'Men with secrets tend to be drawn to each other, not because they want to share what they know but because they need the company of the like-minded, the fellow afflicted.'
~ Don DeLillo
When Aaron heard the words "I want to meet your mother," he knew he shouldn't have been surprised. Taking a sip of scalding hot coffee, he gave himself a few moments to process the request, allowing for one moment where his brain let out a series of expletives, and reaction time for his now burning tongue. All the while Spencer just stared at him, his eyes shining happily, at what he perceived to be another step in their relationship.
Spencer had allowed him to see his mother, and Diana had been slightly sceptical at first, believing that this was a government ploy to keep Spencer with the FBI. He supposed wearing his suit hadn't been the best idea that day, but the Southerner in him had wanted to make a good impression, it just hadn't factored in a paranoid schizophrenic, and the fact he looked far too official in them. However, through a series of grilling that could make even the most hardest suspect crack, he had won Diana over, gotten her blessing, and made Spencer happy.
Overall, a really good day.
Still, seeing his mother would not end with the same result, and a small part of Aaron was thankful his father was dead. His mother wasn't as bad... but she was bad enough. As the wife of a high powered lawyer she had learned to put on a public face, that had also helped her ignore the fact that her son was being abused by the 'defender of the people,' in a secret that was just one more addition to the family closet.
If he said "No," then Spencer would start doubting his affections, but if he said "Yes," then when the truth was uncovered - and Aaron wasn't as optimistic to think that it wouldn't be - he would be lucky if Spencer wanted to stay with him, or even look at him for that matter.
After six months, they were most definitely at the point of 'meet the parents' not that there was a schedule - although that would have been rather helpful, and this would certainly have been less of a shock.
Eventually he said, "Can we talk about this later?"
Spencer gave him a scrutinising look, reminding Aaron somewhat of a demented chipmunk before nodding. Quietly, he grabbed both their thermoses, and handed Aaron his briefcase.
In Spencer terms, this practically screamed 'I will be quiet now, but when the time comes you better tell me everything.'
Shit.
They had a bet on who would figure out they were dating first. Aaron honestly thought Dave would see it, the man had an eye for these things... although it hadn't helped him in the past, and more than once he had nursed a black eye for chatting up a woman, only to realise moments later she was sitting next to her husband and not her friend. Spencer thought it may be Garcia, the Goddess of all things Tech had a record for knowing things she shouldn't. But no one had had the gall to ask.
To their credit, they never acted any differently, although it had taken a while to reach a balance, and in the first few weeks the team were wondering why they barely looked at each other. Despite sometimes staying over at each others apartments, they drove in separate cars when they did, and the only way anyone outside the team would see they had spent the night together was if they checked the mileage.
To put it simply, they were careful, and so far it had paid off.
Although, sometimes Aaron wished that he could be down in the bullpen. He only ever saw Spencer at work when they were on a case, or he came up to deliver a file. These moments kept him sane as he navigated the never ending pile of paperwork, but he wished there were more.
Then there were days like this, when Aaron was glad he had an office. If the team saw how counter-productive he was, then there was no doubt they would all gather outside his door, ready to ambush him. The only work related thing he had done was make coffee, and even then he had been so distracted he forgot to put sugar in it.
Yuck, to put it mildly.
Gulping it had made it go by quicker, but he was sure his taste buds wouldn't survive that particular disaster.
Rubbing his hands over his eyes, he tried to concentrate on the budget report, however, he soon realised that this was a lost cause. In shipping terms it was the Titanic, and he needed to get on a lifeboat before his brain went on strike.
The cause of his distraction was simple really.
Always in the back of his mind was the question 'What can I say to Spencer?'
There was not a snowball's chance in Hell of him allowing him to meet his mother. Growing up in 'The Old South' had meant that she had quite the strong views on homosexuality. That was partly the reason he had buried it, marrying Haley in what any psychologist could see was doomed to fail. Yes, he had loved her, but she was still just a tool in his attempt to quash what his mother had called 'the Devil's thoughts.' Still, it had brought him Jack, and he wouldn't trade him for the world.
There was also the fact that he never wanted to go back to his childhood home. There were memories long buried there, and whilst he knew repression wasn't healthy, he was hardly going to have a psychotic break over it. As far as he was concerned, he had left that life behind him, just as Spencer had left his life with his own mother behind when he joined the BAU. Although, a small part of him felt guilty that Spencer had told him so much, shared so much of himself, and he was reluctant to hand over this one detail. However, it was inevitable really, the idea that he could hide it was just wishful thinking.
Sometimes dating a profiler wasn't the best life decision he had made, although he had to concede it was one of the most fulfilling.
This was how Aaron spent most of his day. His hand resting on the phone, ready to call the old number before another thought on why this was most certainly the worst idea since he had dressed up in Spencer's cardigan.
Sometimes these things were only sexy on women... although, Spencer in his suit jacket had made him almost file a request for a dress code to be implemented.
At other times he was glaring at his watch, daring it to go faster. But out of the things his glare could do, it could not change the laws of time.
He was almost relieved when Spencer came up to his office at eight. The rest of the team had seemed to know not to disturb him, and he had barely seen anyone all day, except to hand in files that he hadn't read. As expected, Spencer arched an eyebrow at his in-tray, and Aaron felt his eyes on him, roaming over his no doubt dishevelled appearance.
He really should be used to Spencer's searching looks, but being in the spotlight bothered him, and he tried to ignore the unwavering gaze, opting instead to stand up, packing up the rather considerable work he would have to do over the weekend.
"Why are you avoiding me?" Spencer's question was devoid of anger, instead it was filled with curiosity, mingled with slight concern. Aaron cringed internally, plastering a smile on his face.
"I'm not, I've just been busy," he replied.
"An an in-tray that is a scale model of the Leaning Tower of Pisa is a part of that then?" The tone was slightly sarcastic, and underneath Aaron heard the distinct 'Don't bullshit me, Aaron.'
"Can we do this somewhere else?" The last thing he wanted to do was open up in the middle of the FBI.
Spencer nodded, waiting for Aaron to finish packing, and soon they headed out into the parking lot, walking to their respective cars.
No words were exchanged, and Aaron felt a ball of dread make it's home in his stomach.
This was going to be a very long night.
Aaron was glad that Jessica had wanted to take Jack to see her parents this weekend. There was no way that the four year old would have missed the tension between him and Spencer. It wasn't a bad tension, it was more that Spencer was waiting, and Aaron was dragging things out for as long as possible.
When he had dried the dishes for a second time, he knew he would have to go through.
Making his way to the bedroom, he heard the familiar gush of the shower, and sat on the bed, waiting for Spencer to finish. About five minutes later, his lover emerged, a towel wrapped tightly around his slender waist, and another being dragged through his hair. The smell of oranges teased his nostrils, and Aaron inhaled deeply, relishing the scent that he had come to associate as purely Spencer.
"As much as I love you looking at me, I'm getting cold," Spencer's voice brought Aaron back to reality.
"Sorry," he replied quickly, averting his eyes from the pale man in front of him, a slight blush tingeing his cheeks.
Hearing Spencer get into his pyjamas, Aaron started to get ready too. He had already had his shower whilst Spencer made dinner, it was amazing how routine it all felt now, and as he put his clothes neatly into the closet, he marvelled at how much more natural this felt with the young genius.
Said genius was currently waiting in his bed, and Aaron joined him, feeling strong arms wrap around him. No one would really think their relationship was that way around, and really, it wasn't. Both of them interchanged between submissive and dominant, and although it was hard to get used to at first, it was nicer, and more fairer on Spencer.
He guessed it was just his night to be held.
"Aaron, ever since I mentioned your mother you've been more distant," Aaron heard the unspoken question behind the gentle words, and knew Spencer would be too considerate to put him on the spot, regardless of how much he wanted to know.
"My childhood wasn't idealistic," he said finally, his words skirting round the issue, but he heard Spencer's small intake of breath, and knew he had gotten the meaning.
"I've seen the marks, Aaron," Spencer whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his temple.
"Haley always thought they were from childhood accidents," confessed Aaron, glad that Spencer couldn't see his face properly. Then his mind realised his lover had probably planned it that way, and a rush of gratitude coursed through his system.
"Did your mother know?" Spencer carded his fingers through Aaron's hair, and he leaned into his touch, allowing him to collect his emotions for a moment.
"Yes," his voice was hushed, and Spencer leaned in to hear him, Aaron was soothed slightly by the warm breath ghosting over his neck.
"We don't have to see her," said Spencer finally, and Aaron relaxed slightly against him, the gratitude he felt towards his lover now mixed with relief.
"Thank you," he breathed.
Spencer leaned over to switch out the light, and Aaron snuggled into his warmth. The younger man seemed to sense his vulnerability, for once more he wrapped his arms around him, holding him securely to his chest.
"I love you," whispered Spencer.
"I love you too," replied Aaron sleepily.
'A confession has to be part of your new life.'
~ Ludwig Wittgenstein
A/N: I really enjoyed writing 'Learning To Swim,' and was wondering how I could continue it, cue this idea flying through my window and hitting me in the back of the head. I hope this was alright, and there may be more one-shots like this on different moments in their relationship, but I'm moving at the weekend so it probably won't be any time soon.
Important: If anyone has any suggestions on situations to write about, tell me, and I'll try my hardest to do it :)
Beta note: Yaaay! Beta super happy now :D
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do own Hotch... Wait?... Since when has kidnapping been illegal?... Oh... *runs*
As always, reviews are appreciated :)