Vulnerable
XnobodycaresX
I never wanted someone so much as much as I wanted her right now. I've never been so vulnerable with my feelings. I used to fight with it. I used to battle with it. But not this time. I can't handle it anymore.
"I love you."
"Natsume…" I knelt down to meet my lips with hers.
"Wait!…." I called.
Argghh! Another stupid dream.
The same dream keeps haunting me since the day she left. I haven't seen her for almost a year. And this is more than a torture. I didn't envision things would end up like this. If only I just kept what I feel for myself. If only I just realized that things will get more complicated, then everything might be normal. Just the same as before.
"Hey Nat! You alright?"
"I'm fine Ruka." I said with my brows furrowed up and slumped my self at the chair.
"Is it about the dream again?" he asked curiously. I know Ruka's just worried at me. Afterall, what's being best friend is for.
"Yeah. I don't know why and what does it mean. I guess she doesn't want me to forget bout her."
"I guess not."
"What do you mean?" I asked him interestedly.
"Maybe it means more than that. Something more than remembering her."
"You think so? And what may be that something?"
"That's for you to find out. I have no idea about it."
Maybe it means more than that. Something more than remembering her.
Something more than remembering her…
Something more than remembering her…
I found myself walking to our favorite Sakura tree. I missed her so much that I think I couldn't continue to live my days without her.
Days passed by so quickly that it's been already 3 years since the day she left. It's the start of another school year without me seeing her. It's also been three years since I avoided everyone. Since I talked to anyone. It's been three years when I stopped my life worth living.
"Natsume,,,"called a voice. "Natsume pervert…"
"Mikan? Is that you?"
"Natsume…"
"Mikan.. Where are you?"
"Natsume…"
"Mikan…Why?"
"Natsume!!!"
I woke up panting heavily. That dream again. But it was different this time. She's been calling my name.
She wants to tell me something. I get it! She wants to tell me something but she can't. She might be afraid right now. Mikan…
-x-x-x-
I was going to my classroom when I heard commotion coming from the academy's gates.
"New student. Yay! I'm hoping he's a boy." A random girl squealed.
"And as handsome as my Natsume. Creamy." The one beside her commented. Best friends I guess.
Tsk. New student again.
I skipped class—I mean, free time for students to welcome the so called new students. I was on my favorite Sakura tree. At the highest branch. I could see students huddling over a limo and squealed when the door opened.
I'm not really interested. Not until…
"Oh my god, he's so handsome!" the girl screamed. And everyone else seconded.
It's not that scenario that gotten my attention. It's rather an image of a certain brunette behind him that captured me. She looked at me as if she knew I was staring at her. That gave me a clear view of her face.
Mikan.
With that, she went back inside the limo and drove away. Away from the academy. Away from my life…again.
-x-x-x-
I've never been so vulnerable with my feelings. But I can't handle it anymore. I'm aching so much to see her. Things were not clear between us before she left 3 years ago. It's been 3 years living my life without her. And she'll be turning 18 next year. Mikan, when will you come back? Or, will you ever come back?
I'm afraid not.