N/A: rated T because it contains some words not allowed for K or K+. Besides, it's a silly and funny oneshot. I hope you enjoy it!
23 THINGS THAT DUSTIN ISN'T ALLOWED TO DO
Dustin Henderson is not allowed to:
1. Call Steve "mother", "mom" and "mommy"...
2. Specially when saying goodbye to Steve after a ride...
3. SPECIALLY in front of some girl.
4. Call and congratulate Hopper for being Hawkins' "newest grandpa".
5. Insinuate that Steve is hiding a mini-demogorgon in his hair.
6. Teach Eleven how people make babies...
7. Using Star Wars action figures.
8. Ask Max if it's true what they say about reaheaded's pubic hair.
9. Ask ANYONE about pubic hair.
10. Ask Eleven to make him float with her mind...
11. And spend Jonathan's camera roll with photos of the moment...
12. And spread those photos around to school to make people believe that a) he's a jedi and b) jedis actually can fly.
13. Spread that Max uses MadMax as nickname in arcade because she's, in fact, that policeman from the movie.
14. Interpret "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at the school's hallway...
15. And have El closing doors and windows with her mind to add "the drama and the fire" the song demands.
16. Call Mike "brother-in-law" when Nancy shows up.
17. Call Mike "stepson" when Mrs. Wheeler shows up.
18. Protect Will in an overly-dramatic way when they play dodgeball at physical education...
19. Or yell "WILLIAN, NOOO!", falling in his knees, muttering "we lose him so young..." if Will gets hit by a ball.
20. Make kisses' noises when Mike approaches Eleven...
21. Or imitate Mike, saying by the phone when chief Hopper calls: "Eleven, come back to our bed...".
22. Tell El that Santa Claus actually is a "bastard Soviet that invades American christians homes".
"Okay, we're done," Steven smiled, pleased. "I think Dustin will think twice before doing anything on this list."
The boy was sitting in the hood of his car, in front of the Byers' house, surrounded by Mike, Eleven, Lucas, Max and Will. Joyce had asked him to keep an eye on the kids as she went to the market because Jonathan was out of town for a few days. Steve at first thought of refusing, but he couldn't after remember Joyce's devotion to those kids.
"Do you think it will work?" Lucas asked skeptically. "Dustin is not the type that follows the rules ...".
"Let's give a shot", Steve shrugged.
Suddenly they heard a noise followed by a scream. Steve ran home, expecting to find some creature sent from the underworld trying to kill Dustin, but when he got there…
"HEY EVERYONE" he shouted. "COME INSIDE".
The children appeared in a second, scared. Eleven was ahead, ready to kick some monster's ass. But then, she ended up smiling at the scene: Dustin was sprawled on the floor, murmuring curses, covered in pudding boxes.
"Shit, shit, shit", he said. "I was just hungry!".
"Mike, write that on the list ..." Will asked, laughing.
23. Dustin CAN NOT steal pudding stocks.
N/A: Did you liked? Let some reviews, please!
N2/A: This story was inspired by "51 Coisas que Emmett Não Tem Permissão para Fazer", written by deboram.