STANDARD DISCLAIMERS: I don't and will never own CCS. Card Captor Sakura is rightfully owned by CLAMP/Kodansha.
AN: Avoir Mal, is a sequel to Wish. This time, it's on Eriol's POV.
AVOIR MAL
England.
It has been quite a while.
It was a melancholic afternoon of fall. The air is starting to gain its chilly atmosphere and the rays of the sun befell its red-orange streaks. Creating a rather unique but a cozy, picturesque view of England.
It's been a full week since I left Japan. Since I left Tomoeda.
Since I left you.
True, I left there in my own volition.
But I did that to spare myself from the unbearable pain that might come if ever I chose to stay there.
Selfish you say?
Maybe.
I closed my eyes and the first vision I see is your face.
Kami-sama, how I hated this.
Every day, every hour, every minute, every second, I stayed here, I have willed myself to forget you.
Forget everything about you.
Everything.
Soulful amethyst eyes, porcelain skin, ebony hair, angelic voice. Everything. Just everything.
If you see me like this, you'll be saying as to how moronic can I get.
I mean, I could've at least told you how I feel right?
I could've told you that I loved you and spare you from assuming there's something wrong with me every time I slightly tremble when you're near and the things I do just to please you.
But then, if I did that I would just bring myself pain. For I know, you'll never look at me the way I perceived you. The way I adored you.
To me, your not just raven hair, amethyst eyes and pale skin. Your much more. Much, much more than that. The way your voice echoes in the whole room, the way your fingers move to ease one's pain. Be it emotional or physical. It's the way you look at a person. Concerned.
But then, amidst all these, why are you suffering from all the pain? All the pain that is caused even by just the mere sight of your best friend. Your best friend happy with another person. Your once most precious person now belonged to another. She, so oblivious of the pain that you are facing. Facing it with a tough exterior to preserve your best friend's happiness. Always, always hoping for the other's contentment. Not your own.
Not once your own, my angel.
Now, who am I to just enter the scene? To add myself to your misery? No, I would just make the situation worse. I would just confuse you. I would just waste my time, knowing that not even a single flicker of hope in you noticing me as somebody not just a friend brimmed in my way.
Che. You've been regarded as the most observant from the group. Yet, I still wonder how my feelings passed unscathed from your observant sense. Maybe… your just keen with others feelings. Not your own nor of the people around, paying importance to you.
Up to now, I still wonder…
Haven't you noticed?
How I love you?
--
I left Japan with Kaho. The woman who understood me. Only she saw the turmoil veiling behind these deep blue eyes of calm.
You must've regarded us a couple back then, Tomoyo-san.
Yes, it was unmistakable. Kaho and I left there together implying were hooked with one another. Heh, much to the annoyance of my guardians.
But, as soon as we reached England, we parted ways, she visiting her boyfriend's house. Me… well, I went straight to the mansion. Frustrated. Wanting to know if I had just done was right.
And then knowing that it isn't. I know I screwed things up.
Still, I opted to stay here in England than to go back.
Why, you may ask?
Cowardice pursued in my veins.
I know. I know I've wanted to forget you. But with all these memories, how could I? Lest I erase my memory myself, which I'm pretty sure I'll not do.
Thinking of you has been a guilty pleasure of mine.
It was then that reality hit me. I can't own you.
And damn, it hurt.
I sighed for the nth time this day, finally deciding to turn away from thoughts about you.
Absently walking to a bookshelf, I deftly pulled out a book. Not really looking at the title it bore on its spine.
Carelessly plopping myself on my chair, or the 'Throne of Evil' as Rubymoon opted to call it, I opened the book only to have an eyebrow slightly twitching.
What did I pull from the shelf?
A fairy tale book.
I didn't know Clow Reed keeps such books. But then, Clow Reed isn't an ordinary mature man.
I opened the book and scanned through its pages.
Large, vivid illustrations, flashed before my very eyes. Of course, all those flashy illustrations are necessary to get a child's interest discerned.
A few more pages went past my fingers until I stumbled upon a classic fairy tale.
Cinderella.
I couldn't help but give up a smirk. I have really never believed in fairy tales, in those stories who plays with the imagination of the reader. Driving them to Fantasyland. Willing themselves that they have a Prince Charming waiting for them in front of a tower or something.
"Master, Sakura-chan is about to transform yet another Clow Card."
"When will all these end?"
"Master! Will you please stop making a fool of that Little Wolf?"
"Hello there, cute descendant!"
I bet Prince Charming never heard or said those lines yet.
Sometimes, I envy those characters living in fairytales. Living in their own dream world. Oblivious to all the happenings around them. They never did have problems. Or if they did, there's always the fairy godmother right?
My life is far different from it. Far different from being a fairytale.
Far from--
"Master, I didn't know you have grown a liking into children's books!"
"Rubymoon." I blandly stated.
"Am I a bother?" she asked.
"No. Not at all."
Its in rare times she gets this normal. Usually, she'd be out chasing Spinel and later on stuffing the poor creature.
"You're still thinking about her 'ne? Tomoyo-chan I mean."
A pregnant pause.
Pale fingers clenching tightly around the book.
"Yes. I've been. Lately."
"I thought so."
A pause once more.
"Master--you-you have to let go."
"I know Rubymoon. I know."
"You have to for your sake. But…"
"But what?"
"I think it's not too late. You can still go back."
"Go back and what Rubymoon?"
"Go back and put everything in order? Tell her what you feel I presume?"
I looked sharply at her.
Doesn't she realize what she's saying?
"No."
"But Master…"
"No. I said no."
"Have you seen what she looked like back then? Back there at the airport? Have you? Have you noticed?"
"I…"
"Well I think no. For you are too scared to even look at her in the eye!" apparently, her voice remained dead calm. But beneath those words, laid every bit of sarcasm she wanted to throw at me.
"Rubymoon."
"What?"
"I think…"
"You think what?"
"I think you're right. I've been too much of a coward. Surrounding myself in a glass barrier. Not wanting to be hurt."
"But then, you yourself is breaking it. Shattering it into pieces with that darned feeling you kept on hiding. You're breaking it. Breaking your own barrier. And hurting yourself at the same time with its shards."
Silence.
I…
I wanted to ask her…
One thing.
Just one thing and everything will be fine.
"Rubymoon…tell me…do believe in fairy tales?"
"What a stupid--"
I sighed. Patiently waiting for an answer.
Just a 'yes' or a 'no'.
"Yes. I do."
I looked up, tired eyes piercing in her auburn ones.
"Fix your things. We'll go back to Japan. Now.
--
No. I still don't believe in fairy tales.
But…
I'm determined to end this story with a fairy tale ending.
.::OWARI::.
AN: Did I make this? *ducks her head* This fic is so… confusing. Anyway, I believe there will be continuation. Eriol will back in Tomoeda. More fairytales. Err…don't worry. I'll try to make it nicer than this one. Now, could you do me one thing? Please review!