Mary-Sue Dies

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Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

This is just a short little one-shot inspired by all of those long, drawn-out, dramatic Mary-Sue death scenes.

Oo

Mary-Sue's eyes went wide on shock. But, being as perfect as she was, she quickly regained her composure. Despite having a sword buried up to its hilt in her side, she continued fighting. Being a Mary-Sue, she had a natural hatred for Boromir and didn't trust him to protect the hobbits. She also had magical healing powers.

Since she was so amazing and such a great fighter, Mary-Sue continued fending off the Uruk-hais for quite some time. Since this was a Mary-Sue story, Boromir is a bumbling idiot, so he tripped over a rock or something- it doesn't really matter, Mary-Sue is the main character here. Oh, and then he got shot.

Mary-Sue (of course) took no notice, and continued fighting bravely. But then, Mary-Sue got shot! She would have healed herself, but she saw Legolas approaching, and took this as an opportunity for an angst-filled death scene. Besides, she would just come back to life later.

"Mary-Sue," Legolas yelled, running over to his 'true love'. "You are injured!"

"I will be fine…" she managed, looking deep into his eyes.

At this point the author gags and manages to avoid vomiting.

"You are hurt, you are dying. No, it cannot be- you will survive!"

"Legolas, I fear I must leave you…" She whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.

By this point, Boromir was also feeling rather disgusted. He was also feeling rather light-headed because a good portion of his blood was on the ground. The Uruks had gotten rather sickened and taken their leave a few minutes ago.

Merry and Pippin had just shrugged and left.

"Mary-Sue," Legolas said, crying. "I love you, you cannot leave me! I need you, Mary-Sue!" He then went on to spit out some crap that was supposed to be taken as Sindarin, or 'elfish' as the Suethor puts it. Mary-Sue replied in the same fashion.

"This is getting ridiculous," Boromir said, using a stick to keep himself standing. Gimli and Aragorn were standing beside him, looking on with just as much (if not even more) disgust.

"I envy Frodo and Sam; they don't have to watch this." Aragorn said. Both nodded agreement.

"Mary-Sue," Legolas shouted as her body went limp.

"Finally," Gimli said. "Can we please go now?"

"Fine, but she will always remain in my heart… until we meet again, my love…" Legolas would have gone on had Aragorn not kicked him.

"Wait…" faintly came Mary-Sue's voice. "I'm not quite dead yet…"

"Yes you are," Boromir yelled. "Now shut up!"

"I'm feeling much better…"

"Shut up!" yelled Boromir once more.

"It's only a flesh wound" she said quietly.

Boromir slowly walked over to her, eyes narrowed. Without pausing, he decapitated Mary-Sue.

"Quit ripping off Monty Python, bitch."

And only then Boromir found that he could die in peace with a clear conscience.

Oo

Yes, short and stupid, just how I like 'em.