Disclaimer: I don't own the warriors books, and I'm just borrowing the characters and made up my own.
Note: xD I got bored with this, so here are my results. I hope it doesn't look like I'm copying anyone, with the crazy cats idea.
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The Messed up Adventures
Part 1
Icestar was taking her daily rounds around the territory. She was the proud leader of GrassClan, and it was finally good to get a nice stroll of exercise. The clan duties had caused her muscles to strain and had also put work onto her mental part. Nonetheless, it was very hard to make her angry at this stage, because she had already gone into her relaxed state of mind, however troubled she might have been before. She took a few steps into some brambles, when she saw a weird shape. It was a tinged grayish blue, and it was shockingly familiar. It was a descended cat, with a mystical aura protruding the atmosphere around it.
"I am Bluestar, and I rock really hard." She replied. "And I rock so hard, I can say your momma is a fat ho, and get away with it." Shock flew over Icestar. This wasn't the Bluestar she had heard about. "I was like, watching that Hawkfrost from StarClan, and I just wanted to send a lightning bolt down on him, but nooooooooo. The rest of StarClan had to agree." A confused face showed Icestar's mood.
"What are you talking about? Weren't you dead? Why are you telling me this? Is this an Omen? Will there be danger? What happened to you? Are you alive again? Have you seen Plu--"
"SHUT THE HELL UP! Too many questions!!" Bluestar interrupted her. "Damn! I was going to answer you, but you went on and ON AND ON!!" Icestar's maw dropped wide open. Her legs felt as if they could buckle right under her. All of a sudden, Bluestar bitchslapped her with her gray-blue tail. Icestar was very confused by now, and was puzzled.
"Now, if you speak normal, I can take you to my leader to get answers." Icestar nodded, and without a word, followed Bluestar. Bluestar took her to a Twoleg nest.
"Isn't this a Twoleg nest?" Icestar questioned.
"Yes…" Bluestar looked back at her, but still walked on.
"Is there something here for me?" Icestar asked.
"Yes…" Bluestar repeated.
"Is there a sign from StarClan?" she asked, becoming annoyed.
"Yes…" Bluestar repeated.
"Is this where you live?" Icestar asked.
"Yes…" Bluestar repeated.
"What is this place?" She asked.
"Yes…" Bluestar repeated.
Icestar looked at her with a confused face, and stood quiet. As soon as Bluestar clawed on the door, it opened. A Twoleg was standing right there.
"AHHH!!" Icestar yelled.
"Don't fear it!" Bluestar said, walked up to the Twoleg, and rubbed again it's foreleg.
"What in StarClan's name!?" Icestar had shouted.
"What the hell did you think StarClan was? It's a Twoleg nest where cats live in heaven. Twolegs take care of us after we die. Duh. You have to be Britney Spears now to know that." Icestar just stood there. Who was Britney Spears? What kind of a weird reference was this? She didn't get it, and it wasn't very funny, so far. And, who wanted to live as a kitty-pet when they died? They were warriors! They lived for the warrior code, and died honorably for their clan.
Icestar walked inside hesitantly, and saw Lionheart laying in a bowl of milk.
"What are you doing!!" Icestar asked as soon as she had realized the creamy, golden-furred spirit.
"That is mouse-brained, get out of there!" Icestar scolded.
"In Human, Mouse-brained is 'hgdfkgkldg.'" Lionheart seemed to murmur, with a hint of deviousness behind his wall of tone. Icestar was ready to die.
"Am I dead?" she asked, cause this was sure wasn't where she was supposed to be.
"In Human, dead means 'hgdfkgkldg.'" Lionheart answered, looking full of himself.
"What are you talking about? What is a Human? Do you mean Twolegs?" she asked, becoming stupefied at his words.
"In Human, Human means 'hgdfkgkldg.'" Icestar shook her head. 'Great StarClan. You die, and they make you a complete Mouse-brain. This is what a life without worry does to a cat, I can see.'
She walked around the nest, inspecting various cats that had been told about in far away lands. Why were they here? Long ago, part of the clans broke apart because of chaos and came to live in the hillsides of GrassClan, under a much fairer warrior code. Had their ancestors followed them? There hadn't been much sign since the Everlasting Move.
Ocean-wash optics scanned over a dark tabby, the coldest eyes she had ever seen pierced through her, making every hair on her pelt stand on end.
"Tigerstar!" she yelled half-heartedly, getting into a combat crouch.
"I am in my happy place…. I am in my happy place." He was sitting in a corner, repeated such words tom himself, still keeping a very intent gaze.
"Don't talk to him, he is so Emo." She turned around to spot a white warrior gazing upon her. Whitestorm? He standing a bit off with a Twoleg thing on his head.
"What is Emo? What's that on your head?"
"Do you ever stop asking questions? I swear, you are like a virus in a malfunctioning 1000 kilobyte Macintosh Human computer with a 500 percent processor that's been on for three weeks straight without a system reboot or update, killing the firewall and stopping the entire thing, making it spurt out stupid things and random smoke from overloading the machine." Icestar pretended like she didn't hear anything, and went on.
"What is that on your head?" She repeated, pointing with her tail to the Twoleg thing hanging on his head.
"It's what Humans call, a 'Santa' hat." Icestar nodded. At least someone here wasn't a complete mouse-brain, no matter what the knowledge field might have been..
"They gave it to me because my name was 'Whitestorm'. It went with the season we celebrate a holiday we call 'Christmas', so they gave it to me. At leaf-bare, they worship me." She nodded. He was worshipped? Whatever this is what she was experiencing, it was all pretty weird.
"Okay…?" she turned away, and walked the opposite direction. She padded through other familiar warriors. Silverstream walked up to her, and greeted her with the touch of the nose. A cold sensation slipped down her spine, and she felt awkward for the thousandth time.
"Silverstream, are you normal?" She asked, getting very anxious for the right answer.
"Why?" the RiverClan cat asked.
"Well, everyone else around here has seemed to just look mouse-brained. Tigerstar is being Emo, Lionheart is laying in the milk bowl, Whitestorm knows more about Twolegs than ever before, and Bluestar was repeating herself." She said, putting concentration into her entire explanation.
"That is how we want to act when we die. No one here is serious anymore." Silverstream said, looking up. Lionheart was now rolling in the bowl, and completely soaking his golden fur. "Mouse-brains, indeed." She murmured to herself.
"Shouldn't you act weird, too?" she asked, not really wanting to be rude.
"Oh, I am in my own way. I have this serious obsession of licking the Twoleg's paws." She said, flickering her tail. Whitestorm yelled over her shoulder. "They are called feet!" Silverstream let out a sigh.
"Cinderpelt, Yellowfang, and Spottedleaf are over there." She said, pointing with her tail to where the three ThunderClan Medicine Cats sat. Icestar nodded, and made her way to the ancient cats. She was at least glad there was a StarClan to go to. GrassClan might have been on its own without the support from these wise…just interesting warrior ancestors.
"Oh… shhhh h3r3 sh3 c0m3s, h3r3 sh3 c0m3s." She heard Yellowfang shoot out at the other two.
"Greetings, I am Ice—"
"Icestar of GrassClan. I know who you are, dammit." Cinderpelt interrupted rudely. "Great me, do you think StarClan is that dumb?! I know you have seen Lionheart, but all he stands for his brawn, never any brain." She said, rolling her eyes at the golden-furred tom. "Doesn't mean you have to be unoriginal and stupid." Yellowfang snickered a bit. "The ploot ogf dis eentirse thing iz unoriginal and stoopid." But, the old medicine cat was ignored. Her words singed and Icestar's free ear hairs.
"Sorry for Cinderpelt's rudeness." Spottedleaf interrupted. "We have been on caffeine ever since this morning. We haven't been ourselves...like everyone else around here." Yellowfang stared holes at Spottedleaf.
"Lyk, omg. Wtf? Spottedleaf, have u lost it?" Yellowfang added. Spottedleaf uninterestingly slid her gaze towards the old fart. "Tgif, I lyk wnt some fooded."
Icestar eyed Yellowfang, having no idea what she was talking about.
Spottedleaf stared into Yellowfang. "Oh, Yellowfang's feeding time is coming up." Spottedleaf rose and walked out of sight, and then it was silent for a while.
All of a sudden, Whitethroat walked and came aside Silverstream. "Lookin' hott, there, Silverstream." He said, winking.
Silverstream immediately planted a paw in his face, sending him flying backwards. "Whitegoat." She taunted his name.
Icestar pretended that she had not seen that and continued looking at Cinderpelt. Questions were floating in her mind. She decided Cinderpelt would listen, and she began. "Why are you guys living with twolegs?"
Cinderpelt opened her mouth to speak, but Icestar continued. "How does Whitestorm know so much about twolegs? How come he hasn't before? Why was Whitethroat hitting on Silverstream? And-"
"Shut that annoying hole in your flapping maw, you stupid blabber-mouth." She said amazingly calm, but her expression gave away her rage.
Icestar stared into Cinderpelt's burning eyes.
"I know you have a lot of stupid and ridiculous questions, but we all decided to make up a prophecy. We want you out of here. Things we make up magically come true, alright? So listen up."
Icestar nodded.
Before Cinderpelt could begin, Spottedleaf trotted back to the group of medicine cats, carrying something in her jaws.
Yellowfang ran over to Spottedleaf. "Z¬0mg! It's lyk 22222 lte! Lyk, hnd 3t hear!! 1337l0l?"
Icestar eyed Yellowfang, Spottedleaf rolling her eyes. "All right. Kitty Kitty Mew Mew Deluxe Poop flavor coming up."
Yellowfang shrieked in joy, and she rolled over to and opened her jaws wide. Spottedleaf bit the food and chewed it and then put it into Yellowfang's open jaws.
Icestar kept quiet through this. It was very odd to her, and she had no questions for it. Cinderpelt's maw was moving the entire time, but Icestar couldn't find the time to listen.
"Ahem, but I think you were listening to me!?" Cinderpelt said. "Maybe the prophecy isn't important? Maybe we'll send Hilary Duff to your camp so she can sing the crap out of your ears?"
Icestar turned back to the angry Cinderpelt, her full intentions on her.
"Alright. The prophecy states clearly. StarClan has spoken:
1234 I declare a thumb war
Uhh.. Someone will die.
The trees will fall on someone
The prey will see a cat and run away
Beware of all Clans
And I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Fergie taught me how to spell GLAMOROUS."
In amazement, Icestar took in this silly prophecy. But, there was one problem. There were no other clans on the grassy hillsides of her peaceful lands. She had made sure her clan had long escaped fighting for boundaries and sending out constant boarder patrols. Bluestar popped up.
"Now, go back to your Clan. They are waiting. So is your fat ho momma. Go cry to her. Leave us." Bluestar led Icestar out and shut the twoleg door with a slam. She was amazed at how fast she had been shoved out, so it took her a heartbeat to recover. Slowly, she inhaled the breath of steady life, and exhaled her adventure through all-mighty StarClan.
Icestar stared longingly at the door, wishing she understood just a bit more, and turned around and headed back to GrassClan.
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It was fun writing this... and I hope none of you are too angry that I'm using characters outside of ThunderClan to interact with their ancestors. I thought it would be interesting on my point of view to kind of give an example of how I feel about them. I hate none of the characters, this is just how I kind of feel it should be. xD
Thanks for reading.