Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters.
(This song is mostly my inspiration for this story, you should look it up, it's a great song)
It was long ago
Seems like yesterday
Saw you standing in the rain
Then I heard you say
I want to love but it comes out wrong
I want to live but I don't belong
I close my eyes and I see
Blood and roses
Love flowers in the springtime
October we were wed
In wintertime the roses died
The blood ran cold
And then she said
I want to love but it comes out wrong
I want to live but I don't belong
I close my eyes and I see
Blood and roses
It was long ago
Seems like yesterday
Saw you standing in the rain
Then I heard you say
I need your love but it comes out wrong
I try to live but I don't belong
I close my eyes and I see
Blood and roses
-The Smithereens
Chapter 1
I hate this place, the weather here sucks up all the slime and scum from the streets and pours it back down on ya. But then, that's what this city is all about. Name's Bella Swan Private Eye. I've spent my life in this cloudy marry-go-round of lies and deceit, the same crimes played out year after year, like a jukebox with only one sad song. It's a city with no one to trust and no one to love, where cigarette butts are the only ass you get. I've got a long sordid history with this place, most people in my position would have simply packed up and found somewhere else to grow old. Not me. No, I don't grow old, and unlike most people out there I know that there is no where to go to escape the lies and the lying liars who tell them. How do I cope? I became one of them. I joined the system that created the cracks and holes people feel in their day to day life. Being a vampire seemed the only way out, the only way not to feel anymore. So this is what I do, people come in filled with sorrow, regret, and all the other emotional adjectives we're taught to feel since we colored outside the lines, and I lie to keep other people safe. People who don't need protecting. Why? Because I would rather feel nothing, than come to terms with the things I've done.
My door isn't always open for those who want things found, that's what I do, I find people, they tell me their sob story, but in the end most people don't leave my office very happy. Being a vampire in this day and age is no longer an easy thing. Sure some of us, the ones who held on to their conscience like a snot nosed kid holding on to their mother's leg, refuse to eat humans. We can sustain ourselves on the blood of animals; it doesn't make much of a life for you in the end, if you can only eat steak for the rest of your life, why not have the filet mignon. That's mostly where I come in, when people go missing in a suspicious way, they're not coming home. One of us got to them. My job is to lie, make up some story about an affair, or some gang thing, in the end it's all bullshit, you're loved ones are all just dinner for the immortals. Shocking isn't it? What's even more shocking is the fact that most people in my line of work are doing the same thing, working for the same boss. And why not? The Volturi pay well, and when you got all the time in the world, material possessions are all you can look forward too. Sure some of us get hobbies, become the best guitar player in the world, the most knowledgeable historian (hey they lived most of it), some of us read every book ever written, or learn every language known to human and inhuman kinds. After a few centuries however, learning, perfection gets old and boring. Thank god for the 21st century right? How can you get bored when a new computer, or car, or even cosmetic comes out every month or so?
The past couple of years the vampire community has been getting cocky. We've had splinter cells threaten to out us, squads were sent in, taking care of most of them, but the bosses are getting tired of the life. Ruling an entire race for thousands of years can be quite taxing on the soul I imagine, if we had a soul that is. Either way, business has been booming, so when a knock came at my door, and I had no appointment for that time slot, I wasn't surprised. I put on my game face, ready to open the door to another heartbroken mom with a runaway case, or another husband whose wife was secretly having an affair but suddenly went missing. This was my life, lies, day in and day out.
I lit my cigarette, put my feet up, and welcomed my new tragedy, "Door's open," I said, "Come on in."
The door sung open on it squeaky hinges that were as old as the building. I expected a lot of things, and nothing really surprised or scared me (been through a lot you know), but nothing in the world could have prepared me for the next three weeks of my life. And it all started with him, standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his rippled chest, not looking a day over 20, "No, I think I'll stay here thanks."
I tried to hold it together, but I knew my face was giving it away. My eyes widened, and my hand started to twitch. He was the reason I was who I was today, the cold hearted bitch I became was all because of, "Jacob Black."
"In the flesh," He said, but he wasn't smirking. I never thought I would see him again, but I knew for a fact that I would never see him smile again.
I tried to focus, instinctually I should have immediately gotten defensive, but those dark eyes, and that long raven black hair that flowed down to his strong clenched jaw, threw every instinct I had out of the window. This wasn't the teenager I knew, the creases that were made when he smiled were now transformed into dark scars that littered his face. His hands that used to be covered in dirt from playing around with his friends were now calloused over, workers hands.
"I see you've changed," I said, finally bringing myself to speak.
"See you haven't," He said back with a sharp edge to his voice. "You know, I never thought you'd go through with it, even when I saw your name in the phone book under Private Eye, not until this moment did I actually think that you, Bella Swan, would become a filthy leech like them."
"Glad to get all the pleasantries and catching up out of the way," I said, taking a drag from my cigarette I had forgotten I had. "What do you want? Pretty ballsy of you coming here, being what you are."
"Didn't have anywhere else to turn," He said, finally coming in and shutting the door behind him. "I guess I can thank you for that."
"What are you talking about," I knew perfectly well what he was talking about, but did he, or was he just grasping at straws.
"Don't play dumb with me, I know it was you."
"You don't know what you know, so just get to the point already. What the hell are you doing in my office?"
"You gave me a rose that night, do you remember?"
"I remember everything about that night, you smelly fucking dog. Get to the point."
"All in good time," He said, and reached in his pocket. He pulled out a single petal, but it wasn't red anymore, it was brown, crusty, withering away. My face went blank, I felt the tears starting to well up, but I pushed them aside. I tried to be strong, cold, emotionless, but again, my face gave it away. "It's all I have left of it."
"Why do you still have that?"
"At first it was because my heart couldn't let you go, it couldn't believe what my head was telling it."
"Jacob you have no idea…"
"I DON'T NEED IDEAS YOU SELFISH BITCH! I KNOW EVERYTHING!" I felt my heart breaking, but I couldn't understand why. Over the years I have had plenty of relationships, and they were just something to pass the time with. I always ended it, always pulled away, hell I even killed one of them (long story). But for some reason, the one person I really truly wronged in this life, was the one person I wanted to think well of me. How's that for irony? "What I don't know is why you did it, and I actually don't give a shit."
I let the tears fall, "Then why are you here?"
"Because you need to make it right."
"How could I ever," I started hearing the screams in my head. For years after I had been changed all I could hear were those screams and all I could smell was blood. I learned to drowned them out, or maybe they went away, along with my conscience, either way they were back, and with a vengeance. I put my hands over my ears, but it was no help.
"Oh that's mature," I heard Jacob voice muffled through my hands.
Free flowing tears, soaking the papers on my desk, "There's nothing I could do…"
Once again he reached into his pocket, but this time what he pulled out was a photograph, face down. The back of it had a name written on it, "Dylan" it said. I was confused, and I looked to Jacob for some sort of explanation, he simply turned it over and it answered all my questions. It was a photo of a young girl, ten maybe, but this wasn't a normal girl. She was smiling and I saw it, they were Jacob's lips, but it was my smile, she had his ears, but it was my nose in the center of her face. The eyes were the only thing that I couldn't place, one honey brown eye, one green, everything else was there.
"This is what you can do for me," He said taking the picture from me, pulling on it hard to get it from my intense hold.
"She's alive?" I said, wanting so badly to have that picture back, to look at her face again.
"Yes, your daughter is alive. I just don't know for how much longer."
Thank you all for reading, please review. I very much enjoy feedback. This story has been on my mind for sometime, and I just worked out the kinks to the point where I could begin writing. I'm not sure how long it's going to be, but please bear with me, there are going to be a lot of flashbacks, a lot of history that needs to get told. I plan on working backwards when it comes to the history, so please if you have any questions let me know, I'll make sure I clear them up. If it doesn't spoil the story that is, some of it you're just going to have to keep reading to find out.