Hello, and welcome to my second parody ever. The first is a Warriors one. Absolutely sucks, but it's quite funny. Also, did you like my 'randomosity' cover? It used to be a sunflower but I drew on it in the image editor. Anyway, enjoy! Today I will be bashing Mary Sues. DON'T FLAME ME BECAUSE MY PLOT HERE IS SIMILAR TO YOURS. THIS IS A GENERALISATION. YOUR STORY IS PROBABLY AWESOME. There's just those few that aren't...
Lady Melody Jade Sapphire Luna Wiktoria Cleopatra Angel Venus Serena Raven Swan Mystique Derek May June Lilly Coffee Christmas Cake Timothy McDonald Starfire Blaze Shadow watched the house silently. Her hair streamed behind her as she broke into a sprint. She had lovely hair. It went from baby blue at the roots to turquoise in the middle to forest green at the end, which was down past her waist. Her eyes were a deep, mysterious violet colour, tinged with pink towards the middle and merging to indigo at the end. She gasped as she was suddenly tackled by a gigantic man. He pinned her to the ground, but she was too quick, flipping upwards like a... uhm... I've run out of similes. Just visualise the most beautiful thing you've ever seen flipping upwards. Yeah. She looked like that. She quickly kicked the man in the face with a stylish high-heeled boot that no mere mortal could possibly jump in.
But Melody Jade Sapphire Luna Wiktoria Cleopatra Angel Venus Serena Raven Swan Mystique Derek May June Lilly Coffee Christmas Cake Timothy McDonald Starfire Blaze Shadow was no mere mortal.
Her father had been the most legendary LEPRecon elf ever. He had won more than forty medals before his hundredth birthday. Her mother was a famously beautiful Asian princess. Or possibly African, depending on which continent sounded most exotic to the author on that day. It never really said. She was abandoned at birth and grew up on the streets, using her magic powers to survive off the bare minimum. One day, she was spotted by an undercover M.A.R.Y.S.U.E.
The M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. were a secret organisation. Their name stood for: The Mysterious Association of Rallying Youths to Spy on U Epically. They Taught talented children martial arts and spying, so they could steal off the rich of the world. Our M.A.R.Y.S.U.E.'s first assignment was to rob the most awesome man in Ireland.
Artemis Fowl. So now she was battling his bodyguard in the back garden. It took her only 46.745 seconds to take him out. But her troubles were far from over. She felt a stinging pain in her neck. A tranquilizer dart. Then everything went black. Artemis Fowl stepped out of the shadows like a boss.
"Oh no," he whispered in horror. "this is one of those parodies, isn't it? Those ones written by a twelve-year-old psycho trying desperately to be funny. And failing. So she has to resort to fourth-wall breaks and Mary-Sues to get any reviews, because all the Sue-haters (a.k.a. everyone) will go 'OMG, that's like, soooo true!' and feel the need to say so in a review, the result being this parody becomes popular, and so it will be updated a lot, so my life will suck even more. So, I shall proceed to call Foaly, and he will have had a file of this Sue on his computer all along saying she knows about the People, and he never thought it important enough to tell us because he is apparentely a slacker, even though if he was a slacker, the fairies would have died ages ago because he runs the security systems. Then, I will lock the Sue in my basement, and, on my visits to her, we will gradually fall in love, then Opal or Turnball or someone will return and capture her so we will have to stage an epic plot to rescue her that could probably have been made up by Beckett, and, and, it won't have Mulch in it, even though he's a main character and has his own Wikipeidia page." And so, Artemis Fowl resigned himself to his fate, and dialed the centaur's number.
Foaly looked up as his computer pinged with a message. He gasped in shock. He and Artemis also colour-coded their messages. Blue was 'OPAL'S COME BACK TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. AGAIN. JEEZ, THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK. THIS ISN'T EVEN WORTHY OF CAPS LOCK, because it's not an emergency, we all know what'll happen, one of us'll come up with an ingenious plot to defy her and escape death by a hair. So, you free on Tuesday?' Yellow was 'Hey, wanna crash Google together?' and red was 'PARODY ALERT!' The message was red.
Foaly stared at it. He immediately tapped a few keys on his keyboard and came up with a file of the Mary Sue. He told Artemis her names, all 24 of them. And so, Artemis locked her in his basement, and on his visits to her, they both gradually opened up to each other, revealing to each other their tragical pasts, hopes for the future and dreams. Then, Opal, Jon Spiro, Damon Kronski, Leon Abbot, Billy Kong and Turnball Root all teamed up and captured Melody Jade Sapphire Luna Wiktoria Cleopatra Angel Venus Serena Raven Swan Mystique Derek May June Lilly Coffee Christmas Cake Timothy McDonald Starfire Blaze Shadow, who they locked in their basement in their secret base in Antarctica, and so everyone came up with a plan that Beckett could have made. Actually, Beckett did make it. His name was recently changed to Everyone. And Mulch wasn't invited. He instead spent the weekend making out with Caballine while Foaly was away. And so, everyone rescued the Mary Sue, and she and Artemis kissed passionately and Holly for some reason didn't mind, even though she obviously has a huge crush on Artemis. And so, several sequels were released about their childs, and how they too found love. And the story broke the record for the most flames ever.
THE END.
So, what'cha think? Good? Bad? Well, good, it was supposed to be bad, for that is the point of parody.