Journey to Us
Chapter 1: Unapologetically Selfish
"I need to travel-"
"I'll go with you."
"- On my own."
Ron stared at her. "Does this mean…?"
"I don't know what it means." She looked away. "That's what I'm trying to figure out."
"I don't understand…" He furrowed his brow, trying not to cry.
When she looked up at him, she also had tears in her eyes. She smiled sadly and caressed his cheek. "Yes, you do," she whispered.
Ron, now letting his tears flow freely, nodded. Because, he really did understand, in the weirdest way.
And now, she's packing and thinking and contemplating. She could just take it back and tell him that she's staying. But what good would that do? They've been in this weird state of limbo for months. They were both afraid to make a move for a while. Hermione was relieved of this job opportunity to go abroad. She could definitely use fresh insight to her latest version of her platform to update the Muggle Restriction Laws. Her boss, who has been supportive of her case for many years, pulled some strings to have her travel the continent for research. This was something she wanted to do for her career, but she took it for selfish reasons. She somehow regretted not travelling alone all those years ago. She thoroughly enjoyed Ron's company at the time, and she couldn't deny that he kept her sane during the trip. But perhaps he held her back. She was meant for so much more. She just didn't know what…
And now, Ron is a mess. He finally became a full-fledged Auror a year ago from that point. He went on his first real mission with Harry and a few others months ago. He didn't do as well as he had hoped, and was really looking forward to seeing Hermione again, talking to her, kissing her, just being with her. That was his only motivation. But when he came home, something had changed. The tragedy of the miscarriage brought out different sides to them that they didn't want to see. It wasn't anger or repulsion… it was as if they woke up from a dream and saw each other in a different light. They still loved each other, but nothing they did to support each other worked.
Ironically, Ron busied himself with work and Hermione distracted herself with recreational reading and picking up random hobbies. Ron realized she was itching to leave when he caught sight of travel books around the house. It was just a matter of time before she broke his heart and left him for bigger and better things.
He didn't feel like fighting her either. They fought so often in the past that any shouting would be futile. And once she had a goal in mind, she pursued it, no matter the obstacles. And that's what he loved about her. There would always be a fire in her that he admired. She was unstoppable, so he didn't stop her.
And that's what Hermione loved about Ron. He'd give his own opinions, but at the end of the day, he supported her decisions. Not all of her choices were great ones, but he was there for her downfalls. He was her reassurance.
She made a choice that day to not ask for his opinion. That was her decision and he supported it.
And goodness knows, he needed time for himself too.
She checked and double checked all of her luggage every day. In all honesty, she was stalling. In the back of her mind, she was hoping Ron would stop her. It wouldn't stop her from leaving, but it would give her hope that he still loved her. It was selfish and irrational, but wasn't that the basis of their relationship?
There was a sense of finality in the air by the end of the week. And the last night they spent together sealed the deal. It was hurried and desperate as they clung to a strand of hope that was wearing thin. They breathed heavily and out of sync, and they refused to look into each other's eyes. Hermione desperately wanted him to look at her, to force her to look at him, to take control over her, to tell her to stay. But no such thing occurred. Before she knew it, they faced opposite sides of their bed, far away from each other.
No words were spoken the next morning. He helped her carry her luggage to the door.
They stood there for what felt like an eternity.
Ron couldn't help himself. He stooped down and held her tight.
Now Hermione's heart was breaking. But she had to see this through.
"Please, be careful," he muffled in her hair. She could tell he was on the brink of crying by the way his voice cracked in her ear.
"I will," she whispered. She felt him kiss the top of her head and her heart dropped to her stomach. Oh, how she was going to miss that little familiar gesture…
Now she couldn't help it. She gave him one last kiss, but not for him. She needed this for her own sanity and he knew it. But he needed this too. He deepened the kiss, relishing in the taste of her, the feel of his hand in her hair, the touch of her own embrace. They both didn't want it to end, but they knew it had to. Hermione was leaving. That was not going to change.
They parted, both looking pained and defeated.
Hermione picked up her luggage, walked out the door, and, without turning back, she was gone.