Clear as Mud

Author: BlackFox12

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the movies Thor or The Avengers and I'm not making any money from this fic

Warning(s): Spoilers for the above-mentioned movies; discipline involving the belt; mentions of some violence; AU

Verse/Setting: During the Avengers movie, right after Loki gets busted out

Loki sat pensively on a rock, having flashed himself to an area far outside the city. The violence he himself had instigated kept playing over and over inside his mind, refusing all of his efforts to push the images down for the time being. As necessary as it had been, he still hated it. But if the memories bothered him, it was probably no less than what he deserved.

They all had a reason to fight – to pull together – now, these 'lost souls' who were supposed to be the protectors of Midgard. Even his own brother...

Loki viciously pulled his thoughts away from Thor. When he'd fallen through the wormhole, he'd quickly realised that he couldn't let himself dwell on thoughts of any of his former family. He had to act as if they meant nothing to him – and for that to work, he needed to convince himself of the fact, no matter how difficult it was.

It was too vitally important that he succeed in what he was trying to do. If he failed...

It didn't bear thinking about. Victory was worth anything to him, including the blood staining his hands. It wasn't visible, but Loki felt the weight of everything he'd done... everyone whose deaths he had been directly or indirectly responsible for. He had to weigh up the cost against what he was ultimately working towards... and he had quickly realised it was worth any cost... well, almost any cost. There was one thing he didn't want to allow to happen, even if he had attempted it more than once.

His brother. Even if Loki knew the truth about his heritage, that didn't change the fact that he and Thor had been raised as brothers. And Loki couldn't see Thor as anything else, no matter what he had yelled to Thor's face. Then again, he'd already figured there would never be a way to go back to the way things used to be. Might as well go the whole way and fully alienate Thor.

Loki stood up, fully intending to flash back to his base. He no longer had Hawkeye, but he did have the scientist. He didn't need Hawkeye any longer. He could open the gate without him – and therefore close the other gate; the one that would unleash even worse horror, not only on Midgard but on all of the nine realms. When one door opened, another one closed. When one door closed, another one opened. His brother and the others could fight the creatures from the world Loki had been trapped in... but they couldn't fight what existed in the other world.

And they could only fight if they worked together... if they had something to fight for.

Almost unbidden – or perhaps it was his mind coming up with its own punishment for him – Loki found his thoughts turning to much earlier, long before his relationship with Thor had become soured by petty jealousy. As children, they'd been as close as twins. Loki could still remember the way he'd always looked up to Thor, the way his older brother had always been his hero. He hadn't understood at the time that not all families were as close as his was.

The memory that kept tormenting Loki was from when he was six years old and had sneaked out of the palace and onto the grounds. He'd had an argument with his playmates and had probably been sulking, though at the time, he'd been hurt. His parents and most of the servants had been looking frantically for him, but in the end, it had been Thor who'd discovered his hiding place... and Thor who had sat with him and listened while he talked – well, babbled, really – about how his friends had upset him. Eventually, his brother had been the one to talk him into returning home.

It was a pity Loki hadn't been able to respond this time, even though he was almost desperate to bring this whole thing to an end and return home... home to his family. But it was too late for that now. Maybe it hadn't been before, but it certainly was now, now that he'd directly taken the life of an innocent person.

"You always did like being outside."

Loki stiffened at the voice that came from behind him and turned round slowly, finding his eyes drawn automatically to Thor. Viciously squashing the part of him that wanted to run to his brother, he forced a note of derision into his voice. "Have you come to try and talk me into coming back? I'm not going to come quietly, you know."

"You dropped me out of the ship."

In spite of himself, Loki winced mentally at the words. "Yes, well, it clearly didn't work, did it? You're alive and kicking."

"They don't know you, Loki. Not like I do." Thor advanced closer to Loki. "There's something you're keeping hidden; something you're not saying. There's more to what you're trying to do than just use the tesseract, isn't there? Talk to me, brother. I'm here to listen to you. Nothing more."

Loki stood his ground, but trying to push down that part of him that wanted to tell his brother everything was quickly growing more and more difficult. His only hope was to try and drive Thor away; to use his words to their full effect. "What are you trying to do, Thor? 'Save' me? I was never your brother! I feel nothing but contempt for you and your willingness to allow this world, that you claim to love so much, destroy itself from within!"

Thor stayed where he was, looking at Loki. "You can't drive me away with your words, brother. Not this time."

Loki forced a sneer into his voice. "Then we can fight. My staff against your hammer. Whoever wins... well, wins." He shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

"Your skill has never been a match for mine, brother," Thor stated simply. "That's why you always have to resort to trickery when we fight."

In spite of himself, Loki couldn't help bristling slightly at Thor's words. "I've only used a double of myself twice. And it's no different to you using your hammer to allow yourself to fly! It's called using every advantage at your disposal to win."

"Fine. Then let's fight. No weapons or magic." Thor set his hammer to one side.

Loki took one look at Thor and then bolted, still clutching his staff. The next moment, however, he felt something solid barrel into him, tackling him to the ground. Feeling himself pinned under Thor's considerable weight, Loki stayed still in stunned surprise for a moment and then started struggling, realising – with a flash of panic – that he'd dropped his staff.

"Are you going to talk now, brother? Or do I have to go further?"

Loki felt angry tears prick at his eyes and viciously pushed them away. "I have nothing to say to you. And you are not my brother."

Thor nodded, a movement Loki felt against his shoulder. "You can't say I didn't warn you."

Loki kept his mouth clamped firmly shut, determined not to ask what Thor meant. The grip on him loosened slightly and Loki attempted to struggle free, but even with one hand, Thor could hold him down easily and after a few moments, Loki sighed and clenched his fists on the ground, feeling like a child. That feeling only intensified, along with a pit of dread in his stomach, when he heard the unmistakeable sound of a belt being pulled through loops.

"No! NO!" Loki began struggling frantically. It might have been a while, but he remembered full well just how painful a belting was. And that was quite possibly the only thing he truly dreaded. "Let go of me! You have no right to do this!"

Thor made no reply out loud, but the next moment, Loki felt a sharp explosion of pain right across the middle of his bottom. He yelped and jumped, trying frantically to buck Thor off him. "Stop it! I don't know what you're trying to achieve, but it's not going to work! I hate you!"

There was silence and Loki cringed inwardly at the words that had come out of his own mouth. He suddenly wanted to take them back, but all thoughts of that fled from his mind when the belt came down a second time and he cried out before he could help himself. Even though he was wearing trousers, the belt was still indescribably painful.

As soon as Loki had caught his breath from the first two strikes of the belt, a third one landed directly below and Loki hissed out a gasp of pain. He was horrified to find that his eyes were already beginning to blur and he gripped the grass tightly in his fists as two strikes across his sit spots and thighs respectively caused a whimper to escape before he clamped his lips tightly shut.

Thor paused. "Do you want to talk now?"

It took a few moments, but Loki managed to find his voice. "What, you're intending to hit me with that thing until I tell you what you want to know?" He was proud of the fact that his voice didn't even waver, even though he felt close to tears.

Thor didn't answer with words, but he landed the belt again and Loki clamped his mouth against another cry. It was hard, though, as Thor worked his belt over already stinging and burning flesh. When Thor stopped to ask his question, it took Loki longer to respond, but he still refused to talk.

Loki didn't know how long it lasted for. His entire world shrank to the pain, the question and his refusal. The tears were coming hot and heavy and he didn't even know why he was continuing to refuse. It would be easy to put a stop to the hard spanking... all he had to do was answer.

"You can't see the shades of grey!" Loki burst out through his sobs.

Thor stopped. "What?" he asked quietly.

Loki swiped a hand angrily at his eyes. "It's all black and white to you, brother. But it's not always like that. Good men do bad things and bad men do good things. Everyone's in the grey area."

"Which are you?"

"Does it matter? You're a team because you've got a common enemy to fight."

"You," Thor said, very quietly. "You planned this? You set yourself up as the enemy? For what purpose?"

Loki leaned his head against his arms, suddenly feeling so very tired. He didn't have the energy to resist any longer and he spoke softly. "I have to open the portal and let them in. If I don't, the portal that stays open will unleash something no one will be able to fight."

"So you've been on our side the whole time?"

"Well... I was still angry when I fell off the Bifrost, but I had time to realise that it wasn't you. It was me. And no matter if we weren't related by blood, we were still raised as brothers and to call you otherwise would be completely alien to me." Loki took a deep, shuddering breath. "But I have much to answer for."

"Yes, you do... far more than that mere thrashing is enough for. But still, you are my brother."

Loki felt arms around him, pulling him against Thor. He collapsed against his brother and latched on, fiercely and tightly, feeling all of six again. The tears came again and he just leaned against Thor, feeling his brother's arms as a safe, warm haven. There was still so much to answer for... but for now, he had the knowledge that his brother knew everything; and that it was no longer entirely in his hands.

The End

Prompt: Double Agent

Elements: Six, grey, listening