Greater Calling

Even the God of Messengers could take the time off to himself to have a little bit of illegal fun. - Hermes/Percy

Warnings: Pot and 4chan memes galore.

Sometime around two, Hermes and Percy could no longer remember what was going on.

They were laughing loudly. For no reason either. Hermes had something smoking in his fingers and was taking occasional drags in-between his giggling and Percy looked like he had been hit hard with the happy gas.

"This...This has been like your best idea like...ever."

Hermes rolled back onto his stomach. "Oh, oh I am sooooooo a genius. Ath-Ath-Athena has got nothin' on meeeeeee, son."

"Son. I'm not your son, you-you-you...um, what are you?"

"I am God! Obey me you weak mortal!"

Percy stared. "I am like, sooooo disappoint with you right now. Everyone knows Raptor Jesus is our true saviour."

"That's bullshit."

The God grinned and laughed again, taking another drag before handing it to the boy. He was really happy that he had gotten Percy to agree to doing this with him. All the other gods were prudes. Just like total pricks most of the time. You know, even if he thought about mentioning doing this with anyone, he'd end up getting like, vaporised/incinerated on the spot.

And he liked living. He liked living a lot.

But in all honesty, Pot was totally worth it.

Best New World invention ever.

So really, with that. He had sent off to find someone to go smoke with. Sure, Pot was illegal in most countries and more specially, the United States, but even though Hermes would rather admit to liking Apollo's poetry then admit the fact that all the Gods were liars when it came to the laws.

No, hell, they weren't even liars. They were pathological liars with a happy side of schizophrenia and a large order of carbonated crazy.

No one really listened to the mortals laws any more. They only said they did to make themselves look better. Everyone knew that Ares drove far beyond the speeding limit half the time; everyone knew that Apollo walked around nude when no one was looking; everyone knew Hades mass produced American cash to keep his monsters entertained and away from him; and everyone knew Aphrodite went for men far, far, far younger then she was. It wasn't like they stole anything though, but a few humans did end up vaporised from time to time and others just disappeared 'harmlessly'.

So of course, he already knew all the Gods were out because some of them did obey some American laws and others were too busy (i.e. getting laid) to spend time with him. That only left one option then. So after getting lost and ending up in some Cow Pasture, he had finally made it to the apartment Percy Jackson shared with his mother around midnight. Luckily his mother and his stepfather were out for the night and Percy was home alone.

And now it was roughly two-thirty and Hermes had no idea what the hell was going on.

But it was probably better that way.

Percy handed Hermes the blunt and climbed towards his headboard before rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling in amazement, as if staring at it for the first time. "Man, it would be like, so cool, if we could live upside down."

Hermes was rolled onto his back as well and stared at the ceiling as well. "Yeah, but then all the blood would go to our heads and we'd all die. And death is so not cool."

"Say, do you think...do you think Australians live upside down?"

"Huh?"

"It's so obvious man! With their location and their location away from the earth, they gotta be upside down! They have to be! It makes so much sense now!"

"That's not possible though! They're as upright as me and you...Well, as upright as we would be if we were standing up."

Percy whined and sat up, crawling towards the end of the bed and flopped back onto his stomach. "But they have to be!"

Hermes made his way to the end of the bed again and handed the boy the blunt and shook his head. "Physically im-impossible. You know, Physics. Complicated mathematics!"

The demigod whined. "My life has been a lie!" He then suddenly laughed and took another drag before smiling with a hazy look in his eyes. "Well, I say they're upsides down anyway. Man, I must be trippin' cuz' you look upside down too...Say, say Hermes, guess what?"

"Huh, what?"

"I'm awesome."

"No, you're not dude. Don't lie!"

"Whateeeeev. At least I'm not climbin in people's windows and snatchin' their people up."

"That was one time!"

Percy laughed and then tried to pick up his game controller, which he of course had abandoned iin the beginning as he and the God had gotten even more stoned. "Still happened."

"Shut-Up, just...just...Be quiet."

"Make me!"

"I'm sorry but I'm not a cougar like Aphrodite."

"Whoa, whoa...Just whoa.TMI."

Suddenly, there was a young boy's somewhat manly grunt and the screen exploded into a disarray of many colours. Percy yelled out, but Hermes got too distracted by the many colours to care. There were so many...So pretty...Floating there, floating here, like little particles and there way colourful rays of light that reminded him of - whoa he was tripping balls.

Then the screen was gone, replaced by a screen bathed completely in different shades of red and black with only two options of 'Continue' and 'Load Game'.

"Stupid game. God, they always make it like so difficult and so long and those damn long ass cutscenes and not to mention the faggatory the bosses give off, stupid Sora! Why you no heal fast enough!"

"Sora?"

"Gah, not to mention your anger with the Heartless. Dude, dude. Kairi's alive. Just go bang her already. Or did you forget that Riku tried to kill you like four fucking times. But noooo, your friends come first blahblahblah and you're so protective of everyone and your healing powers suck. Just, just go die already!"

He threw the controller down and took another drag before laughing again.

Hermes stared. "Man, you're like...like reaaal angry with that game."

"Yeah, yeah. It's so, like, cool at first but then noooo, you figure out Sora has crappy healing powers and Donald is entirely useless sixty-nine percent of the game – Why are you giggling?"

"You said sixty-nine."

"...Pffffffffffft."

"Man, we're so mature."

"I know? We're like...like...the royalty of the mature."

"I call being King!"

"What no! You have the more girly body!"

Hermes lifted up his shirt to poked at his not-flabby stomach. "Women can't have toned abs man. That's just wrong." He dropped his shirt and looked at Percy with an expectancy in his eyes.. "Well come on, I showed you mine, now you show me yours."

"Sorry, you have to pay like everyone else."

The God frowned. "But that's no fair!"

"Life isn't fair man. Just isn't! Then life would be all unicorn droppings and double rainbows if it was." Percy smiled and changed topic suddenly. "...Double rainbow all the way across the skyyyyyyyyyyy. Yeah, yeeeeeeeeeeah. It's so intense."

"Double rainbow all the way across the skyyyy. Wow, wooooooow, oh my god, look at that rainbow!"

Hermes then groaned and held his stomach. "I am, like, so hungry." He got up to move away but Percy grabbed his hand and looked even more stoned.

"Say, where you Russian off too?"

It took Hermes a second before he smiled. "Well, Iran a race just now and I would like Samoa food."

"You're Hungary? What about some Turkey?"

"Too much Greece."

"Did Jamaica some Chile then?"

"Belize girl. Too much effort."

"Israelly that hard?"

"Surely you cannot be Syrias."

"Geez, Kenya wait a moment then."

Hermes flopped back onto the bed and looked at the now useless blunt. Such a shame that had been their last one. At least he still felt the effect for now.

"Hey, hey Hermes. Hermeeeeeees. Guess what?"

"Whaaaaat?"

"You're old."

"No I'm not!"

"You're old!"

"I am so not!"

"Old, old, ooooold!"

"Shut-up!"

Percy giggled and then smiled. "Oh. Hey, hey, do you know what else is hard?"

The God raised an eyebrow. "I have a feeling I do."

"No, no, no you dooooon't."

"Oh I don't?"

"Nope."

"Then, tell me what is hard then, but let me go grab my con-"

"This remote."

"–tacts." At Percy's look, he added quickly. "You know, to see things."

Percy furrowed his brow before shrugging and holding the rectangular object up. "Look! Look at this thing! It's so hard! And so long too. I've been laying on it for like, the last ten minutes and dude, it's really irritating. Man, like, for reals irritating. It's so hard and gosh it needs to be softer!"

The God snatched the remote and pressed a button and the television turned on, showing an ad for Lucky Charms. Immediately both men drew their attention to it; entertained by the flashy colours of the commercial.

"Oh that's a big spoon!" Percy noted. "How could they eat cereal with such a large spoon!"

"Dude, I don't care about the spoon! We need to get some of that cereal!"

"But I wanna know how they'll get to eat the cereal with such a large spoon!"

"Noooo. We need some of the cereal!"

"I don't care what the magical glowing box tells us! I want to know what – Aw, it's over!"

Hermes frowned and groaned. "Dude, we need that cereal."

"It's only cereal and I never found out how they ate that cereal with that large spoon!"

Percy tried to snatch the remote. "Give it! I need to change the channel!"

"We need the Lucky Charms first!"

"Change it!"

"No!"

"Chaaange it!"

"No!"

"Change it, change it, change it!"

"Maaaaake me."

Percy tried to lunge at the God, but 'tried' was the keyword. He instead fell to the floor and glared up at the God as he harmlessly flipped through the channels now. Hermes frowned and put a hand to his stomach. "This is more lame than Sarah Palin...Where are all the good cereal commercials?"

In the end, they just ended up watching Cheers.

"How's life treating you Norm?"

"Like it caught me in bed with its wife."

"Hahahahahaha!"

Life was good.

A.N.

All right, I was listening to Welcome to Iceland by Ayumu Asakura and Onosaka Masaya.

All I have to say,

All I have to say is that song is tripping some major balls. And the fact that Studio DEEN is totally feeding their voice actors Acid.

I want their magic singing juice.