DISCLAIMER: We do -cough- not -cough- own Mai HiME.

Attention, this story is completely OOC and Crack. Don't like it, don't read it.

Now, onto the first chapter of the Mayo Project!

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It was another one of those days, with Shizuru walking around Natsuki's apartment in red lingerie, and with Natsuki completely high on mayo. Shizuru loved this though, since Natsuki, when high, would become... rather perverted.

Shizuru checked the fridge. 'This is bad... No more mayo...' She thought as she scanned it from top to bottom. "NATSUKI!!"

Natsuki was lying down on her couch, counting the mayo bottles she spent that day. She was over 100. "...What is it, Shizuru...?" She asked in a weak voice, completely wasted. When the red eyed woman entered the room, she sighed. Did Natsuki even consider getting out of that couch and DE-TOX?!

"I'm going to buy some more mayo, since there's none in the fridge..." Shizuru silently watched as Natsuki removed a small bag from under her couch, filled with a white/beige dust. 'Mayo pot, not again...' She sighed again. "And don't Natsuki DARE to sniff anymore pot until I get back, ok?"

"Hai, Hai..." Natsuki reluctantly put her bag away, slightly rose from the couch and gazed at her friend, that was currently making her exit. "Hey, wait..."

"Ara, what is it, my Natsuki?"

"Are you going out in lingerie?" With this, she looked at what she was wearing. Then, a light bulb popped above her head.

"Ara, Natsuki is right! This wouldn't be a rather appropriate outfit, now would it?" Shizuru hid her smirk as she unclasped her bra, tossed it aside, and took off her panties.

"SHIZURU!!" Natsuki managed to shoot just before having to hold her nose and mouth to stop the incoming flow of blood and drool to pour out.

"What? I think this is much better, I feel more free!" Shizuru happily chanted, as she made her way out onto the streets and onto the mall.

--

She went and came back as gracefully as ever. She even smiled at the people that caused the current sea of blood that raced down the streets of Fuka. She also got chased, but she didn't really care. It was all for her dear Natsuki!

When she was about to knock the door, she stopped. 'This smell... Oh God, don't tell me...' She was right. A massive mayo-pot like smell was emanating from inside of the building. At least there wasn't any smoke.

"NATSUKI! OPEN UP!" Shizuru yelled. She never usually yelled, but with this situation, the end was upon her.

"...Who is it...?" Came an annoyed and weak reply from the other side of the door.

"IT'S SHIZURU, OPEN UP!" She yelled again. Could Natsuki be any dumber?

"Shizuru's not here, man... But let me tell ya... Her ass... Oh man..." The voice answered, and Shizuru's eyebrow twitched. Natsuki WAS dumber than that.

"...Natsuki, this IS Shizuru, so OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" She partially yelled again after a long sigh.

"If you're Shizuru, then... what's your name?"

"...SHI-ZU-RU!"

"Uh... Sorry, Shizuru's name is Shizuru, not Shi-zu-ru." Natsuki replied, completely unfazed. Shizuru sighed again. 'I hope this is rock-bottom for her...' She then made up a rather stupid excuse to get in...

"...Ok, ok, you got me, I'll give you that. I'm not Shizuru, alright!" She took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm actually a happy little elf who came here to take you to the Mayo Land!" 'Damn, I've never sunk so low.'

"..." Natsuki suddenly popped out of her couch, raced to the door, quickly introduced herself and shoved the 'elf' in, with a rabid fangirl expression taking over her face. The 'elf' was getting slightly intoxicated with the massive mayo-pot smell currently present in the room. Her gaze lingered on Natsuki. The later was dressed in...

...Mayo jars?

"NATSUKI?! Is that you?" Shizuru reluctantly asked, while trying to not suffocate.

"...Who's there?" Natsuki looked for the source of the voice. Shizuru sighed YET again.

"...The elf, remember?"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!!" Natsuki suddenly shouted right at Shizuru's ear. Miracle was, she wasn't deaf yet.

"...You just introduced yourself."

"Oh."

"So, are you ready to go to Mayo world?" She guessed she had to go along with the damn story, unless she wanted to be kicked out.

"I think I probably should wait for Shizuru..." Natsuki pondered.

"...Baka..." The other muttered.

"Did you say something?"

"No, no, of course not."

"Oh ok..." Natsuki's eyes then lingered at the elf's form. 'So beautiful...' Her gaze then stopped at the other's rounded breasts. Then, she had a brilliant idea. "Hey, if I squeeze your boobs, does mayo come out?" She asked innocently.

Of course Shizuru's perverted mind was being swarmed with hentai thoughts.

"Uh... Yeah...?" She answered, wondering what Natsuki wanted to do to her. Little chance to think she had, since Natsuki immediately jumped on her, causing them to fall to the ground, and promptly licked and squeezed the 'elf's' breasts. Shizuru started to moan in pleasure, action that took something around 15 minutes, and everyone that passed around Natsuki's apartment immediately heard. 'mmm... mayo...' After that while, Natsuki reluctantly got up, resting her eager tongue.

"Wow, that was TRES BIEN!" Shizuru exclaimed, wondering how she had been missing that sensation.

"Trais ben? Is that a new mayo?" Natsuki asked with puppy eyes, full of desire.

"...Uh... Yeah, so now shouldn't we get going to the mayo world?"

"What about Shizuru?" Said woman snapped slightly.

"SHE'S ALREADY FUCKING THERE!!" The 'elf' shouted. Natsuki got it all wrong though.

"WHAT?! She's FUCKING?! Without ME?! LET'S GO BITCH!" Natsuki exclaimed as she started to walk out the door. Shizuru grabbed a lamp from a bureau.

"Okay..." She then hit Natsuki with all her strength, making the victim pass out.

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This fic will be purely made out of crack. Really. Just don't forget to review 'k? And as for next chapter...

It's done!

REVISED: Corrected a few spelling and grammar mistakes.