Alice: Let's see if I can explain this better wwhen I havve more room… Basically, I have spent ages scouring the interwubs for popular Homestuck pairings (Taking cannon pairings into account as wwell XD) and I am going to make a wwritten vversion of Nepeta's pairing wwall- each chapter is dedicated to a neww pairing. Each chapter wwill start wwith me stating the pairing and wwhen during the series it is set and remember- I OWWN NO CHARACTERS!

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John and Karkat (Post Scratch) Rated M

A Troll stands in his respriteblock, today is the 4th bilunar perigee of the 7th dark season's equinox, not too long after this particular Troll's anniversary marking 8 sweeps since being given life. It was only 2 sweeps ago that his wriggling day came and he was given a name, but through all the game-related excitement, it seemed like a lifetime ago.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and as previously mentioned, it is a seemingly average day on Alternia- however, after meeting up with the humans, learning of their customs and what-not, you have been lead to believe that today corresponds with the day before a mass human celebration- Christmas.

The humans have been in a great uproar over this particular holiday, so it must be a big deal on earth… as far as you can see, it's the exchanging of presents and the decorating of hives, because you haven't ben bother to listen too much when Rose went on about the prospect of the holiday and all it entails.

Another of your human friends- John, is holding a party at his hive today and has invited all the surviving trolls and humans for exchanging of gifts… they've arranged some strange thing called a… what was it? 'Secret Satan?' Some strange human fuckery like that. Anyway, you all drew name a name out of a hat and had to give a gift to that person. You drew out Kanaya and had NO FUCKING IDEA what to get her- so you settled with a 'Learn to Knit' informational guide, so she can impress Rose.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

"Welcome Karkat!" John's overly-excited face greeted you at the door, but before you even had a chance to respond, Jade approaches with that look on her face that gives you nightmares- it can only be described as her 'I'm up to no good' face. The John human's face erupted into a bright red blush- that has you partially conscious of your own oddly coloured blood- when she held a strange leafy green thing above you heads.

"What the fuck is that?" You ask either of them- you know from experience the answer won't be one you want to hear.

"It's called mistletoe, KK!" Jade chided happily, increasing John's blush. "When two people are under it, they have to kiss!"

"What… the actual fuck?"

"Oh, come on, Karkat! When on Earth, do as the Earthians do!" Terezi approached you with a malicious grin.

"That's not quite the expression..." Jade sighed in exasperation before returning to the major issue at hand. "Come on, you guys! You have to kiss, otherwise it's just no fun!"

You certainly didn't want to admit it, but maybe you might be a little flushed for the John human… I mean, it's weird… your races probably shouldn't mix… but then again, look at Kanaya and Rose…

"Why would we-" Your sentence was cut short. Why was that, again? It seems your mouth is incapable of moving at the moment… oh, it appears John's kissing you… Marvellous. You pull apart slowly, the childish smile that graced his soft, pink, and all too human lips has your gut doing cartwheels.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" That's a worrisome sound…you look over to see Terezi flailing her arms about, a camera clenched in one hand. You make a grab for it, but she escapes and runs into the main room, yelling something along the lines of "Your segment is as red as your blood!"

Jade has a grin twisting her features that you're sure could easily split her face in two if it stretched any wider.

== Be John human

You have no idea where that sudden courage came from, but you're certainly grateful for it! The befuddled look on Karkat's face was definitely worth any possible rejection! Terezi has a picture of you though… quite possibly multiple pictures… you should probably attempt to get that back… if only so you can get copies.

"SECRET SANTA TIIIIIIME!" An excited voice arose from the other room. Turns out it was Aradia, she certainly likes getting involved in human traditions, doesn't she?

You drew Karkat. You're his secret Santa. You had SUCH A HARD TIME deciding what to get him… you had so many ideas… In the end, though, you decided to get him a joke gift. You know the Trolls are always going on about how offensive cleaning products are, so you figured you'd get him something that could be considered a cleaning product, just enough so that it'd be funny, but something that functions for other purposes, so it wouldn't be too bad… if that makes any sense…

Basically, you wound up getting him a bucket! Ingenious, no? You even put it in a box, so no one will know what it is until he opens it!

"So, Rose, how do these things normally work?" It seems Aradia didn't do all the homework necessary…

"We'll each get our presents, give them to the person we drew, one at a time, while all the others watch." Rose elegantly sat on a chair, flirtatiously close to Kanaya.

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! May I go first?" You don't see much point in her asking, considering she's already risen from her chair, neatly-wrapped red parcel in hand. "I drew out Terezi's name!"

"Oh! It smells delicious!" She tore the red paper away with her teeth… which you kind of expected to happen. "Oh my Gog, it's a pack of crayons! There are, like, 10 types of red! Best. Present. Ever!"

In the end, you observed mass chaos as odd gifts were swapped- the strangest being the packet of toilet paper that Gamzee gave Jade- much to her amusement. Until it was your turn, that is.

You stifle the urge to laugh as you get out the large box and a slight look of expectation on Karkat's normally irritated features, he knew he was the only one left. You purposefully brushed his fingers when you hand him the present, making him bow his head in slight embarrassment.

== Be Embarrassed Troll

"Thanks…" You accept the gift and tear the paper off to reveal a brown box… it's kinda light, what could it be? A look you're certain can only be described as pure terror crosses your face as you gaze into the box. The entire room bursts into hysterics at your face, but fell silent as you pulled the dark grey bucket from the box.

Rose and Jade knew what a bucket is in troll culture, they'd been told. Dave was too cool to laugh in the first place and John couldn't get rid of his giggles.

"John…" Aradia was shocked into silence, which was a somewhat welcome change.

"Do you have any idea what you just did…?" Rose was in a slightly better state to talk.

"I… uh… gave him a bucket? I thought it'd be funny…" He glanced down at you; you averted your gaze, not even trying to hide the shameful bright red blush as your fingers curled around the rim of the bucket.

"What's wrong with that?" Dave spoke up from his spot on the couch.

Everyone in the room jumped as Gamzee chuckled. "YoU sEe, MoThErFuCkEr," His voice wavered in a way suggesting he'd been drinking something before the party… you're not exactly sure what, or if you even want to know. "In OuR cUlTuRe, BuCkEtS aRe FoR cOlLeCtInG gEnEtIc MaTeRiAlS."

"Genetic material?" Oh Gog, hearing it come from his mouth in his voice is so… lewd…er, humiliating! That's what you meant…

"YeAh! TrOlLs Do WhAtEvEr WiTh WhOeVeR aNd fIlL a BuCkEt WiTh ThE rEsUlTs! AnD tHaT's HoW gRuBs ArE mAdE!"

"Oh…" John's eyes widened and you watched as realisation dawned on him. "Oh. I'm sorry, Karkat, I didn't mean for this to become some big embarrassing thing for you." As if to comfort you, John put his hand over yours, making you grip the bucket tighter. This action inspired a small moan to come from you lips, not loud enough for anyone but him to hear.

"John, I believe its 9 o'clock, wasn't the party meant to end now?" Rose stood.

"Oh, yeah... good point, come on, Karkat, I'll walk you home."

You've long since decided to settle with the other Trolls on Earth, you've rebuilt a sort of hive for each Troll on the opposite side of the lake near the John human's house.

Your hive is close to Terezi's because it appeased her to have it that way. You tucked the bucket shyly under your arm so you could grapple around for the key and open the door.

"Umm... thanks…" You mutter and turn to him.
"That's fine, I'm uh sorry again about the whole bucket incident…"
"No, that's fine, you didn't know."

"Can, uh, can it please not be awkward between us." John looks up at you through long lashes and you can't help it, you lean forward and press your chapped lips to his slightly moist ones.

== Be John Human

John Egbert, you are golden. You embarrassed yourself and one of your friends (who you have the slightest bit of a crush on…) and that same friend is now kissing you. Oh yeah, you also just learnt how this friend reproduces and gave him what he needs to do so. Well, your night is looking promising!

You wrapped your arms around his neck and twirled the ends of his hair that fell at the back of his neck between your fingers. When his arms settled around your waist, you leant forward even further into his embrace and parted your lips, which encouraged him to do so as well. His tongue was rough, not so rough to be painful against you tongue… it actually sort of… tickled! The very thought made you giggle slightly, effectively interrupting your kiss.

"What's so fucking funny?" His cheeks were flushed a slight red.

"Your tongue! It's so rough!" Your eyes squeezed shut in your amusement, so you didn't see the coming attack until it was too late. His rough tongue forced its way into your grinning mouth, wrapped around your tongue and guided it out of your mouth where he captured it between his lips and sucked on it.

A whimper was heard and it took you a second to recognise it as your own, his soft moan echoed off the walls when you shook your tongue free and rubbed it against his fangs. Your hands at the back of his neck slid in a very serpentine manner up to his horns where you began to fiddle with the orange nubs. The base of them seemed far more sensitive than the tips, so you focused your ministrations there, forcing slight purrs to be heard from the back of his throat.

His slender grey fingers slipped up under your blue sweater that Nanasprite had knitted you, touching your pink skin so softly that it was if he feared it'd give way or split if any more friction were applied.

"K-Karkat!" Your mouth was free to mumble his name as much as it wanted when he attached himself to your neck, nipping at the most sensitive areas, his fangs produced a pleasant stinging sensation, but did not break the skin… it was positively amazing.

He marked you, red spots littered your neck… you'll have to wear a scarf for weeks and you couldn't care less. You're his. You belong to him. You could almost see where Equius was coming from, there's just something satisfying about being owned, especially by him.

The warmth of his lips trailed down to your nipple and you cracked open your eyes that you had forgotten you'd closed to peer down at him. "Karkat… I'm not a girl… I don't think I'd feel anything there." He raised a black eyebrow and his rough tongue slipped out of his lips and lapped at your nipple, it was like a shock straight downwards that was intensified tenfold when he latched on and sucked.

"Oh… Karkat!" His hands trailed down to your waistband, touching your chest and stomach so lightly you barely felt it… until his fingers hooked beneath your shorts, which you wore all year 'round, even throughout winter.

== Be Troll

You have no idea what you're doing; you're just touching, sucking and stroking every bit of skin you can get… he seems to like it. The noises he made went straight to your already throbbing bone bulge. You could see the fabric of his cargo pants tenting around his bone bulge and it turned you on insanely. Your hands slip down a little further and cup him through his pants; he grabs the front of your shirt in his fists in an attempt to stay tethered to reality.

You pop the button open and smoothly pull down the zippers, now there was nothing but slightly wet, light blue boxers standing in your way. Not for long.

You gripped the elastic of said boxers and pulled them downwards; taking the shorts with them, leaving him exposed, making the blush that graced his since the start of this whole encounter intensify… which you certainly didn't think possible.

Ok, Karkat… you've been doing fine so far, don't fuck up now… one step at a time now. Your tongue darted from your lips and lapped slightly at the tip of his bulge, causing it to leak slightly. That reminded you… you kicked the bucket to within your reach.

Karkat… you're on the floor just inside the front door. Oh, you don't care? Fair enough.

You occupied one hand fondling his shame globes and your mouth was busy covering his bulge in licks, kisses and small sucks. Your free hand slipped beneath the chaos to his nook… you weren't an idiot- inexperienced, maybe, but not an idiot- you knew he needed preparation.

You learnt from your Lusus that a troll's nook produces its own kind of lubrication when the troll experiences sexual stimulation, but you weren't sure the same applies to humans. Upon inserting the tip of your finger in, you discover that it isn't.

You brought the free hand up to your mouth, which was covering John's bulge… you only then realised his moaning of your name. Sweet Lusus of Gog, that's hot. You slip three of your fingers past your lips and they begin stroking him- as much as they could at that angle- inside your mouth.

== Be the aroused human

With pleasure! When you felt his finger prod at your entrance, you were surprised to say the least- I mean, you thought something along those lines would happen tonight, but you didn't expect it to be… dry!

To take your mind off it, you concentrated on the amazing mouth around your member- that rough tongue tickling a different part of your anatomy, those chapped lips moving up and down, occasionally guiding you to the back of his throat. Do trolls have a gag reflex? One would imagine so… Oh well, these are speculations for a later time… a time when you may be able to actually think clearly.

The hand at your rear disappeared and suddenly reappeared in his mouth, rubbing at you slightly.

"Mmm, Karkat…" You decided to let out all the moans you've been holding in so far and when you did, he stopped sucking- not exactly what you wanted- at stared up at you, his eyes burning, though the rest of his face looked kind of gob-smacked.

He gathered his wits long enough to bring that hand back to your entrance and insert the first finger, making you squirm. It kind of hurts… it'd be worse without this, though. That one thought went through your head as another finger joined the first… until every thought in your head shut down all at once.

"Ah! Karkat!" You didn't know what he did to make it feel so good, but you knew you wanted more.

He continued rubbing at that one spot and you didn't even notice the third finger until you found yourself bucking your hips, fucking yourself on them.

"Karkat! I… need more!" You called to him, not caring how wanton and desperate you sounded, you really did want it.

You couldn't stop the small whine the left your mouth as his fingers left you, but it soon progressed into a grunt of discomfort as her entered you properly. He was so much bigger than his fingers… you knew you'd appreciate this in a minute, but for now it was just painful.

Once fully sheathed inside, he paused and waited for your signal to continue… what a gentleman, Scratch'd be proud. You signalled you're ready by thrusting back onto him, and braced yourself for the onslaught.

He pulled nearly all the way out, then practically slammed back in, it still just hurt… you knew it'd feel good soon, though. As if noting your discomfort, despite his own immense pleasure, Karkat reached between you and grabbed onto your member, which forced a small moan to come from your lips, which were parted to allow for panting.

That small moan intensified as he began rubbing against something good, something very good inside you. "Ooohh!"

Thrusting, moaning, panting, hips bucking, that's all that was. There was nothing else in the world, just you and your troll… Lover? Whatever, you don't care, so long as you can just keep feeling like this a little longer…

It seemed that your body had other ideas. It felt good. So good. Too good. No way that you could hold on much longer. "K-Karkat! I'm…" Your voice shook with each powerful forward snap of his hips.

"Me too…" He punctuated each word with another violent thrust that you're sure will hurt tomorrow… not that you care.

He slipped out of you, causing a small whine to come forth. You were so close…

"We need the bucket…"

"Or we could clean it up later…?" You suggest. It's apparent he agreed when he returned and slowly slid into you again. But, oh, you wouldn't have any of that 'slowly' business. You pushed your hips back onto his and reached down to grab your own member, pumping wildly in time with his thrusts.

You arched your back clear off the ground as you spilled into your hand and across your chests. He let out a low groan that you could barely hear over your own moan, which was practically a scream.

You lay there, the effects of your orgasm still rocking your body when you felt a hot fire burn your insides… it certainly wasn't unpleasant, god no! It took you a second to realise Karkat was finishing.

God… do all troll orgasms last this long? Out of courtesy for the other trolls, you hoped so… his loud moans, each one following directly after the other, his face was flushed and his eyes screwed shut, he was panting like a dog. Overall, he looked like it was the best thing anyone had ever felt… ever.

It was starting to leak out of you when he finally collapsed on top of you- and when he pulled out.. well, it all sort of slopped out. You didn't care, you'd help him clean it up later- hardwood floors wouldn't be too difficult.

You stared into his golden eyes and when he got his breathing under control, you leant forward and kissed him, softly and sweetly, if not a little sloppily.

You broke from the kiss and both of you jumped about a metre off your naked asses when suddenly the front door was torn open.

"KARKAT! YOU LEFT YOUR JACKET AT JOHNS!" Terezi stopped dead when she saw you, took in the scene before her, produced a camera from nowhere, and snapped a couple pictures before throwing the jacket at him and slamming the door.

From the other side of the wood you heard maniacal laughter, progressively fading away. You look over at Karkat who was just sitting there, gaping at the closed door. His head fell forward, covering his face with his bangs.

"Fuck."