A/N: I said I was going to make this fic lighter than the previous one and so, naturally, I kick it off with some ominous figures sneaking through Kirkwall. I think I've really got a firm grasp on this whole "lighthearted" thing...
All kidding aside, I really do appreciate everyone taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy it!
In the middle of the night, as a full moon shone brightly in a cold, clear sky, three hooded figures stepped onto the docks of Kirkwall and immediately faded into shadow. The city guards patrolled the same routes they always had, which the trio evaded as easily as if they'd done it their entire lives. They would slither from one shadow to another, ducking into an alley just as a guard came around the corner, cutting their way through the city without ever using any of the main roads. They moved quick, but silently so that their boots barely crunched the snow beneath their feet. The only people the three came across were vagrants and drunks, neither of which would be able to remember or identify them if asked. Everything was going according to plan so far. It wasn't until they climbed the stairs leading to Lowtown that they ran into trouble.
A tall woman in guard armor and a well-dressed dwarf were stopped just to the right of the stairs. As one of the rogues angled for a better view, they noticed that the woman was not just any guard, but the guard captain. The trio could take the left path easily enough, but there was no way for them to do so without being seen and likely stopped by her. As they lingered in the shadows, one of the figures reached for the blades hidden beneath their cloak, but the tallest of them, clearly a man by his build, raised a hand in a gesture that unmistakably meant "stop". Letting out an exasperated sigh, the rogue complied.
After a moment more of observation, the tall one leaned over and whispered something in the ear of the figure who'd been simply surveying the scene until that point. A quiet giggle was heard and then without hesitation, the rogue almost gleefully took the hand of the one that had drawn their daggers moments ago. Following the other's lead, the two began tripping over one another and talking loudly as they stumbled straight for the guard captain and her friend.
"What in Andraste's…" the woman started to say as she and the dwarf took notice of the pair, but her thought ended there.
As the two closed upon the guard captain and the dwarf, the light illuminated their figures enough for them to see that they were both women. Their antics became more dramatic with every step, pinching and groping, eventually stumbling against the wall only feet from them and engaging in a very eager and seemingly drunken display of affection. The guard captain shook her head in annoyance while the dwarf amusedly looked on.
"Are you that desperate to be locked up or just that stupid?" the guard captain asked crossly, clearly not wanting to deal with them at the moment.
When neither of the women responded or even acknowledged that she was there, the dwarf gave his opinion on the matter.
"I'd say a bit of the latter with a lot of alcohol thrown in," he chuckled.
"Not now, Varric," the guard captain sighed irritably.
She stepped forward and grabbed the shoulder of the woman whose back was facing her and spun her around. The cowl she wore concealed most of her face, but there was something so familiar about the way the woman's lips pulled taut in a smug grin. The guard captain frowned. Vaguely she heard Varric snicker behind her, but she was too focused on the rogue in front of her to really notice.
"Let me see your face," she demanded.
An arm reached from behind her and wrapped itself around her neck. "Why don't you hand over your coin to the pretty lady instead?" a deep, strangely accented voice growled.
The guard captain's nose flared as her irritation turned into outright anger. "You're going to wish you hadn't done that," she warned firmly.
Before the thief could utter another word, she slammed the back of her head into his face and turned, burying her knee in his groin. He fell to his knees with a pained moan.
"Andraste's tits, Aveline," he wheezed.
"What?" she wondered aloud. "Who are you?"
She noticed Varric stood silent, his hands held protectively over his man parts in an unconscious act of empathy while his face held a grimace that looked like she'd kneed him as well. She drew back the man's hood just as one of the other rogues knelt protectively beside him.
"Hawke," she said in surprise.
"Good to see you too, Aveline," Hawke replied weakly, but sarcastic as ever. "I hope you understand if I don't hug you right now."
"Maker's balls," the rogue beside him commented and immediately Aveline recognized the voice.
"Can we not talk about 'balls' right now?" Hawke pleaded.
"Sorry," Isabela apologized, removing her hood with one hand as the other rubbed Hawke's back. She turned her gaze to address Aveline. "Was that really necessary? You could have damaged my favorite parts!"
"Mine too," Hawke agreed.
"I always knew you loved him for his big brain, Rivaini," Varric quipped.
Isabela shot him a look. "I never said anything about 'love'," she said indignantly. "And that's not the only thing Hawke has that's big." She smiled wryly.
"Can everyone shut up and tell me what's going on?" Aveline finally shouted.
"I wrote Varric and told him we were coming," Isabela said defensively.
"I meant why in Andraste's name would you pretend to be thieves? And who is this?" She gestured wildly at the still hooded woman near the wall.
"Oh," a feminine voice piped up. The woman pulled her hood down and revealed her face.
"Tallis!" Varric said warmly. "I see you couldn't resist Hawke's winning personality after all! Welcome to the club."
Tallis smiled. "He does have a way with words. A girl can hardly turn down an offer for 'free ale' and 'something shiny'."
"Oh, hardly," Varric agreed.
"You're all mad," Aveline conceded, throwing her hands in the air.
As Hawke shakily rose to his feet, Isabela left his side to approach Aveline. "Calm down, big girl," she said soothingly, placing her hand on the guard captain's shoulder. "It was just a joke. Obviously a poorly thought out one, but not an unusual end to one of Hawke's plans."
"Hey!" Hawke protested. "I have good plans. It's not my fault if the rest of the world doesn't follow them."
Everyone rolled their eyes in unison as he pouted to himself.
Sighing in resignation, Aveline spoke up as the voice of reason. "Come on. We'd better get Hawke to The Hanged Man before one of the Seekers wanders by."
Isabela smiled widely at the suggestion. "I think that's the best idea I've heard all night."