sounded really good.
"God, I could use some sex," said Jet. Stephen could only grunt in camaraderie.
"Maybe if you tried romancing your girlfriends that might happen more often," chided Wayland.
"You can't talk, you have a wife. Your sex life is pretty much gone at this point."
Wayland rolled his eyes at Jet.
"What about you?" asked Stephen, looking over at Kurt. "Please tell me at least someone is getting it on in the city that's waiting on the train down here."
At that moment, Kurt wished for an invisibility cloak to make a quick and sudden disappearance. He really didn't want to be talking about this. But then again, it wasn't like anyone would know... He put on a smug look, quirking his lips.
"There is someone, yes... just the other night, actually."
"Always the younger ones," sighed Stephen.
"You're not that old," said Wayland, shaking his head. "Geez, you're only 35."
"Are they cute?" asked Jet. "Come on, I need to live vicariously through someone."
Kurt thought about how to answer this. "She is quite gorgeous, yes."
"I knew it," said Jet. "Beauty always follows beauty."
"You-" said Kurt, losing his train of thought.
"Aww, you left him speechless," grinned Wayland.
"Wayland here did say you were quite handsome," said Stephen.
"Thank- thank you," said Kurt. "Good genes, I guess?" He didn't know what he had been expecting, but in a way, he was appreciative that no one called him out on that his sexual partner had been female.
"Well, enjoy your youth and getting some," sighed Jet. "I guess I'm doomed."
"That you are," teased Wayland, punching Jet on the shoulder. "Maybe you should get some lessons from our new young friend here."
"I think I'll stick to my lonely hearts bars, thanks. Kid's still got more than a few years of dating ahead of him."
Both Stephen and Wayland scoffed at their friend as the train was pulling into the station. Kurt was smiling to himself, amused at the conversation. While the words in essence was true, he really hoped it wouldn't be years. He got another text from Mercedes and started reading it as he got on the train, still thinking about the conversation.
Rachel was standing onstage, waiting on one of her co-stars. He had taken off for the restroom, leaving her to wander in her thoughts. She hoped this wouldn't happen often because it would break up the atmosphere they were trying to create. And he seemed to go to the bathroom a lot. She frowned, wondering if he had some sort of bladder or prostate problem. Not that it was any of her business, but...
"Rachel?" said a voice. She looked up and saw her boyfriend holding a couple of coffee cups, a script under his arm. She stepped forward and took one of them with a smile.
"Thank you," she said softly. "You are the best." She kissed his cheek.
"What a greeting for someone who brings you a green tea with lemon from the shop down the street you like."
She decided to play it coy. She gave him a sexy smile.
"If I kissed you like I wanted to kiss you, then you would have to drop everything and we would both be a mess."
Jesse chuckled at that.
"We still on for dinner tonight?"
Rachel winced inwardly. She had almost forgotten about making that date.
"Yes, of course," she said, smiling. "Unless practice runs too far over, then I will have to go home unfortunately. I have class in the morning, and if I let my grades slip again while trying to do both school and the show, I'm sure Carmen will have my head mounted on her wall."
Jesse pulled out his phone. Rachel was sure he was trying his best not to roll his eyes, although he knew Carmen was peculiar about her students. He had never been able to get in.
"I don't think she is quite that bad."
Rachel took a sip of her green tea as she watched Jesse pocket his phone and go back offstage to deposit his things on a seat. He was taking off his messenger bag when Rachel felt a small wave of nostalgia, remembering all the times she had watched Kurt shove his into his locker. Why did the men in her life have to carry those things?
"No, but after quitting once, anything else doesn't help my standing with her," said Rachel. She noticed her co-star had come back. She was relieved they could go back to rehearsal. She sat down her tea and mentally prepared for the scene, trying not to think about Kurt or Jesse.
"It took me a while to get her to accept me again."
"Well, Carmen knows talent," said Jesse. He came back up onstage. "She would have been a fool not to have you as a graduate, especially after Funny Girl."
"Be that as it may," said Rachel, hoping that Jesse would drop the subject. "I still don't want to get on her bad side."
"What about my bad side?" asked her boyfriend. She couldn't help but notice her co-star cringe a little. It was a bit of an awkward conversation. "Rachel... we hardly get to spend any time together."
"I- I know," she said. "It's just... everything Jesse. I have this, my schooling... I really need to start looking for a regular job after NYADA..."
"Maybe you really do need to move in if things stay so busy. It'll be the only time we have together," said Jesse. The director came in with some of the rest of the cast. Rachel was relieved to see them. She wanted to finish this scene and run as far away as she could from Jesse. Her hands were shaking, though she tried to hide them by holding her script tightly.
"Ugh," said Kurt as he entered the apartment after work. The heat and humidity had started back up again, and he was covered in sweat from walking back to the apartment from the subway. While summer meant shorts, work didn't have that sort of dress code. He remembered the night he and Rachel had gone on a date and how much he had sweated in that outfit. But it had so been worth it. But then, he'd probably bleed for fashion.
And then there was the way they had seduced each other all night. She hadn't been able to keep her hands off of him, which he had enjoyed immensely. He briefly wondered which had been the better point as he dropped all his stuff. He turned on the air conditioners in the apartment and sat down on the couch with a groan.
He needed to quit thinking about his body and Rachel. Especially the thought of their bodies working together for orgasms. He made his way over to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, not even worrying about clothes to change. He just wanted to be cool and clean. He did not like the feeling of being covered in sweat.
Well, he didn't mind when it lead to a really good orgasm.
He started thinking about the conversation in the subway after the callback. Maybe he really did need to get his mind and his body off of Rachel. He wanted to go out on a date, have romance in his life and not be hidden all the time. He tried not to think about it as he finished conditioning his hair. Kurt thought he heard a noise in the apartment, but tried to not pay it attention. Thief or no thief, he was naked in the bathroom. Still, he peeked out of the shower curtain just to be sure. He was surprised to see Rachel sitting on the toilet, seat down. She seemed to be thinking long and hard about something. Normally, he would be yelling at her for intruding on his privacy, but she seemed to be so lost in thought that screeching bloody murder wouldn't prove effective. He decided to try it anyways.
"Rachel!"
Nothing.
He tried again.
"Rachel!"
Still nothing.
"RACHEL!"
She looked up at him with a start.
"Kurt," she said, putting a hand over her heart. He must have given her quite a scare. "I-"
"Wanted to know about my callback," he stated. He adjusted the curtain a little so it wasn't right against his cheek.
"Yes," she said. "Please. I need something good right now."
"Something the matter?" frowned Kurt. He closed the shower curtain and concentrated on finishing his shower.
"No," she said, sounding quiet. "Not really. It's just the show... and Jesse..."
"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes. Everything always went back to Jesse St. James these days. He was scrubbing the back of his neck (his skin was always so rough there) when he heard Rachel sigh.
"So tell me, how did it go?"
"It was good," said Kurt, relieved that she had changed the subject. "I think I am in, though I don't have official word yet."
"That's great Kurt!" said Rachel, sounding more cheerful than before. It was a better response than what he was expecting. "I can't wait to see you as Mike."
"Here's to hoping," he chuckled, poking his head out of the shower. She was smiling softly at him. He did the same in return. Kurt was surprised when the next thing that happened was Rachel's lips were on his, her arms around his neck. He closed his eyes and pretended this wasn't happening. But he couldn't, not really. He was kissing his best friend while he was in the shower. It wasn't like The Notebook, but it was close enough. Part of him was panicking at this, knowing they needed to stop this smashing together of their lips and bodies. But before he knew it, Rachel had already shed her clothes quicker than he thought possible. It wasn't but just a blink of an eye and she was in the shower, kissing him again. His libido responded greatly to this new arrangement, and his dick was absolutely thrilled with the change. It wasn't long till her now wet, long hair was surrounding them both and her skin was as soapy as his. Kurt's hips were already grinding hard against Rachel's waist. Her hands were on his cock as they exchanged sloppy kisses. Kurt debated for a brief second on how they were going to do this, since their shower/tub combination had no walls. But Rachel already had ideas in mind as she propped a foot up on the tub rim. Kurt was glad they were both quite limber. He rubbed circles around her clit, caressing the very sensitive skin of her labia. Her lips were all over neck as her fingers were trailing down his chest and the fine hairs that resided there. She always knew the perfect places to touch him. He was quickly getting aroused from all the sensations as her right hand went back to his sex. He started stroking her clit and she moaned in his chest. Kurt was hoping they didn't fall from their exertions. He didn't want to have to explain that in the ER.
The water was warm on his back as he leaned down to kiss and lick a circle around her nipple. Even with all the water, he knew she was very much aroused by how much she was whimpering to his touches in both places. He laid slow, wet kisses on her collarbone as he slid in deep inside her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he held onto her hips as steadfastly as he could. They both were hungry for this, their gasps and moans were becoming louder as he slowly thrust in and out of her. She slammed her body hard against his and he groaned, feeling his climax coming hard and fast. Rachel was so tight around his cock and the feeling was so much different than their excursions on the couch and bed. It wasn't long before his climax washed over him, panting hard into her neck. Her contented sigh let him know she had come as well. They kissed again, enjoying the serenity of the moment.
The shower water was already getting lukewarm when Rachel separated from Kurt, getting out quickly. The look of embarrassment on her face felt more pride and want than anything as he watched her leave the tub. They were both struggling with how much they wanted each other. But Kurt was in way too good of a mood from the callback and getting off inside of Rachel. He felt halfway guilty that they hadn't used any protection, but she had basically jumped him while he was vulnerable.
He kept telling himself that as he patted down his skin, drying off. Rachel had already picked up her clothes and sped out of the bathroom. He made quick work of his skin care and brushing his teeth. He then wrapped his towel around his waist and headed out. The apartment was thankfully cooling off, and he shivered in the chilled air. He noticed Rachel was curled up in a blanket on her bed. She was wrapped in it so tightly that Kurt knew she hadn't even bothered to change clothes. The towel she had wrapped around herself was on the floor at the foot of the bed.
"Oh honey," he said, sitting down beside her.
"I'm a monster," she snuffled. "I just basically used you Kurt."
"You didn't use me quite that much," said Kurt. "I could have kicked you out of the shower."
She sniffed. Kurt rolled his eyes and handed her the tissues.
"I saw Adam today," she said, taking it and grabbing one out of the container. "He said to tell congratulations."
"Where did you see him?" asked Kurt. "I texted him, but he never responded."
"Music store," she said, sitting up. She leaned against him, which almost earned her a sharp look from Kurt.
"I'm an idiot."
"We're both idiots," said Kurt. "But today... today is a good day. Let's not spoil it."
"I-"
"You haven't done anything we both didn't want," said Kurt, bluntly. "It's not like I didn't do the same thing to you last week."
Rachel gave him a sad smile at that. Kurt had come home, annoyed at more than a few things. She had kissed his cheek lovingly, rubbed his back, and was trying to reassure his feelings. But all of the sudden she found herself with her back to the fridge and Kurt going down on her. She had barely managed to hold onto the fridge handles as she orgasmed.
That had been a really great orgasm.
Kurt was right, they were both idiots. She started and unwrapping herself from the blanket. It was so tight she felt like she couldn't breathe properly.
"I think Jesse is getting upset with me," she said. She knew Jesse was a hot button issue for Kurt, but he was the only one she could tell this time. She was supposed to be happy with her former and now current boyfriend. She knew Kurt got easily jealous these days, which was still so bewildering. She had tried to spare him, but...
"He said we weren't spending much time together. And he may have mentioned something about me being on his bad side. And he's probably going to be even more upset now that I skipped out on dinner. I just... I wanted to know how you did."
"You could have texted me," said Kurt. She looked at him with a frown.
"Kurt..."
He kissed her softly. She went rigid against him, but kissed him in return. He was cursing himself mentally for giving into desire, but he started undoing the blanket and rubbing her bare skin. Rachel moaned when he started rubbing her hips. His fingers started grazing her erect nipples and she arched her back into him.
"Tell him," Kurt said. "Then maybe he'll go away."
Rachel's fingers went into Kurt's chest and her fingernails were bearing down into his skin. He couldn't tell if she was trying to hurt him, or she was just that emotional about it all. He figured it was a mixture of both. He was jealous and using her desire for him, but wouldn't claim her as his in any way. Their apartment was their own little world of lust.
"I'll tell him," she said softly. "Please Kurt..."
He ran his fingers through her hair and closed his eyes. It was so simple, yet...
"I..." He opened them again and saw the crestfallen face of his best friend. They were both nearly naked in her bed. Right now he had every intention of making a second go around of sex. It was so wrong. They- they weren't a couple. They weren't anything, really. Nothing but sex partners. His throat closed up on him and he really wanted to say something, anything to make this better, but he couldn't. He shook his head. Rachel sighed.
"We can't... we can't keep doing this."
He couldn't commit to dating Rachel Berry. It was just all so wrong, so so wrong. His life wasn't supposed to be like this. This whole thing had just been one big masquerade. He was just pretending to be into her, that's all. And so was she. Short term lust. Biological needs...
But his heart was beating his brain into submission. He had been through this before. Nothing that he wasn't thinking wasn't something he hadn't already mentally gone through several times.
Could he be romantic with Rachel? Did he want to be?
Sexual and possessive, yes... He didn't want anyone else to touch her. And he knew that she wouldn't if he didn't want it. He looked into her eyes and nearly melted. They were both aching, hurting... it was a pain with no beginning or end. And all he had to do was say three words:
Let's be together.
It was so simple, but so much change. Lots of change. New labels, new terms, new relationships, new romantic feelings, hell, whole new romantic ideals...
They could work together. They could.
But was he settling for what was in front of him? Or did he really want Rachel?
He had to admit, he did kind of have a thing about wanting to be hers. It was weird, but...
On the other side of the coin, was he betraying who he was? He was the gay boy of McKinley. He was supposed to go to New York and conquer with his best friend by his side and his boyfriend on his arm. Except now his boyfriend was in California and his best friend was holding onto him and looking like he was going to break her heart. Which was what he had been doing. She was now invested in him, and he her.
Rachel Berry.
He wanted her, but he wasn't ready to admit it. At least, in front of everyone. Why couldn't Jesse just go away and they stay there in the apartment forever?
Well, maybe not this particular apartment, but just their own space...
He sighed. Wasn't that the whole definition of a relationship?
"I know."
Rachel breathed deep, leaning her head upward to kiss his forehead. She took his hand in hers. She gently guided him back on the bed, smiling a little as she noticed for the first time that he hadn't even gotten dressed after getting out of the shower. She pushed the towel from around his waist and cuddled close to him. Slow, sensual kisses were the only thing they both had on their minds and their hearts. While a New York minute might appear to be a flash, a blink... their minutes felt like hours as they explored each other's bodies.