Gangster Genius: Inside the Mind of Light Yagami Chapter 1, a death note fanfic

Inside the Mind Of Light Yagami

Gangster Genius: Inside the Mind Of Light Yagami

I just started to read Death Note, and I absolutely adore it. So I've decided to write this…it's a bit…er, raunchy, so I'm rating it PG-13 (T). Don't let your four-year-old cousin read this, 'kay?

Everyone thinks that I'm a good kid.

Boy, are they wrong.

Not only do I randomly kill people, I also make potholders in my spare time, and illegally burn CDs.

That's right.

You'd better watch out.

Plus I have a shinigami at my disposal.

"I'm not at your disposal."

"I'll give you an apple if you get me some Pocky."

"Okay…"

Ryuk is so stupid.

He thought he could fly through walls.

"-runs into wall- MOVE, WALL!"

"Ryuk, it's not going to move."

"-turns- Why not?"

"It's a wall. Inanimate objects don't usually listen to verbal commands."

"Well fine Mr. Perfect Score Kira Guy!"

"Well fine, Mr. Icky-Looking Shinigami!"

"-sob-That hurts…"

I'm so gangster.

Just everyone's in denial about my gangsterness.

L thinks he's a gangster.

The only thing he can say in gangsta-speak is y3770w.

"You best come with me, y3770w!"

"WTF?"

My dad is über stupid.

Yeah, über stupid. He's more than stupid.

Wouldn't you notice if your son was a mass-murderer obsessed with killing all the criminals and becoming a demi-god?

"I wouldn't."

"Didn't ask you, L. Zark off."

L has dentures.

He lost all of his teeth from sugar…

…and a flesh-eating weasel attack.

I would've liked to watch that.

"-imagining-"

"IT'S NOT FUNNY, IDIOT!"

"Yes, it is."

L and I had hot lemonyness the other day.

It was very yaoi-liscious.

I think we had some fangirls videotaping the entire thing.

It was traumatic to my self-esteem.

Ryuk ate my last apple.

I got pissed.

So I wrote his name in the Death Note.

He didn't do anything, which sucked.

So I poked him repeatedly, and then suddenly he died.

Kewl!

I i5 5up3r g4n54h…8itc35! Oh snap, n00bs!

"-silence-"

n00blishious is the most awesome word EVER.

No one has been kewl enough to write it in the dictionary.

Except me.

"Light, what are you doing?"

"Defacing public property."

"Le gasp! How dare you…"

"-scribbles in Death Note-"

"…that's a federal offense you sho-dies-"

"Where was I…?"

I drove my sister insane.

It was kinda fun.

First I made Ryuk hide, then I made her touch the Death Note.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! WHAT MY GRANDMOTHER'S SOCKS IS IN MY ROOOOMMM?? LIIIIIIGGGHHHHTTTTTTT!!"

"Oh, that's just a shinigami. Seeya."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. Bye."

L is dumber than an Irish setter.

"I take offense to that."

"You were supposed to. Thanks."

"Dammit!"

"Yeah, L. That was just another illustration of your shtupidness."

"…What?"

Shtupidness is another awesome word that no one is kewl enough to write in the dictionary.

"Light, that word doesn't exist."

"Gasp, it's Raye Penber!"

Yeah, Raye Penber came back from the dead. He was all icky and decayed.

"You're all icky and decayed."

"Well, that's what happens when you're dead."

Then I remembered that he knew I was Kira…so I poked him repeatedly.

"What are you doing?"

"Poking you to death."

"I'm already dead, bastard!"

"Do I look like I care?"

"…No…"

"So die already!"

Poor Raye.

I cried at his re-funeral.

I was peeling onions for some reason.

L is a fish!

After I wrote that, people got mad at me.

Wow….L has fans…

That's a staggering concept for me…

"You're a staggering concept!"

"Your grandmother's socks!"

"…"

If I was an ice-cream flavour, I'd be cherry.

Why?

It's the colour of bllooooood.

I'm so morbid, it's not even funny.

"Yes, it is."

"-scribbles in Death Note-"

"No, don't kill me, I didn't really mean it…"

"Too late."

"-dies-"

"…Who was that, anyway?"

Ryuk thinks us humans are hilarious.

He can't seem to get the concept of vending machines.

Or vandalism.

Well, I'll introduce those subjects to him later on.

Muah, hua, hua, hua.

I do my evil laughs with commas.

It makes me seem more…intelligent.

Not that I need to be.

"You're dumber than a stick."

"Le gasp!"

" 'Le' gasp?"

"My thing. You steafed it."

Steafed is another awesome word that's not in the dictionary yet.

I've got to go have a talk with Mr. Webster.

Is he the one who does all the funky definitions?

I mean, everyone knows what "the" means.

"That's a very generalized statement."

"L, do I look like I care? At all?"

"Point taken."

I have a Zwinky.

Now I can talk to virtual hot babes!

"-reads- 'Dear LightKira21, I love your avatar. Let's have a virtual marriage.'"

"Wow. You're popular."

"Well, L, that's what happens when you get a hunky Zwinky avatar. The ladies fall all over you."

"Er…-points-"

"-reads- 'I'm fifty-eight years old but look forty-seven.'"

"…"

"Oh, GOD!"

I was listening to angsty music the other day.

Ryuk was sad that I don't like gangsta rap.

Then L put on Panic! At the Disco.

I threw a total diva fit.

"What's this?! I want a purple Fanta with one and a half ice cubes in a Styrofoam cup with piggies on the side. NOW, UNDERLING!"

L was afraid of me.

Or maybe he was just too buzzed on sugar to notice that I was looking up his real name on the Internet.

I found some…interesting sites, if you catch my drift…

…seems like L has some other, better-paying pastimes…

"WHAT?!"

Was it okay?

Please review for a Death Note n00b…

…I give air-flavoured Pocky and imaginary hugs!

Just in case anyone's wondering, Pretty. Odd., the new album by Panic at the Disco, is absolutely fantastic. I adore it. Especially the songs Behind the Sea, She's A Handsome Woman, Mad as Rabbits, and 9 in the Afternoon. Listen to them for kudos.

-blake/aishiterustaggerlee/daisukeismyboyfriend

REVIEW, KUSO NEZUMI!!

…damn rat?