Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel in any way, shape, or form.
Warnings: Alcohol, implied same-sex attraction, complete and utter crack.
Author's Note: So, I was just chillin' on tumblr today and got this horrible idea about Justin Hammer and Tony Stark and this is what happened. I am so, so sorry.
DIGGING
"What do you want?" Tony leveled a glare over his glass of scotch, leaning sideways against the bar. If it wasn't for the throng of people getting in his way, he already would have made an escape. It was a matter of timing. Any moment now.
"In your suit."
Tony almost choked, coughing, smacking his chest.
"Your Iron Man suit." Hammer quickly corrected himself, one of those horrible smiles cracking his face like an awkward... something or another. It was awkward, the exact polar opposite of Tony. "Not while you're in it, of course. I mean, that'd be... that'd be weird."
Tony sighed into his drink, taking another healthy swig. He was going to need another one, and fast, if this kept up.
"Don't get me wrong, you're an attractive guy and all-"
"Please stop."
"-and I really admire what you've done for the weapons industry-"
"Bartender, another. Now."
"-and I'd really love to just pick your brain for a minute here, because damn-"
"I don't have all day, quickly."
The moment the bartender put down the glass, Tony slammed down a hundred and grabbed it. He didn't care about the change. He just wanted the sea of people to part so he could escape.
"The hotel I'm staying at has this great little terrace with private tables and a spectacular view. Maybe we could-"
"Justin, stop, please. This hole you are digging just keeps digging deeper. Makes me think you're trying to get to China."
Hammer opened his mouth, a flush rising to his face. He did that smile again, mimicking his stance at the bar, trying to lean casually and failing miserably. Tony quickly straightened himself, smoothing a hand over his suit jacket.
"Look, if you want to talk so bad, make an appointment with my P.A., Miss Rushman."
"Oh come on. We've been friends for how long now?"
"Um, never?"
Hammer sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about the whole coming to testify against you thing."
Tony laughed, his camera ready smile turning on before he could stop it. "Hey, you're little 'display' did me a world of favors."
There was his chance. Tony sidestepped, slipping into the tiny gap in the crowd like his life depended upon it. His sanity most definitely did. And thankfully, THANKFULLY, the crowd closed up behind him, leaving Hammer stranded at the bar. He couldn't take this anymore.