iLong Shot: Because Sam and Freddie won't run into each other's arms, proclaiming their undying love for one another.
Freddie
I hate mistletoe. No, really, I do. The only things I hate more at the moment are… well… okay, I hate mistletoe the most at the moment. Why, you ask? Because Carly somehow managed to ruin it for me. I always thought that kisses under mistletoe were nice and romantic, but they turn out to give you a black eye, a pissed off Sam and a squealing-and-then-sad Carly. Okay, I guess I should start at the beginning.
When I woke up on December 23rd, I somehow managed to fall out of bed. No clue how that happened; I just sat straight up, and, stiff as a log, and face-planted onto the floor in front of me. Oh, okay, bad simile, but you get what I mean, right? So, after lying on the floor a couple of seconds, naturally my mom burst in.
"Oh gosh, Freddie-bear, are you alright? Does your boo-boo hurt? Should mommy get some ice? What happened? Oh gosh, why are your eyes bloodshot? Freddie, what did you do? Have you been drinking, Fredward? Did you do [gasp] did you do drugs? Bring home a girl I should know about?" She frantically started racing about my room, checking everywhere for a girl (seriously, what the hell, mom?), and even going so far as to look in my jewelry box.
I groaned and sat up, rubbing my forehead. My eyes were probably bloodshot due to the fact that Sam texted me at about one in the morning, and we were talking until about an hour ago when she stopped responding. Guess she fell asleep. Dang, that conversation was going so well! We were debating something, and I was actually winning! I think it was flowers versus forks. I was being a man and saying flowers, of course.
"Mom-" I started to say, but said woman cut me off.
"Fredward Benson, I expect better behavior from you. Maybe I can't find this female friend of yours right now, but you are banned from seeing her. You are also grounded until I say so. Oh dear me, look at the bruise that's going to be on your forehead! Come on, I'll get you some ice for that boo-boo and I will make you some gluten-free pancakes with cucumber cups and-"
"Mom, I didn't sleep with a girl last night! I-"
"Oh my gosh, did you sleep with a boy?" My mom interrupted/yelled. I groaned, closed my eyes and leaned my head back against my bedframe.
"Mom, the only other thing in my bed besides me last night was my calculus book. I fell asleep studying it," I said, and that was sort of the truth- I really had dozed off whilst studying for my test after break. Curse you, high school. "And I'm not seeing anyone, and I'm not drinking or doing drugs. I'm just a little tired and a bit dizzy, okay?"
"No Fredward, it is not- wait, what?"
"Ugh, just let me get up and take a shower mom. I'm having breakfast at Carly's anyway; Spencer invited me." Okay, that was a total lie, but, hey, what can I say? Sam is seriously influencing my lying skills! A few years ago I would never have even brought myself to think about lying to my mom.
"I don't think so. The stuff Spencer feeds you can hardly be considered food, Freddie. Do you want to end up living on the streets because you ate bad food, had health problems and had to waste all your money on them? No, I didn't think so."
I love my mom. Not. I just groaned and stood up, grabbing my things and heading for the shower. I managed to make it surprisingly quick- I think three point two minutes is pretty good. And no, I don't time my showers. My mom does. She does it to make sure that I spend enough time in there to actually soap and shampoo. I think three minutes is plenty, but, apparently, mom didn't think so.
"Fredward, did you shampoo properly? You were only in there for three point two five four minutes, and I read in the Aggressive Parenting Magazine that a boy should usually take just above four point eight nine six minutes to shower" she barked at me as I walked into the kitchen, my hair still a mess from me just having toweled it. Part of it was sticking up and a bit was hanging in my face, and I could feel the water dripping off the ends. Brushing the moisture away, I grunted in response.
"Freddie, what have I told you about taking short showers in the morning? And about your hair! Having it hang in your face provokes bad behavior; I read that in the newest Aggressive Parenting Magazine." Yup, all this 'helpful' information she gets, she gets from the APM.
"Mom, can I please have breakfast and go to Carly's?" I tried to say as sweetly as possible. I sure hoped she didn't try to make me wear that horrible sweater vest I saw her get yesterday. And when I say horrible, I mean the 'you-don't-want-to-know' kind of horrible. Yes, it's that bad. Anyway, back to my day. Mom smiled at me.
"I am so glad you're finally waking up. Oh, I saw Carly put some mistletoe in her doorway today. You know, if you knocked and she answered the door… not that that dummy would actually think you were smart enough to" my mom started, with a dreamy expression on her face. I rolled my eyes.
"Mom, what have I told you about Carly?" Mom sighed.
"That I shouldn't call her a dummy." Sigh.
"And…?"
"Oh, Freddie, do I have to say it?" Whine. Seriously, sometimes I think I'm more of an adult than her.
"Yes, that would be very nice."
Mom closed her eyes, breathing in deeply.
"You have given up on the chance that one day she might love you- oh, Freddie, why can't you still love her like the loyal boy I brought you up to be?" she shrieked, and immediately covered her hands with her mouth. Err… her mouth with her hands. Yeah, that sounds better.
"Mom!" I raised my voice slightly, but puberty, being a bitch, raised another octave.
"Alright, alright. At least now Sam-" mom started again, but I cut her off, somewhat more rudely this time, and in a level voice.
"Mom, what did I tell you about talking about Sam?"
"…Not to…."
"Good, glad we're on the same page, mom. I'm going to Carly's," I muttered, my appetite suddenly having disappeared. Weird, right? I didn't think anything of it though. Moreover, I thought about the conversation I had just abandoned with my mom, as I walked back towards my room.
And I kept thinking about it as I slipped on my clothes- a red and grey shirt and some black jeans, nothing special. I knew I was avoiding the conversation, and I know what you're going to ask, and no, I don't have a crush on Sam- well, sorta, but more on that later- but I just don't want my mom talking about her.
I mean, whenever mom talks about a female influence in my life, it's always so… demeaning! And it's worse with Sam, 'cause she doesn't actually have anyone at home who talks positively about her. So, I told my mom just not to talk about her at all. Well, it didn't go over too well, but she kept her promise.
When I left the apartment, mom was still standing in the kitchen, glassy-eyed and looking at the place I had been standing a minute or two ago. Ugh, I thought, she really needs to get over herself. I know what you're thinking, that 'since when has Freddie gotten some backbone?' but honestly, I've started standing up to my mom for a while now.
It was small and subtle things, but they made a difference. It was like, me pulling an all-nighter (texting with Sam and/or Carly, though I did this without my mom's knowledge), me spending just a few more minutes out in the evenings, and, here's the big shocker that really isn't subtle and small: I was openly refusing tick-baths, and I mean, openly-openly, like, locking myself in my room- type of openly refusing. Such a bad boy, aren't I?
Anyway, I closed the apartment door just as Sam rounded the corner. I groaned silently, not wanting to have to put up with Sam too early in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I do like hanging out with her (if you tell my mother I swear I will zap you with my laser zapper), just not that early in the morning. I shook my head though to clear it slightly, and smiled a bit.
"Morning Sam," I said through a yawn I tried to unsuccessfully stifle. Haha, stifle. That's such a funny word.
"Okay, what's with the yawn and that weird little chuckle at the end there, Fredifer?"
"Oh, uh, nothing, I was just thinking about how I was stifling my yawn," I smirked. Okay, something has to be wrong with me- I was having a civil conversation with Sam and I was enjoying it! Sam snorted.
"Stifling," she cracked up, and I joined her laugh. I was weird because just two years ago, me cracking up in the hallway with Sam would never have crossed my mind. We continued on for about three minutes, going from laughing, to silent, to cracking up, to laughing again, and so on, until we both noticed what we were doing.
"Err… right," she said, abruptly turning away from me and opening Carly's door. I was standing just a bit behind her and made an attempt to follow her in, but Carly's voice interrupted us.
"Stop! Look up," Carly shouted, a smile plastered on her face. Sam and I stopped in mid action, and I looked up, but before I even saw the little branch of mistletoe, I knew what it was. Aw, carp, I was actually having a somewhat good day!
I turned my head to slowly look at Sam, and I could feel my cheeks reddening as our eyes met. Was it just me, or did I also see a faint red line creeping along her cheekbones? I heard Carly squeal in the background, and any somewhat nicer feelings Sam might have had for me suddenly vanished. Her eyes hardened and she looked at me with her 'seriously?' face.
I opened my mouth to say something in the awkward situation, but Sam beat me to it. She turned around, slamming her hand in my face, keeping me at an arm's length.
"Nu-uh, not happenin', Fredweird," she growled, stalking off towards the kitchen.
"Aww, dang it!" Carly whined, clearly disappointed. "Oh well, I'll catch someone else…"
"Carly, didn't this also happen last Christmas?" I asked her. She blushed, looking to the floor, saying nothing. Carly, well, let's just say, she got a little pre-occupied with getting people trapped under the mistletoe, and boy let me tell you, it wasn't fun. "Exactly. Do you really want the llama and-"
"Never mention the llama again!"
"I thought I wasn't allowed to mention the goat-"
"Well, that too!"
Okay, I'll admit it; it was pretty funny to see Carly get upset about animals. But it really didn't brighten my mood, because now I had a bruise on my forehead from falling out of bed, and a black eye from where Sam slammed her hand in it. Speaking of the demon, I looked around to see her standing a few feet away from Carly, looking at her with the same annoyed expression I guess I also had on my face.
"Car-ly," Sam said, raising an eyebrow and glaring slightly at her best friend. Carly tried to hide a smirk by looking to the floor, embarrassed.
"…What?"
Sam gave her the 'you have got to be kidding me' stare she gave me whenever I tried doing something cool or manly, like wearing cologne, heh. Haha, I get it, not funny. It was worth a try though.
"…Sorry…" Carly said. Okay, that was weird. Sam looked at me, noticed my confused look, and completely ignored me! Okay, not that I was annoyed by that, but I had the distinct impression that they were keeping a secret from me. I thought we promised no more secrets! Although… they are girls… maybe it was a girl secret. Maybe I didn't really want to know what it was.
"Yeah, yeah. I want some chicken," Sam muttered, brightening up a bit as she walked over to the kitchen to raid the fridge. I raised my eyebrows at Carly inquiringly, and she mouthed 'I'll tell you later' to me. I shrugged and went over to the couch, sitting down on it and turning on the TV.
And that was how I came to strongly dislike mistletoe. And this is where my day picks up again, becoming more interesting than I thought a December 23rd could ever be. Okay, strike that, I have had a lot more interesting days than that one, but it was just… different.
"Carly," we hear Sam whine from the kitchen. Carly replies with a bright 'mhm?' I smile, because, after all these years of knowing Sam, I know exactly what she's moaning about, even though I'm not looking at her. "There's no meat in here," Sam bluntly states, turning to look at us. Carly smirks and rolls her eyes.
"The new place across from Groovy Smoothies sells fried chicken by the bucket," Carly grins, and Sam's eyes widen. However, she doesn't move, she just stands there, grinning at Carly. "Well, aren't you gonna go get some?" Carly asks Sam after several more seconds. Sam comes out of her trance and looks at Carly with her 'no duh' expression.
"No," she states, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "I don't have money. Make Frednub go get me some, I need to sleep," she tries to get away with that by walking towards the couch, her eyelids drooping, but Carly stands up and softly stops her.
"No, no, Sam, you're going to go get it."
"Wah-hahy," Sam whines, stretching out the 'why'.
"Because. You need to learn to be more responsible now we're seniors."
Sam just groans and pushes past Carly, grabbing a random wallet that was lying on the coffee table (I think it was Spencer's; guess it's Sam's now) and heading out the door, muttering something about this being oppression and people should always have fried chicken waiting for her or something crazy like that.
I don't notice I'm smiling after Sam even when the door is closed until Carly has to shout my name to get my attention.
"Freddie!"
"Huh, what, did you say something, Carly?" I ask, confused, shaken out of my daze. She laughs slightly.
"I just called your name about ten times. Anyway, you wanted to ask me something?" Yup, that's Carly. Always getting straight from one point to the next, unless she's talking about guys.
"Oh, yeah, what was that weird little look you and Sam had right back there?" I ask, trying not to sound too interrogative.
"Ooh, that, well… uh… I'm not sure if I should…"
"Carly…"
"Freddie…" Carly counters in the same annoyed voice.
"I thought we said no more secrets?"
"Yeah, well, this is between Sam and me, so…"
"Carly…" I warn again, looking at her in all seriousness.
"Ugh, fine, but you need to swear not to tell anyone I told you, okay?"
"Uh, okay, but first off, is it bad? Is it illegal? Because if it is, I really don't want to hear it, not after-"
"No, no, it's not illegal. It's just- wait what? When was the last time you heard something illegal?"
Now it's my turn to get uncomfortable.
"Uh, well, I was, uh, Sam-"
"No, say no more, I don't wanna know," Carly says, raising her hand as a signal for me to stop. I smirk at my little victory. Bringing Sam into a conversation about something questionably legal always makes it stop, mainly because no one wants to be affiliated with her legal trouble.
"So, what was this thing between you and Sam?" I ask, trying to get on topic again.
"Well… first off, wow, you made that sound as if we had something going on, Freddie, and two, swear you won't tell anyone, especially not Sam!"
"Carly, if Sam told you, why wouldn't I tell-"
"Don't tell her I told you, alright? Anyway, so, back to the thing. Well… you know the new guy in our grade, Lance?"
"Yeah, Lancelot Drew, right?" I ask, well, I guess it's more of a statement, but Carly nods anyway. The kid's got a weird name; it's understandable he wants to be called Lance. "What does he have to do with this?"
"Well, at the beginning of the year, Sam said he seemed familiar, so I told her to ask him if they met before, and he said she also seemed familiar, but neither of them could quite place it. So, they started hanging out more, and you remember the last time Sam got sent to juvie for a week?"
Yeah, I remember. It was about two months ago, when she had beat up some shop owner for not giving her as much bacon as she wanted. It was not a pretty sight. I nod at Carly to keep going.
"Well, it turns out, she met Lance there. They knew each other from juvie!" Okay, that's just classic right there.
"Really?"
"Yeah! So they've become partners in crime, I guess you could say, and she's just working on trying to sort out what she's feeling for him. You know how confused she can get…. And she's just asked me not to try and hook her up with y… someone else."
I sit there for a bit, slightly stunned at the news. Sam, trying to actually deal with something? That's new. Normally, she just runs from problems, but maybe Carly's 'you have to actually deal with stuff, we're seniors now' speech really had gotten to her.
"Oh," is my simple response.
"Oh?" Carly looks at me incredulously.
"What?" I question, getting slightly uncomfortable.
"You don't have anything to say?" Carly still looks like she can't believe me.
"Well, apart from the fact that I find Sam could do better than Lance, no," it slips from my mouth before I can stop it. Oh, carp, this is not good. Carly's eyebrows are raised and a smirk forms on her face.
"You don't even know Lance and yet you say Sam could do better?"
Ugh, this is going just great. I feel my face get slightly warmer as the blood flows to it.
"Well, I'm just saying, from what you told me… uh… you know, they know each other from juvie, who knows what he was in there for? He could be dangerous, and without Sam we can't do iCarly," I cover up, but Carly rolls her eyes and sees straight through that.
"Admit it, you're worried about her. Come on, I thought we'd established the fact that you cared about her and you two were friends."
Now it's my turn to roll my eyes.
"Sure, whatever. I'm just saying, Sam doesn't always know how to judge people, so I'm just saying, maybe we should…" I break off the thought as soon as it leaves my mouth; it's stupid. I'm sure Sam wouldn't want me monitoring her private life to that extent.
"Check his background?" Carly is almost straight-out laughing now. Okay, maybe it's just me, but I don't see what's so dang funny about this situation. Sam could possible like a criminal, who could have been in juvie for any number of reasons. I don't see what's funny about this situation.
"What's so funny?" I ask Carly. Her smile fades slightly, but for the most part remains intact.
"You know, you've gotten very protective of Sam lately?"
"No I haven't! We've just become better… friends…?" Okay, not convincing this girl at all, Freddie.
"…Friends…?" Carly mimics me.
"Okay, okay, I care for her. There, I said it. Happy, Carly?"
"Very much so," Carly smirks.
"You're-"
"Yup"
"How-"
"Sam tells me the same thing every day," Carly smiles as if she were used to this by now. Damn, that girl is impossible! I mean, not in a bad way, I'd never insult Carly like that, but she can be pretty annoying at times.
"Why do I feel like we've had this conversation a million times before?"
"Because we have. Now-"
Carly stops abruptly when the door is opened behind me. Her eyes go a little wide in shock, but she quickly covers it up.
"H-hey, Sam. Uh…"
"Hey kiddo, just getting my stuff. Mom wants me home for some weird reason or another. Ugh, I really hope this one doesn't involve raccoons…."
"Y-yeah…"
Okay, this is weird. I turn around to see why Carly is stuttering so, and I find my face several inches longer due to my newly raised eyebrows. Sam is walking through the living room, leaving the person she was with standing awkwardly in the doorway. Lance.
"Uh, Sam, why don't I come upstairs and help you," Carly manages to escape from the awkward and tense atmosphere in the room. She quickly gets up and leaves to go upstairs after Sam, and I'm left with Lance in the room.
"So… 'sup?" Lance asks awkwardly. Oh boy, this'd better be good, I think.
Well, what'cha think? I know it's fairly long, considering my standards, and I'm not sure how long other chapters will be. I know I said I'd be taking a break, but I decided just to post chapters of this one at a time, and if anyone rushes me, that's their problem.
I also want to clarify that this is not your typical 'Sam gets an abusive boyfriend and Freddie helps her out' story, no. the relationships will have an interesting twist at the end, and I can guarantee Seddie by the end of this, even though it will probably be fairly slow-building.
Review please!