The world seems engulfed in shadows, a small sliver of the moon providing the only light visible from atop the hill. To Seamus, the darkness that stretches across the area surrounding him exemplifies exactly how he's feeling at this current moment. And that small portion of the moon? The small glimmer of hope that still lay within him... Well, it would be if he actually had any hope left. That part of him had disappeared once Dumbledore had died, even though he had tried so hard to keep optimistic.
Hell, he always tried to be optimistic. Even last year, undoubtedly the worst year in his life so far, he had attempted to stay positive, even though each day he had felt like he was at war with something he could never win against.
Her – Ginny Weasley.
Ron Weasley's younger sister succeeded in being the main reason why Seamus had found his sixth year at Hogwarts so treacherous. She had stolen his best friend away from him, which was followed in her using him, exploiting him, causing others to hate him.
And Seamus hated this. He hated how she could manipulate her way through everything, how everyone seemed to somehow love her, how no-one appeared to notice how dreadful she really was.
One might have called him jealous of her for snatching away his best friend. Others may have said he was just protective, but the majority seemed to fall under the first option.
However, they didn't know how jealous he really was, how much envy for the girl had lurked in his veins during the previous year.
But then, they didn't know how in love he was. How infatuated, how enamoured, how totally head-over-heels he was.
How totally head-over-heels in love he was with Dean, with his best friend, with another boy...
He had tried to shake away the feeling several times, but it only came back to overpower him again. When he had finally learnt to accept it, Dean was with Ginny, and Seamus was in despair.
The two broke up just before school ended. Seamus couldn't have been happier, but he was worried that this would have killed any likelihood of a relationship between himself and the one he loved.
More recently however, he's been more troubled by the Muggle-Born Registration Commission. Dean would have to show up, and with no proof that he had any magical relations he would surely be forced out of the wizarding world for good.
But with Dean being Dean, it wasn't likely he was going to go. It was much more probable that he'd run off somewhere until it was safe for him to be a part of society again.
Seamus muses over this as he sits on the big hill near his hometown. He and Dean had spent several hours there together during Dean's summer visits to Seamus in Ireland. He doesn't want Dean to leave, of course he doesn't. The thought that Dean might die sometime between now and the defeat of Voldemort (however far away that may be) is obviously a very frightening prospect to him. He doesn't really want to think about it, but his mind has been regurgitating these ideas for weeks.
Suddenly there's a soft crack from behind where he's sitting on the hill. He can't see who has just Apparated into the space behind him, but he doesn't need to. He knows who it is just from the breathing.
"I thought I'd find you here."
Although his voice is soft the words seem to pierce right through the silence like a sword. Dean is there, Dean is sat down on the slightly damp grass next to Seamus.
Seamus allows himself to smile; the first time he's done so in days. The smile wasn't a totally genuine one though – yes, Dean was there, Dean was there with him, but what he really wanted was missing.
"A-are you all right, Shay?" Dean's voice is still a whisper. "Here. Lumos." He clumsily flicks his wand, the tip lighting up as he does so.
"Of course I'm not fucking all right, Dean." Seamus turns his head from the ground to the light that Dean's wand had produced. "Look at me. Look at me."
His tear-glazed face stares into Dean's, who is shocked by the sight. He represses a sob and says, "Do I look all right to you?"
Dean's hand is now resting on Seamus' arm, causing an almost violent shot of electricity to surge through the smaller boy's body. He knows it's only a gesture of friendship, but he wishes it was more; he wishes it was so much more...
"Shay... You'll be fine. I'm sure you'll be fine. You're... you're you, remember?"
Seamus gives a hollow laugh.
"I wish that was enough, Dean. I really do."
"OK..." Dean tries a different tact. "Why won't you be OK?"
"It's... it's because... well, what am I gonna do? When you're not here. Who's gonna be there for me? I'm gonna go mad, I know I am, I won't be able to cope, I–"
"Oh God, Shay, I'm so sorry, but... it can't be helped." Dean sighs and squeezes the place where his hand lies on Seamus' arm.
This is all too much for Seamus. Within a millisecond his arms are ever so tightly wrapped around Dean, who if anything is startled by this sudden change of behaviour.
"I wish it could, I wish wish wish it could." Seamus is almost in tears again, his head on Dean's shoulders and his arms round Dean's neck. Dean isn't exactly sure what to do and pats his friend on the back a few times before he decides what to say.
"Is... is there anything you want to tell me? Before I go, like?"
Seamus freezes in Dean's arms. Is this my chance? My chance to tell him how I really feel? Or do I keep it secret from him until we get to see each other again... if we see each other again, that should be... He takes in a deep breath. He can't keep this holed up inside him forever. Even if Dean has a negative reaction, Seamus decides that he has to know. He removes his arms from Dean's body and looks up.
"Y-yeah. There is. And... it's kind of a big deal."
"So... What is it?"
"Well..." Seamus already regrets his decision. He doesn't even know which words he should use. "The truth is... I... I love you." The last sentence is mumbled under his breath. It doesn't appear that Dean heard it properly.
"Hmm? What was that last bit again?" His eyes are fixed on Seamus, those earnest heartfelt dark eyes that Seamus so adores.
"Oh. Fuck it." Seamus leans up, moves his mouth to Dean's, and places there a kiss that he hopes showcases his feelings in the best way possible.
Dean's eyes are again fastened on Seamus' when the two separate.
"I'm sorry..." Seamus begins to mutter, but he can't help but notice: Dean didn't pull away.
"No. It's fine. D-don't be sorry, Shay."
Then came the real surprise for Seamus.
Dean swoops down on him, his arms now firmly enveloping the smaller boy. He plants another kiss on Seamus' mouth, one that's gentle and seems to fit the delicate atmosphere of the encounter.
When they break apart, all the two manage to do is stare at each other. Both are shocked; Dean by what he has just done, and Seamus by the fact that Dean may return his feelings.
Seamus averts his eyes to the ground between them, a small smirk dancing at his lips. This can't be happening. This must be a dream, Dean didn't really just kiss me, I mean, he's straight; he's a hundred percent straight, and even if he wasn't, he'd never like me, anyway...the smirk disappeared. Seamus prepared to wake up from what had to be a blissful reverie.
"Hey..." Dean's talking again. Seamus doesn't look up just yet, his eyes still fixed on the floor. "Oi. I'm talking to you." He then lightly punches Seamus in the arm.
Wincing, Seamus looks up slightly, though his line of vision keeps darting between Dean and the ground.
"De-ean! That hurt..." He rubs his arm where Dean hit him, but then comes to a sudden realisation. It hurt... so... it's not all a dream? "This isn't a dream, is it?" he asks, trying not to sound foolish.
"Of course it's not. Why on Earth would this be a dream?" Dean speaks gently, and takes Seamus' face in his hand between his thumb and forefinger.
"I just thought... you know... if it were real life you wouldn't really be kissing me, and..."
"And why wouldn't I?" There's a pause. "Look, Shay. I-I've got to go now. I have to leave, I have to hide and make sure they won't find me."
"Where are you going to go, though?" Seamus' voice takes on the soft, gentle tone that Dean's did earlier.
"I have no idea." Dean sighs and stands up. "Somewhere far, far away where they'll never find me."
Seamus is fierce. He stands up, and takes hold of Dean's hand.
"I'm coming with you. You can't do this on your own, you can't do this anyway. And I need you; I need you so much..."
"No, Shay. You need to go to school as normal, try to get through this."
"But it won't be normal without you..."
"I'm sorry, Seamus." Dean plants an almost obligatory kiss on the smaller boy's forehead. He doesn't say another word, but walks off into the night in silence.
Seamus stares after him, even though there's nothing to see as it's so dark, as if the moon has completely disappeared from the sky. He feels bleak and numb, but mostly, he feels empty, empty of that sparky boy he usually is.
After all, he'll never be that sparky boy without Dean.