Finding It

Characters: Aidyn Hawke + Fenris

Pairing: Hawke/Fenris

Rating: T

Genre: Romance/Friendship

A/N: What is this I don't even. :/ I duno, it just wanted to come out. Like I said, right now fanfiction is more of a sounding board for me then anything else right now- when I'm blocked for my main works or just need to get out something, it comes here. And this wouldn't leave me alone. I'm not sure how I feel about it- I think I rather like it. Might lead to other drabbles. Might not. For now, it's a one shot. There is a chance any other drabbles will revolve around my other DA2 charries, bouncing amongst them. M/M and F/F to be found here, so reader beware.

I make no promises about the validity of the latin in this work. It's all taken off line; hopefully, it's at least least one line is a direct quote from the game itself.

Disclaimer (That I um, forgot in chapter one .) : No owney. I don't even have access to the game right now; hopefully my disc will be fixed and change that. And hopefully it IS a disc problem. And fixable. *pout*

Aydin was a loveable goofball. No two ways about it- while he could be diplomatic and mature when he wanted to be, he spent most of his time in a state barely more collected then Merrill.

That was to say, his lover was a naïve, gentle, over-grown child.

"Are you satisfied yet?"

"No. You must have one. Everyone does. Everyone."

A huff, white hair puffing out with the impatient- if amused- breath. "Then I am no one. I'm content to be so. Now let me up." Never mind that, really, he could pitch Aidyn across the room if he had a mind to. While the little mage was quite powerful in that aspect- and he was not going to let himself over think the fact that the slender, small creature in his bed was a laughing, smiling, dimpled example of all he had spent so long hating- physically, there was no match between them.

"You know something? You are unnatural. You are- some kind of manifestation of stick in the mud. It's like your body has had so long to adapt to your grumpy, prickly ways it's physically mutated."

"I think I'm starting to get offended, Aidyn. Venhedis!" He added in a sharp hiss, when Aidyn's knee landed squarely in his groin as the younger man crawled up his body.

"Oops. Sorry. About gelding you, I mean, not everything else. You know I don't mean it. The everything else, that is."

"I know what you mean." He growled, pulling a shuddering breath and shoving Aidyn off of him at last. "Do you ever stop talking?"

"Only when I'm asleep!"

"Lies." Pain faded, and with it did his bad temper. Aidyn, luckily, let Fenris's growling roll off his back like water, and went right back to his experimentations as if nothing had happened. "You natter in your sleep, too."

"Really? What do I say?"

"Mostly? Nothing worth paying attention to."

"Thanks."

"Were you not the one moments ago viciously insulting my nature because you can't find-"

"Oh, right!" And he went back to trying. Groaning at having reminded him of it, Fenris let his head roll back against the headrest. Aidyn's fingers were light and soft against his bare skin- surprisingly so. His own hands and fingers were callused and stiff from abuse and work- Aidyn, though his hands weren't newborn smooth, were just the opposite. He had his own share of calluses, though, in different places on the hands, on the fingers. Said fingers ran down his ribs, his stomach, the outside of his legs. It had been so long since touch hadn't hurt- either in the traditional sense or because of the markings in his skin. Aidyn's touch didn't hurt. At times it was overwhelming- sometimes it made him feel raw and hot, sometimes it made the markings in his skin sing with something very close to pain- but usually it was simply touch. Surprising in itself- you never realized how pleasant lack of pain was until you'd been in it.

Aidyn's hands went to his feet, brushed the arch of them, once, twice. Fenris lifted a brow.

"No."

"Oh, come on!" Aidyn's voice broke on laughter.

"I'm simply not ticklish, Aidyn. Anywhere."

"That is just not fun."

"Are you pouting at me?"

"…No."

"Festis bei umo canavarum." He murmured, unable to keep the fondness from mingling with the irritation, unable to keep the smile from curving up his lips and giving the words a soft edge they normally would not have had.

"Fetsi-what now?"

Fenris sighed. At the least, Aidyn had the attention span of a rabbit, and he knew very well how to distract his lover. He bent at the waist, snagging the front of the brown-haired man's shirt and dragging him up.

"You will be the death of me." He translated, noting the effect the language seemed to have had on his mage- it always seemed to have.

"I could be." Purred softly, against his lips. "Just a little one, though."

Fenris laughed quietly, pulling him into a firm kiss. Aidyn melted against him, submissive and giving as he always was, trustingly handing all control up to Fenris. So trusting, so gentle- hard to believe that this same man, if pushed far enough, could destroy with his will and mind alone.

Aidyn made a low, soft, needy sound in the back of his throat, arms coming up to wrap around the back of Fenris's head- and that is when he took his revenge.

The indignate, flustered squwak was more then worth the way their heads banged together when Aidyn tried to rear back as Fenris's fingers danced across his ribs, light as the wind or a butterfly. But too late- Fenris had found his prey's vulnerable spot and hung on. Aidyn fell back, laughing breathlessly and squirming under him. Broken between gasps for air, he begged Fenris to stop, kicked and squirmed and once bit, earning a hard pinch in retaliation.

" Bad Hawke. No biting."

"I thought you- haha- you liked being bitten- hah- Maker- can't- breathe-"

"If you can still talk, you can breathe well enough." He felt his lips curl in an answering grin, the expression more and more familiar the longer he knew Aidyn.

"I will vomit- stop- please Fenris, stop!" The last was a whine, but genuine- Fenris had learned to tell the difference- Aidyn was walking the line between still enjoying it and honestly needing the torture to end. He immediately pulled away, letting Hawke curl into a loose ball, his laughter slowly trickling to a stop in harsh fits. When at last Aidyn was a limp, panting puddle but no longer racked with fits of giggles, Fenris tugged him upright.

And stopped to stare.

Aidyn was always a sight to behold, more so then he knew, but now…his longish, shaggy brown hair was in disarray, falling over his face and into his eyes, partly obscuring the glittering green, darker then his own moss-colored ones. The tattoo around one eye made him look like an overgrown puppy, so much so that Fenris expected him to spout a tail and start wagging any minute. Even his seemingly perpetually stubble added to the childish, mischievous appearance, though the impish grin probably had a lot to do with that. He was flushed and panting, lips swollen from where he'd bitten them and eyes dancing with laughter and love and spirit.

"Te amo." He rasped, before he could stop himself, before he even heard himself. "You are beautiful." In so many ways.

And Hawke blushed. Smiled a softer, shy smile and blushed and ducked his head, rubbing the back of it. "Psh. You're just sucking up so I don't burn your eyebrows off for that stunt." He muttered, but when Fenris reached out to lift his chin, he couldn't seem to meet the elf's eyes.

"Hawke. Aidyn."

"What does that mean?" Softly, almost timidly, raising his eyes to met Fenris's at last.

"Come now, surely even you can understand a compliment when it's given." Fenris hedged. The words had slipped out- it was unlike him to speak without thinking, but he'd been caught by the sheer, almost force of nature that Aidyn seemed to be, caught up in the unaccustomed surge of emotion in that moment.

"Not- never mind." The smile softened even more, then faltered, a little, turning sad at the corners. Wistful.

Coward, bit a voice at the back of Fenris's mind that, for some Maker forsaken reason sounded rather like that abomin- like Anders.

("He has a name. Use it, please."

"You have no room or right to tell me how to speak. Don't assume just because I care for you-"

"Aw, that's sweet, coming from you. But no, try again. Maybe I just don't like you insulting my friends around me?"

"It's simply the truth of what he is."

"Think that all you like, but not only am I sick to bloody death of you two growling at each other like a pair of ally cats, I am getting really tired of you acting like a provocative child."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, stow it. I love you, Fenris. Maker help me, I do. But I am going to take both your heads and clang them together if you both don't grow the hell up. And one of you has to take the first step. I'm asking you to do that for me. I'm not looking for you to- to sit down and have drinks and share silly anecdotes with the man. I doubt you have very many anecdotes, anyway. I'm asking you to stop calling him The Abomination, The Mage, The Demon, The Monster, Hypocrite- yes, that's with a capital 'h', and by the way also could apply to you-"

"It does-"

"-shut up and let me speak, damn it. Daemn, Monstrum- subtle, those are, but then, you're not going for subtle, are you? Even I know what you're saying when you say those."

"You certainly can't repeat them, though."

"Did I not tell you to shut up? We can talk about my horrible accent later. My point is, I'm just asking you to call him Anders. Simple. Easy. Two syllables. If it helps, it's not even his real name.")

When his inner voice had taken on even an aspect of Ander's tone, he didn't know or want to know- probably over exposure to self righteous ranting. But in this case, the point was true. He was a coward. He'd nearly lost Hawke because of it, once.

He was lucky Aidyn was patient, had waited for him… had waited for him for years.

The stab of guilt lanced through his chest, and he blew out another huff of air.

("You're a chicken-shit bastard, you know that?"

"You have half a minute to either explain yourself or run away."

"Hawke would be sort of upset if you killed me."

"The man who repeatedly pulls the tail of the wolf should not be surprised when he is bitten. Even Hawke understands that. What do you want, mage?"

"Wolf. Hah. More like 'kicked puppy dog'. Or maybe 'bad dog who deserves to be kicked.'"

"…Nothing of substance, apparently. If you are trying to provoke a fight, I suggest you do so with someone less willing to intimately acquaint your lungs with your spine. From the inside. Repeatedly."

"He came to me, you know."

"Brilliant for you. Isabella or Varric would, perhaps, be more interested in your adventures together. If you wish to gloat, don't bother. He's no longer-"

"About three weeks ago. Showed up at my clinic in the middle of the night and damn near threw himself on me."

"Mage-"

"Kissed me like- like I was some kind of life line. Hands everywhere. Desperate. You know, I wasn't complaining. I've felt the same way about him for years now."

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way."

"I could have had him, right there and then. I could probably have kept him, too."

"I have few qualms about going through you to begin with. They are rapidly growing even less. Literally through you, you realize."

"He stayed the whole night. And you know what he did, after he nearly sucked my lungs out through my mouth? After he thoroughly groped me and made noises I didn't know he could make and dragged me into my room? No, don't you dare."

"Don't touch m-"

"He pushed me away! He pushed me away and spent the rest of the night talking about you."

"…What?"

"You heard me, you stubborn, stupid Elf. Got drunk as a sailor and talked. About being lonely. About feeling like a fool. And about not wanting to use me or scare you away even further."

"I-why are you-"

"I don't give a flying fig who you're screwing, if you're happy with them, or- actually- how happy you are in general, Fenris. I hate you for having him. I admit it. If he'd wanted me that night, I'd have said yes, please, so fast your pointy ears would catch fire. But he didn't want me. He never wanted me. He was lonely. Is lonely. But he's in love. And he will give you until the end of the world to come back to him, if you make him. I don't care about your happiness. I do care about his. Because I love him. Always have. And I'm telling you right now you either take that thing off your wrist and let him go, or you don't and you go talk to him, but do one or the other soon. Because so help me, Fenris, I will force your hand if you don't. I won't let you leave him like this for much longer."

"You have no right-"

"Fuck you. I have every right unless he says I don't."

"He is mine, mage."

"Prove it, then. Prove it, or you don't have any place to say that. A one-night stand and a pretty bauble do not a lover make. And you call me a coward." )

Oh. That's why his inner voice had Ander's flavor to it. He grimaced, shoved it away like it was covered in sewage.

It rather felt like it was.

"I love you." The words were like sandpaper on his tongue, in his throat- "It -it means- I-"

The last of his sentence was muffled by lips pressed to his own. Aidyn's arms were wrapped around him, tangled in his hair, and the little mage was shaking with laughter.

When he at last fell back, Aidyn's eyes were shining in a way that made his laughter of before seem bland in comparison.

"I know. I know. You say it all the time without saying a word." Softly, so very close to Fenris. His eyes flicked to the gauntlets near the bed, the slash of red still bound around one. Tattered, now, but clean, it hadn't been removed for more then long enough to make certain it was clean in just as many years as Aidyn had waited for Fenris. And more, now.

Eventually it would fall apart, and he was completely irrationally frightened of that.

"But it's nice to hear it at last." He whispers, with a gentle smile. "How do I-will you tell me how to say it back? Properly, I mean."

"You say it constantly." He laughed out- Aidyn never hesitated to say I love you, said it all the time, said it casually as saying I want some lunch, like it was a simple fact that needed no ceremony behind it. He didn't belittle it, it just- was a part of his life.

Fenris had never been able to say it back, but there had always been something soothing, comforting in that. Aidyn and himself clashed hard from time to time- they had difficulties, in part because Aidyn was a mage though that was not always the extent of it-and very little in his life was certain. But despite these things and others, one, unwavering truth remained, and Aidyn never sounded anything but utterly sure.

But now his little mage watched him with solomn, soft eyes- and that damned pattern around the left- and bit his lip softly. "I'd kill the pronunciation, anyway." He said, some of that happiness fading. It seemed no one as able to put that light in the mage's eyes or take it away on a whim as much as Fenris was, and that was frightening. He didn't want that much power over someone else. He didn't have the gentleness, the tenderness, to hold another person's heart. Well, outside of literally. He was meant for crushing, breaking, destroying and ending. It was all he was good at. All he'd ever been.

All you have experienced, you fool, and you continue to wrap yourself again and again in chains. Stop staring like an empty-headed dolt and speak.

"Te quoque amo."

"I- what?"

"Te quoque amo. That's- how you would- or could- reply." He'd picked a bare, basic phrase- plucked it half-remembered out of the air.

"I- can't possibly wrap my tongue around that." He grinned, and Fenris returned it before he could stop himself.

"You have a rather talented one. Don't underestimate it." That earned a startled bark of laughter, and Aidyn blushed. He reached out, tugged Aidyn close again and let the man curl against his chest, head ducked under his neck.

He tried to say it, and Fenris couldn't help the slight wince. Aidyn laughed at himself.

"See? I-"

"Slowly. Pay attention to how I am saying what I am saying." Fenris said, softly, sliding his hand under Aidyn's chin.

"Like teaching you to read." Gentle teasing in his tone, Aidyn leaned into his palm. "Difference is my mouth just doesn't make those sounds."

Overgrown child. He's embarrassed.

"You did ask."

"I-" Aidyn ducked his head, rubbed the back of his neck, and tried again. Closer, this time. Still, the mage laughed. "Still bad?"

"Never." Fenris pulled him up, into a second, slow, lingering-

Full body jerk. He hissed in surprise and Aidyn crowed.

"I knew it. I knew it!"

"You- don't you even-"

"Why didn't I think about it? Most obvious place! Of course your ears are ticklish!"

"Aidyn- Hawke-"

"Wait until I tell Varric!"

"You will do no such thing."

"Oh, come on, it's perfect-ack- Fenris-"

"You will forget about this."

"Your powers have no control over me! I shall never forget the Weakness of the Pointy Ears- Ow, for Maker's sake, I'm just playing-"

"So am I. I play rough."

"OW! There is good-rough and there is this."

"If you had the self-preservation instincts of a goose, you'd stop fighting me."

"Have you never seen a goose, man? They're evil. Fenrismyarmdoesn'tbendthatway-"

"Perfect metaphor for you, then."

"I have bones. Bones! They're solid. Please stop putting stress on them!"

"I am doing nothing but holding you down. Stop wriggling and you'll stop hurting yourself."

"I still found it. That's a win."

"You are a brat."

"…still found it!"