Garfield's Creed IV Gaslight Chronicles
Back by populist demand!
Garfield was at the White House to be awarded by Obama the President his monthly payment of Medal of Honors
"It is great honrors for me to give you another medal as reward for your service to the amazing nation of America USA." Said Obama the President as he placed Garfields 5000th medal of honor around his neck.
"Indeed it is now if you will be excusing me I will have to be returning to my five-star hotel for the tenth month of my victory orgy." Said Garfield with more important matters.
"Ha ha ha! Don't keep them babes waiting!" Said Obama the President with presidential thumbs ups of approval.
Garfield was about to ring up his custom rocket-powered space-travel Red Corvette as he walked outside when suddenly he felt an incoming disturbance in the force.
"Dai Garfierdo dai!" Screamed a representative of Garfields most infamous enemies the Yakuza as he smashed through the Oval Offices window riding on a WW2 Hornet fighter plane.
"Just what I needed." Said Garfield with cocky smile. "Some warm-ups for my fistings tonight."
"You have eaten your rast rasagna, Garfierdo!" Said the Yakuza with vengeances as he took out his cursed katana and leaped at Garfield. "You have kirred arr my criminar friends and now in name of revengeance I come to craim the bounty on your head!"
"Come at me then. I'm the mood for some bad guy sushi, served beaten and raw." Said Garfield with martial arts as he raised his arms for his daily kung fu smackdown.
The Yakuza slashed at Garifled several times like swirling kitchen sink grinder but Garfield masterfully blocked all of his blows with his bare hands like iron butterfly.
"What is this?" Said Garfield with taunting disappointment. "Are you trying to kill me or give me a manicure?"
"Noooooo my sword wirr not rest until it has tasted brooood, swears I the Yakuza Assassin!" Said the Yakuza with madness as he pulled back for killing thrust.
"Blood you say? How about a brew of your Personal Pint?" Said Garfield with coupe de grace as he used his Tiger Counter move to disarm the Yakuza
"Ooooogy boogy!" Said the Yakuza with pain as Garfield grabbed his sword and stabbed him in the belly with the spinning katana back twirl.
"Here is some steel aspirin for your belly ache." Said Garfield with medical prescriptions as he pulled out the katana and sliced off the Yakuza's head.
"Now that is one way to get some head." Garfield quipped as he threw the cursed katana in the air and walked away without looking as it landed in the Yakuzas decapitated mouth.
Garfield then whistled cheerfully, walking to his Personal City-district sized parking garage.
"They just don't make Assassins like they used to." Said Garfield with disappointments as he was about to call the doorman when suddenly he heard an evil chuckle.
Garfield turned around and to his horror he saw forces of evil darkness roling in to consummate Washington DC in form of killer fog.
"Don't worry Garfield! You'll be seeing plenty of Assassins in the time to come!" Said the Overlord of Hell as he came out from the firestorms in the sky on a flying chariot pulled by ten triple headed hellhounds. "Your short time before your moment of death!"
"Another evil joker itching to be sent back to the pit he was spawned from." Said Garfield as he took out his Desert Eagle and fired a demon-piercing bullet. "Give Satan my .50 regards."
"Not so fast, fat cat! Satan's not in the house no more!" Said the Overlord of Hell with evil chuckle. "You may have bested me before in the past but that was before I stole Satans ultimate power! Now I am the greatest evil in the world and all shall bow before me!"
The Overlord of Hell then removed his horned helmet to reveal he was none other than Shaun Hastings!
Garfield blinked twice in confusion.
"I'm sorry. Who were you again?" Garfield said as he rubbed his mighty genius-sized head.
"I am Shaun Hastings! I was to become the savior of the world and all the hot babes would be mine! Until you killed me Garfield and deprived the universe of my glory! But no more! I am back and I'm going to grind you to kit-kat crack!" Said Shaun Hastings with Megalaomaniacal laughing.
"Ah it must've been on a Tuesday then." Said Garfield with nonchalant dismissal as he continued firing at Shaun Hastings with his Desert Eagle.
"You feline fool." Said Shaun Hastings as he caught the bullets with his mouth and ground them up before spewing hellfire at Garfield. "You only delay your own damnation!"
"You seem quite angry. Why don't you try cooling off? Said Garfield as he did a backflip onto the Washington Monument avoiding the hellfire surf wave and with a pull of his massive muscle-covered arms Garfield ripped the Washington Monument from the ground and swung it into Shaun Hastings knocking him into Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
"The kickass tide is rolling in, evil-doer. I think you better crawl back to hell before I send you there with express-speed fists." Said Garfield as he walked to the edge of the pool which was rippling water as he loaded his Desert Eagles in calm anticipation.
"Hahahaha…" Evil laughter came from underneath the water. "Hell? No Garfield you are mistaken…"
"HELL IS ON EARTH!" Said Shaun Hastings as he burst up from underneath the water, churning it into a boil as he did. With snap of his fingers portals from hell opened up like sinkholes everywhere in America (and the rest of the world). As cities sunk into hell giant demons of all shapes and sizes came out and began to terrorize the mortal world.
"I have toyed with you long enough! Now behold my true power!" Said Shaun Hastings as he slammed his fists together and began to morph into a skyscraper-sized old god made out of kraken tentacles, dragon wings, and laser beam eyes.. Shaun Hastings has transformed into Necro EX Shaun Hastings!
"Looks like it's lasagna with a side of jumbo calamari for dinner tonight." Said Garfield as he leapt at Necro EX Shaun Hastings, drawing back his fist and summoning his inner rock and roll energy to unleash the might of the "GARFIELD PUNCH!" Roared Garfield as he unleashed a never-ending stream of cosmos and lasagna upon the underworld monstrosity.
To Garfields shock however when the nuclear bomb smoke cleared and the fallout ended Necro EX Shaun Hastings was still standing as evil and powerful as ever.
"At a loss of words?" Bragged Necro EX Shaun Hastings as he rooted himself into the Earth and began to corrupt its very core with his influence reshaping the globe into his image.
"This cannot be happening. This is a waking nightmare." Said Garfield with denial as he watched statues of Shaun Hastings sprout up from the soil, with seas of living fish and chips washing into the great lakes.
"Look around you Garfield. Your world is coming to a close. A new age is beginning. The age of the Old Ones and their master, me!" Said Necro EX Shaun Hastings with laugher that sunk entire islands back into the sea.
"You are mistaken. America shall never fall to your tyranny again! And it shall take more than godhood to stop the Garfield-brand pain train." Said Garfield with last hopes as he hopped into a Harley Davidson motorcycle and did a ramp off of the ruins of the Capital Building (it got destroyed by cyber demons offscreen) towards Necro EX Shaun Hastings.
"It's time to kickstop your heart." Said Garfield with magnficient biking skills as he maneuvered directly towards the heart of Necro EX Shaun Hastings.
"Too little, too late Garfield! For millienias in hell I trained for this moment while you wasted time celebrating trivial victories! This. Is. The. End." Cackled Necro EX Shaun Hastings as shadow claws grew out of his body and snatched the Harley ripping it in two.
"Aaaaagh!" Said Garfield as the explosion propelled him into the seat of the Lincoln Memorial.
"Sic Semper Tyrannis, Garfield!" Said Necro EX Shaun Hastings as he unleashed laser fire from his eyes and all was black for Garfield as he was overwhelmed by blinding red lights.
When Garfield came to he was standing upon a floating air pirate ship colony that was traveling through red skies.
"What is this? Where am I?" Said Garfield with confusion, wanting to get back into fight to save America.
"Welcome home, Garfield. Or what remains of it." Said a familiar voice. Garfield turned around and saw that it was Jon Arbuckle, wearing a generals overcoat with an eyepatch and lasagna cigarette in his mouth.
"What happened? How could the majesty of lasagna and freedom have fallen to Imperial Evil?" Garfield roared, the force of his anger instantly igniting a lasagna cigarette Jon Arbuckle gives him.
"It's a long story, Garfield." Said Jon Arbuckle with hardened sorrow as he and Garfield walked out onto deck. Garfield saw many familiar faces from his previous adventures including Haytham Kenway, Connor Kenway, Altair, and Nathan Drake plus Captain Edward Kenway who was now good. "America fell the day you disappeared. We here are all that remains of free humanity. The Resistance. The last American Dreams. We thought you dead but your reappearance must mean that you were displaced through time."
"I must make up for time lost by busting some heads." Said Garfield as he cracked his knuckles, his eyes burning with the vengeance of the untipped pizza man.
"You shall be busting some heads indeed!" Said Leonardo da Vinci as he walked up to Garfield. "But not now, but before!"
"Talk fast Leonardo. I may be in a good mood but my fists aren't." Said Garfield with sternness.
"Through science we have discovered that Shaun Hastings has bonded with the demonic spirit of one of his ancestors – Jack the Ripper! This is why he is too powerful to defeat! But if we were to travel back in time and kill Jack the Ripper and then follow his spirit to hell to kill him again before Shaun Hastings can arrive there we can prevent all this from ever happening!" Said Leonardo da Vinci as he ripped off a cover to reveal the time machine from Garfields last Assassin-fighting adventure.
"Garfield you must travel back in time and find the Frye Twins. Work with them to figure out who Jack the Ripper is!" Said Captain Edward Kenway with advice.
"Fight in the past to change the future to save the present, Garfield." Said Jon Arbuckle with a heartfelt handshake to Garfield.
"I will not let you down." Said Garfield with a stirring goodbye. "For I fight not just for my man muscles and pride, but for America."
With that said, Garfield hit the on button on the time machine and within seconds a glowing time portal had opened up. As Garfield leapt through the portal, Shaun Hastings fleet of anti-matter pterodactyl sky pirates caught up to the Lasagna Air Fortress and eliminated it with Spaghetti Missiles.
"Good-bye Garfield, old friend!" Everyone shouted before the flames consumed them. "May you find the changing spark that undos this cold, heartless world!"
As Garfield spiraled back in time to Victorian London, his heart was heavy with honor and determination and his fists were pumping for brawling as he knew the fate of America was on his shoulders and he knew that he was fighting his greatest battle yet.
To be continued…