"You'll be okay. We promise." "You'll be normal soon. We promise." "You'll get out of here soon. We promise."
Fuck them and their promises. You got tired of this ladies voice. How did they expect to make you "normal" when she obviously wasn't structured herself? Her hair is a bland, boring, brown color. It reminds you of your hair before you died it magenta. It's frizzy and obviously unorganized. She obviously didn't get braces when she needed them. You noticed her teeth were slightly crooked. You've seen her fake a smile more than once.
All you think about is that song by The Eagles. Hotel California. This is a prison that you caused on yourself. It's your damn fault for being this. This sick emotional creature. You wish you were numb like Jade. At least someone loved her.
You feel too much. Is this the problem here? Now, you're in the depressive state.. You've been like this for days. You want to jump off the building, but you know you would just fly off there. They all say you're crazy for believing that. That's why you're here, isn't it? You jumped off a fucking building.
You and the rest of the gang - Beck, Tori, Andre, Ronnie, even Jade - ended up going to the same college. You simply weren't ready to leave LA, and they weren't either. You were all lucky enough to be accepted to UCLA. Ronnie was accepted into Stanford, but he was deathly afraid of being alone. With Rex gone, (Jade burned him after Ronnie was caught looking through her personal items, if you catch my drift) you and the group were all he really had. But it wasn't Ronnie's fault you were in here. It wasn't even the witnesses, Beck and Tori's fault. It was yours.
You, Beck, and Tori sneaked up onto the rooftop. You had meetings there. You chatted about life, and recently, you and Beck were sneaking kisses up there while Jade was studying. It was an open place for you to just hang out and what not. Usually, there was alcohol or pot involved, but those things disgusted you. Alcohol burned your tongue, and weed was unnecessary. You were high already.
They were sipping whiskey. Beck was hardly ever seen sober. After classes were over, he would run over with his fake I.D. in hand to the nearest drug store. You loathed his addiction, but you loved him. You loved everyone. That's just typical Cat behavior. Tori couldn't handle it for long. She was barfing up a storm, but refused to leave before you guys did.
"I can fly, you know," You walked onto the edge, smiling at the drunken pair.
"Oh really?" Beck chuckled, leading Tori to suddenly giggle hysterically.
"I'm not joking!" You debated, crossing your arms, facing them.
"How wasted are you, babe?" The drunken male continued to joke. You became frustrated now. You sat next to them, your arms still crossed. Your fists tightened. "Oh, I'm so sorry, babe," Why was he calling you babe like this? You felt uncomfortable. He wasn't like this. Not in front of people, at least. You'd do stuff alone, away from the public eye. Jade was simply scary. Despite the fact Tori and Jade weren't exactly on good terms, Tori has made it clear she was smitten with Beck several times. That's probably why Beck resorted to you when Jade simply wasn't feeling it. Jade didn't find you threatening. She just saw... you. "Why don't you show us you can fly, eh?" He bargained with you. "Prove it to me. Prove it to us." You felt as if he suddenly realized Tori's presence.
Tori was just giggling away. She wasn't a very expressive drunk. All she did was laugh. Soon, after being able to control her laughter, she spoke. "G-Go ahead... Cat..." She laughed, choking up in obvious drunken hysteria, "Fly for us."
You cocked your eyebrow, but rushed over to the edge once more. You slipped off easily, when suddenly Beck exclaimed a loud "Woah!" This shocked you. You ended up grasping your hand on the window pane.
"I'll save you, Cat. Hold on. Hold on." He assured you.
You felt tears roll down your cheeks. "What's going on?" You looked up. "I-I can fly... I know I can..." Beck didn't answer you. He brought rope, and swung it down. You slowly made your way up. Athletics were never your forte. He instantly embraced you. You were shaking, saying random gibberish. Mostly "I'm not crazy... I'm not crazy..." as he kissed your forehead.
Tori didn't yell at you. She always knew you were moody and would commonly call you the b word - not bitch, the other one. The word no one here dares to say. Instead, she yelled at Beck. "Why didn't you call the cops?" She paced around the roof, running her fingers through her hair. She grunted, sitting next to you and Beck. "She needs help, Beck." She muttered. She hoped you didn't hear, but you did, which lead you to cry a little more.
He dodged that comment. "What was I going to tell them? We're fucking wasted. They would notice." He yelled in a whisper, which reminded you of your parents constant bickering. They thought you were too stupid to hear. "What would I say then?" He regained composure, whispering normally now, "'Yeah, my friend and I - who are under aged at only 19 years old are drunk, but Cat isn't. She just decided to jump off of a roof." His words stung more than Tori's did.
"She's crazy! She needs help. I'm being a good friend here, you're being an arrogant douchebag." She stood up. Her hand movements were wild and all over the place.
"I'm the arrogant douchebag? You're the idiot just giggling and watching her fall off a fucking building, not to mention calling her crazy."
"She's just... she's... She needs help!"
"Stop saying that!" Beck defended, covering your ears, "God damn it, Tori, stop."
"I'm calling 911. She's getting help, rather you like it or not."
"Please." He let go of you. He swiftly took off his jacket and put it around you. He stood up. You looked up at him, clinging to his jacket. "Please don't do it." He became softer. You were suddenly confused. You watched them some more.
"Why do you care so much about this?" Tori scoffed, "You don't care about anyone."
Beck was obviously offended. "I don't care about anyone? You're the one always getting people to help you. When have you ever helped anyone else?" The two stared at each other, dead silent. You felt tense and uneasy, leading you to quietly whimper. He heard you. You looked vulnerable and like a typical mess. He sighed. "Forget it." He muttered under his breath. "Do what you want."
He gave up on you. He wouldn't fight for you. As Tori dialed the numbers on her cell phone, you gave up on you too.
They said you were a "danger to yourself and others". You didn't get it. You'd never hurt a fly. You'd never hurt yourself either. They didn't get it. They didn't get you.
You were shipped off to this damned place. Your personal hell.
The only good part of your days so far is lunch time. You were venting to your nurse with the crooked yellow teeth about how you miss your cute cupcakes with pink frosting. She didn't respond, but the next day, they gave you your own vanilla cupcake with sprinkles everywhere. You were ecstatic and talked about it to everyone you saw.
You don't really see people often. You know other people are here, but you rarely see them, and when you do, you choose not to speak. This never ending silence is what makes you insane, not this disorder.
You feel like you're on a deserted island. People would ask all the time if you could bring only one thing to a deserted island, what would you get? You would always answer cupcakes, but cupcakes definitely aren't fulfilling this void any more. There's something wrong with the world.
You would kill - oh, sorry, kill is seen as a "bad word" around here - to see anyone again. Beck, Ronnie, Andre, Tori... even Jade. Just someone. Anyone. No one talks to you except for the crazy nurse lady.
You want to go back to high school where you were always bubbly and giggling. Really, you want to go back to August 15th, right before your sophomore year of college. You would love to just have that day replay over and over again.
Your first kiss. Well, not really. You've kissed guys before, but it was never a real kiss. Not the kiss you wanted. Like, you kissed Ronnie to show him that kisses don't always have to be filled with emotions and your boyfriend in third grade who's name you forgotten. That's it. This was your first kiss with a boy you actually had real feelings for.
You never intended to feel this way. Not for Beck. You aren't stupid. You know what's off limits and what's not. Someone else's boyfriend defnitely is.
Moving day. Everyone was rolling their stuff in and out. The stress was overwhelming. You resorted to your paradise - the roof. You laid down and shut your eyes real tight. You were trying to ignore the world around you. You found yourself dozing off, when your heard footsteps.
"Jesus Christ!" You yelled, jumping onto your feet. You were about to apologize and say you didn't mean to go up there and leave, when you just saw Beck standing there. He tilted his head. You exhaled, "Oh. I-I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."
He laughed underneath his breath. "It's cool. What are you doing up here?" He sat on the ground casually. Naturally, you sat beside him.
"Too many people I guess." You responded quietly, looking up at the polluted gray sky.
"I understand. People are just... everywhere. Damn freshmen."
You chuckled, "Yeah. I guess. Where's Jade?" It used to be impossible to see him alone. Jade would cling to his arm, glaring at anyone who would dare look at her property. You strayed away, of course. You weren't one to make trouble, especially with Jade.
"With everyone else, I would imagine." He shrugged, pulling out an Aquafina bottle. "You want some?"
"Depends. Is that actual water in there?" You asked. You were joking, but you were genuinely serious. He was sort of known for being a drinker. You heard about him getting in serious trouble for drinking in class one time.
He didn't take it seriously. He laughed, putting the bottled "water" in between his lips. "I don't know, do I have a reputation?"
"Yes." You replied, bluntly.
He laughed again. He motioned for you to come closer, as he whispered, "No. It's not water."
"I don't drink." You whispered, though it wasn't much of a secret.
"I wish I didn't." He confessed, putting the bottle beside him.
You cocked your eyebrow. It's easy to not drink. Maybe not in his perspective. He was in too deep now. If he didn't want to, he shouldn't have started. Period. "What makes you say that?" You asked.
He didn't answer your question. He hated being questioned, or it seemed like it. He simply looked down, but you wouldn't give up until he answered your question. "My dad." He mumbled.
"What about your dad?" You didn't mean to pry, but you were always a bit nosy. You liked knowing people's business.
"He was... a bit of a drinker."
"Oh."
He didn't need to continue, but he did. "I didn't want to turn out like him. He would beat my mom and sometimes me. It wasn't..." You heard his voice crack. He bit his lip, avoiding any eye contact with you. "You know what? It was him." He went from melancholy to angry. "Everyone made excuses, like he was stressed or wasted. Like it was okay for him to beat my mom. She didn't deserve that. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
You hugged him. That's so like you. You wanted to help him. At first, Beck seemed to feel uneasy and awkward, but he hugged you back. You leaned on his shoulder and embraced the silence. You stood up when you noticed the sunset. "Thanks." You said, about to walk down the stairs.
His voice stopped you. "For what?"
"For telling me that. You didn't have to."
"I wanted to." He confessed with a light smile. He opened his mouth to continue, but you understood. He did something out of character. He hugged you once more. You hugged him back again, when his face grew closer to yours. His lips were placed on yours. You knew you should have stopped it, but part of you didn't want to. The kiss was soft at first with a slight amount of tongue. You could have stayed out there forever, and you wish it was a little longer. You pulled away after a while. You could have mentioned Jade, but you didn't. You just stared at him, your fingers still intertwined in his long hair. You eventually found yourself letting go of him and walking away.
Now, you know what you would really bring on your deserted island. You would bring Beck.
Your nurse came back now. She might have been there for a while, but you were too involved in your memories to notice her. "Do you want your medicine, Ms. Valentine?" She never called you Cat. Ms. Valentine sounded too formal for your taste, but apparently Cat made it seem like you two were too close. They didn't want any emotions involved with this. She might fake compassion so you feel welcome, but it was all obviously a face.
You didn't respond. She was already stuffing pills down your throat. You swallowed. Your thoughts all started to fade away. This was so you could sleep. This was so you could function.
"Goodnight, Ms. Valentine." She chimed, walking out of the hospital room. She turned off the bright fluorescent lights as you laid there. You were now numb, for once in your life. You were totally emotionless, but you weren't asleep yet. These pills can't cure the fear of what's going on tomorrow. They can't cure you, they can just numb you down into a zombie.
Close your eyes, darling. Don't worry. You'll be out soon. They promise.
A/N: This took me two days. Maybe I'm just lazy. But seriously, please review. I'm not exactly proud of this, but I worked hard on this and I really love getting reviews. Feel free to say anything. I'm fine with flamers. Critique, compliments... whatever makes you happy. But thank you for reading anyway!