Right here
+ you're the only thing that makes sense.

by littlelesslostboys.

DISCLAIMER: I wish.
Remus Lupin/Sirius Black.
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He'd expected there to be fireworks. He'd hoped there would be fireworks. Instead, James gave him a pat on the back and Sirius gave him flea repellent. Peter stayed out of it but smiled wryly in the corner, watching Remus try to decide between laughing and crying. It was awkward. He knew he should be grateful, and he was, but he had been so geared up for the argument he'd thought would come his abbrasiveness was hard wearing.

They figured it out, of course, Sirius and James -- Peter only cottoned on when they strung a sentence together that included the words 'Peter, Remus is a werewolf'. They both found it highly amusing and wasted the next three years taking the piss out of him for it. Nobody minded -- Remus certainly didn't mind. Not even when they'd joke about him 'needing a bit of a shave' the night after the full moon. It made him feel more comfortable like that -- knowing they were comfortable with it. And for the two of them to pull jokes like that, he knew they had to be.

Part of him always worried, though, and he thought it probably always would. That what if, one day, they decide they've had enough and go to look for more normal friends. Or worse - everyone finds out and none of them can handle it. Not that he believed it, really (only in the very back of his mind on bad days). But the 'what if' was still always there, gnawing away behind book after book -- no miracle cures, no 'off days'. Although they'd tried, against their better judgement he had to say, but he couldn't fault their effort. The potion they concocted leaving him completely bald for two weeks ("Everywhere?" Sirius had asked, and a blushing Lupin had replied; "Yes. Everywhere.") but he still didn't say a word.

Then came Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs. The Marauders, they had called themselves, picked before James and Sirius had got hold of a muggle dictionary -- "Found it." Sirius had muttered beneath half a grin. "Found it where?" Remus had asked and he'd laughed. "Hogsmeade, Hogsmeade, you bring us such treasure!" James had sauntered in singing and they'd all exhanged needless smirks.) After all the others had gone to bed, they'd flipped through it, huddled round the fire in the common room.

--

"Look at this!" James had muffled under a laugh, and Sirius's face had turned red trying to stifle his giggles. Pounding Remus on the back, joyously.

"I can't believe you named us -- named us -- after --" he gasped, and Peter just looked around confused.

"Tell us, already!" he said timidly, anxious as the rest of them and James grinned widely before reading.

"Maraud - verb," he cleared his throat, "to roam or go around in quest of plunder; make a raid for booty."

A silence fell like an echo before the whole room filled up with laughter - elbows and knees shoving at one another in amusement.

"Oi, Potter," Sirius barked, "does this mean we all get a go of Evans?"

The glare he received with an indignant slam of the book on his fingers only made him laugh harder, despite the stinging. Pages flew. And Remus, wathching the whole scene unfold, just sat there smiling.

--

He shouldn't have expected any less from his friends, he knew that, but he had always been cautious with people. It was a habit his mother had instilled in him and he couldn't seem to shake off. He was still glad of it, despite everything, if he was more open he knew he'd have more enemies to worry about. And the shrieking shack wouldn't be safe. He was very grateful for them all -- especially Sirius. He was the one who sat with him all night, curled up uncomfortably in the corner with matted fur, waiting for it all to pass. The one who always knew what he wanted right after a full moon, unlike James who, the one time he'd tried, had handed over a hangover potion and a stack of dirty magazines.

--

"Well, it's what I like the morning after!" he'd said and nobody had dared bring it up since then. Sirius snickered under his breath, thumped James in the arm, then picked up the copy on the top.

"B and B?" he asked, staring dubiously up at James, "Turning muggle on us now?"

"Breasts and Brooms!" came the flustered retort, and everyone else laughed.

Peter pawed at them greedily while Remus sat back, grinning, despite looking worse for wear.

"Oh, nearly forgot!" Sirius reached into his jacket as he spoke, one hand still on the magazine that was balancing precariously on his knees; "Here! Honeydukes best!" he handed over a large bar of chocolate and the others watched them, intrigued.

"Thank you," Remus smiled, and Sirius smiled back. He broke into the bar and nibbled away, the rush of sugar in his veins making him feel more like he'd just woken from a long nap. And for that, he was thankful.

"Still think the magazines are better." James murmured. And he sulked.

--

That's what he was going to miss the most, he decided, when the time came to pack everything up into little boxes and move on. Not so much his friends (although they were right up there at the top too) but moments like those. When everything else just fell away and they were boys. Trying to be men perhaps, especially James and Sirius, but underneath every carefully placed facade - just boys. His clothes were the first to go, folded up as neatly as his shaking hands would allow, cornered into a ragged looking case with mounds of books piled on top. The photographs went in after that, trying his hardest not to look at the smiling faces as they all waved up at him -- he swallowed hard and, instead, burrowed them to the bottom, so he wouldn't have to think about it. His school robes went in last with a crumpled up bar of chocolate on top - from Sirius, of course, from the last full moon. Normally he would have eaten it all but he knew Sirius wouldn't be around to give it to him once they graduated, so he'd been preserving - just incase.

Standing his case up neatly, he stretched and sat on the bed. Still shaking slightly. He didn't want to leave. He'd felt so at home - so accepted. He knew he'd never get that anywhere else in the wizarding world, especially not when 'werewolf' went right down with 'Remus Lupin' on any application forms. And he knew that equal rights groups existed for people like him - to protect them - to help - which, right away, made him realise that there must be something to be protected from. And he didn't like the idea of growing up anymore. As much as he didn't like the thought of having to spend full moons alone.

He glanced around the room at the other cases, all piled around the beds like his - only with many more possessions to fit into such a small space. Even James appeared to be ready to go. Sirius's bed, however, seemed as haphazard as ever. Sheets hanging half over the side with clothes draped over the edge. He shook his head and grinned to himself.

The door slammed open just as Remus snapped his head away. He hadn't been doing anything he shouldn't have been, but he felt guilty all the same. And in skipped James, Sirius by his side, as always.

"That was -- just -- I can't believe they -- what will --" Sirius was gasping through breathless laughter.

"Did you see the way he -- I mean -- they and -- and the!--" James added, clutching his chest.

"What did you two do now?" Remus asked, from the bed, and the two looked up; startled.

"Remus!" Sirius cried, running over and manhandling him in a one-armed hug, "Oh you should have seen it! We'll go down as legends, here! Legends!"

"Sirius and I hexed all the Slytherin cases!" James chanted, exhuberantly, "As soon as they get them home to mummy and daddy, they open them and -- and --"

"Slimeball!" They chimed together before erupting into roaring laughter, once again.

"No dirty magazines this time?" Remus grinned, nudging Sirius in the side and feeling a lot more content than he had five minutes earlier, "None at all? James, are you growing up?"

"Nah," ha laughed, running a hand through his hair to mess it up a bit more, "We stopped with those pranks when Mcgonagall got hold of one of the transfiguration books we'd charmed with it. Some nasty things in that forrest, I tell you. Some nasty, muddy things. Sirius didn't even get detention, 'it is your book Mr.Potter, not Mr.Black's'"

"Good thing too!" Sirus smirked, "If I ruined one more set of school robes I'd have been in hiding all summer from mother!"

James laughed as Remus winced, silently. For all he played it off as a joke, Remus knew exactly what Sirius's mother would do just for him being home. Spend an entire six weeks trying to get out of all of the talk of 'pureblood' and 'choose your friends more wisely' -- 'reputation to uphold'.

They both shook their heads.

"Shouldn't you be going to give your Lily a goodbye smooch anyway?" Sirius teased, "Won't see her for a whole three weeks! France is lucky, I say!"

James flushed, made sure he messed his hair up even more and headed for the door.

"You know she doesn't like it like that," Remus said flatly, hiding a smile, but James just smiled back with a devious twinkle tugging at the corner of his eyes.

"I know," he laughed, halfway out the door, "That's what I'm counting on."

And he was gone.

--

It was awkward. He didn't know why it was awkward - but he could feel it. Maybe it was him, expecting too much, or not enough. They'd been on their own enough before to carry on conversations, after all, they were usually the two found up late at night, hidden in one of their beds - talking about the latest quidditch scores or divination assignments or who had been found snogging who behind which statue. Granted, that was generally more Sirius's forte than his, but Remus still enjoyed it.

"All packed up then?" Remus glanced over as Sirius spoke, watching wordlessly as he tried to gather up clothes off the bed and tip them into the open case on the floor. He almost laughed.

"Yeah, pretty much. Just, you know, few odds and ends," Remus smiled, "I can see you're doing well."

"Just school stuff, isn't it? We're graduates now! Or going to be!"

Sirius managed to cram all of his books ontop of the mass of fabric, pressing down hard on the lid to try and squeeze it shut before resorting to magic.

"Handy charm to have." he grinned, tossing the case up onto the bed and checking around for anything else he might have missed.

"Going to be a lot different once we've left here, you know. No more skipping off to jinx some slytherin. No more slytherins for that matter," Remus shifted his weight and fidgeted with the fraying end of his robe, "What are you going to do?"

"There will always be slytherins," Sirius laughed, "Just harder to find. And I dunno really. You?"

Remus paused, watching Sirius's back arch idly as he crouched down to see under the bed.

"Try and find a job, I guess," he said, "If anywhere will have me."

"Don't be stupid!" Sirius balked.

"I'm not."

He stood up then, Sirius, an odd expression on his face as he walked over to Remus and sat down next to him on the bed, calmly.

"Anyone would be an idiot to not want you!" he said softly, tilting his head, "You've got the brains, you know you do. I definitely know you do. If they can't see past this werewolf thing to what would be the most amazing asset they could ever wish for, then they're not worth it, okay? Just - don't worry about it so much. You'll cope. You got me, see?" and he grinned, patting Remus on the shoulder before resting his head against him, "And nothing gets past a Black."

Remus was speechless. Not awkward speechless either. He felt a smile tugging at his lips as he leant gently against Sirius. He knew it was nowhere near as simple as Sirius said. He knew it could never happen that way and he knew he did have to worry because he didn't have a huge inheritance - and he wasn't insanely talented to the point where anyone would - or could - look over his 'werewolf thing'. He was Remus. He was -- normal. Apart from the one huge abnormality that would interfere with the perks of being normal. But he appreciated it. The way Sirius's words curled around him made his heart ache – then drop.

"You'll be just fine, Remus," Sirius said, half hugging him, "We'll be fine!"

And he got up. And walked out the room.

"Back in five, okay?"

That's when the panic set in.

Well. What on earth was he supposed to do now. It had all clicked into place in the matter of less than five words and his mind was going a thousand miles a minute trying to think of a way out of it. What a time, he thought, what a time. It had taken him seven years to realise he had gone and fallen in love with him, and he had less than seven minutes to fall back out of love with him and pretend nothing had happened.

Oh hell.

--

The initial ceremony took place in the Great Hall. The tables set in their usual house pattern - the only difference being that everyone had on their best dress robes and the decor had been fancied up a fair bit. Huge banners hung from every available surface while the enchanted ceiling shone bright blue. Dangling with the candles, mid air, were streamers - rattling and wafting whenever a ghost happened to walk through.

The speeches were first - the student speeches. The headmaster telling them all how proud he was to have such fine examples in the hall. How he knew some of them would go onto amazing things, and even those who didn't, although he doubted there would be any, he knew they were already amazing people. Remus's stomach was doing flip flops and having Sirius's thigh pressed right up against his didn't help any, either.

The final house cup was awarded (to Gryffindor, of course) and after getting caught up in the celebrations, everyone was filed out to the grounds by the black lake where, it appeared, friends and relatives had all been hoarded for the actual graduation. Remus took a seat dead centre, hoping to hide in the sea of students, but Sirius sat right next to him and he could have sworn James smirked at him.

The speeches droned on, much to the chagrin of the students (and a good section of the parents, excusing those wrapped up in tissues and floods of tears) for an hour and a half. It was like every member of staff, permanent and temporary, all had something to say that would, as they phrased it, "help them in the transition". Although, for the amount that were staring into space or having whispered conversations behind hands or charms, Remus thought it didn't look too promising if that were true.

They were called forward one at a time to a roaring applause, before bowing, and filing back into their seats. The headmaster then gave another speech which seemed to last twice as long as the professors all put together. Remus's mind kept drifting to other things, despite how much he tried to keep it clear.

He knew his cheeks were flushing as Sirius's elbow nudged him as he shifted - and he knew they were definitely glowing when he saw James had noticed on his way to sliding an arm around Lily. Now or never, Remus kept thinking, now or never. But the more he thought about Sirius the more he felt his hands start to shake - just barely, but it was there, tingling down his index fingers. And he didn't like it. This was stupid. He'd been around him for seven years, unknowingly in love with him, and he'd been fine. Unfortunately, he thought, it was the 'unknowingly' part that had probably kept him safe. He was too aware now, that was his problem, too aware of every string of thought that latched onto another -- and another. Until they were back in the dormitaries talking about feelings. Or kissing, his mind added. Or kissing.

He nearly jumped right out of his seat when he felt something brush against his hand. His eyes as wide as saucers as he glanced at Sirius, cautiously. He can't know, he thought, he can't know what I was thinking, oh hell, what if he knows. What if it wasn't all just in my head. What if I let -- slip -- or --

He missed the days of being oblivious to himself. He missed the hours of it. He half wished the conversation earlier hadn't happened – so he could live in ignorant bliss and not have to worry about sitting too close, or speaking too softly, or thinking too loud.

"We're supposed to be growing up right?" Sirius whispered suddenly, looking from the podium where the headmaster was giving a speech, back to Remus again and smiling softer than Remus had seem him smile before.

Remus nodded, "I -- Yes?" he said, wondering if perhaps Sirius has been referring to something in the speech that he wished he had paid attention to. He had planned to pay attention to. His heart was still thundering away.

But then Sirius's hand enveloped his - and everything changed.

"Let us grow not only as wizards, but as people," the headmaster continued, "and let us not choose the path which is easiest, but the one which is in our heart."

He stepped down from the podium and everyone screamed in celebration.

Remus, however, simply smiled. And it was alright.