Unlike anything I'd thought
I hated my mother for demanding this from me. I was sitting in this stupid expensive cab with a scary driver somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
I just hoped that he was still driving me to my destination and didn't try to kidnap me.
I cursed my family, my mother and her thick head and my stupid brother for being as he is.
It all started with the shock of my life when my mother suddenly broke down right in front of me and my boys at one of her forced sunday lunch meetings.
I could hardly understand what happened, just that one minute she was scolding John loudly for speaking with his mouth full and the next she slumped down in her chair and was suddenly lying on my kitchen floor.
5h long hours later and a very young doctor - who hardly looked as if he was old enough to be a doctor - was telling me that she needed a very important - and of course very expensive - operation. I don't know exactely what he was talking about. Something about her liver and drinking but I just heard operation, fast and expensive.
Just great!
After a small talk with my mother she ordered me to find my wayward brother to her hospital room and not to take no for an answer.
And so I am here somewhere between Pittsburgh and West Virginia in an neighbourhood where I knew my brother would never set foot inside and was wondering if his friend Michael played me a trick. Why would Brian be living somewhere in the country, far away from Bars, Boys and high life?
Soon enough the cab stopped in front of a big house, the driver took my last money and left me standing right there in front of this big counttry manor with its big, dark door.
After some hesistation I convinced myself to ring the bell. I really expected for some kind of old servant to open the door.
But it was actually this young, blond man who once came to my house to convict my son of snitching and lying.
He was dressed in old ripped jeans and a t-shirt, both covered in dozens of different colors.
He seemed to be just as surprised about seeing me as was I to be standing in front of him and this house.
Suddenly he twichted, gave me a wide smile and asked me to enter.
"I am actually looking for my brother...Brian!" I stammered while he was leading me into a big living room where a very nice and warm fire was burning in the big fireplace.
"Yeah, well I imagined. He's probably on the way back from the office. He'll be here in about 10minutes. Take a seat!" He brought me to a big and cosy couch. "I am sorry!" He looked down at this clothes "I didn't expect company. I was working!"
I put my coat on the back rest and sat down. I didn't know what to do or say. I couldn't believe this was really Brian's home and obviously this was his partner or something.
"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked carefully apparently just as nervous and unsure as I was.
"A water would be fine! Thank you!" I answered just as quietly and took a deep breath after he left the room.
While waiting for his return I took a look around. It was a very nice room. The decor and furniture was much nicer and warmer than the old stuff back at the loft. Especially the big paintings on all the walls took my breath away. They were wonderful, even I could say that although I didn't understand much of art. They must have cost a fortune.
The boy came back gave me the water and sat down opposite of me in one of the big winged chairs. We kept silent not knowing what to say, even though I had millions of questions running through my mind. I hoped that Brian would come soon, I could tell him of mother's wish and leave this uncomfortable atmosphere.
Soon enough we heard the sound of a car on the driveway.
Brian opened to door, toed of his shoes and hung up his coat.
"Honey, I am home!" he laughed their usual greeting while dropping his bag next to the wardrobe.
But unless all the other times no shining Justin came out of his studio, run into his arms and giving him kisses all over the face, while Brian remembered him that Boss and oil-based paint doesn't fit well.
Today Justin came carefully out of the den, reminding Brian of his son, when he got up to something.
But before Brian could ask, he noticed the second person in his home.
"Claire, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked. His good mood was vanished, knowing that his great and relaxing weekend start wouldn't happen.
"Hello...ehm...Brian. Your...ahm..." Claire was very unsure, seemed as if her brother didn't change so much.
"Justin, my husband!" grinned Brian viciously while taking said husband in his arms to give him his usual kiss, although he made quite a show out of it.
"Yeah, well he let me in...Mom send me...I have to talk with you!" she finished while trying to look anywhere except those to men. Her face was flushed.
Brian sighed deeply and lead the other two back into the den. His first step was to walk straight to the bar and treated himself to a little drink.
Turning around he sat down on the couch next to Justin, slung an arm around him (even if it was just to annoy Claire) and looked expectantly at her.
"So? What does she want?" Brian asked.
"Well she broke down the other day and now she's at the hospital. They want to operate, but it's quiet expensive. Well and then she told me to come and get you to visit her." she answered awkwardly.
Brian got up, went to one of the windows and looked out into the darkness.
"Ah yes... just as usually!" he said darkly after a while. "When you need my money I am good enough. Suddenly I am not the ignored and hated son. No now I am back to be the cash cow."
Justin squirmed on his seat. On the one hand he was totally on Brian's side. In long talks Brian slowly revealed his family history and Justin hated them for what they did and were still doing to his partner. On the other hand he was still the little country club boy and knew that you didn't talk like that with your sister.
In the end his responsibilty over his partnership won and he stood up, went to Brian and stroked his bag calmly, while whispering words of affection to the taller man.
Joan observed how fast Brian seemed to relax as soon as Justin put his hand on his back. This man really seemed to be someone special.
"You know Claire!" Brian whispered so low that she could hardly hear him also because he was still looking out of the window and had his back to her. "I actually don't need you two anymore. I always thought that I have to do it ... because you're my family and I am obligated...because of some stupid thoughts about how a family as to work. Even if you all on your side never seemed to have those feelings for me." He paused. Justin could feel how he twitched, strengthen himself inside and then Brian continued:
"The funny thing is...those things are now reversed... I don't need you anymore... I have a family now. A real family." He slowly turned around looked his sister in the eyes, took Justin's hand in his and squeezed it.
"He is my family now. He's all I need. You're alone, Claire, you and mom haven't been my family for a long time, now I am done with being yours when you need it. I don't care about you anymore, I don't pay for you anymore...you're non-existent for me!" he said darkly.
Claire swallowed hard. She'd never hear this serious Brian before. She heard him rant and scream and swear, but she'd never seen him so serious, so dark and calm.
She knew that she could never win, would never win again. Couldn't use his loneliness, his missing sense of belonging anymore to help her and her mother. They really lost him.
Slowly she stood up, grabbed her coat and put it on while observing those to men who were now looking deeply into the others eyes - silently communicating, sharing their strength.
Carefully she left, without looking back, without disturbing. Slowly she walked down the driveway to the lonely country road, without even thinking about how to get back to the city. Still thinking about what she seen, heard and felt in this big house. From faraway it seemed to be cold and dark and lonely, but she learned that it was full of love and warmth, something she never experienced in her own life.
Brian and Justin didn't care about Claire, didn't notice her departure. To her it seemed as if her brother was calm and secure, but Justin knew that this little episode was different to Brian. It had cost him strength and hurt him deeply to finally cut all ties to this people who called themselves his family.
Carefully he pulled his husband to the couch, never breaking eye-contact, never letting go of the hand on the back. Carefully he took him into his arms. Carefully he tightened his arms around the taller man - ignoring anything except his husband in his arms. His family. His life.