It was late but at the moment time had little to no meaning to me. All I knew was that the drugs had worked quickly and that Anita had given me something good. I needed another drink but didn't think I should chance it, after all if I got too drunk who'd be there to make sure that everything was perfect just the way that he would have wanted it? Debbie and the gang would have tried to help, no doubt about it, but no-one knew him as well as I do…did, what he'd want for an epitaph, whether he wanted to be buried or cremated, where the wake should be held, who he wanted at the funeral and most importantly where the will was. These were all things that he'd have to deal with now, things that he hadn't expected to have to do for quite awhile. After all he'd only been 36, still in his prime, mostly healthy; no one thought that this would be the way it ended. I was glad though that we'd been at home when it happened surrounded by family and friends for support and not in New York where we'd only just bought an apartment together. I decided to go up to the bed, illuminated by the blue lights above it. The loft which had once felt like home was now empty and all he had for company was his memories.
The next day he'd woken feeling terrible but not due to the amount of alcohol that he'd consumed but due to the fact that today he'd had to deal with all the arrangements for the funeral of the man who he loved with all his heart. After much consideration he'd spoken with Father Tom a man who he knew, knew the family and would have nothing against performing a funeral for a gay man as he himself was one, he had decided that a burial would be better than a cremation and had chosen a mahogany casket that cost almost 15000 as well as buying a new Armani suit and Prada boots for his love to wear while he was laid to rest forever.
That day he'd also listened to a myriad of different people all offering their condolences. The words seemed empty from everyone but family and friends and even then he was sure that their words didn't mean much, after all words were just words and he could now see why his love had not placed much stock in them. That night he went to bed crying with a photo album in his lap, with the page open to that of their wedding day, both wearing matching Vera Wangs.
A week later I could hardly force myself to get out of bed, but I knew I had to for him and me, I needed to say goodbye for now. I had to believe that it wasn't forever and that we would see each other in the afterlife and that he had been right when he's stated that it was only time. When I got to the cemetery I could barely stand to look in the casket, it was somewhat creepy to see him lying there and to know that he wouldn't wake up. That he was gone forever. Everyone was there; even Mel and Lindsay came down from Toronto with the kids, so that they could say their last goodbyes. Looking at Gus I couldn't help myself and I broke down in tears to know that he'd never really get to know his daddy and that Brian would miss out on seeing his son grow up. It wasn't fair! I don't remember much of the funeral, it was mostly a blur, but I do remember getting up and making a speech and the song that they played, Save the Last Dance by The Drifters, it brought back a lot of memories for me, memories that I had only just remembered as recently as two weeks ago.
The next day when I walked into the loft with a tuna casserole I immediately felt that something was wrong. The place had no life, it had always had life especially after Brian and Sunshine had gotten married and decided to stay here to make sure that if anything went wrong they could get to a hospital faster. I put the food in the fridge before turning and looking to the raised platform that was the bedroom. What I found there shocked me, but I had had a suspicion that it would happen at some point. Sunshine lay there with a sketchbook in his hand, a drawing of him and Brian dancing at his prom the latest addition to his sketchbook, and his last. I knew even before checking for a pulse that he was gone and wouldn't be coming back, not this time. I had lost both my boys in the span of a month, but it was an appropriate way for them to go, neither would have been happy living without the other. I also noticed that it was slightly ironic after looking at the date on the calendar, it was the day they met the first time and hopefully they would now meet again. I had just lost both my boys but their was still hope in my heart, hope for my life and the family that was still living. It would take a long time to get over the death of Sunshine and Brian but it would get easier with time and knowing that they were both happy together would go a long way with helping to accept it.
A/N: I know that it's sucky but I really only wrote it to get something out of my system, and to try to help me work through my writers block. Keeping that in mind I'd still appreciate it if you would review.