She had always imagined this day to be perfect. For her prom night to be one of the most memorable nights of her life. She pictured dancing across the floor, downing her ideal prom dress, with Brittany by her side. Yes. It wouldn't even come close to perfect without Brittany. She needed to stare into those sparkling blue eyes with Brittany's arms wrapped around her as they twirled on the dance floor, shutting out the world. Needed it like it was air. Yet somehow as she stared off into the gym, Santana couldn't help but feel the hollowness residing in her heart. Or maybe her heart itself was missing.
Santana watched as Brittany and Artie shared sweet smiles and loving pecks from the table behind them. She'll never forget how stunning Brittany looked when she first walked through those doors. Santana was sure her jaw had dropped along with all the other guys in the place. Her fantasies of tonight didn't do Brittany justice. And all over again Santana's heart broke because she's not the one on Brittany's arms. She couldn't whisper how beautiful Brittany looked into her ears and watch as she blushed. She couldn't even touch her. Miserable was an understatement when it came to explaining Santana's situation. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This isn't her perfect prom night. Sure she looked hot and even if she were 'out', the guys still couldn't keep their eyes off her, but how could she even enjoy tonight if her heart wasn't with her.
Puck, Lauren, Quinn and Rachel opted to sit with Santana, though Rachel was slightly reluctant at first.
Quinn leaned over to her. "You feelin' okay San? You know you don't have to be here if you don't want to".
"Kicking me out already Quinn? I'm fine. I can handle it" Santana managed. Eyes still trained on Brittany.
"Are you sure, well if you want to—"
"I said I can handle it Fabray" She spat through gritted teeth. Artie had just placed his hand on Brittany's thigh.
Quinn and the others turned to her immediately with concern written all over their faces. Santana sighed and crossed her arms. It really wasn't fair of her to blow off at them. These were the people who chose to help her through this.
"I'm sorry guys. I just, I know you guys wanna help but I mean it when I said I can handle it"
"May I just add that-"
"No" Quinn stopped Rachel in her tracks before she could do further damage. "Let's go dance Rach" With a squeeze to Santana's shoulder they made their way onto the floor.
Puck took the empty seat next to her.
"I got it San. You don't wanna show that you're affected by all the drama lately. You don't want Britts to see how much she's affected you and that's fine, cause you know I can't handle it when chicks cry and stuff…"
"Were you going somewhere with that before I clock you?"
His hand flew momentarily to his face.
"I did." Puck stared into her eyes seriously. "You're not invincible. All these masks were what got you here in the first place."
"So what, you're saying I should just cry like the little girl I am and look completely pathetic to Brittany? Fat chance Puck" She challenged.
"You're missing the point San. Brittany loves you. I know that. You know that. Heck the whole world can see that the girl's head over heels for you" Puck exaggerated, flailing his arms in the air.
"She chose Artie"
"You gave her a reason to in the first place. Brittany's only with him cause he's the safe bet. With you, she has no idea what shit is going through your head and the next thing she knows you'll change your mind again"
Santana didn't have a reply to that. She could see how Brittany would probably be afraid of that possibility. Throughout Puck's rambling, her eyes never left Brittany. Sometimes Santana wonders when she turned into this lovesick sap. It feels like forever.
"Tell her again Santana. Tell her now or go home and get some rest" Puck watched Santana's face the entire time.
For the first time that night, Santana reluctantly lifted her gaze off of Brittany and turned to face Puck. It was shocking for Puck really, to see Santana's eyes that were always so hard and focused, now so soft and frightened.
"I can't handle it if she turns me down again"
"We'll be right here. I promise" He held out his fist and let out his boyish grin which Santana couldn't help but return.
Santana's fist collided with Puck's as she whispered, "Okay."
She tried to gather all her thoughts before she took the leap again. As she stood up and made her way over to Brittany's table, she felt that surge of confidence she's been missing. Santana was halfway there when she stopped dead in her tracks. Artie turned Brittany's face towards him and kissed her full on the mouth. That was all it took for Santana to turn and run on her heels, passing by Puck and Quinn.
She burst through the door to the girls' bathroom, panting slightly. It took her awhile till she felt the wetness covering her cheeks. Just then, she looked up and found several pairs of eyes staring at her.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU"
Santana stepped out of the way to let the other girls rush out the door. It eased her a little bit knowing that she still struck fear into the students.
She allowed the anger pulsing in her veins to overwhelm her as she punched the doors of every stall in the bathroom. It was meant for Artie. The guy who currently held her heart in his arms. Santana checked herself in the mirror before stepping out and making her way to the entrance of William McKinley.
She paced back and forth in front of the steps to the entrance as tears rolled down her cheeks. It's not fair, she thought. Why can't I get over her? Why is she allowed to move on with wheels? What about me? All these thought ran through her head over and over again till finally it all just stopped and Santana looked up to the stars and breathed in the cold Lima air for awhile. I love her. I love her so much it hurts. And…I'll wait. I'll wait for her forever. Oh god I'm such sap. She chuckled to herself.
She decided to go back inside and actually try to salvage what's left of her prom night. Just as she turned, her heart dropped for the second time that night. Brittany was standing on the steps. Santana had to remember how to breathe before she fainted when she saw Brittany's perfect figure standing in front of her with that sky blue dress that accented her eyes, though her mascara seemed a little runny.
It was like a staring contest. Santana couldn't remember how long they stood there staring at each other, silently communicating as they always had, till finally, Santana spoke up.
"I'm sorry Brittany. I'm so so sorry" Santana took a few steps closer. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes again as she said it. She was trying to convey so much in just a few words and it hurt her, knowing that it wasn't enough.
As graceful as ever, Brittany slowly took the last few steps till she and Santana were centimeters apart. She looked down as their fingers easily intertwined and smiled at Santana. Honestly, Santana felt as though she could've died right then and there and still be the happiest girl alive. It was naïve of her, she knew. To trust that Brittany would just run into her arms, tonight of all nights. She knew that and her eyes began to water again.
Brittany must've seen the confliction in her eyes because just then, she leaned in and kissed Santana on the cheek softly, letting her lips linger for a moment before slowly moving them forward. As much as Santana wanted this, wanted to just revel in the way Brittany's lips would feel against her own, something was telling her that she shouldn't. She wanted to be the honorable one and let Brittany choose on her own, without Santana swaying her judgment. Brittany's lips were about to touch hers when Santana turned her head at the last second and let her lips hit the corner of her mouth briefly.
The look on Brittany's face at that moment was adorable, nose scrunched up with her bottom lip slightly puffed out. Santana's smile was caught halfway when she felt one of Brittany's hands leave her own and held her chin in place. Brittany's blue eyes had that glimmer before she leaned in and pecked Santana on the lips. To an outsider, it might have looked like nothing, but to Santana, it felt like everything happened at once. Her eyes widened as she felt her lips tingle at the lightest of all kisses.
Brittany just watched as the emotions played out on Santana's face, holding back a giggle. She leaned in slightly, staring into Santana's eyes and whispered onto Santana's lips, "I love you".
With a smile, Brittany pulled back, eyes gleaming under the stars as she turned and headed back inside.
Santana was left in shock over what had just happened. Did that really just happen? As she attempted to walk back into the auditorium, her eyes met Brittany's smiling ones and at that moment, Santana knew that she would fight.
Maybe life is fair after all.