Hello there. Just a fair warning, this is quite unlike anything I've written before. The grammar is disjointed, as are the OOC pawn's thoughts. *evil chuckle* At first it's all happiness and rainbows, but do not fear, there will be horrors upon horrors for the Fellowship.

This is the ultimate Mary-Sue within a Mary-Sue. As the Fellowship is reading an MS fanfiction, they themselves are part of a twisted parody. Wonder how long it will take my original character (Jas) to figure out she's a Mary-Sue?

Warning: Pippin's chapter, and therefore an overload of extreme hyperness.

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NEVER READ FANFICTION TO HOBBITS!

PIPPIN'S POV.

Time: Post-ROTK Setting: Rivendell

"I've got it! I've got the popcorn!" Merry yells, running into the library. My best friend and PIC (partner-in-crime) believes in never coming unprepared. Which is obviously the reason we just spent three freakin' hours popping the darn stuff. It has to be the reason. Because if it isn't, I'm going to kill him.

And then steal all of his pipeweed.

He rushes into where Aragorn, Arwen, Gimli, Legolas, Elrohir, Eowyn, Faramir, and Sam are all sitting. It's part of our 'Let's get together and bug each other to death' ritual. Hope this one doesn't end in a free-for-all.

Yup. You heard me.

Got pretty messy, too.

Merry has to swerve to avoid crashing into Elladan who is entering also. Of course, me being the 'Fool of a Took' that I am, I just HAVE to trip over my cloak right at that moment. I collide with Merry (and his popcorn), who promptly falls into Elladan. Are you sensing a pattern here? The three of us roll into the wall like a misshapen snowball.

Ow.

I'm under Elladan- at least I think I am. It takes us a good few minutes to discover which arms and legs belong to whom.

Did I mention OUCH? I'm pretty sure I did.

Come on, stop laughing. It wasn't that funny.

Tell that to Arwen and Eowyn. No, seriously, tell them. The fact the neither of them hold any grudges about the Aragorn thing is great. But now they up and form a secret pact to always laugh at me. Or hobbits in general. Or maybe the entire male species. Does that include Elves and Dwarves? I'm not sure.

I even think they started a secret handshake, too...Scary.

At least I'm lucky. Clumsy, but lucky. Actually, I like to think its 'accident prone'. How else do you think I survived in the War? My height? Well that helped but-

I'm babbling aren't I?

Thought so.

Usually this luck decides to show up right when I don't need it, so when it actually COMES IN HANDY I feel like writing a poem or maybe doing an interpretive dance.

Yeah...I wouldn't want to see me doing one of those either.

Point being, my luck actually helps here because Elladan gets completely splattered with sticky popcorn butter. And I don't. Hah. Grimacing, he wipes a gob of it off his face. I can imagine what he's thinking: Eeew.

"What's the matter brother? Can't you at least save some for the rest of us?" Elrohir must have a death wish. Elladan chucks a clump of grease at him. I have to admit, the elf's got good aim. Not as good as a hobbit's...but still, not bad for an Elf. Don't tell him I said that, or he'll tell you about the time he tried to teach me archery. Remember what I said about grudges? I swear he still holds one against me for shooting him in the butt. Well, I AM accident prone.

Unfortunately for Elladan, Elrohir's got good ducking instincts and the popcorn butter flies right by. Whee. Splat. Right on Elrond's nice shiny walls. I hope he doesn't mind. I can see him returning from the Gray Havens just to give us that LOOK for getting grease on his walls. Elrohir's been practicing the LOOK. He doesn't have it down as well as his dad. All he ends up doing is looking like he ate a bad stew. Maybe one that Eowyn made, I hear she's not the greatest cook. Which sucks for Faramir. Honestly, can you imagine living with someone who can't cook?

I can and it scares me. Like, we're talking nightmares here.

Speaking of Faramir, right now he's restraining Elladan from throwing anymore butter. "Peace, Elladan, one miss and you will have us all with hair like Aragorn." Way to insult His Reluctant Highness, Faramir. Actually, he probably could throw Faramir in jail or something, being King of Gondor and all.

"Hey! I washed it today!" No way did I snort at that. Nu-uh. Nope.

"And immediately engaged in an intensive training session, followed by a mud-fight, of all things." Arwen gently reminds her husband. They're so sweet.

Elrohir giggles. A very un-perfect-immortal-Elf-warrior giggle. "It wasn't his fault, about the mud-fight. Elladan was throwing some at me, and it missed and hit Aragorn." Another giggle.

"You seem to have a knack for throwing things at your brother and missing." I smirk at Elladan. I'm also bouncing up and down on a side table, trying to juggle some pears. But you didn't need to know that, I guess.

Gimli clears his throat. Probably because he needs to, but it might have something to do with the huge amount of butter Elladan's wielding. Yikes. "Are we going to watch the movie or not?"

'The movie', as well as the 'television (or TV)' was a gift from Gandalf. Before he left, he said it was so that we'd always remember our journeys. Yeah, like I'm going to forget a talking tree. Riiiight.

Don't ask me how it works, because frankly, none of us have any idea. Gandalf set it up, and, with a dab of magic here and there- and by 'dab' I mean flashes of blue and green light that scared the socks off Eowyn the first time she saw it- we now have a walking, talking metal box.

Okay, so it doesn't really walk. But I think it's learning. It seems really smart.

Did you know that if you push a button on the mini TV (I think Merry calls it the remote, but I'm not sure) the metal box will change color in the middle? And I don't mean green to red, I'm talking Isengard to Rivendell here. Not that I'm comparing Rivendell to red, that is...except that they both start with 'R', and they both...uh, they both...what else do they have in common, Merry?

"They're both in the movie, of course! Now let's watch it!" Even though I don't quite understand, I don't say anything as Merry hands around what's left of the popcorn and clicks on the TV. Aragorn's frowning at his portion. He's probably thinking that Merry gave him a slightly smaller handful. Not by much. Maybe a couple of ounces. Hmm, wonder if there's any other snacks left in the kitchen? Nope, I think we ate them all. Except the lembas.

The beginning credits start to appear.

"Gandalf did a really good job with thith movie, didnth he?" I comment around a mouthful of popcorn. Too much salt, but it works.

"Yes, I especially like his portrayal of Gondor," agrees Aragorn. "At least you don't have to watch your relatives go nuts." Faramir grumbles. Is it just me or are his hands balling into fists? Yup, it's just me.

"I like the Shire, and all the hobbits, and Mr. Frodo, and Rosie," Sam states. I'll bet you ten apples he's thinking of his wife right now. Can't blame him, she IS a good looker. Don't tell him I told you that, or he'll go into his over-protective mode that was usually reserved for Frodo.

"Yes, we all know you like Rosie!" My PIC winks. I don't know why the heck Sam's blushing; I mean, it's not as if they're not married. But it proves one thing.

He's thinking about her. Pay up.

I'll also bet it Sam's fault the popcorn's so salty.

So there you go! Please review as I have had a lot of people read this chapter and not express any sort of opinion on it. Thanks!