Turning Up My Radio
When I saw him, my heart filled with the purest joy possible, I don't remember ever feeling so intensely happy, or this insanely in love before. Ever.
As I saw him walking up the corridor, the butterflies I hadn't even realised I'd been feeling, intensified to such a degree that I thought they were going to overwhelm me.
'Hiya babe, what you doing here, I thought you...'
I stopped my somewhat rambling chatter, once I saw the look on his face.
That look has been burned onto my skull, disgusted and disbelieving, a look that turned his beautiful features into a mass of anger and shame, so deep, it sliced though the very surface of my heart.
Unforgettable.
'You are a liar '
Those words hit me with such force; I thought my legs were going to buckle under me. What had I done? Why was he acting like such a crazy person?
Unless...
A dreadful feeling washed over me as the awful realisation hit me
He knew...
This was the last clear thing I remember thinking, before my head made contact with the harsh coldness of the concrete floor below me and I was enveloped in an impenetrable darkness...
As I came round all I could see were indistinguishable shapes and colours which at that moment, appeared to be figments of my imagination.
I could hear a million voices, but I couldn't hear any of them, couldn't clear my head enough to focus on anything much.
When I was at last able to open my eyes, all that filled my vision was his eyes, that soft chocolaty brown colour, which had turned my heart into a gooey soft centre.
The eyes which had loved me.
The eyes which now hated me, with a dark intensity.
His eyes which had once made me go weak at the knees with their sweetness, now resembled sharp chocolate chips, so sharp they looked bitter; no trace of sweetness remained in his beautiful gaze, at least not where I was concerned; not anymore.
I could have stayed suspended in that moment forever, gazing into his gorgeous face, which I now realised was even more so, when he was upset or hurt.
But I knew that it couldn't last; not really; no matter how much I wanted it to, all good things must come to an end and all that.
I had to get back to reality, and no matter how much it hurt, face the consequences I had created.
Strong arms were then under me, pulling me upright and then that familiar voice.
His voice
'You okay?'
My voice sounded gravelly when I eventually spoke 'Yes fine'
'Listen...' he trailed off. He didn't need to finish his sentence; I already knew what he was going to say. His face told me what he couldn't.
'It's okay I understand' I said, trying to unsuccessfully hide my emotions 'We're over'
As I turned my back on the one person who meant more to me than anyone, the words to one of my favourite songs, Alesha Dixon's 'Radio' floated into my mind, and the words seemed so apt to my situation, that by the time I got to where I was going, a steady river of tears was flowing silently down my cheeks.
'Don't say it now, I'm turning up the radio
I'll drown you out, 'cause I don't wanna let you go
Anything to make you forget
'Cos my heart can't let go yet
Don't say it now, I'm turning up the radio'
I'm not going to lie, that was probably the most heart breaking thing to have happened to me in my life so far and I will never forget the way it made me feel afterwards. Knowing that I was the catalyst for what happened between us, only serves to intensify my pain. It is true what they say: 'whatever breaks you, makes you stronger' and in this case that was certainly true...
By Amber Robinson 2011
Lyrics property of Alesha Dixon and Warner Music UK Limited ©