Title: is sincere the sorrow of those who cry in secret
Marco Valerio Marziale (38 BC– 104 BC), Latin Poet.
Summary: "the pain is a real thing, who everyone feels at least once. A life without pain, doesn't exist, it's not contemplated, not perceived.
Love is suffering!"
Spoilers: 6x18 Lauren
Warnings: no
Note: I say "i'm sorry" before you read, for all grammar errors! English is not my first language!
Note 1: Thanks to my friends who push me to share this and other ff on this site.
Note 2: the title is a Quote of Latin Poet Marco Valerio Marziale (38 BC– 104 BC)
enjoy :)
I spoke with the team.
I wanted to encourage them,
Be at their side after your "death".
Each one reacted in very different ways.
Each one reacted in a different way from what I expected.
I was waiting for furious anger in Derek, but I found hold anger, which was facing troubles to come out.
Because Derek didn't want to let it out.
If his anger got out, it was like admitting to himself that you would never come back, it was like admitting that he got there late, admitting a defeat!
Your loss destroyed him, but I understand… he's seeing the scene, all over again, almost like an extra corporal experience.
He sees you lying on the ground in the room, with a table steak in your chest.
And he runs,
And the more he sees himself running, the more he wonders if he couldn't get there faster, if he couldn't come before you lose too much blood, before Doyle stabbed you.
Get There before!
This is Derek's rage! Don't be there in time.
And when he looks at your empty desk, with your stuff on it…
The nightmare starts again…
And he asks himself, again, what he didn't see… what he missed…
Why he didn't notice something wrong in your behaviour.
Why he didn't do something.
He blames himself…
And he will do that for a long time.
My God, I understand him!
I lived and lived again tens, hundreds, thousands times the phone call from Haley, but the result doesn't change, I was exactly where Derek is: she's dead!
I can't help my friend to face his anger, I can't force him to scream, to externalize his frustration and his pain… I can only stay at his side, waiting for his anger to change into the next feeling