Monalei 24th
It is strange…How one starts to think, to create in the dead of night. I should be resting, should being the keyword, but I have found myself unable, unwilling, to do so. Memories….Memories have such a power over you, they can make, break and abuse you at there desire and the only way to conquer them, to destroy them….is to face them. Ironic is it not? How one as myself is kept awake by simple memories, memories I thought to have long conquered and destroyed.
It is strange though…that I find myself sitting at this desk on this ship moonlight filtering through the small window offering me light to write this and help me organize my thoughts. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, after all my enemies, and I have many off those, would get an all to great thrill to hear that I am sitting here writing down my deepest secrets and desire's…I can just hear them know…how they would love to abuse the fact that I am but a mere mortal and have my own demons to face each night. Demons that wake me up halfway through my slumber and don't let me go back to sleep. I guess…of all things they are the reason why I tire myself out so, why I push myself to an extreme few people could even begin to consider.
I speak to no one about my demons, they are mine and mine alone, besides…no one would understand, no one cares enough to sit down and listen to the person that I am…they always expect me to be something else…someone else and the person, the being that I am get's locked up and only rises during these quiet hours that I have to myself to throw all my thoughts and hopes to paper…I would go crazy if I did not have these few hours of being myself, I need them…
I suppose these memories of mine should be put to paper as well…perhaps one day I could look to them and smile…so I can give them to who-ever follows after me to learn…to get to know who I really was, not what I made myself to be.
I'm not even sure how to begin…
Do I start with 'Once upon a Time'?
No…this is far from a fairytale…this is pure reality in the flesh and reality is not like a fairytale, there are no wishes to be granted…no fairy godmothers to protect you…and most of all…there are no happy endings…
I guess…if anything? I should start from the very beginning of my existence, perhaps then people will understand my reasons and see the woman behind the mask….
It was warm….far, far to warm to even think about going outside…even to the native people of the planet the heat was near insufferable and one could easily see the heat waves dancing over the rocks and sand outside. Yet the woman that was currently standing in front of the window was sure she was suffering the most out of everyone. Then again she was nine months pregnant and on the verge of letting a child into the world. The woman sighed then as she stared into her reflection, the high cheekbones offering her face an alien beauty and the midnight black hair that pooled to her waist made her a well sought after woman. Yet a local hunter had captured her, a stoic man that many had respected but had never thought he would try and capture the one beauty none other had been able to trap. The woman smiled then as she lowered her smokey grey eyes to her swollen stomach before she rested her palms on it as she felt the child kick and turn…fighting to soon taste the world and break free to fly and enjoy life.
She turned her head then as she heard a door open to see a man walk in. Tall, long hair and eyes so blue they made the sky envy them he had been the dream off every young woman that had caught a glimpse off him yet he had held eyes for none…save her. She smiled then as a frown of concern drew over his features as he moved to her. Placing his hands on the swollen stomach, he smiled before kissing the woman's forehead "you should be resting Ma'ia. You will need your strength to bring our child into the world" the voice, although it was kind and loving, would not be understood by any other of there planet as the words where a strange mix between Latin and Russian. The woman, Ma'ia, lifted her eyes to his and offered a smile so pure it had been the first thing the man had fallen for "sweet Nest'or" she placed a delicate hand on his cheek then "I assure you that I am fine, so is the child". The man smiled down to her then, yet let her sit down in one of the nearby chairs so she could relax, the woman then looked up to the man and gave him a worried look "where is Len'i and Ty'lor?" the worry for her two other children clear in her smooth, calm voice. It only proved to bring a smile to the man's lips as he made her more comfortable in the plush chair "Ty'lor is tending to the animals and Len'i is making dinner…worry not for them my love it is far to warm today to make either of them work outside today" the woman smiled then as she settled herself in the chair and soon drifted off, her energy drained by the child in her stomach.
When night fell and the temperatures rapidly declined the four had sat down to the table to enjoy there meal and discuss there day. Yet the conversation soon drifted to the soon to be born child. The eldest daughter of ten hoped it would be a sister, one she could share secrets with and giggle and share gossip with and her eight-year-old brother hoped it would be a brother, who he could roll around in the dirt with and tease the local girls. There father just smiled at there exited wishes and dreams as he placed a hand on his wife's and felt happy…Life was good, there animals and crops where doing good…and the Goddesses had chosen to bless them with another child. He was happy, truly happy and could not wish for a better life.
The weeks passed and drifted into one before the new addition to the family was brought into the world after long hours of painful agony. Smiling the new parents had looked at their daughter for long silent, happy, hours before letting their children in to meet their new sister. It was a happy moment…nothing could spoil it and nothing did. The eldest daughter, proud and already loving her new sister, looked up to her mother then and smiled "how are you going to call her mamma?" the woman smiled then before letting her fingers run over the child's few dark hairs "Natal'ya…Natal'ya Setneks…my little Black Rose…"the woman smiled then.
More peaceful weeks slowly drifted by and the young child slowly grew up in a loving and peaceful family, loved by her parents and spoiled by her siblings the child had nothing to complain about. Life was good and there where no complaints to be found. Save for one thing…. the child had eyes that had never been seen on the planet, eyes so light that they where near eerie, eyes that could capture a being and hold them in place without any effort. The woman was worried; what if the Priestesses thought that was an ill omen? They had enough power on the planet to have her child taken from her and be placed in exile. She would not let that happen…she'd fight to the death for her daughter…no one would take her away.
Months drifted by and the worries of the new mother where proven false as no Priestesses came to her house and tried to take her baby away, the child grew with each passing day and had nothing but joy in her life. Yet the mother wanted to get out…breath fresh air again, she had been forced inside for nine long months and she wanted to see the canyons again. But she also didn't wish to leave her daughter alone…she needed her. Len'i had noticed this, sweet caring Len'i, and had assured her mother that she would tend to the small child. After all she was a lovely child and only needed the basic necessities and was very easy to please. The mother had then smiled and after hearing much of the same from her husband had finally relented to taking a small speeder trip to one of the many nearby canyons to have a little time to herself.
The speeder trip had been nice and she had enjoyed the fresh air again and the wind in her long hair…she had missed this, selfish…yes…but she had missed the utter freedom the canyons offered her. But she wanted to be a little selfish right now…it was enjoyable to talk and chat with her husband like they did when they where first dating, to have that little adventure again to keep that spark that kept there marriage so fresh and young even after all these years. She had kissed him then and told him she loved him before screaming out in panic and terror as a wall appeared out of nowhere…the speeder going far to fast and it being far to close to stop…it was a tragic accident they said…no one had been at fault and two lives had been extinguished in a blaze of fire.
They say a bond between mother and child is almost mystical…that a child can sense and feel what a mother feels…and when the speeder hit the wall and when the mother perished in a ball of fire and metal…...
Light gray eyes that had been filled with love and joy……..turned deathly cold and showed not a flicker of emotion.