The Measure of Bravery
Do not look at me like that, my brothers. Do not gaze at me as if I am a coward. Do you think this is easy? You, my brothers, are about to sail your pilfered ships to a land where none but your own consciences will know of the blood you have spilt. I am about to return to the broken remains of our people who cannot lift their heads to meet the eyes of their neighbours, for there, blood stains the hands of their kin. You, my brothers are about to sail ships you bought with the blood of their makers to a land where none will see the blood on your hands, but you yourselves. I am about to return and face my wife, whose kin you have slain, whose birth-city you have bloodied, and convince her that my hands, our children's hands, are clean. Our children… my children will not follow me my brothers, yet I am brave enough to suffer this separation for I know I am right.
Do not look at me like that, my brothers. Do not gaze at me as if I am a coward. Do you think this is easy? You, my brothers go to a land where the Valar are but dim memories. I return to them to humble myself at their feet, knowing that they are not wise beyond fault but knowing that they are wiser than us, accepting any doom that they may lay upon me. If you, my beloved brother Fëanor, could but be brave enough to admit that despite your fire, the Valar are still greater, you would not be doomed, your sons, my nephews would not be doomed. I refuse to see the eight of you fall, and fall you will, for you are not brave enough to get down on your knees and beg Eru to forgive and release you from your rash vow. Your hands are red, my dear brother Fingolfin, and you are afraid of what doom would be yours if you return now to the Ring of Doom. You find the prospect of dying bravely in battle more appealing, yet there is greater bravery here now in turning your back on battle and returning to face the consequences of your actions.
Do not look at me like that, my brothers. Do not gaze at me as if I am a coward. Do you think this is easy? You, my brothers, go on without your wives, you go on without the other half of your soul. You, my brother Fëanor, choose to turn your back on the one who made you complete instead of being brave enough to do what it would take to hold on to her. She didn't ask for much, my brother. All she wanted was for you to temper your ambitions, as you are not a power of the world. All she wanted was for you to stop trying to be one. Spirit of fire you may be, but I remember how you feared being swallowed by a love as deep as the ocean. I know why she does not follow you, my brother Fingolfin. She cares not for revenge, for she has seen what deeds fuelled by its desire can do. All she wants
is for you to know this as well. Yet, you turn away from her, too frightened of failure to attempt to redeem yourself in her eyes. I am brave enough to return to my soul, to win her back, to risk being broken in spirit by her words of cold rejection. I am brave enough not to turn away.
Do not look at me like that, my brothers. Do not gaze at me as if I am a coward. Do you think this is easy? No my brothers, it is not I who is taking the cowards way out. It is you. I love you both, and no matter what you do, I will love you not one jot less, but I will not follow you. I am brave enough to defy you and hold to my beliefs.
Author's notes: Thanks to Lady Legrace for beta reading.