Hey all! Another TalaBryan, 'cause they're just too good together! Seeing as you asked so nicely, Tamurl, I wrote this one. I didn't make Tala bulimic, I made him anorexic, but meh. I don't (usually) do requests, but I felt that it would make a good sequel to Implants...just to prove that 'ikkle Tala has problems too. This IS a sequel fic, but it isn't really neccessary to read the first one (Implants) to get this one. It might help you understand it a bit more if you -do- go and read the first one though...
"Tala?" Tala rolled over, yawning.
"What?" Bryan wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tightly.
"Tala, I swear you're far too thin...are you sure you eat properly?"
"Oh come on, Bryan. You've asked me that a million times!"
"Because I'm worried! I can feel all your bones, Tala..."
"Well then don't touch me." Sniffed Tala, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. Bryan sighed and decided that he really couldn't let it lie this time. "Tala, don't just walk off."
"Why shouldn't I?" Bryan stood up and went over to Tala, taking hold of his wrist. His fingers met around it and he lifted it, forcing Tala to look at it. "Tala, it isn't -healthy- to be this thin!" He took a deep breath. "Tala...are you...bulimic?"
"What!" Tala looked scandalized, but at the same time slightly worried.
"I'm sorry, it's just...Tala..." Bryan paused for a second. "Are you anorexic?" Tala glared for a second then tried to pull himself out of Bryan's grip. Somehow he found that he couldn't. "Tala, stop trying to just walk away from me! Tell me the truth!"
"Get off me!" Yelled Tala, his free hand trying to prize away Bryan's fingers. Bryan tightened his hold.
"Tala, if you're anorexic you need help!"
"Leave me alone!"
"No! Tala, please!"
"GET OFF ME!" Screeched Tala, slapping Bryan in the face. Bryan let go of him and he ran out, starting to cry. Bryan stood for a second trying to take in what had just happened. Tala was anorexic? How long had he been like that? Why had no-one noticed? Why did Tala do that to himself? He couldn't seem to find any answers, so he followed Tala out into the hall and eventually found him in the living room, sitting behind the sofa and sobbing.
"Tala..."
"Go away! Leave me alone!" Tala said, rubbing his wrist.
"Tala, please...why do you...why..."
"Just go away! You wouldn't understand!" Bryan yanked the sofa forward and Tala cried even louder. With a sigh, Bryan sat down next to him, laying an arm around Tala's shoulders. "You're right, I don't understand. But I understand that you're hurting yourself. Why are you doing this Tala?"
"I...I..." Tala snivelled and clutched at Bryan, and Bryan started to really see just how thin Tala was. It was strange, but he'd never noticed it so much before. Tala was thin, that had always been a given, but now he seemed...skeletal, almost. "Oh Tala..." Bryan found tears gathering in his eyes. "Tala how can you do this to yourself?"
"Don't cry!" Tala cried, climbing onto Bryan's lap, kissing him in an attempt to make him cheer up. "Don't cry Bryan...don't..."
"Tala, please just tell me why..."
"I did it for you, Bryan..." Bryan suddenly felt sick to his stomach.
"For...me? I-I don't understand..."
"I wanted you to love me..." Whispered Tala, pressing himself closer. "I wanted you to love me so much..."
"But Tala, I -do- love you..."
"You didn't..." Breathed Tala, stroking Bryan's cheek softly. "I wanted you to love me so badly...I wanted to be beautiful so you would love me..."
"Oh Tala..." Tala sniffed and wound his arms around Bryan's neck, sobbing still. "Tala, I love you...don't...don't do this to yourself any more..."
"I don't know if I can stop..." Whispered Tala tearfully. Bryan pulled him down into his lap and held Tala curled up against his chest.
"Tala...oh Tala..." Bryan started to cry for real, kissing Tala softly.
"Don't cry!" Tala repeated, putting his hand over Bryan's mouth, wiping away his tears with his other hand. "Don't cry...I don't want you to cry..."
"I can't help it...this...this is my fault, isn't it? If I'd loved you-"
"But you couldn't. You know you couldn't. But you do now, and I'm so grateful-"
"Tala, will you try? Will you try and not..."
"I can't! I've lived like this for years, Bryan...I don't think I can stop!"
"Then will you get help, Tala? Please? I can't bear to think of you like that..."
"I'm sorry! I don't want to upset you!" Bryan wiped his tears away then did the same for Tala, stroking the redhead's back soothingly.
"Tala, will you come and see a doctor with me?"
"But...I-I don't..."
"What?"
Tala shivered. "I don't like doctors. They're...they scare me..."
"What? You've never said anything about it before... You came to see me in hospital...and there were doctors there then..."
"I came because I loved you and I had to see you." Said Tala quietly, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
"Will you come with me to see a doctor because you love me?"
"I...I...suppose..."
"Mr. Ivanov? The doctor will see you now." Tala stood up nervously and Bryan stood with him, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. The receptionist at the desk frowned. "I'm sorry, you can't go in with him. You'll have to wait here." Tala listened, then turned and started walking towards the exit, much to the puzzlement of the receptionist. Bryan grabbed his painfully thin arm and tugged him back. "I have to go with him. He's scared of doctors." He explained. The receptionist raised her eyebrows at him but made no other remarks as Tala knocked on the door proclaiming: "H.J. Fletcher, PhD, MSc, BSc Hons."
"Come in!" Bryan pulled Tala inside to be greeted by a cheerful middle aged man in a white coat, with black glasses perched on his amazingly large nose. "Well, what's the trouble? Is it with him, or you, or...both of you?" Bryan sat down on the leather sofa, pulling Tala down beside him.
"He's anorexic." He said bluntly. "But he's scared of doctors." He was very aware of this fact, seeing as Tala had his nails dug into Bryan's hand like knives. H.J. Fletcher noded, then took off his coat. Underneath he was dressed in a pretty normal, everyday suit. Bryan felt Tala relax ever-so-slightly. "So, Tala?" Tala nodded confirmation at the right pronunciation of his name. "You're anorexic. How long has this been going on for?"
"A long time." Whispered Tala, eyes holding the doctor's. "Since...thirteen."
"And you're sixteen now?" Another quick nod and the nails started to dig harder again.
"And I imagine your friend just found out and wanted you to see someone?"
"Yeah...but he's...my boyfriend..." The doctor nodded.
"And your boyfriend...sorry, Bryan, was it?" Bryan nodded. "I'm Horatio, by the way. Anyway, as I was saying, Bryan found out and thinks you need help. Well, you do."
Bryan yelped as Tala's nails pierced his skin, dragging his hand away and looking at Tala reproachfully. Tala immediately latched his arms around Bryan's torso, evidently scared. "Do you mind me asking why you're so scared of doctors?"
"We...were brought up in a training program, and...Tala was often..." It sounded painful just thinking it. "Used in experiments."
"Do I look like the experimenting type, Tala? I can assure you I'm not. I just want to help you. Can you tell me why you became anorexic?"
"I wanted to be beautiful..." Tala whispered. Horatio nodded and scribbled something on a bit of paper. Bryan glimpsed the word 'mental' and glowered. His eyes flicked lower and found the word 'fat' "He's not mental." He growled. "And he's anything -but- fat!" Horatio smiled.
"It doesn't say mental. It says, 'muscle'. As in, his muscles are on the verge of being damaged. And that says 'fear' as in, he is afraid of doctors and of being ugly." Bryan stared at Horatio for a moment, suspicious, then put an arm around Tala. "Now, what I suggest, is that you, Tala, attend some courses, to help you deal with your anorexia." Tala nodded helplessly. Horatio scribbled down an address and a phone number and passed the slip of paper to Bryan, who slipped it into his pocket. "Thank you, Mr. Fletcher..." He said, standing up and pulling Tala with him.
"No trouble." Said Horatio as the door closed behind them.
Bryan was waiting nervously when Tala came back from his first meeting with the Anorexia Prevention Society. He heard the door shut and stood up as Tala opened the door and came into the room. Tala didn't say anything, only came over to where Bryan was standing and let Bryan pull him into a hug before starting to cry. "I'm so stupid..." He choked, as Bryan stroked his hair gently.
"You're not stupid, Tala, and you know you're not."
"I am! I thought I was making myself beautiful and I was only making myself -ugly-!" He wailed, spitting out the last word disgustedly.
"Tala, I'm never going to think you're ugly. You're always beautiful to me. I just want you to be beautiful and healthy. So I don't have to worry about you."
"I'm sorry...I-I'm so-"
"If you're looking for someone to blame, why don't you blame Boris? Or Voltaire? They stopped me from loving you, and that's how you ended up hurt! It isn't your -fault- Tala!" Exclaimed Bryan. He hated the way Tala kept blaming himself when really it wasn't his fault. He had been young, and in love, and denied of love in return. He had been driven to what he thought was an answer to his problems by loneliness and depression. "Tala, I love you." He said, suddenly wanting to be sure Tala knew how he felt.
"I know. That's why...I want to get better." Bryan thought his heart might just burst right then and there.
"Tala, I love you. I love you so much I can't believe it sometimes." He said softly, drawing Tala into a tender kiss. Tala licked his lips as they parted, looking slightly puzzled. "You taste...of chocolate..."
"Oh...I...had a bar of dairy milk before you came back... You don't...mind, or anything?"
"I haven't had chocolate for...well...years..." Bryan blinked.
"Seriously? I think I'd go mad if I didn't have some chocolate every now and then!"
"I think I like chocolate...but it's been so long since I had any... Maybe I hate it..."
"No-one hates chocolate!" Bryan exclaimed, scandalized. "Do you...want to try some?"
"No!" Tala looked slightly terrified at the prospect, then his face softened. "I...I can't..." His eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry!"
"Tala-"
"I'm sorry Bryan, I'm sorry! But it's hard...it's...it's so hard..."
"No, Tala, it's fine, it's okay! I shouldn't have asked!" Bryan wrapped his arms tightly around Tala, comforting him while cursing himself for being so impatient. Tala had been like this for years, it wouldn't be so easy to get over... but... Bryan found himself wanting, more than anything, for Tala to be over it. "I love you Tala. I love you and I worry about you, all the time."
"I'm sorry-"
"Tala, stop apologizing! I don't want to hear the word 'sorry' come out of your mouth any more! None of this is your fault! It's not your fault that I worry! It's not your fault that I'm too impatient!"
"Impatient?"
"Impatient for you to be okay!" Bryan cried, crushing Tala against himself. Tala relaxed in his arms, sighing.
"I'm trying Bryan...but I just can't...it...it's like second nature to me now, not eating much...it's almost like telling myself not to breathe..." He sniffed. "But I'll try my hardest. I'll really try."
"I only want you to try, Tala...because I know you're strong enough to do it..."
"Bryan...when I went...they showed us some pictures...it...it scared me..." Tala's voice dropped to a whisper. "People die from..." He hesitated, reluctant to give his condition a name. "And...I...I never knew..." He clung to Bryan tightly. "I want you to help me Bryan...I don't want to end up like that...but I need help, because I can't do it on my own!"
"Tala, if you need me...I'm here. Even if you don't need me, I'm here. You'll get through this, koibito. We just have to take it a day at a time."
"A day at a time?" Tala murmured thoughtfully. "I suppose...I could do that...but...will you help me?"
"Tala, I'm always here to help you. Now how about a cup of coffee?" Tala shook his head, a tentative smile on his face.
"Do we...have any hot chocolate?"
Fin.
I was on the phone to Peachmelba while I was writing this and she told me I was a meanie. But it has a happy ending- I mean, come on, Tala gets hot chocolate, of course it's a happy ending! Of course, joking aside, he gets help with his anorexia, which was the most important thing... Anyway, R&R, it's always appreciated! And I'm sorry but this is a oneshot- I don't know anything about anorexia really so I don't want to make things up and sound like an idiot.