"You can't actually be suggesting that we don't tell her, this is her fi—" Roxy started, quite loudly might you add.
"Of course not, but she doesn't need to find o—"
Roxy was standing across from Merlin, and he seemed to have been just as affected by whatever the hell was happening. You had clearly walked in on a moment, a tense one at that. And by the shift in air and cascade of silence as you stepped forward, you had a feeling just who the 'her' in question was.
But… what the fuck were they talking about?
Roxy took an awkward step away from Merlin, pulling her top lip between her teeth as she slid her slender fingers to her hips; unable to look at you. Merlin behaved just as suspiciously, shuffling his weight and pulling a hand across his chin while he absently tap his notepad to his leg.
It was hard for you to talk at first, and not knowing what was happening didn't help. One thing you did know was that you really didn't like when people talked about you... especially when the conversation was heated and/or involved not telling you something.
Before you started you sent out a soft smile; one not nearly as convincing as you wanted it to be as you crossed your arms. "Tell me what?"
Neither of them had even tried denying you were their subject; but after a moment they both slid their eyes to yours almost guiltily as if on queue. Roxy gritted her teeth back and fourth before stepping towards you, twiddling her fingers anxiously at her navel.
"What?" When you spoke this time, you didn't bother masking your confusion and near engulfing anger. Those nerves sent their familiar prickle of anxiety through you so strongly it tingled clear to your fingertips. "What is it?"
"Eggsy… He-there's been… something didn't go right on the mission." Roxy's brows were dark, and so were her pale amber eyes.
"Wh... what ki—," You paused to swallow down the lump that began forming in your throat as your mouth went dry. Moving your eyes from Roxy to Merlin's offered no sense of comfort, and his were much darker than hers had been… Now as you finish he wasn't even able to even look at you anymore. "what happened?"
Neither of them offered any response, and your eyes immediately began filling with warm tears; they pressed ferociously at your lids begging for release. "He's... Eggsy's okay, right? He— there w-was an accident, he-he's hurt… bu-but he's okay, he's fine... right?"
But you knew by the look they sent you that Eggsy was most certainly not fine...
Roxy stepped forward again, attempting to place a hand to your shoulder, but you pulled back forcefully. You weren't mad at her, of course you weren't… But you knew what that touch meant and you didn't want to believe it— you wouldn't.
Only, by the way she looked at you as she shook her head softly, you knew you couldn't deny it.
Those eyes of hers were so dark and full of despair, and in that second it felt like a bomb had been dropped atop your head. You couldn't hear anything... you couldn't see anything, there was just a dull persistent ringing clanging in your otherwise still skull.
A pulsating jab at your insides, and you were seconds from getting sick everywhere.
"No. There- it's not possible." You began shaking your head, the denial setting in. sinking its teeth into your worried flesh. And now you were losing your balance as the sickly feeling stuck to you like tree sap.
You were so light headed, so fucking confused that you nearly forgot where you were. The tears weren't gentle, but coursing and pouring with a vengeance and all you can see are flashes of his face.
Flashes of black and Eggsy's smile…
Another flash of darkness began creeping, poisoning your mind and vision as you nearly felt his hands sliding up your neck and into your hair…
Then all you could hear was dull ringing in the silence; the voices of your friends and coworkers were muffled and echoing as if in the distance…
"No... please no."
—
It's quite... it's so damn quiet.
It's been this way since you lost him and all you felt was empty. So fucking empty. Just like one of those lakes that dried up because people wouldn't stop taking from it… and part of you wondered if this would ever get any better.
Since Eggsy died, you had trouble doing the simplest things. Everything you did was a chore. Breathing was a chore, eating was a chore… Even the things you loved were hard for you to do, and you knew it wasn't right. That he wouldn't want you to rot away alongside him wherever the hell that was…
But you couldn't help it. There just didn't seem to be a point anymore as terrible as that sounds. And if there was? You were having a hard time seeing it lately.
You'd never loved anything the way you loved Eggsy, and not having a body to burry made everything that much worse. It was like you couldn't find closure... because as crazy as it sounds… without a body there was still a chance he was alive, wasn't there?
Eggsy would never give up on you, you couldn't give up on him. Even though you knew, deep down you knew it was pointless.
All you could hear was Eggsy promising you he'd always make it back to you. That you'd never be alone.
Funny enough… all you felt was alone.
And that just made things harder to accept. It was hard to accept that the only person you ever loved was gone forever. That someone could be here one day, and just... gone the next. That everything you admired and cared for had just been erased suddenly; like wiping a fucking computer. Reduced to a name on a tombstone and a bunch of fucking pictures and memories too painful to revisit.
It was hard to move on when you had someone like Eggsy showing you just how special you were… Telling you that you weren't meant be alone, that you were meant to be with him. That he was it: your end game.
It'd been 6 months, and it still felt fresh every morning you woke alone in that bed; cold and alone. But you had to try to be a person didn't you? If not for yourself… at least for him.
So today, like all days you rolled over lazily— exhausted even though you'd slept at least 10 hours. The funny thing about being depressed was that you could sleep as much as you wanted, but you still woke up just as tired. Or… maybe that wasn't funny now that you thought about it.
You eyed the empty space beside you with heavy eyelids, curling your lips into a pained frown. The wound reopening and poring its fresh blood across you and for a second you could almost see Eggsy there again... Laying shirtless on his stomach; with his broad shoulders hiding the lower half of his face, his arms stuffed under his pillow effortlessly… That golden crown of hair every which way from the night before, and his restful slumber shining in the sunlight.
You reached your hand out, wanting to feel his warmth there, but you only felt emptiness instead. The cold, crisp reminder that he was really gone and like a wave it overtook you once more. Pulling you into its wild current and you couldn't breathe.
And as the feelings take you over, you shoved your face into his pillow almost desperately. It still smelled like him, but if you kept this shit up it wouldn't for much longer.
JB and Prince noticed your fit, but of course they did... Within seconds they both began licking your face and the fingers you draped over it affectionately. They missed Eggsy almost as much as you did, that much was clear but they didn't understand where he went the way you did…
You wiped your eyes with the long sleeves of his button up, throwing your heavy arms around them both, pulling them tightly into a hug.
"I'm sorry you guys..." You whispered into JB's head as you pressed kisses to both of them.
You were half ready to just call in today... let Roxy and Harry deal with whatever needed to be done while you ate a tub of lavender ice cream while crying and watching some romantic shit with a happy ending...
But when you looked at your phone and read the message across the screen, you felt a strange trickle rushing through you.
MESSAGES
Merlin
'It's urgent. Bring JB.'
—
When you made it into Kingsman things felt... weird. Off. Like something wasn't right. But it wasn't every day your coworkers asked you to bring in your dead fiancés dog to work, so clearly something was up.
The message alone was enough to get you out of the house in less than 10, but considering you basically gave up on personal care that was close to your average nowadays.
When you pushed through the doors of the shop Merlin, Roxy and Harry were all there clearly awaiting your arrival. As you stepped closer they all stood anxiously and you felt it like a wall had slammed into your chest at at full speed.
"What the fuck is this... is this an intervention or something? Cause if it s, I'm goi—" You started taking a defensive step towards the door as you pull JB closer to your chest protectively.
"No, Tristan… It's nothing like that." Roxy started shaking her head with brows lowered. The look she wore was one you didn't know so well and it made you more nervous than you were before.
"Then... what is it like? This is— kinda… weird don't you think?" You were uneasy and talking faster than you wanted to be, but seriously just... what the hell was this?
"We... we have something to show you." Merlin cleared his throat before talking, his hand held his wrist tightly. "Try not to… be alarmed if you can manage…"
Harry just sent you a soft smile lowering his head slightly in a nod; and you tried to read the expression behind his eye, but his too was nearly impossible to understand.
"Okay... what?" You breathed out with chest heaving tenaciously. JB was beginning to wrestle about in your arms, so you dropped him to your feet lightly.
"Do you remember when Eggsy and I found Harry... How he didn't really know who he was?" Merlin asked raising his brows at you passively releasing his grip on his wrist as he signal towards Harry.
"Yeah, of course. What about it?" You asked tossing them all a quick glance, feeling as though you were late and unprepared for a performance. "What are you trying to say…"
You didn't realize it at first with how overwhelmed you were feeling, but Harry had left the room.
Merlin was talking still, but now you weren't listening…
Instead you watched as Harry walked slowly down the stairs behind the register. You listened as a second set of feet made their way behind him… Your eyes slid to your feet as JB ran from your side and up the stairs, barking excitedly.
All you could see were a pair of legs and two arms kneeling down to pet him… Your breath was so fast now that you felt like your heart was seconds away from bursting through your chest, Aliens style.
But you just watched anxiously as the hands lifted JB up, and continued their decent down the steps leisurely…
Time itself was moving so slowly that it felt like everything had almost stopped you and you didn't know what to expect... what you'd see...
But when the man reached the base of the stairs… it was him, just like you knew it would be.
Eggsy was there... just standing looking from Roxy to Harry and then ending on Merlin... Smiling wide and pure as JB licked his face excitedly.
Tears filled your eyes immediately, and you felt your whole body begin to shake as you stare at him. Watching in awe as he looked at JB still holding that perfectly cheeky smile you loved so fucking much.
"An who's this?" Eggsy asked not looking from the pug he held tightly, enjoying the shower of affection.
Eggsy still hadn't noticed you standing off in the corner by the door and it was apparent that he didn't recognize JB… At that realization you took in a deep pained gasp; one that was far too loud, throwing your hand over your mouth as the salted tears slipped from your eyes aggressively.
He darted his gaze to yours immediately upon your exhale, clearly being caught by surprise; and at first he looked so young. Innocent... like someone else entirely. And he didn't know who the fuck you were…
"This lil guy yours?"
You pulled your hand from your mouth, still not moving or speaking as you send your tongue to wet your lips. But you shook your head ever so slightly back and fourth in silent reply.
In the next seconds you watched as Eggsy's eyes changed. His azure stare shifted as his eyes narrowed on yours; scanning you like the pages of a book he could hardly read. A moment later he stepped closer cautiously, with eyes still pushed to thin slits and lips pursed. The expression he wore you'd seen a hundred times before. It was the same look he made when he was trying to remember an actors name, or the the title of some song stuck in his head…
Like something was on the tip of his tongue… but he just couldn't figure out what it was.
He cocked his head, standing between the two tables holding their respective items sporting that same bewildered look. His lips parted slightly as he put JB to the ground taking another step in your direction. "I… I know you, don'I?"
You still couldn't speak, but you nodded once with lips clenched together like they were glued in place.
"Wh... where do I—" Eggsy started, then turned to look at Harry sharply. He pulled his hand to his head gripping his eyes shut behind a tight fist, his face pulled about uncomfortably.
You stepped closer to him instinctively, wanting nothing more than to protect him. To hug him, and tell him how much you loved him and missed him. You didn't even give a shit how he got there, or that he was legally dead… You could figure everything out later. What mattered now was that he was here, that he was alive.
After a moment Eggsy lifted his face to yours, his eyes wide and matching your own. His lips parted again as he swallowed deeply, then he said your name.
In a flash you closed the space between each other, pressing your bodies together tightly. The pull was so strong it was almost magnetic and you never wanted to let him go. The way he kissed you was deep and fervent, and you honestly didn't care if you were just stuck in some sick dream.
When you separated the others had already retreated someplace else, offering the privacy you so desperately needed. You were full of questions, and desperate for answers but nothing came out but more tears.
Eggsy put both of his hands around your face, holding you softly between them as he wipe the tears away with his thumbs. "How long's it been, luv? Why's it feel like years since I done that?"
You pulled your hands to rest around his wrists as you rub your thumbs on back of his hands. When you spoke, you could hardly raise above a whisper and your tone was lined with reluctance. "6 months and 22 days..."
Eggsy shook his head unbelieving as he released a pained exhale at your chest; his mouth opening and taking many shapes before he pulled his lip tightly between his teeth. He looked like he was going to break for a moment, but his eyes lightened and he smiled at you so sweetly all of your worries began seeping away.
"Did you miss me?" He asked softly, his words sweet like honey as he kissed you on the tip of your nose.
"That's what you have to say? Seriously?" You laughed pushing him playfully in the stomach, feeling the familiar way he flinched at your soft pokes, and for a moment you were back to normal. Back to before you had to live without him, if you could really call what you did living…
He pulled you closer, locking his arms around your waist securely. "Bit better than 'I lived', innit?"
"I don't know what the fuck I expected." You confessed honestly, deciding that this was most definitely the response you'd anticipated. Leave it to Eggsy to crack a joke after coming back from the dead, so to say… But it really was nice to laugh again.
Eggsy kissed you again, softer than the last time; like he was soaking you up as he pulled one hand to the back of your neck softly. Breathing you in like a long forgotten scent, and in a way: you were. "I love you so fuckin' much, you know that don'ya?"
"I love you too, Eggsy." You scanned each new pale scar that decorated his chin as you pulled your fingers across the scar over his eyebrow; tracing it lightly. "I can't lose you again…"
"You ain't gonna. Was a one time thing— my dyin', I swear it." He reassured you with confidence so strong, there was no denying he believed it.
So you kissed him again, finally feeling at peace for the first time in nearly 7 months. "Do you promise?"
"Promise."
You weren't sure he could really make a promise like that again, but for now you were prepared to believe anything that slipped from this perfect lips. And if you'd learned anything from this mess, it was that if anyone could keep their word… it was Eggsy.