Disclaimer: If I owned it I would be significantly richer, and not likely to spend my time writing silly things like this, and even less likely to post them online. It's not mine.

Author's Notes: This is a bit of a spin off of "A Visitor In Imladris: Thoughts". Curumarth made a comment in a review that FF. Net no longer allows lists of that kind and suggested that I incorporate it into a story. So, I decided to post a series of one shots each corresponding to one of the points on the original. I would recommend reading "A Visitor in Imladris: Thoughts" first, but it's hardly essential. This, for the purposes of this story making sense, contains a human OC from the modern age. I'm not going to give her a lengthy documentary of her time between being at home and arriving in Imladris, but instead focus on the more humorous moments of her stay. Is she a Mary Sue? Maybe. But she's necessary for this to work at all. These will probably feature a different Imladris elf each chapter.

…

Point One: Just because everyone around you has the ability to drink copious amounts of wine, and then the remaining good sense to stop as their fingers begin to tingle does not mean you can.

…

Lily sighed and smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her dress. She gave herself a quick once over, before deciding that it was pretty much hopeless. No matter how much anyone tried, she was definitely not up to elven standards. Sure, she looked nice in the dress she had been loaned, but most certainly not beautiful. Being surrounded by ethereal beings made her only more aware of her countless human flaws, which were now driving her insane.

A gentle knock at the door prompted Lily to stop brooding over her appearance and simply get this over with. She walked less than confidently over to the door, careful not to step on the hem of her dress as she did so, and opened it.

Lindir grinned at her from beyond the doorway and extended his arm. She briefly wondered how much someone had bribed him with to get him to be here tonight, but linked her arm through his anyway glad to be in someone's company.

Elrond had been highly generous to her, though she was well aware that she was a guest in his household, and was expected to hold her end of things up as well. Over the past three months Lily had learned more things about manual labour than she had ever wanted to before. Never in her life had she ever expected that she would be sitting in a kitchen plucking feathers from a chicken, yet just two weeks ago that is how she had spent a good portion of her day. She had hated every minute of it. Most of the elves ignored her in general; a few however were kind enough to speak with her, now that she could speak of course. She was definitely indebted to Erestor for teaching her how to speak Sindarin. She wasn't wholly fluent after only three months, but she knew enough to get by. It's surprising how quickly you can learn something if it is completely necessary to you.

Lindir had been kind to her; even now he was kind enough to escort her to the spring feast. She had learned that the elves celebrated the coming of the new year in spring, which made a lot more sense to her than celebrating it when it's very cold and wet. Or at least that's what she thought it was, it was spring and Erestor had told her it was a feast to welcome the coming year, which sounded suspiciously like a new years party. Lily giggled as she imagined the population of Imladris crowding around a TV with streamers and party hats counting down the time until midnight.

Lindir looked down at his human companion questioningly as she giggled lightly, but she simply waved it off declining to comment or explain. She often did this and it annoyed Lindir to no end. He would much prefer she explain things, or at least attempt to then just simply wave them off without bothering.

He sighed and lightly tugged her arm in the correct direction after she had almost turned down the wrong corridor and away from the feast. Her complete absentmindedness amazed him, he could not imagine living as she did, it would most certainly be a confusing existence. She almost never knew where anything was, often became lost even after spending three months in the halls of Imladris. Her speech was erratic, and often confusing. Little she said made a great amount of sense, and she would often revert back to her native tongue and mumble to herself, presumably about them.

Lily resisted the urge to whack herself in the head as Lindir gently tugged her in the other direction. Thinking and walking were definitely not a good idea for her; it was not that she was incapable of thinking and walking, more that when she was thinking and walking her feet did the walking and her brain did the thinking, and her feet rarely knew where she was going. Truth be told she liked getting lost here. It was so absolutely beautiful that no matter where she went there was always something to amaze and enchant her.

Lindir bit back a chuckle at the amazed gasp that came from his companion as he opened the door to the great hall. Lily was gaping at the change that had come over the hall virtually overnight. Early flowers were everywhere, and the place was almost completely decked out with festive decorations. It transformed the room completely giving it an outdoors indoors look and brightening up the room entirely. While Lily was completely engrossed in the decorations Lindir gently directed her over to the table and pulled out a chair for her.

One thing that an elven feast meant was alcohol. They had an uncanny ability to tolerate the stuff, and what Lily didn't know was just how little tolerance she had. The first glass was innocent enough, as it was served with dinner and all those around her were drinking it, she figured it would be rude not to drink it as well. However what she was becoming increasingly unaware of was that the more alcohol you have the less it seems like you're having.

Lindir looked on amusedly as Lily began her third glass of Miruvor. She was becoming increasingly relaxed by the minute. He had never seen a drunk mortal before, and expected that it would be incredibly amusing if she was already this intoxicated after a mere three glasses. Mortals were so frail…

"This is fun." Lily remarked, not actually intending to have said anything, but it seemed her mouth, like her feet, had a mind of its own.

"Indeed."

Lily didn't miss the smirk that flitted across Lindir's face as he replied and in her current state of intoxication replied haughtily, "You're laughing at me."

"I am doing nothing of the sort." Though he was doing everything possible to refrain from smiling at her antics. This was definitely going to be an amusing night.

"You were. I saw you. You can't hide from me!" She reached out and pointed at him, only to over estimate how far it would be necessary to emphasise the fact that she was pointing and wound up poking him in the chest.

"I did not laugh at you, my lady, however, the others at the table might not be so courteous if you are going to continue shoving your finger into my tunic."

She frowned and removed the offending finger, stopping to gaze at it as if wondering how it had gotten there before continuing, "You were laughing. But I won't argue with you. I know I'm right… I'm always right. I'm a woman! We're always right, you know…" She stopped briefly and giggled slightly before continuing, "My mother always thought she was always right. But she wasn't. Just mostly right. Not that I'd ever tell her that of course… But she was right about that one time when I went to that party. Ugh, that was awful. I wound up in the back room absolutely drunk and playing poker. Hmm… Hey! Do you want to play poker Lindir? I bet you'd make a great poker player… Elves probably have good poker faces."

"Poker?"

"Poker. Hello? Earth to Lindir? Poker! You know: a game. With cards, and chips and money and stuff… Just no strip poker. Ugh, my friend played that once and wound up knocking down my door at one in the morning wearing nothing but a bathrobe."

Lindir raised his eyebrows in amusement at that, deciding that strip poker was definitely something to look into.

"Nah, no poker. It's a dumb game anyway. Now Twister is a fun game! You'd probably be really good at twister too… Stupid sexy elves."

He didn't quite know what sexy meant, but knew enough about Lily to hazard a guess. He decided perhaps it was time to put the mortal to bed, though amused by the situation he had no wish to have her embarrass herself in front of the whole hall.

"I believe it is time for you to retire."

"Retire? I'm not even working you doofus." Came the curt reply as she reached for yet more Miruvor.

"No more for you," He said calmly placing his had over her glass and preventing her from attaining yet more alcohol. She pouted and opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off, "It is bedtime for you, silly mortal."

Her eyes widened and she broke out into a grin, "Bedtime? You're going to put me to bed?"

Oblivious to the conations he nodded and grasped her arm gently pulling her up to standing. She was wavering and he tried his best to support her without being too obvious about it.

Unfortunately, the pubic display of drunkenness, which Lindir had been kindly trying to avoid, culminated at that moment.

"Goodnight!" She smiled cheerily at the elves at the table, who nodded and chuckled lightly back at her.

"Goodnight everyone!" She shouted to the hall. Lindir now began to ease her to the door hoping she would simply be quiet. No such luck…

"Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite… Bedbugs. Eww…"

"Hush. Come."

Wrong move, her eyes narrowed and she turned towards him wrenching her arm from his and placing both hands on her hips. She would have been menacing had she not been wavering slightly, "Did you just tell me to hush?"

Lindir saw Elladan and Elrohir desperately trying to bite back sniggers at the head table.

"Well did you?"

"My most sincere apologies, my lady." He hoped that would be enough to pacify her, but it wasn't.

"You better be sorry! Nobody tells me to hush! Except my mother, but that's mostly because she's scary when she's angry. Also, she'd take away the car, and that would suck. Not that there are cars here to take away. Or my mother to be scary. She's at home. With the car. I miss the car… and mom."

She was rambling; this would have been twice as amusing if she hadn't been doing it in front of the entire hall. He hoped that one day she would look back on this and laugh, he also hoped that day would be very soon.

"May we leave now?"

"What are you that eager to put me to bed?"

Lindir ignored the series of coughs in attempt to smother laughter that circulated throughout the hall and concentrated on removing Lily from the hall.

"If it will pacify you, then yes."

She winked at him, "Alright tiger, lets go…" She turned back to the hall and bid everyone another large goodnight before turning back to Lindir and giggling.

She could barely walk straight, and Lindir spent most of the walk back trying to keep her from crashing into the pillars, walls, or simply falling to the floor. He considered carrying her, but feared she might start yelling at him again.

When he finally got her to her room she fell onto the bed and started giggling.

"There, you've put me to bed. Do I get a bedtime story?"

"No… not tonight. I think rest would suit you better."

She frowned, "What kind of goodnight is that?"

He sighed, "My kind."

"Oh… must be an elf thing." She murmured quietly, "I'm sorry Lindir."

He frowned, thinking that perhaps he had imagined the last part. She was now snoring lightly, and he was grateful for it. He gently brushed a lock of hair away from her face before turning and leaving the room closing the door gently behind him. He vowed that he would never again allow a mortal to be in the presence of alcohol.

…

A/N: So there you have it. The first instalment in a series of short one-shots. Sincere thanks to Curumath, XoGiggles and Aislynn Crowdaughter who read and reviewed the original list.